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married sub - 4/2/2008 4:08:28 PM

kindlytop

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

Ok, so I have had a wonderful time seeing a sub woman that is married (i know this) but not happily, yet has allways said she did not know what to do about her marriage. Now the husband, who has been absent because of his work for a number of years (only a few visits home per year) is coming home for good in a couple months. The last conversation with her about this went along the lines of "your perfect, I wish i was not married, but i hate to think i would just be giving up."

Ok...is this a doomed relationship for me? The prospect of not seeing her, let alone not being about to try making a life with her is getting me down.

Post #: 1

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 4:24:46 PM

angelbluewingsz

Posts: 324
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

you knew it. Get screwed and just be happy. that's the problem with you men... never happy.

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 2

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 5:48:17 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

One of the many issues about playing with a person who is committed to another..

Others are...
1. Trust (If they are being dishonest to their married partner how can YOU expect to be treated better.
2. Commitment So they are going to run out and Divorce their Married partner who of course is ALWAYS the one causing all the issues and get involved with you so they can do it again on you with someone else.
3. Oh, yes do anything to me but , Don't leave a mark my husband may find out......

You may or may not have known about it at first but you know as well as we do that it will not work out well.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 3

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 5:49:52 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Ok...is this a doomed relationship for me? The prospect of not seeing her, let alone not being about to try making a life with her is getting me down.

top,

Simply put, it is out of your hands; just wait until he gets home and see what happens. He may come home with some baggage.

CP

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 4

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 8:40:58 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Move on.

Mike

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 5

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 9:01:07 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

Sighs* Is she r/t or online? If shes online, its possible you could carry on but really, do you want to be the poisen that kills an already obviously floundering relationship?
In my opinion, if you really love her and want the best for her, especially if theres lilones, you will encourage her to work on her marriage and step back.
I have my reasons for thinking this. As i learned the hard way, the grass is actually dead on the other side.

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 6

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 9:33:12 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kindlytop

Ok...is this a doomed relationship for me? The prospect of not seeing her, let alone not being about to try making a life with her is getting me down.

Married girls are like busses one comes along every couple minutes. Hop on another one.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 7

RE: married sub - 4/2/2008 11:00:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I am very much reminded of one of the best sig lines here on CM.

"You knew the job was dangerous when you took it."

When you got involved with a married person who's spouse didn't know, you had to understand that this was one of the possible outcomes. You knew the risk, and proceeded to accept that by pursuing the relationship. Now, the husband comes home to roost. You have no choice but to step back and let that relationship succeed or fail on it's own. It is the honorable thing to do.

Edited for grammer.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/2/2008 11:01:42 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 8

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 2:21:18 AM

TwistedLeather

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

You took a chance, and it may not work out. It's in her hands now, but in all honesty my opinion is her marriage will eventually fall apart on it's own. Do you really want to be the one to have to sift through the pieces and scavenge what's left?

The smart thing to do would be to give her space, and let happan what's going to happen. In all their time apart, i'm sure they've both changed and they're going to find out they're married to a stranger. They may be compatible and she'll be happy... or it'll be a wrecking ball event. In which case, watch out for shrapnel! (did i even spell that right?)

Anyway, let her do what she needs to do and move on with life. If she comes back to you, it's on her own accord and best of luck.

_____________________________

Wishing you lots of whacks and giggles!

www.americantwistedleather.com

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 4:42:34 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

You knew the situation when you got involved. Being involved with a married sub (Wether you consider it happy or not) ALWAYS entails a random factor that you are not in control of that can change at no notice. That is a risk You should have accounted for in Your decision as to whether to get involved at all. That is Your Own failing to blame no-one elses.

Either move on or wait and see if there is anything to be salvaged once the new situation settles.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to TwistedLeather)

Post #: 10

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 6:36:43 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Ditto what Sir Mike said.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 11

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 7:20:23 AM

kindlytop

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

It started a year ago as an online flirtation, then went real time. A couple times a month (geographical issues). And I know she was seeing some one else before. Seems hubby just does not "get" the whole D/s thing.

Yeah, I knew the situation headed in. Just have fallen a lot harder than i ever imagined. Enough so that the L word gets tossed between us.

(in reply to mzbehavin)

Post #: 12

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:00:18 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

That poor bastard!

Working his ass off on the road, probably sending money home, now coming home to be with a cheating self centered bitch; who found a facilitator to scratch her itch.

I "don't get" how anything good can be expected as a result when the people involved start off lacking integrity, providing evidence that they can't be trusted. But she wouldn't be able to do that without being enabled by the OP. The 'L' word? How meaningful can that be coming from the source?

Oh yeah - can't do anything about her situation; because money, property, personal comfort is more important than personal integrity. Splitting up the family is another common excuse; because separating parents and not having such an idyllic facade can be detrimental to their upbringing. When reality comes to light it usually isn't as pleasant as finding out there is no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus. Learning your parents used you as an excuse to breach a vow starts you doubting you can trust anything or anybody.

Everyone should be entitled to pursuing happiness. However, at minimum all the spouses and significant others should be informed. Were there something I was incapable and/or unwilling to do for my partner to satisfy a physical or emotional desire I'd not only encourage her but help here have that experience and life would go on. Without that disclosure, finding out after the fact, there would be no recovery possible from that breach of trust. Why would anyone start something like this when the best result possible is living, or being a part, of a long term lie?

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 13

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:32:28 AM

kindlytop

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

Well, "that poor bastard" had a year long affair with someone in his last year long stint home. Compleat with a restraining order against him to keep him away from then gal he was doing once that ended.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 14

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:38:08 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kindlytop

Well, "that poor bastard" had a year long affair with someone in his last year long stint home. Compleat with a restraining order against him to keep him away from then gal he was doing once that ended.

And your sub stays with him because....?

It sounds they were made for each other.

Tell me, do you consider yourself a cuckold for him or he for you?

If you obtain your goal of "making a life with her" will you feel comfortable about taking any long business trips?

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 15

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:39:38 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kindlytop
Yeah, I knew the situation headed in. Just have fallen a lot harder than i ever imagined. Enough so that the L word gets tossed between us.

Then spot the bit you didn't account for. Always a possibility..your own fault and no sympathy for you there. It changes nothing.

You haven't explicitly said the hubby was being cheated on (But after seeing M&b's responce it does look like he maybe is being, which IMO makes it even worse), but either way that isn't yours to deal with. she has to sort out her situation with him.... and you, like I said, either move on or twiddle your thumbs and wait to see what situation emerges.

But if she is cheating.... if she can treat her supposed primary partner with such disregard, don't expect any better treatment from her in the long term.

And if you knew she was cheating and went along with it.... you aren't the kind of person she'd be wise to trust the integrity of either.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 16

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:42:37 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

The best and longest relationship I had (ten years) was with a married woman. In your case, it is clear that things are coming to and end. Feel sad, grieve if you must, then move on.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:46:15 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

- Fast reply -

This is supposed to be a tolerant place, where we are not supposed to say "my kink is better than your kink", yet I read a lot of judgemental comments on this thread... it's not because the people involved sound a bit clueless that we can dish out morality lessons.

_____________________________

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 18

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 8:50:37 AM

kindlytop

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

oh, i think there is going to be some sadness on both sides.

Yeah, there has probably been some cluelessness on both sides here.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 19

RE: married sub - 4/3/2008 9:09:36 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Givew them some space. They may be able to make the marriage work. They may decide there's insufficient intimacy left. They may decide to open it.

But if you really care for her, allow her and him to decide without you pressuring her.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kindlytop)

Post #: 20

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