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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 4:59:05 AM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		it happens, alot more than it should.  scream, beat up a pillow or other inanimate object-unless you know a masochist looking for a good beating-and get it out.  write her the nastiest letter in the world, take it out in the back yard and burn it.  as the smoke rises, let all the hurt go with it.  time to heal, to learn to trust again.  good luck. 
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to StormsSlave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 5:01:24 AM   
Cougarandkitten


Posts: 1375
Joined: 1/21/2008
Status: offline 		Betrayal of any kind hurts and all I can say is I feel your pain and offer my sympathies.

Out of curiosity.....you said she re-emerged......... here?

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. " ~ Antione de Saint-Exupery

"I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems,got to open my eyes to everything.... without a thought without a voice without a soul....." ~ Evanescance

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 5:08:52 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		fast reply

*hugs* and remember karma is one nasty bitch. what comes around (to you) will bite her back in the ass twofold. 

i know it's hard now but over time, you'll heal and learn from this. just be glad you're not the new guy because if she did this to you, she'll eventually do it to him too.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Cougarandkitten)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 5:54:30 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love? Your Trust? Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.


NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.



At the core this has nothing to do with DS an I'm sure once you have started healing you'll realize that. What you do now is what we all do when hearts get broken -- mourn, give yourself a lot of time, slowly get back into the dating pool, and perhaps see if there were signals you missed along the way that might help you evaluate the next person(s) better.

You feel it deeply because you believed you had the authority but she took that back in an immature and perhaps even sadistic way by just leaving. I'm sure it feels like a role reversal to some degree. I think it's very natural that it would feel that way.

Having been betrayed by a former "slave" myself though not in that way, I'll be honest and say that it took two non-intimate relationships and years before I took on Fox and let him in on a level truly necessary for a 24/7 dynamic. It was worth the time and effort and emotional pain I currently believe.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 6:08:37 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love?  Your Trust?  Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.


NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.


Still no word of her...?
Well always remember, who goes around..?
cums around !!!

So she will pay one day, but You'll never know.

Cry over it, let it out, get it off ya chest,
and slowly move on.

I guess Wwe all experianced this one way or the other.
Live & Learn, and grow stronger.

Warm Hugg & Sending You strenght.

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:22:32 AM   
ChemistryMaster1


Posts: 73
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love?  Your Trust?  Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.


NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.



Well, You have to learn to let things and people go to really enjoy them being in your life!
 
Be a challenge for her if you want her back, change your way of thinking because you wont win back her heart using the same method you did before. Focus on YOU not her and trust self, once you feel whole within, she will beg you to take her back and when she does, just smile and walk away! find a sexier woman and make sure she knows it, too.
 
Good luck!


_____________________________

Pharoh

<<<(...Duty First...)>>>

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:27:26 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Presumably, no legally binding contract is in existence; she's free to leave you.

All you can do is reflect on where you can improve, so the next one doesn't get away.

You're not the first man who has been left by a woman, and you won't be the last.

Why the fury? Tough shit, pal, move on.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:36:15 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		shit happens. It will take a while. One day it will hit you that you have been wasting time worrying over it for nothing. Till then hugs ya cause I've been there also.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:39:03 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

All you can do is reflect on where you can improve, so the next one doesn't get away.


Why do you think it was his failing?  I've had relationships where I did everything right and they still didn't work out.  I don't think that points to a failing on my part, other than perhaps choosing the wrong person to form a relationship with.  Some people are liars and cheats, that's just the way it is.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:45:48 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Dear TheKingofKings

OMG!

Jesus, is that you?

Can't you just turn her into a swine or something?

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:47:40 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

All you can do is reflect on where you can improve, so the next one doesn't get away.


Why do you think it was his failing?  I've had relationships where I did everything right and they still didn't work out.  I don't think that points to a failing on my part, other than perhaps choosing the wrong person to form a relationship with.  Some people are liars and cheats, that's just the way it is.



There's nothing in my post that suggests "it was his failing".

Presumably, he isn't perfect; nor will he be close to 100% efficiency. It follows, thus, there will be room for improvement, so a wise man would accept that she's opted for what she believes to be the better man.

There's no use in wallowing in self-pity, fury etc.

No offence intended, Katy, but did everything right? Is that possible? I know I don't do everything right - not remotely anywhere near it.

Granted, some people are liars and cheats, which is more the reason for the OP to concentrate on improving his own game; her actions have proven to be outside of his control.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:48:43 AM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		OP, I've read your profile, and while you don't think your age has anything to do with your ability to be a Dom, it has a lot to do with how you are reacting in this situation.

You are a very young man. I'm sure you have been snubbed many times because of your age. It can be frustrating to feel that something over which you have no control is dictating how others see and react to you.

This will not be the only time this happens to you. You are deeply hurt by this, and that's only natural. And you'll need to take some time to grieve and recover. But there are many years ahead of you, and while they may contain more heartache, they also contain great adventures. Go out and grab at those adventures.

pip, offering you hugs


_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:03:23 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

But there are many years ahead of you, and while they may contain more heartache, they also contain great adventures. Go out and grab at those adventures.



Great advice.

My dad's musings included.....nothing is free in this life, time waits for no man, life is full of fun; get out there and get it and you have to grab the bull by the horns.
 
'These words have stood me in good stead.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Poetryinpain)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:04:57 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		KoK.

PROCESS!!!

The key to this is not to be hurt over it, Yes I know it hurts. I know you are angry, Let that go it serves NO PURPOSE Other than to make you hard and cold.

I don't like to live in the past and only bring it up if a lesson is tro be learned or to show patterns so in this I want to bring up only your brief history.

Where was the BOND? There are a few things that can be said here. NO MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT, The girl in question did not believe there was a bond there or that rather that bond was not as important to her as it was to you. This being said what have you learned about those you Bond with?

Where was the COMMITMENT? No matter how commited you were it was not as important to her as it was to you and so what did you learn about those you commit too.

All too often people blame the outside forces for something they ALLOWED themselves to get involved with. I rarely hide my contempt for online only relationships. I agree that at times they can be Equally as real and commited as Flesh And Blood relationships but there is a Factor that is missing in an Online relationship that cannot be ignored in the Flesh and Blood. Reality of two people working through personalities. Sure to an extent you do the same thing in a Online relationship but remember there is NO BACKSPACE in Flesh And Blood. There is no deleting the e-mail before it is sent in a flesh and blood relationship you take the good and the bad the in and the out and you deal with it and work through it or you fizzle and die.

Now I don't know that your relationship was Online or Flesh and Blood, I can say that if it was flesh and blood and she just disappeared I would caution you to not fall as deeply for someone who has yet to fall for you, as well as not hold to a bond that is so weak within the other person.

I meet LOTS of people here. Some I talk to, some I meet, some I care for, others are just friends, but one thing is certain, before I bond with someone I make sure that the bond is returned and that I am giving the same as I am recieving.

DOM OR SUB, It is a two way street. If you are in a relationship that is NOT a two way street and you want more.... you only have yourself to blame.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Poetryinpain)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:05:22 AM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PanthersMom

it happens, alot more than it should.  scream, beat up a pillow or other inanimate object-unless you know a masochist looking for a good beating-and get it out.  write her the nastiest letter in the world, take it out in the back yard and burn it.  as the smoke rises, let all the hurt go with it.  time to heal, to learn to trust again.  good luck. 
PM


I have done the burning letter thing and it felt good to let all that anger and rage out. It was very cleansing experience. To the op I highly recommend it for your situation it will make you feel so much better. Good luck to you and remember time heals all wounds

_____________________________

Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to PanthersMom)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:28:49 AM   
mastervalentine


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		Anger and hatred... it's like drinking a bitter poison in the hopes that the other person will feel the effects. There's no reason to cling to it, to let yourself be bound by it. Find something you enjoy, and do that. Occupy your time, and your mind on things that satisfy you, and wish those that do you ill well. There is enough hatred and darkness in this world that your deciding to do what is good will not upset the balance.

It is a difficult thing to recommend, harder to live than suggest. But perhaps you would give it a try, despite how difficult the task seems.

Best wishes,
Will

< Message edited by mastervalentine -- 4/4/2008 8:29:30 AM >

_____________________________

"If philosophy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster." ~MasterValentine

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:40:36 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love?  Your Trust?  Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.


NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.



I am going to assume after reading the thread.....you did have a real physical relationship. Quite simply because, I don't believe in internet/phone relationships.

As for as signs, they were there, I guarantee. You just didn't see them.

As for how to cope, you sit down, have a good cry or drunk. With the least amount of destruction of life and limb possible. Then you pick yourself up, set your barr alot higher for both the next woman in your life AND more importantly YOURSELF.

I am a firm believer we attract the shit to us. Perhaps we were not at fault persay, but we did attract the person to us for a reason. Now you have to ask yourself why. What did you need to learn from this experience? I am also a firm believer in taking every single life experience, whether it be positive or negative, and turn it into a positive. A life learning experience.

Leave her alone. Let her go on with her life path, learn her own lessons. Avoid the negative reactions as they will only make your life more difficult.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:48:18 AM   
Loveisallyouneed


Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love?  Your Trust?  Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.



Be grateful she revealed herself for who she is before you got any older.

Not that it is ever a lot of laughs to find yourself single again, but obviously she was not the one with whom you could have built a life and future. Better to know that sooner rather than later.

A man once told me "People are free to change their minds at any time for any reason", and while I hate the concept's acceptance of whimsy as a valid motive, I must confess my experience with others has proven the truth of this statement over and over again.

Service is voluntary, contracts and promises notwithstanding. If someone lacks the qualities needed to be a devoted and loyal Beloved then they are undesirable to a high degree for anyone seeking a life-long relationship.

My sympathy for your loss. It is not easy to let go of something you thought so right. I've been dealing with this since January and I am only now getting to the point where I can see that the woman I fell in love with was a figment of the imagination of the woman who now wears her body.

Like a split personality.

And it is jarring to accept that anyone could change so drastically from someone lovable to someone intolerable.

But there is the reality and we have to adapt to it, regardless of what we feel about it.

Just keep in mind, when you are ready to move on, that these actions display the character flaws in your former sub. They say nothing about anyone but her. You would be wise not to trust her again, but to be suspicious of others who have done you no wrong leads to paranoia. Don't make them pay for her betrayal.

No one should pay for the crimes committed by another.

Best wishes for your recovery.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:50:32 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am also a firm believer in taking every single life experience, whether it be positive or negative, and turn it into a positive.



More good advice.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 9:06:40 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Chemistry Master give me a break. Your telling the Op to be a child about it.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 40
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