RE: How do you like to be approached on here

RE: How do you like to be approached on here (Full Version)

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catize -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/5/2008 7:16:17 AM)
quote: i've been trying to play by mine own rules my whole life. it hasnt worked out for me. the girls that i want to get to know dont seem to be aware of my rules. so i am trying to learn and adapt. You seem to be giving a very mixed message here. You started out by asking how women prefer to be approached, but then made the statement that you are unhappy when you are the approach-er. I may be wrong but it seems that you want something (ie submissive women) but would prefer to get what you want passively rather than actively. Just a thought, but perhaps the problem is not your approach but that the women sense your ambivalence and resentment regarding who makes the first move. I would suggest that you need to decide which is more important to you; getting what you want or the way that gets accomplished.

CarrieO -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/5/2008 7:16:35 AM)
Hmmm, well, I will say to please not react the way a man (?) just responded to me when I told him I felt there wasn't enough commonality for me to be interested.....threats/swearing/and more threats. Respect, humor and a genuine interest to know me as a person and not a lump of meat to be beaten to a pulp. Oh, and I like the fact that you mention you read the journal entries....it's a good way to learn more about a person. I had one Dom email me and respond to the last part of my profile in a very humorous way. I liked that because it showed he took the time to read thru the whole thing. BTW...we're still emailing, :) Good luck

jimmyrook -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/5/2008 8:03:12 AM)
You seem to be giving a very mixed message here. You started out by asking how women prefer to be approached, but then made the statement that you are unhappy when you are the approach-er. I may be wrong but it seems that you want something (ie submissive women) but would prefer to get what you want passively rather than actively. Just a thought, but perhaps the problem is not your approach but that the women sense your ambivalence and resentment regarding who makes the first move. I would suggest that you need to decide which is more important to you; getting what you want or the way that gets accomplished. [/quote] catize, my message here is not mixed. it is clear and you yourself have understood it perfectly. yes i am looking for advice on how to approach. and yes i do resent being the approacher. i would much rather turn on my computer and have the option to complain about getting "too much" mail. i would consider it a great luxury to be able to disregard emails just because the person writing me didnt say more than "hi, do you wanna talk?". better yet i would love to go hang out at a club and just concentrate on being cute and wait for a succession of girls to try to impress me in various ways and then ask for my number or if i want to leave with them. of course givin my own experience, if for some strange reason a large amount of girls suddenly started sending me emails, i would try my best to respond to every mail in a respectful way. being that i do take the time to read profiles and i do take the time to write a thoughtful email, it is very disheartening to not get a response at all (many times in a row). so i respond to everyone. i have gotten a few emails from sub-males which i am not interested in. but since they took the time to write me, i give them at the very least, a "no thank you". sometimes i have even engaged them in conversation out of both politeness and curiosity. i am not bi-curious. i am just curious as to what other people are about. all that being said. i am giving the second part of your post some consideration. it may very well be that some girls sense my negative feelings about being put in the position of "approacher" and get turned off by it. i dont think this is usually the case though. i think i come off as quite friendly in most cases once i have decided to force myself into action. i am also obviously much more concerned about getting what i want than the method it is accomplished, otherwise i wouldnt be on this site. and i wouldnt be at any clubs studying girls to see who looks approachable. i would be sitting in my mansion (like my name was robbie williams) with a ticket number machine installed by my front door waiting for women to line up. and i would conduct things in an orderly fashion (treating them all with respect and gratitude) and live happily ever after. and all though i think the whole dating process is very painful and frustrating i am quite good at keeping myself in check. even though i have written many women on here who have not responded at all , there is not one person on here who can say that they have gotten a rude or hateful email from me. even though i feel that no response is rude and arrogant. and lastly if you did read all that. i want to thank you and let you know that if you percieve me as being upset within this response it may be that i got a bit edgy, but dont take it personal it is not directed at you. i am just stating my point of veiw. and you should know that i am thankful to you for providing me with the chance to expand on my thoughts.

jimmyrook -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/5/2008 8:17:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO Hmmm, well, I will say to please not react the way a man (?) just responded to me when I told him I felt there wasn't enough commonality for me to be interested.....threats/swearing/and more threats. Respect, humor and a genuine interest to know me as a person and not a lump of meat to be beaten to a pulp. Oh, and I like the fact that you mention you read the journal entries....it's a good way to learn more about a person. I had one Dom email me and respond to the last part of my profile in a very humorous way. I liked that because it showed he took the time to read thru the whole thing. BTW...we're still emailing, :) Good luck there is i think one women on here who took the time to write "not interested" in a mail back to me. it was a great dissapointment because she is one of the few who actually live in the same city as me. i wanted to take the chance to learn something, so i wrote her back and asked her if she found me unattractive or if there was something about my presentation that turned her off. she responded kindly with it was neither but that she was already in contact with others and basically did not have time to start another correspondence. i dont know if that was a true answer, maybe it was, maybe it wasnt. but in any case i thanked her for taking the time to write. and i have not written again. i even put a note to myself in her profile that i had written her and she wasnt interested so that i wont accidently pester her again.

catize -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/5/2008 9:00:03 AM)
I took no offense at your considerate reply. It was an opportunity to understand the male perspective. It appears that you have a balanced view of what would be ideal vs. the realities of life. Please keep in mind there are frustrations whether you are man or woman, submissive or dominant, in or out of a relationship. I’m glad that you read my thoughts in the way they were intended!

Poetryinpain -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/5/2008 3:50:02 PM)
OP - having read your profile, I will say this, and I hope you accept it in the spirit in which I offer it. You sound flat-out too good to be true. Six-foot-six, not overweight, and your profile essay is very well written and outlines a really good man. But then when women get to the part of your description that gives your ethnicity, they may pause before contacting you. Now, I am aware that there can be black Swedes (there is a rather famous chef who was adopted from Africa by a Swedish couple), there may be a lot of women who just can't process that dichotomy. Put the two above paragraphs together, and I fear women may be afraid you are not who you say you are. It is unfortunate that there are posers on this site who don't know what the different ethnicities really are (the blue-eyed "Native Americans" come to mind), and these have spoiled things for people who really are what they say they are - even if that is something rather hard to believe. Please remember, I am not saying I don't believe you - just that you have a description that many will not believe. pip, long live the global village

jimmyrook -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 7:31:05 AM)
Pip, i was feeling rather good at the moment. you made me feel even better. thank you for the compliments. i am not from sweden. i have been here 10 years. im from washington DC. i met a girl from here all those years ago. i am currently divorced and i stay here to be near my children. im really glad to know that you think my presentation is well written. i guess i wont feel compelled to change it for awhile now

Sundowner -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 10:00:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jimmyrook ... i do take the time to read profiles and i do take the time to write a thoughtful email, it is very disheartening to not get a response at all (many times in a row). ... I know what you mean jr - and it can be very disheartening when you may have started contacting in a considerate way and with high hopes. You might think of your approaches the way a salesman looks at his job - he knows that statistically he has to contact say 100 prospects to get say 10 responses and from his 10 responses he expects 1 sale. (Or whatever stats are relevant in his field). My guess is that you'll find similar 100:1 ratios here, given there are fakes, idiots and stunningly attractive (thus over-contacted) people here. But like the salesman, you have to put the effort in - ppl will not come and buy from you; you must sell. (A bummer I know). Following this analogy I'd suggest you carry on selecting carefully those ppl you feel are worthwhile - don't just bulk email, be thoughtful. And like a salesman, you have to handle the disappointment when you get rejected or ignored (probably in your eyes unreasonably). And I understand that, whilst most prefer a considered polite approach as outlined in posts above, some do actually get turned on by the "kneel bitch" version. Fewer of those here in the forums though. So maybe that approach can work if the profile suggests it. And as always Cali's comment is good: "I like to feel his natural leadership, but trying to dominate me? No way." Persevere, and best of luck. (And if you do get too many unasked for emails from hot girls, pass the spare ones on would you?)

jimmyrook -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 2:49:23 PM)
thanks for the comments Sd. it is what it is. what i need is to get the kind of money that you got. im workin on it anyway. dont mind some tips about that if you got im to give. really and truly it all comes down to being an alpha-male as far as i can tell. for a girl/woman, Looks = Money. and for a guy Money = Attractive. of course there is more to it than that and many people may protest the fact. but bottom line, no matter what other attributes a guy has, if he has money all his other positive attributes are amplified by 10. and his negative sides are just called eccentric.

DesFIP -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 3:18:44 PM)
The fact that I'm submissive doesn't mean I'm submissive to you. It means I'm submissive to the right one and I didn't submit to anyone until he and I clicked. Had he tried ordering me around in the first email, I wouldn't have responded. I understand that approaching women requires risking a lot of rejection. Unfortunately, if you're afraid of the rejection then you aren't demonstrating the confidence in yourself that I regard as part and parcel of dominance. Lastly, you're in Sweden and planning to stay there. How often could you travel to see a sub? How often would you expect her to travel? Would you expect her to relocate? Are you going to pay her airfare to visit? Expect her to move someplace where she might not be able to get a job, support herself, be able to go home and visit family, have a support system? If like you, she wants to stay where her offspring are happy, then she couldn't possibly expect much of a future with you beyond a one week yearly visit, and even that's out if she wants to take them to Disneyland for their birthday.

lronitulstahp -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 3:25:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jimmyrook Subs, how do you like someone to be when they write to you the first time? do you like to feel dominated from the beginning or do you prefer to be approached in a more "normal" vanilla way? like "hi, do you want to talk?" i always read profiles before i write someone and if there are lots of journal entries i read at least a few of them before the first letter. will be interesting to see how different or the same your answers to this question are. i like to be approached by someone being the most like themselves right off the bat. If he's a jerkoff that says "suck Me, cunt" from email #1...i learn it right away, and i haven't spent precious time"discovering" this character flaw later. If he's slightly decent...he'll be a gentleman in email#1, and remain so. If he has the emotional maturity of a 7th grader...he'll come right out with..."hey lady, can i see your tits please?" at the start. That would really help...

SovereignSlave -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 3:50:10 PM)
My biggest turn-off is when I get a message that shows rather obviously that the individual hasn't even glanced at what's on my profile. As someone who's put up a "just looking for friends only and conversation, anything else will get the boot" as the first sentence on my blurb, it's perpetually frustrating whenever I (frequently, still) get a "hi any more pics whats ur kink?!?" message. And yes, dominance off the bat is very off-putting. I'm a very strong, capable, intelligent woman, even when I'm submitting to someone. To be treated sub-par by someone whom I don't even know and who doesn't know me is just rude. I think not many Doms out there understand that being a sub doesn't necessitate a 24/7 submissive attitude towards everyone, everywhere. Good question!

pinkwind -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 5:07:27 PM)
If someone writes to me on here the first thing i would hope is they have done me the courtesy of reading my profile, all of it, not just enough to confirm i am female and breathing. Then i would like them to accept that their approach goes not only to me but ultimately to my Master, and should therefore be couched in respectful tones, not those of the wannabe Dom who thinks he's found a doormat of a woman to browbeat and order about. And i would hope that the respectful answer they get from me, no matter the basic content, be taken at face value, and not as an opportunity to disrespect me or call me names, or call in question the Dominance of my Master, all things that have happened here in the past.

nwcutie102 -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 7:28:30 PM)
approach as a person of intelligence, class and wisdom. a winner for this sub

fun1212 -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/6/2008 9:20:50 PM)
just a short hello, and why you picked my profile thats it

GregorianChant -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/7/2008 7:59:06 AM)
I just wrote what I think was a fairly solid guide to getting first responses on CM in a seperate thread. Jimmy- I really hate to say this- I have NO idea how you're ever going to get responses... Your profile sends alot of bad signals. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1766774/mpage_3/tm.htm

GregorianChant -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/7/2008 8:11:42 AM)
Jimmy- I really think I owe you an explanation of what I mean when I say bad signals. I've read your profile now and I'm going to handle the issues it presents in order. Firstly- you're grammar/spelling are awful. I really do mean awful. Most likely you don't think this matters.. But it does. Most of the decent submissives on this site want someone who cares enough to use a spellchecker and punctuate properly. Secondly- You're considerably more specific than you need to be. Don't specify what you'd rather get, because it will naturally rule out anyone who isn't one of those things. Unless this is your intention don't do it- subs have lots of choices on this site.. They aren't going to choose a dom for whom they are clearly the second choice. Thirdly- You come across as a flake. This is partly the your spelling/punctuation (your spelling actually isn't terrible) but it's also the sentiments you express. You offer no information about who you are or what experience you have and commit the cardinal sin of mentioning depression... (a sub is going to read that and figure that since you bothered to mention it in your profile it's likely MUCH worse than you're letting on) Simply put professionalize your profile! For the love of god try to see it from the submissives point of view! And NEVER EVER send another 'dominant' first message.. ok?

KaineD -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/7/2008 9:25:00 AM)
Why not?

lalbobbilynn -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/7/2008 9:57:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx quote: ORIGINAL: jimmyrook Subs, how do you like to be approached on here? With chocolate and champagne! Here, here xxblushesxx; i'm w/ You on that!!! When all else fails i would prefer the nilla apporach. On the flip to that, the one liners, or even better yet the form letter introduction that is cut and paste from said persons Christmas card from the past year appears to lack any twue desire to get to know me, even as a friend. i attempt to be as respectful as i would like volleyed back to me ......... i have found (as someone said on another thread) that what You "usually" put out there (even in Your profile), is "usually" what comes back to You. Course that does not apply to the trolls, or men posing as women, and vise versa!!!

jimmyrook -> RE: How do you like to be approached on here (4/7/2008 10:27:44 AM)
Here, here xxblushesxx; i'm w/ You on that!!! When all else fails i would prefer the nilla apporach. On the flip to that, the one liners, or even better yet the form letter introduction that is cut and paste from said persons Christmas card from the past year appears to lack any twue desire to get to know me, even as a friend. i attempt to be as respectful as i would like volleyed back to me ......... i have found (as someone said on another thread) that what You "usually" put out there (even in Your profile), is "usually" what comes back to You. Course that does not apply to the trolls, or men posing as women, and vise versa!!! [/quote] thanks for you response. i feel like im putting out what i would like to get back. if you have any views on what you percieve me to be putting out. dont hesitate to let me know.

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