Prinsexx
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Noah
So tell us about the senses in which you see yourself as not conforming. Maybe indicate just what it is that you feel you are not conforming to if that might not be entirely self-evident. Tell us in what sense you think these factors are particularly significant and how the whole business informs and affects your life. A wonderful conversation could be had in those terms without the open invitation to wallow in the semantics of the word "conform".
I read through your respone and think it brilliant in the way in which it moves through the empirical, obejectivist and skepticist approaches and yes ends up where I wanted to begin....which is as far away from that conformist/non-conformist world of opposites.
Indeed that's just it really....when I say I am a non-conformist it's both a blessing and a pain in the arse.
I fell in love with experiential phenomenology many years ago. Internal conversation: Oh, so, you mean you FEEL that, that is your experience is it? I would say and even then try to argue the toss to be right....but you know what? It isn't possible is it to argue with anyone, I mean it isn;t possible to be in opposition with any other being if they are being integral about their experience.
That's why I love the personal so much.
BUT, in my experience, I go counter clock-wise to trends, to the general, to the acceptable, in my personal realationships. I suppose it balances out having to be client-centred, other-centred in my work.
Feeling an instinct to buck the system then on a personal basis has, as a pattern, got me into troub;e, or rather, lead me to dead-ends in the lifestyle part of my lifestyle.....I experience not so much a what it is that we do so much as a what it is that I do.
The enormous disadvantages of this are that one I predominantly expect the world to behave as if it itself conforms to my projection onto it and two, bucking the system is a conflict within me that hurts even me as I need to be also submissive .....non-conformity and submission don't 'fit' too well inside me.
It turms up like this: Master P wanted me to go to him, cook for him, look after him abd thus i did. but I am prepared to admit I wanted and expected a pay-off in as much as I was (deep deep down) thinking, you know what....I'm conforming here to what you want of me and expect of me. So expect a kick-off and expect to have to deal with my internal struggle.
Ugly when I get it out in the open like that. It's like saying master me by m\stering my inner conflicts.
Next question then is can I be a rebel, can i expect to change the world to a better place if I am submitting? Don't answer it necessarily: it's just in the asking of it that maybe I'm needing to understand something huge to me, in my experience, but of no consequence to anyone else.
The conflict between an instinctual/sexual need to submit and a social need to rebel can be at best a source of creative energy....like I can write about the inner stuff in a way which I believes makes a difference in the world at somnething other than the persobal level.
But at the same time that inner conflict uses up a great deal of energy and I wish i could shut up. put up and make a difference just by submitting.........
< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 4/5/2008 11:21:35 AM >
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