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RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 3:24:47 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		With what Ive learned of my time online is that a lot like shorthand. Many simply call me hopeless, instead of hopelessfool, because hopeless is the first word of my name. I can only guess the reason people refer to you as Mistress only is because Mistress is the first word in your name. As for me Ive never called my past owners/potenials Master, usually I stick to Sir, or their name. Not because I lack respect but simply Master doesnt feel right or roll of the tounge very fast when begging. I would have no problem calling a friend or someone else in the life thats a D type Master or Mistress seeing as I do call my D type that name usually. My (Invisdible) Owner is called what he wants me to call him, usually a mix of Sir his name and if he enjoys Daddy. A name is a name. Someone goes hey you/bitch/slut/brat. I respond you rang for me Missure? (I know I can't spell) I dont put much emphisis in names as I do in tone of name. I can see how this upsets you, but if they are new or simply are used to chatting it might have been a slip of the tounge. Personally Id be more upset if someone called me my name with a sarcastic undertone or a tone that clearly meant disrespect. To me nothing is worse then using a title with such snide disapproval/disrespect.  If I may suggest putting in your siggy to call you Venus or Mistress Venus, to inform most of those reading your post you dislike being called just Mistress. Other then that its simply a peeve you might have to deal with on a time to time basis >.<;;

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to pyrobabe)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 3:59:07 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe

Lack of formality means lack of discipline, lack of discipline means a sloppy slave, a sloppy slave means and indulgent Master/Mistress. Do you want to be indulged or trained?




This is a gem!  I love the last line... wonderful!  thank you for it...

(in reply to pyrobabe)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 4:11:06 AM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		The trouble with the protocols (at least online anyway) is they seem to be different for different groups of people.    Not to mention some women are very sensitive to being called Ma'am.    I always refer to them by what name they use until they tell she tells me otherwise. I understand being polite but as far as earning respect goes I take in account the fact I have no idea who I am talking too online in most cases.  Calling another man “sir” to me is like call him “chief” or “buddy” it maybe polite but I wouldn’t really mean it. And even in type it may come of sarcastic even if not meant to be.  It reminds me of the false sir and Ma'am s I would dish out in retail jobs ever few minutes to nameless strangers.   There area quite a dominant males I talk to online I have known for years but if I started calling them sir I think they would be creeped out.   I have just stuck to first names or their nicks and so far I have been fine.

And the reason they would be creeped out is their set of rules is different. They are all very hereto and calling them sir would be like being submissive to them and seem like a  gay come on. They are not part of the old guard scene.





< Message edited by mantis65 -- 4/4/2008 4:16:57 AM >

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 4:14:08 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I have to add for me... I am not an online person.. and so I am even more adamant about not using the honorifics for me online...

ultimately, I find when people use them, they are almost engaging me, nonconsensually, in a relationship -- I realize that's quite a leap, but hey.. I get to make it.

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 4:30:58 AM   
pyrobabe


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I have to add for me... I am not an online person.. and so I am even more adamant about not using the honorifics for me online...

ultimately, I find when people use them, they are almost engaging me, nonconsensually, in a relationship -- I realize that's quite a leap, but hey.. I get to make it.


Not being an online person in an online universe must be very difficult. We have found that the more protocols and manners that you insist on the less the non-serious sub/slaves stick around. We had one the other day who had been courting us for awhile, it looked like we might have something we could work with, but alas he became rebellious when we told him that we only excepted Sir or Ma'am as a reply. We use a form of punishment online which is a rubberband around the wrist which we tell them to snap when they have been unruly. He was not happy to do that either. If a sub/slave will not bend over backwards to call you whatever you want them to call you everytime when you meet them in person they will not be worth your time.

"This is a gem! I love the last line... wonderful! thank you for it..."

Thank you for acknowledging Master's Mastery of the english language. My only part in it was typing it out and I thought it was a beautiful saying myself.

Madame4a Why are you surprised that you agreed with us?



(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 4:33:32 AM   
pyrobabe


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		We tell our potential sub/slaves upfront we want sub/slaves who do not ask questions, but do. The only question we want them to ask; when we say jump, is how high on the way up.

MC

(in reply to pyrobabe)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 4:38:29 AM   
HardToTame


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Lack of formality means lack of discipline, lack of discipline means a sloppy slave, a sloppy slave means and indulgent Master/Mistress. Do you want to be indulged or trained?


Well, as much as it's going to make me look bad and have every dominant woman on this page hate my guts.  The honest answer is indulged.  But, I also want to indulge she who is indulging me.  The pleasure she makes me feel, I'd like her to feel the equivalent if not more, and there for, if calling her 'Mistress' makes her feel that pleasure, I'll gladly do it.  Some people scream "Say my name say my name!" I see it as the same thing.  If someone said to me (a mistress) sent me a personal message saying "look, please don't call me mistress" I'd gladly do it out of respect.  Even if her online name has the word Mistress in it.  The ONLY reason I'd call someone Mistress online is because it appears in their screen name, and it's just that, in other habbits and hobbies I have online and in the real world, I generally call people by the name that appears in their screen name.  For the most part though, the people I assosciate with over the internet have a variation of their actual real life first name in their screen name, and so it's by that variant that I refer to them by.  How ever, thats because we've been conversing for a long time.  Just as how in the real world you might call someone whom you don't know Mr, or Mrs etc until after a while you refer to them by first name.  It's all courtesy and understanding and what some people expect and others don't.  I think the best way to handle it is to realise that different people have different variations.  Different cultures and so forth gather over the internet and, if it really bothers you discuss it with the perpitraitors but, you may have to expect it. 

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 5:27:13 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i have to agree with you.

whether i get contacted from the 2 yahoo groups i mod for via IM or here, it's always "Mistress" which to me, it says they're desperate to be owned without the benefit getting to know me and what i like/dislike. i've met a good deal of submissives/slave who desire to be owned in the intial message that i simply delete it or reply back saying i'm not interested. 

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 5:38:30 AM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Also for me its how well do you know the person you are addressing? Being polite is one thing but following a set of rules to the point where you are basically role playing with strangers is another. Five years online has made me very jaded and if anything needs to be earned its trust in the other person actually not just playing  a online game.

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 5:45:51 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think if one puts a title into one's name online or introduces oneself with a title attached in meatlife, then one needs to go look in a mirror before complaining when people then use that title either with or without your name.

I think it is very reasonable and logically that someone seeing or hearing said title thinks that is the way you want to be addressed. To expect someone who does not know you to read your mind about how you wish to be addressed when you send the clear message of the opposite isn't very realistic in my opinion. The first step in clear communication begins with how you introduce yourself and label yourself. Once you are clear the ball is in the other person's court.

It occurs to me that this complaint about the use of titles before relationship (very common in the femdom community online from what I've seen) is similar to the complaints about sub men just wanting sex and at the same time not being "up to the task" when required. I think in both cases some of the fault needs to be placed with us who send mixed messages with our words, our pictures and our titles. If we are clearer in our communication then again the ball will be in the other person's court and then we have reason to complain.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 4/4/2008 5:46:16 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 5:46:25 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe


quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I have to add for me... I am not an online person.. and so I am even more adamant about not using the honorifics for me online...

ultimately, I find when people use them, they are almost engaging me, nonconsensually, in a relationship -- I realize that's quite a leap, but hey.. I get to make it.


Not being an online person in an online universe must be very difficult. We have found that the more protocols and manners that you insist on the less the non-serious sub/slaves stick around. We had one the other day who had been courting us for awhile, it looked like we might have something we could work with, but alas he became rebellious when we told him that we only excepted Sir or Ma'am as a reply. We use a form of punishment online which is a rubberband around the wrist which we tell them to snap when they have been unruly. He was not happy to do that either. If a sub/slave will not bend over backwards to call you whatever you want them to call you everytime when you meet them in person they will not be worth your time.

"This is a gem! I love the last line... wonderful! thank you for it..."

Thank you for acknowledging Master's Mastery of the english language. My only part in it was typing it out and I thought it was a beautiful saying myself.

Madame4a Why are you surprised that you agreed with us?





My surprise was facetious and that post was directed to Mistress Venus...

As to the online stuff, its just that I don't do cyber.. or phone.. its not my thing, I'm in awe of those that make it real for themselves... I'm too tactile -- in any case, I think what rubs me the wrong way is people who use those terms, in either arena.  My experience is that its actually much less likely to happen in person -- not sure why that is, but that's my experience.

For me... the relationship starts as equals, for the most part.. sometimes that's just hard to do as people naturally fall into what's comfortable... but I try.

(in reply to pyrobabe)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:15:00 AM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame

Yes but thats exactly what I'm saying.  If you have the title 'Mistress' in your name on the internet, then thats how you have to expect people to refer to you.  Some people take this more serious than others and some see the word 'Mistress' as a Name as opposed to a Title.  If you went onto say a music forum, and signed on with the name 'Mr Big' then when people refer to you directly they're going to call you 'Mr Big'.  To then say "I get angry when people call me Mr Big" is a bit, (with all due respect) silly.  Because thats the name you've dubbed yourself by.  How ever, in a real life circumstance or private situation.  Then I guess I can understand the frustration.


I have to second this observation. I'm reminded of attending a conference one morning and being approached REPEATEDLY by strangers asking me about <XYZ> one of our company's products.

After becoming increasingly confused and annoyed, while politely answering questions, I looked down to find myself wearing a company issued name tag that read "Ask me about <XYZ>!"  Did I ever feel foolish.

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:15:20 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

if you don't want people to refer to you as 'MistressVnus' when they directly address you, maybe drop the 'Mistress' part? 


Did you read my post?  MistressVenus WOULD be the proper way to address me.  Or, MsVenus, or Ma'an.  All those would be appropriate.  What would NOT be appropriate is to call me "just" MISTRESS.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:19:18 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

when people refer to you directly they're going to call you 'Mr Big'.


You STILL aren't getting it.  PLEASE read my post again.  Or DarchChylds.

Yes, they will call him MrBig.   but NOT MR, by itself.  Are you getting this yet?


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:21:49 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

I get angry when people call me Mr Big"


You're not getting it either. 
If my name were Mr Big....and you called me MrBig...that would be GREAT!!  However, do NOT just call me MR.

Would you walk up to someone and say...Hey, MR!!


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to TermsConditions)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:24:39 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

there are places where addressing someone by title only is intended as a symbol of respect for one's skills and abilities.


But, we're not discussing "those" places.  We are discussing an alternative lifestyle protocol regarding psychodynamics of onwership and control.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:26:59 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Did you read my post?  MistressVenus WOULD be the proper way to address me.  Or, MsVenus, or Ma'an. 



Alrighty then, Ma'an it is.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:28:03 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

may i call you or start a response with Miss??


Absolutely!!  MsV, MsVenus....Venus...Ma'am, ....all are good.  Thank you for asking.

See folks...now THERE'S a great example.  When in doubt about how to address someone....ASK!!


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to chezzy52)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:29:33 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

s there an appropriate way to address a younger Domme, who does not feel old enough to be called "Ma'am


Why not just call her by the "full" name she has set forth and then ask her how she would like to be addressed??
Geesh...is it really that complicated?


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 7:30:50 AM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame

If someone specifically said "don't call me that" then I wouldn't, but if someone has a title, then thats what I call them.  Its just how I've been raised.


How you are raised has a lot to do with it. To tell a little about the South, what it's like, what we do etc. . . . Growing up everyone was Miss <firstname> or Mr. <firstname>. Everyone else was Sir or Maam. Your fater was "Yes Sir!" and your mother was "Yes Maam!" Unless you were hurt then she could be mama, which is an anagram for maam, you notice.

My tendency would be to address everyone here as sir, or maam. but I address folks by their full username or do not use a salutaion at all. In this diverse environment you don't know what folks want to be called and some have a pre-disposition for offense.

As for being addressed in email or a message as boy, sub, slave, or other diminutive or diminishing term: though the person addressing me is making some assumptions, my kink seems to be to accomodate what pleases others. If this form of address allows someone some little pleasure or affirmation of self-image then accomodating this offense is what I'm complelled to do.

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 40
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