RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden?

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 12:34:08 AM

MissMenagerie

Posts: 66
Joined: 2/10/2008
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This from a girl who attracted (not chased, was just...clung to by) a series of bi male subs and one gay bottom (that is, gay until he met me), sometimes, we're just magnets for things we're not seeking. I always rather suspected it's like digging through the laundry pile for that one damn sock and finding every other sock you own.
I, too, receive a lot of sub/switch male messages, who only know me from Eve by photo and profile, with requests to kneel before me. The grand sum of my emotional response to such enquiries is "Er..." Do you find yourself having interactions like this?
"Hi, i'm ___ and i love being hogtied and sucking cock."
"Uh...yes. Me, too."

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 7:47:24 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Mmmmm let me top you and I will tell you what the problem is. Op don't worry about it. The type of Dom that you seek will come along. Most of us have to sift thru what is on here.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 8:49:26 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to...

The fact that you found these people on collarme does not automatically qualify them to be "twue doms"..
Within the people to be found on collarme there are many, many different types.. All people who profess themselves to be Dom/sub/switch etc are not the same as the next one in their "category". You can be drawn to a type of person in this lifestyle just the same as you could in any other.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 9:10:57 AM

Dnomyar

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Come on metalmiss we are all twue Dom's here. wanderingastray you should be attracted to us all.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 9:29:49 AM

travelgman

Posts: 187
Joined: 2/1/2008
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While this may not be a direct help to you. At least it will show you that your not the only one it happens to. As oddly enough this conversation came up last night at a local munch. The sub who was sitting next to me happened to mention that this was happening to her lately as well. Very interesting girl ,great conversationalist , easy to talk to and very outgoing kinda person.. But as I look back on the night I think any Dom who was sure of himself would have no problems with her. But I can see where someone who is stuck on the stereotype of a sub being this quiet mousy kinda person could see this young lady as someone that might make a good top.

Is this how you come across as well? Are you more lively and full of spirit than the Doms you have been meeting. If so. I am not saying either of you should change your personalities. Just that I can see how someone who is really switch or sub yet calls them self a Dom could see someone who is full of spirit and has a commanding presence- in the sense of people focusing on them- as someone who might make a good top. They are trying to make something out of you that you are not because they see a glimmer of what they need in you.

I think the best advice you have been given so far. Is to take that part of your profile down. It just seems to be attracting people who you are not really interested in. Honesty is great and something anyone should look for in any kind of relationship. But being honest doesn't mean you have to tell your whole life story on your profile either. Some things can be saved till you start actually talking to someone.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 10:48:22 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(fast reply)

I speculate that those folks contacting you aren't Dominant at all. Rather, they say they are Dominant because that is what men by definition are ... masculine, dominant, assertive. They probably percieve submissive men as being effeminate, compliant, and 'less'.

This is just my speculation but it is based on a lot of insecure men that I've met.

Wickad

this completely makes sense, thank you.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 10:51:34 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMenagerie

This from a girl who attracted (not chased, was just...clung to by) a series of bi male subs and one gay bottom (that is, gay until he met me), sometimes, we're just magnets for things we're not seeking. I always rather suspected it's like digging through the laundry pile for that one damn sock and finding every other sock you own.
I, too, receive a lot of sub/switch male messages, who only know me from Eve by photo and profile, with requests to kneel before me. The grand sum of my emotional response to such enquiries is "Er..." Do you find yourself having interactions like this?
"Hi, i'm ___ and i love being hogtied and sucking cock."
"Uh...yes. Me, too."

oh so many of those.

(in reply to MissMenagerie)

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 10:52:33 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Mmmmm let me top you and I will tell you what the problem is. Op don't worry about it. The type of Dom that you seek will come along. Most of us have to sift thru what is on here.

i certainly hope the right dom comes along...i'm just so frustrated right now.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 10:57:04 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: metalmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to...

The fact that you found these people on collarme does not automatically qualify them to be "twue doms"..
Within the people to be found on collarme there are many, many different types.. All people who profess themselves to be Dom/sub/switch etc are not the same as the next one in their "category". You can be drawn to a type of person in this lifestyle just the same as you could in any other.

i wasn't saying that the fact that i met them on collarme automatically pigeonholed them into a certain personality type, what i was saying is that with attraction patterns to a certain type of person--i feel that that happens a lot more in person rather than online. online there isn't that chemical connection right away that might draw you to certain types in person. online it's more of an intellectual process to say yay or nay to different people rather than an "ooo, me likey." does that make sense at all?

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 11:03:12 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: travelgman

While this may not be a direct help to you. At least it will show you that your not the only one it happens to. As oddly enough this conversation came up last night at a local munch. The sub who was sitting next to me happened to mention that this was happening to her lately as well. Very interesting girl ,great conversationalist , easy to talk to and very outgoing kinda person.. But as I look back on the night I think any Dom who was sure of himself would have no problems with her. But I can see where someone who is stuck on the stereotype of a sub being this quiet mousy kinda person could see this young lady as someone that might make a good top.

Is this how you come across as well? Are you more lively and full of spirit than the Doms you have been meeting. If so. I am not saying either of you should change your personalities. Just that I can see how someone who is really switch or sub yet calls them self a Dom could see someone who is full of spirit and has a commanding presence- in the sense of people focusing on them- as someone who might make a good top. They are trying to make something out of you that you are not because they see a glimmer of what they need in you.

I think the best advice you have been given so far. Is to take that part of your profile down. It just seems to be attracting people who you are not really interested in. Honesty is great and something anyone should look for in any kind of relationship. But being honest doesn't mean you have to tell your whole life story on your profile either. Some things can be saved till you start actually talking to someone.

this actually helps a lot, i suppose it makes sense that someone who is not secure in their dominance could see me as being able to take that role. i am well educated, able to keep up a conversation with just about anyone, socially outgoing, not to mention that i have a rather devious mind, i am also very sure of my wants and needs and very communicative of that (not in a smart ass way, just during negotiation stages).

as for taking down that part of my profile, maybe it's a good idea, but i'm almost worried to do so because before i had that up i would be talking to people and when they found out that i spent 3 years as the domme in a relationship they freaked out and would stop talking to me...i suppose if that is the case, perhaps that is not the person for me...i guess me rambling a little got my to my own solution...off to edit.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 11:39:40 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

ok maybe i missed it in the posts, but i have a question: are those "doms" that contacted you, or that you contacted?

quote:

doms that contacted me.

astry,
i really think that is an important clue, that it is, exactly, what several people have already said. Remember, there is a severe shortage of Dommes, for the number of Male subs wanting one. There are going to be some who decide to build a profile as a Dom, find a nice girl, and get her to change for them. (yea, that should work). If one was of that mindset, wouldn't you be particularly drawn to a woman who said she had a history as a Domme? or to a switch, for that matter, even if she said she was only looking for a Dom at this time? So, i think that is why you get so many responses...
As to what you should change, i understand that my advice might not resonate with you, but, honestly, i would leave out the stuff about your history as a Domme. not because there is anything wrong with it, just to cut down on the attraction.
I personally am VERY open about being mentally ill. Everyone I ever meet for so much as coffee, i told, usually long before we got to the point of sharing coffee. My mentor for those years I was searching was an exMaster, and i told him plainly, do NOT softpeddle the mental illness. So it is not an honesty issue, but, i still don't put it on my profile.
Only you can decide if that feels right for you.

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RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/4/2008 1:34:17 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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My personal take on it is that they're switches who are more interested in submission than in Dominance. Because Domme are fairly hard to find for most of them, they turn to subwomen to get any type of kink at all. But once they have the sub, their true nature starts showing. While Domming is fun, they'd rather sub themselves. So they start trying to get their sub to be Dominant. It's no flaw in you. It's a lack of honesty in them.

As to why they don't list switch on their profile, most subs don't want switches. They want a Dominant personality and control. Switches are seen as not being able to provide that. (BTW, I do no espouse the proceeding statement. Lots of Switches are wonderful in either role! If you don't understand switching, go read http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdswitch.html ) Men are fast learners. When women don't respond to them as switches, they set up profiles as one or the other. You'd be surprised to find out how many men have profiles as both! You just have to be careful and go slow. Getting to know someone over time and seeing how they act in other than kink settings may help. I suggest you start attending some of the local munches.
http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgscalif_n.html#berkeley
http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgscalif_n.html#oakland
http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgscalif_n.html#sf
I know it can be scary to go to a munch for a first time, but if you really want to find someone you're best to explore all avenues. Good luck and good hunting!

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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