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The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 5:32:54 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

The catch 22 of Bdsm is this, many people want to get involved in it or are in it, but, they are scared to meet anyone.

Ever notice people say, how about a coffee or dinner or a lunch, but then very few show up?

Well, it is called the catch22 of being in the Lifestyle, I can't take a chance in meeting you, how do I know your safe to meet, how do I know you won't touch me unless I say you can, etc.?

Well, some simple rules should apply folks,
1) Meet in a very public place with people around you.
2) Take a friend if you need too
3) Take a cell phone if you do not have a friend, or just take one to be safe.
4) Talk first before you decide you will scene or play and never do so on the first meeting.

Just Figured I would mention this catch 22 of BDSM and D/s, because I see so many people looking for partners fopr the lifestyle but many hesitating to meet, worried the people they meet may be problems.

Post #: 1

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 5:34:58 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Speak for yourself. I haven't followed a single one of your rules and have had no problem with people showing up or with my safety. Look at the common denominator in your issues...you?

edited to add missing words

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 4/3/2008 5:44:26 AM >

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Post #: 2

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 5:36:16 AM

blissy

Posts: 94
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for this, i found it a good lil piece of reading as im sure alot of 'newbies' will.

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RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 5:36:29 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

someone please spank this girl, I think she is getting out of control lol, Aileen ya bad lil thang u!

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Post #: 4

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 5:39:03 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I already have someone to do my spanking.

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Post #: 5

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:00:58 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

your intentions are noble however not everyone is going to follow your advice

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Post #: 6

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:08:04 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If someone isn't ready to meet people then they aren't.... there are plenty of people out there that ARE ready to meet.

OK I maybe spoiled a little by living in one of the most active BDSM scene citys in the world, London. But even if I ignore the several hundred folks I have met out on the Scene at events, there is no lack of folks I have met off the scene. Sure with most there was simply no spark, just a nice chat, pleasent company over a drink and then wandered our seperate ways.... but there was also quite a number where there WAS some spark. Some for Ownership, some as playpartners, a few have become good friends.

Heck when My current girl and I first got in touch there was no question as to if We where both what We seemed given she was a friend of one of My ex-girls (They met and became friends... you got it... at a scene event (Long after My ex and I had parted ways)) which ruled out some of the doubts and safety issues.... given My ex still has the same number of limbs as she had before she belonged to Me

I can see your 'catch 22' in locations where there is little or no scene, but somewhere active.... The scene, provides a wonderful safe enviroment for meeting folks and getting over those nerves. If you are going to learn to swim you need to be brave enough to at least get wet first before anyone can help teach you!

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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Post #: 7

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:18:30 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

This isn't limited to just the people who engage in BD/SM activities. This is an issue that is common for anyone who uses the internet to meet people, as well as anyone who uses personal ads to meet people, regardless of their lifestyle.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

Ever notice people say, how about a coffee or dinner or a lunch, but then very few show up?

Well, it is called the catch22 of being in the Lifestyle, I can't take a chance in meeting you, how do I know your safe to meet, how do I know you won't touch me unless I say you can, etc.?

(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 8

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:22:48 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

The problem with giving rules is that people memorize them and live by them and forget to use their own common sense so then, when they encounter a situation that doesn't fall within the rules they blame the rule giver for any negativity that comes of it rather then taking responsibility for themselves.

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(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 9

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:24:47 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

I've been here for a very short time, and I'm going to be meeting a submissive come Monday.

It must be something else that is the issue.

I'm funny, flirtatious, intelligent, caring, and make people laugh. My few original threads are not about me. Most my posts are about topics, not myself or my problems, unless the topic is about the person posting, or in response to someone asking me a direct question.

I suggest that you look at the image you present to everyone. Not the pictures, but the "image" that you create with the topics you start, the posts you make, and what you say in your profile. They have a lot to do with how people view you here. Present the wrong image (and that includes sending out messages through cmail that turn subs off) and a person becomes a pariah in short order. Take time to groom your image, but keep it honest and real. Figure out how to make it work for you, not against you. Best of luck, Gem

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Post #: 10

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:26:26 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

LMAO. Aileen like someone would not show to meet you. Bill don't fret it. I sure that you will be able to con someone into meeting you.

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Post #: 11

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:40:30 AM

DS4DUMMIES

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Let me elaborate a bit on this......we're missing some key info here....

These are MY rules for safety :)

1. Never, ever meet a man at a motel called the "Bates Motel".......
2. Never get into the car of a man who has not one, but five seatbelts in place on the passenger side seat.
3. Never meet a man at an abandoned factory, on a dead-end road in the woods 30 miles out of town, but then I think we all know that.
4. Never meet a man at a place your TomTom cannot find.
5. If a man tells you how much he believes dogs were always meant to mate with humans, I'd reconsider meeting him. Of course, if YOU believe it....well....all I can say is "woof".
6. Beware the man who seems oddly attached to the concept of cactus dildoes.
7. Never, ever, follow a man you do not know, into the kitchen area of a Waffle House.
8. If you arrive at a meeting place in a secluded area, and there are 54 bikers waiting, there is a good chance you have encountered something you are not ready to handle.
9. Don't ever go to the home of a man who seems very anal about making sure you are both out of the house by 2:45 PM.
10. Beware the Dom who explains away the women's clothing, toiletries, makeup, etc. in his house, as "..oh...that stuff belongs to my cross-dressing roommate. By the way, it's almost 2:45 and we need to get going..".
11. Don't believe a man who insists that riding in a cage in the back of his panel truck, is really safer for you.
12. Be wary of approaching any man who as he speaks to you sitting in his car, seems to have a coat over his lap and way too much motion beneath it....
13. If you meet a man at a food court in a mall, be on guard if he seems to talk way too much about how easy it would be to shoot up a mall and get on TV....and how great it would be to get into the history books...given how much the bastards have been screwing him all these years and how it was going to be great to get even with Vinny Cachhini, who works right over there in that store....yes...Vinny...the one who gave me the whole damned box of EX-LAX BACK IN THE 5TH GRADE AND TOLD ME IT WAS CANDY!!!!!!!!!...WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO SEE HIM SPRAWLED ACROSS THE TABLE???...HUH?...HUH!?!? . (Get up slowly......smile a lot...excuse yourself.....say you're going to the ladies' room....).

Just common sense .... :)

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(in reply to BIllCT)

Post #: 12

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:41:24 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT
1) Meet in a very public place with people around you.

Hmm I have met people in public places, like umm fetish fairs but generally not so much, I tend to meet people at their homes

quote:

2) Take a friend if you need too

Hey hun wanna come with me so I can meet a guy off the internet? Yeah well absically im hoping eventually that he will give me some bruises, yeah .... hello? .... are you still there?

quote:

3) Take a cell phone if you do not have a friend, or just take one to be safe.

I take my mobile everywhere anyways but ok ill say im down with this one

quote:

4) Talk first before you decide you will scene or play and never do so on the first meeting.

Opps.

Christ so by all rights I shouldnt have ever met anyone then? I am getting it all so wrong, actually no one has ever not turned up or cancelled on me or anything and vice versa. Maybe its jsut a case of who you arrange to meet?

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Post #: 13

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:44:09 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

@ DS4Dummies

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"Strangers do not owe strangers anything, beyond an obeisance to the laws mutual conduct as dictated by the land in which they live. Anything else is negotiable." puella

"TwistedKinkerBell's online male companion of a nearly intimate nature."

(in reply to DS4DUMMIES)

Post #: 14

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:44:23 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Opps

I bet My girls oops can beat your oops

But then she came round for coffee and to meet Me in person for the first time..... and never left. Must be GREAT coffee

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 15

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:45:57 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

LoL yeah I have always left eventually dammit,

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Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 16

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:48:41 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

[S]he came round for coffee and to meet Me in person for the first time..... and never left. Must be GREAT coffee

Hard to leave with a steel collar around one's neck and a solid link chain attaching it to a 12x12 cemented in the middle of the dungeon! <ROFL>

_____________________________

"Strangers do not owe strangers anything, beyond an obeisance to the laws mutual conduct as dictated by the land in which they live. Anything else is negotiable." puella

"TwistedKinkerBell's online male companion of a nearly intimate nature."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:51:00 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

You already posted something like this yesterday

PS: And today, too!

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 4/3/2008 6:52:36 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:56:33 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I am a bit perplexed as to why you guys are giving the OP a hard time about this. So he has had some issues that some of us have faced and some of us haven't..
The first time I met someone in the lifestyle it was in public, in the daytime.. I wasn't scared. I also had a private investigator following me to get his tag number and to make sure I was safe.. Then I got a full background check on the guy..
Ok ok.. overkill? Sure...But I was nervous as hell..
Turns out the guy was totally safe. Today he is a really good friend of mine.. I've toned down my safety precautions just a tad.. (well, no one is really going to mess with Michael. :) )

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Post #: 19

RE: The Catch 22 of BDSM - 4/3/2008 6:59:33 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

You already posted something like this yesterday

PS: And today, too!

I'm having deja vu of when he was here before.

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Post #: 20

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