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RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 10:11:51 PM

LadyNlace

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline

I don't feel its asking someone to 'read your mind" I feel that most being in this lifestyle and here on collarme assuming they are claiming to be real time or looking for someone with in this lifestyle should know the rules of this lifestyle, and its protocal. They are old rules.. not new ones. They are also real life rules.. that may be whats throughing people off. We are on a computer, the land of fanticy and made up rules. Sorry.. but.. It really is nothing like the real world.
Ms Jewel

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 81

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/4/2008 10:16:56 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I couldn't give a shit really. In the real world, I'm a Ms, but am addressed as Mrs, Ms or Miss. There are more important things in life to worry about.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 82

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 12:56:45 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

MissVnus,recently,you referred to me as chezzy in a thread so i do believe all should know that you practice what you preach.In fact,there has been only one instance in my time here where i was called "boy" or slave(not by you).So i tip my hat.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 83

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 2:53:49 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

For general discussion.

It's already been pointed out that this isn't exactly something that Venus dreamed up. It's something that a lot of people are familiar with and practice. It's not like four or five of the responders on this particular thread got into an online chat somewhere and decided these were the rules. It isn't a matter of mind reading at all. Feel free to go to any leather event in the country, and you will most certainly see how people are addressed. No, I'm not saying that is everyone's particular cup of tea, but it would be a learning experience.

When I met My current sub, this was one of the things that I felt he should have instruction on as far as My preferences and the way he was to behave himself in higher protocol environments. When it came to meeting people in the lifestyle, I wanted to teach him what he needed to know. I think this thread has helped to do that a bit for some who were curious about the subject.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to chezzy52)

Post #: 84

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 3:20:35 AM

mantis65

Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

I have no idea what the hell the rules are in any given situation I didn’t decide anything.
If there is one strict unchanging code of conduct that is standard I would like to know more about it. Then again I have yet to encounter any real people using this code of conduct in my own life.
For me it’s like people talking about a secret handshake I know she didn’t make it up, I know there are protocols.

I have heard many different versions of them all online and have no clue what’s real and what is made up for online role play. It’s like people demanding I speak Italian in their presence it’s not going to happen if I never learned the language. So yes in some way I do think its mind reading

None of my former dominants would ever socialize or go to leather events. So protocols like these rules like this are out of the realm of my experience.

< Message edited by mantis65 -- 4/5/2008 3:44:47 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 85

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 5:03:41 AM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

I don't particularly care if a guy calls me Mistress....but then my pet generally calls me "Owner" or my name--generally he only uses Mistress when speaking to others. For me, a "mistress" is just someone who slepts with a married man for long term financial support (archaic I know), which I'm no where near being so the label doesn't touch me at all.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 86

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 5:57:54 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

I think this thread has helped to do that a bit for some who were curious about the subject.

Thank you Lady Pact for pointing out this isn't as "unknown" of a protocol as many would like to think.
But I do feel it needs to be addressed more often due to the growing number of online "first exposures" and the more relaxed attitudes of many. It almost seems to me that no one wants to take the time to put this stuff out there anymore.
Sometimes I think it is a sign of the "lazy" times and the increased searching for "instant gratification" of kinks.
You know...somone may think...why train (either trainer or trainee) when we can just get down to the "fun" of it all.
I know for me. However, a lot of the fun comes from watching my slave, after he is well trained, step through the protocols when serving me and/or guests. Or, when at a public outing, shining with pride as he impresses "others" with his protocols and manners. There is nothing like the warm feeling one gets when another Dominant says..."wow, your slave is really well trained." And, I just smile and say "thank you." Watching my slave work the paces can really get me into "my" headspace which makes all the training worth it. Then....A GOOD TIME WILL BE HAD BY ALL!!

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 87

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 6:10:53 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

So protocols like these rules like this are out of the realm of my experience.

Well, now you've learned something. And, if you're interested....try these too.....
And, no, it isn't just for the gay community.

http://www.bearpair.com/slavemike/rules.htm
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/protocol.htm

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to mantis65)

Post #: 88

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 10:59:01 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Most men that address a total stranger as "Mistress" do it simply because it makes their dick hard.

Granted, some are just clueless and a few others are simply following some odd instructions they received along the way. When I say, "I don't even know you, you don't have to call me Mistress" - most say they were just trying to be polite or doing it just IN CASE. Yes, there are some women out there who have 'rules' that men should be IN ROLE when they approach and MUST address them as"Mistress" -- sure, in PORN!

It tells me a lot about a guy when he risks offending level headed women by avoiding offending women that have unrealistic expectations about how total strangers should approach them. It tells me his dick being hard is more important than connecting with a woman who is realistic.

I used to be really adamant about this years ago but I gave up. 99% of men will still call me "Mistress" when they contact me, despite what I say or do. I ignore now and move on.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 89

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 11:23:27 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJeelys

I don't particularly care if a guy calls me Mistress....but then my pet generally calls me "Owner" ...

The same for me. I am the owner to those I own, though for those who write to me, my CM nic is an IQ test (hint, hint).

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to LadyJeelys)

Post #: 90

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 4:22:35 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

The same for me. I am the owner to those I own, though for those who write to me, my CM nic is an IQ test (hint, hint).

Ohhhh...I like that.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 91

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 4:24:50 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

Most men that address a total stranger as "Mistress" do it simply because it makes their dick hard.

I HEARD THAT!! lol

(can't help it...the new smilies are fun)

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 92

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 5:53:46 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65

I have no idea what the hell the rules are in any given situation I didn’t decide anything.
If there is one strict unchanging code of conduct that is standard I would like to know more about it. Then again I have yet to encounter any real people using this code of conduct in my own life.
For me it’s like people talking about a secret handshake I know she didn’t make it up, I know there are protocols.

I have heard many different versions of them all online and have no clue what’s real and what is made up for online role play. It’s like people demanding I speak Italian in their presence it’s not going to happen if I never learned the language. So yes in some way I do think its mind reading

None of my former dominants would ever socialize or go to leather events. So protocols like these rules like this are out of the realm of my experience.

Actually, this is one of those perfect examples of why I think it's a good idea to step outside of a person's own little BDSM box. If you've never been to a leather or a high protocol event, you might find it interesting, just for the learning experience. Even if it's not for you, what could you lose?

No, you won't find much of these things in online chat. It's been My personal observation that those who are online only know little about protocols, and most folks you'll meet in real time do. It's actually a hint at which category a person falls into. As I said earlier, this can be a good way for someone who has protocol high up on their list of requirements, to filter out those who won't match with them because they aren't big on it. Maybe you might look at it in reference to your analogy of speaking Italian. If you were to plan a trip to Italy, even if you didn't speak the language, wouldn't you want to know a few key phrases?

If attending a leather or high protocol event isn't for you, there are still other ways to learn. During the course of typing this post, I pulled three books from My shelf. Two of which were able to give a quick explanation in the glossary. In both, the title of Mistress is referred to as the Dominant woman *in a relationship*. One specifically gives the following explanation:

Mistress: A term for a female Dominant. The use of this term often follows certain customs. See Master above.

Master: A term for a male Dominant. Often used as a term of address, such as "Master Tom." It is often considered somewhat rude to address a man by this term without being first given permission to do so. (Note: dominants do not usually address each other by such titles.)

Check My prior posts. Did you happen to notice what I call her?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 93

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 6:27:30 PM

mantis65

Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I have picked up lots of phrases and ideas from books and online. Enough to know I could make my self look real stupid real fast if I assume too much. I know from living near the Mexican the border you can’t pretend to speak Spanish well from just what you picked up in a tourist guide book. I think the whole protocol idea is one major reason I avoid public events. I have enough trouble screwing up enough courage to be social at vanilla events. If I ever find a dominant into protocols it may change. Until then I am an outsider and know it

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 94

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 6:38:36 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Not to skew the thread into a personal conversation, but I regret that you feel that way. I agree that trying to equate any kind of online knowledge or experience to translate into meatlife (as TammyJo would say it) isn't the best idea. Unfortunately, you sound rather closed to the idea of learning, which is your prerogative. As I said before, not everything is for everyone, and certainly not for those not interested.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/5/2008 6:41:43 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mantis65)

Post #: 95

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 6:57:44 PM

herpet1313

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline

Mistress Vnus: (and all)
Just state it in your profile how you wish to be addressed. Geez! People are starving in this world and you go on and on about something so trivial.
Isn't this the "Ask a Mistress" forum?
herpet

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 96

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 7:13:10 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

I hate to cut in here but while you are not my mistress and I would not normally call you such, if it was the only name I new you by, I might but then it would be "mistress, since I do not know your know name how would you like me to address you." At the same time, if I was at your house and you were having a lifestyle activity that you had arranged then yes, you would be the mistress of the houseand therefore could be referred to as such. If I met you on the street and new your name I might use it or if I had forgotten, might just say, "hello, how is your day going?" There are times when it is appropriate to address you as mistress but most of the time it is not appropriate.

(in reply to herpet1313)

Post #: 97

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 7:23:10 PM

mantis65

Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

Well I speak English because I grew up in a household where it was spoken. Learning other people’s rules is one thing. I have to actually know those people in real life for those rules to have any meaning. Things could change …who knows I feel am a being judge now for not knowing letter or verse for protocols so why would a public event being any less stressful?

Its not that I am not interested it’s that fact I am feeling” wrong” or false for knowing I am truly ignorant of real life protocols.

The problem with the protocols I feel it’s a way to exclude people like me by virtue of never having experienced them in real life.

< Message edited by mantis65 -- 4/5/2008 7:44:36 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 98

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 7:53:52 PM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I have picked up lots of phrases and ideas from books and online. Enough to know I could make my self look real stupid real fast if I assume too much. I know from living near the Mexican the border you can’t pretend to speak Spanish well from just what you picked up in a tourist guide book. I think the whole protocol idea is one major reason I avoid public events. I have enough trouble screwing up enough courage to be social at vanilla events. If I ever find a dominant into protocols it may change. Until then I am an outsider and know it

Strangely enough, that is how i learned Turkish (phrasebook). once i had combined it with some practical knowlege, the Turks stopped correcting me. During the learning time, they were more impressed that i was willing to learn and were very helpful with that process.
i was always an "outsider" in that regard, as i was never mistaken for being Turkish.
As far as protocol, you are correct, you are likely to get different responses from different individuals. For example, Ma'am and Sir can make someone feel older than they are. (aside from my submissive nature, "Sir" makes me feel very old, but i accept it as a polite form of address, and will make a smiling on the spot correction) if your mindset can accept corrections as constructive, then you will learn, if that is your desire. if, on the other hand, if you let each step of the learning process make you feel threatened, then most will generally choose not to learn. Perhaps you could work on the assumption that those who offer corrections are trying to help and, for whatever reason, care whether or not you succeed.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to mantis65)

Post #: 99

RE: I am NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! - 4/5/2008 9:17:50 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

So protocols like these rules like this are out of the realm of my experience.

mantis...do you remember the above quote from another post you made on this thread? And, my response to that remark is below. AGAIN...I am REPEATING the links for some required reading, IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN LEARNING. If not...dont' read them and don't give us any more quagmired reasons why you don't feel there is any purpose in it. And don't try to say we're judging you for not knowing. We're just getting irritated at you "refusing" to take any initiative to learn....and remain ignorant to these ways of protocol. Just say, I'm not interested in learning. We have already begun to get that impression anyway. You've discounted every opportunity and reason why it might benefit you at some point in time to do so. So either utilize the resourses and information you are being provided, here, without having to learn the hard way. Or, go learn the hard way. Or, don't learn at all and look for the partner you seek that doesn't care about them at all.
But, you can bet, this is my last response to your "closedmindedness."

Well, now you've learned something. And, if you're interested....try these too.....
And, no, it isn't just for the gay community.

http://www.bearpair.com/slavemike/rules.htm
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/protocol.htm

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to mantis65)

Post #: 100

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