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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 9:16:09 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

but did everything right? Is that possible? I know I don't do everything right - not remotely anywhere near it.

Perhaps I should've worded it as "did everything right as much as possible". Sometimes it really is the other person's fault. In a 99% his fault 1% my fault sort of scenario.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 41

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 9:20:54 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

but did everything right? Is that possible? I know I don't do everything right - not remotely anywhere near it.

Perhaps I should've worded it as "did everything right as much as possible".

I don't think that's possible - for anyone - but, never mind, it's all opinions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Sometimes it really is the other person's fault. In a 99% his fault 1% my fault sort of scenario.

I wouldn't disagree with the above; it takes two to tango, so the saying goes.

The point of my post is to suggest that the wise move would be to channel his energy into something more productive than wallowing in fury; looking toward improvement would be useful.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 42

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 9:34:55 AM

RemainingMemory

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I say be happy about it. You truely cared for the girl did you not? In my opinion, if you care for someone truely then when they are happy, you are happy for them regardless of the situation. I understand 100% that some pain comes with betrayal as I have yet to have a relationship that didn't end in my other half cheating on me however, I don't wish a single bad thing upon them because they are only doing what makes them happy and I was, will, and will continue to do so as well.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 43

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 10:24:01 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

It hurts like hell and you feel gut kicked. Starts to make you doubt your judgement and even makes you doubt all those who you trust and value as friends. It ended a 5 year M/s relatgionship.She betrayed my wife also (we were a Gorean lifestyle couple and she was my kajira at the time). Take a few steps back to catch your breath and try to remember that life doesn't stgop and that there are others who will not betray you whom you have not met yet. i took time to evaluste how much was due to my own perceptions of her and what moistakes I probably made. .There is alewats two sides to even a betgrayal. Your mistake could have been innocence or naivety for example. For the hurt was about the same when two of my former wives betrayed me costing me a disgusting amount of mnoney and assets and access to my son in the last case. Time doesn't heal, but time does allow you to heal yourself, learn and grow thren move on. Someone betrays my trust these days including ex-cyber friends, I lock the door and say "Next!"

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to TheKingofKings)

Post #: 44

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 10:25:45 AM

ChemistryMaster1

Posts: 73
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Chemistry Master give me a break. Your telling the Op to be a child about it.

How did I do that??

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<<<(...Duty First...)>>>

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 45

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 11:26:38 AM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

But there are many years ahead of you, and while they may contain more heartache, they also contain great adventures. Go out and grab at those adventures.

Great advice.

My dad's musings included.....nothing is free in this life, time waits for no man, life is full of fun; get out there and get it and you have to grab the bull by the horns.

'These words have stood me in good stead.

All the above needed to be repeated...

Life is full of speed bumps...some bigger than others...but you'll always get over it!

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 46

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 11:31:00 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love? Your Trust? Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.

NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.

Sorry to hear of your pain, I know, it hurts like hell. Just going through it now myself, happened just this week, one minute you're talking everything is fine, the next minute no response, you see they've been online but won't respond to you at all, won't answer your calls, etc. not the first time, and unfortunately on here, probably won't be the last...so if you find the "mortal cure" you be sure to let me know.

No matter what kind of relationship it was on some level there was a connection. I envy those robots that can just turn off all emotions and move on...but me being human I can't do that.

I've just learned to some time to deal and move on...no use them "owning" any more of my life than they've already scammed.

take care

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 4/4/2008 11:56:34 AM >

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...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to TheKingofKings)

Post #: 47

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 12:26:30 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Someone up the thread mentioned in the "absence of a contract." Please, no one believe those "contracts" mean anything. If you want to leave, leave. We can discuss why someone is a bitch or bastard, but if they want to leave, no BS contract should hold the person in a relationship.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 48

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 12:26:32 PM

Dshome

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/22/2008
Status: offline

I recently had a similiar experince. All the way up to the day she informed me she had feelings for an ex and was ending things with me all I heard was how perfect I was and how much she trusted me. I've been looking at that. She was very trusting but obviously not trustworthy. I know another lg who isn't trusting but is very trustworthy. I think maybe when you have to work a little harder to earn trust you are dealing with someone who knows the value and can give it back. What was your experience around trust with this sub?

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 49

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 12:38:43 PM

Hiswifeon7707

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

betrayed? how so?
you could not go to her home and speak face to face? sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesnt.
getting hurt & disappointed is part of being human but i do offer sympathy. it doesnt help to know alomst everyone who breathes experiences this.
what i dont understand is how people get so wrapped up in each other without constant physical contact. you know what i mean, actually spending tiome together.
time heals - good luck

(in reply to Dshome)

Post #: 50

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 12:44:05 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Someone up the thread mentioned in the "absence of a contract." Please, no one believe those "contracts" mean anything. If you want to leave, leave. We can discuss why someone is a bitch or bastard, but if they want to leave, no BS contract should hold the person in a relationship.

Shhhhhhh, you will be popping "real and true" bubbles, all over the forums and you know how slippery that can be!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 51

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 2:40:27 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

I'm confused. Was this an online only relationship? How long had you two been together? I need more information before sympathy can be given.

Daddy's Ballerina "e"

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 52

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:06:22 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love? Your Trust? Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.

NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.

Scream in disbelief, talk about it to anyone that you can who won't think and/or say you are really fucked up, stop eating with grief for a while, sleep and have nightmares, sleep and have wish fulfilments, wake crying, crash the car whilst distracted, neglect the house and the paper work, feel nauseaous, shake like withdrawal from a substance, go to your doctor and get medication, try drinking, flashback, phone them, text them and curse them, think about gving up the lifestyle or post every detail of the break-up here on collarme and find both solace and criticism.
But above all handle it any way you can just to get through the days day by day until one day you will wake up and feel fine about it, smell the coffee, see the sky and the sun and realise that at least one third of the world's population doesn't even have running water, realise that all emotion is a luxury, realise that you are human, are more than likely able bodied and are literate and have a roof over your head but above all realise that the future is not yet written and that you have the freedom of human rights, free speech and a heart that is in an ever returning beat of living and loving and being able to love again.

I've been there, and tried to get a copyright on the script of what to do.....but most of the punch lines and the camera directions and the lighting had all been done before by other players in this amazing lifestyle.....all the script had been edited and censored and passed by the board.....

how many billion people on this planet? if they leave you and fuck you over then they aren't the one......and each of us gets to go back to start and roll the dice again until we either run out of time, or credit......

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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to TheKingofKings)

Post #: 53

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:24:57 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

That was Beautiful.

Steel

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For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 54

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:33:32 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP......copied from one of your posters an exerpt with which I agree...and was also going to say...

It is not easy to let go of something you thought so right. I've been dealing with this since January and I am only now getting to the point where I can see that the woman I fell in love with was a figment of the imagination of the woman who now wears her body.

I truly feel once the dust has settled you will know that you fell for who you fantasized that she was..not truly who she is.......seek your fantasy, but once thought found,seek her reality.......Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 55

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:47:30 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I cant believe you got this in general this long, when I get cunt trouble it goes immediately to polls and random stupidity.

Well if it was a gorian slave you could feed her to the sleens.

Otherwise get a grip,
and I ain't gonna look but I bet this fucker is like 18 years old, the thread, and the OP like 25.

Write me.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 56

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 7:50:16 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro
This will sound flip, but the real answer is simply this:

You say "Fuck it!" and stop giving your energies over to a person that doesn't want, nor apparently deserve, one second more of your time.

The best revenge is discovering your own happiness.

I concur with the message here, though obviously, it is somewhat difficult in practice at times. However, I would suggest the following would also be useful:

1 - When people leave relationships, they do so for a reason. This is not to say it is a good reason, however. So make a genuine effort to try to understand what happened, and you will usually come to one of two conclusion. The first is that you genuinely made some mistakes that were big enough to be a legitimate reason to leave; this is hard, but at least you know what you need to change and make an effort to fix, so that the next time around (and I guarantee if you are a person who constantly works to improve yourself, there will be a next time) you will be much better off. The second is that whatever reason it was that the other person had is stupid / petty / unwise, etc. Then you ask yourself if you'd really want to be with someone who you can count on to fuck up big decisions.

The answer is no.

2 - Don't live your life for that person by being constantly sad over lacking them. Happiness really is the best revenge! There's nothing like seeing an ex who broke up with you run into you five years later and realize that you are healthy, wealthy, and wise and they made what will turn out to be the biggest mistake of their life breaking up with you. Well, at least if you are a vindictive person, and I confess I am that way sometimes.

Ahem.

More to the point, the real reason is that you should want to be happy for yourself. Cut your losses; you cannot change the past without a time machine (and if you have one, what the hell are you doing wasting your time posting here), but you can change your potential futures. That is what you should always focus on - what can you do, going out, to be happy? Work on that. It will pay off.

3 - Pyrobabe has a great point:

quote:

My thoughts are once a sub betrays you like that there is no going back. You will end up always being paranoid about whether or not your he/she is lying to you or not.

The bridge here has probably been burned; major breaches of trust can be repaired when the party who did the breaching recognizes a mistake and is willing to seriously bust their ass and suffer mistrust for a while to earn trust again. That, from what you say, does not sound like the case here, so the cruel facts are that you must move on from a purely academic perspective. From a more street smart one, would you really want someone you know you can't trust?

Lastly, I've had this same kind of experience myself; I had someone who vanished on me and resurfaced with someone else at one point when I was younger and more foolish. In retrospect, I should have seen it coming (she had repeatedly betrayed people before, and I idiotically thought I was different somehow...) and more so, never have been involved with her in the first place. We lost touch for several years, and my final smile in this chapter is that she bumped into me, somewhat randomly, about six months ago. Now, I have repeatedly declined to say much about myself on here regarding personal details, but I had the extreme pleasure of it being very clear I'd done much, much better than her and her current boyfriend in life...

Ah, it's the little (evil) things sometimes. So I've been there; it fucking sucked, but I'm a much better person for it. Learn from your mistakes, figure out how not to cover that ground again but rather do something more productive, and focus on your own happiness and life. If you do, you will find someone better. It will work out.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)

Post #: 57

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:20:29 PM

TheKingofKings

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

I appreciate your kind words greatly. I drink either way so that won't be an issue.

_____________________________

For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 58

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:23:16 PM

TheKingofKings

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

Yes. Here. On CM. Under a different profile. I only happened to have found it by chance.

_____________________________

For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

(in reply to Cougarandkitten)

Post #: 59

RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 8:26:34 PM

TheKingofKings

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Presumably, no legally binding contract is in existence; she's free to leave you.

All you can do is reflect on where you can improve, so the next one doesn't get away.

You're not the first man who has been left by a woman, and you won't be the last.

Why the fury? Tough shit, pal, move on.

_____________________________

For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 60

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