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Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:03:35 AM

pahunkboy

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...thankfully I have some time off now, and I dont know if I will return due to a change in the hours.

Im annoyed over a bunch of ladies who are at the office but not directly work partners. I was asked if I had a big one. Rather then take offense that moment I assured then it was big. What I needed was a kinife to share my sandwich with a co-worker in the other room.
I dont beleive we are close enough to joke like that. I have been there 2 weeks.

So I suppose I will have to hunt my fake wedding ring.

Would YOU be annoyed by this?

If the exchange was reversed or if my reply was racy[er] then Ild be in trouble.

Im not sure why it bothers me. I truly am not short changed in that anatomy.
Oh my big conclussion on office work. 2 people do not get 2x the work done. quite the opposite. 3 are even worse. 4 is a party, especially if one wandered in the chit chat.

Anyhow- Im there to make calls - to processed calls. NOT to be the stud of the century. I dont have to be there. My rent is made w/o that check.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:09:57 AM

LadyEllen

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Not sure what the American culture is, but over here it seems to work like an initiation when the ladies start that sort of thing with guys. Depending on your reaction is whether you're (a) cool enough to talk to (b) worth tapping for "extra curricular activities" (c) not cool and fodder for mob mentality harassment. They're weighing you up in other words, and regardless of the organisation's hierarchy, the result of the process will be where you stand socially within the company.

You need to be in category (a), and will be as long as you keep it humorous, not offensive and give as good as you get, I reckon? But never initiate it, unless youre very sure of your ground.

E

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:11:57 AM

kittinSol

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I would be more than annoyed, I'd be fuming. But I lost a seriously good job because of sexual harrassment, so I'm biased in my views.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:20:48 AM

xxblushesxx

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Sexual harrassment is illegal from whichever side it is coming from.
If it makes you uncomfortable, the first thing to do, is to say something (nicely) that you really don't think that kind of talk is appropriate in the workplace.
If that doesn't make them quit, (but I bet it will) then you can talk to your supervisor regarding the matter.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:27:38 AM

kittinSol

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You're mostly correct, but it very much depends on the place of work... if the harrassment takes place in a very large international organisation where nepotism and politics rule over common sense and fairness, and where the 'ombudsman' is best friends with the harrasser, who happens to be a topdog director (through no talent of his own), then... you're pretty much fucked, if not literally, of course :-( .

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:32:33 AM

xxblushesxx

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I disagree, only because most large corporations have specific policies in place regarding sexual harrassment, such as first you do a. If that doesn't work, you do b, and if you get no satisfaction there (*lol*) you do c...
In other words, if that were to happen there is a specific plan layed out just so the person making the complaint can be heard.
Now...whether it would be much fun to continue to try to work there, well...that's another story.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:36:32 AM

MasterKalif

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I think most people forget....unfortunately every organization or business is ruled by politics and favoritism as this is a human trait...I always like to think I am above that and see people for their skills, but not everyone strive to go for that standard. I would feel a little weirded out if some girls asked that, but I would be happy to have them feel it for themselves

lol....

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Post #: 7

RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:41:56 AM

kittinSol

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I disagree, only because most large corporations have specific policies in place regarding sexual harrassment, such as first you do a. If that doesn't work, you do b, and if you get no satisfaction there (*lol*) you do c...
In other words, if that were to happen there is a specific plan layed out just so the person making the complaint can be heard.
Now...whether it would be much fun to continue to try to work there, well...that's another story.

I wasn't talking of a corporation; my experience stems from an international organisation, not a corporation - trust me, it's not a question of agreeing with me or not.

The fact is that there is little the individual can do when faced with a hydra of personal connections and political interests. In my case, I couldn't obtain justice in Switzerland within the confines of the United Nations.

The United Nations have a culture all of their own that has little to do with US sexual harrassment laws.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:46:52 AM

MasterKalif

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kittinsol, yes the UN has whole laws and articles of their own...so you worked for them? I always wanted to work there....

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:50:37 AM

kittinSol

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I did. I have stories that would make your eyes water

.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 6:53:01 AM

celticlord2112

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quote:

Im annoyed over a bunch of ladies who are at the office but not directly work partners. I was asked if I had a big one. Rather then take offense that moment I assured then it was big. What I needed was a kinife to share my sandwich with a co-worker in the other room.
I dont beleive we are close enough to joke like that. I have been there 2 weeks.

Sometimes the best policy is to not be annoyed. A joke like that is crass, but it may have been meant in good fun, and might be taken as a sign you are considered part of their group.

If the sexual jokes continue, yes, that's harassment, and you should report it. They have a protocol for reporting sexual harassment, and you should follow it. Document the harassing behavior with specifics of date, time, and what was said--credibility comes in the details.

However, don't be too quick to pull that trigger. People joke as a way of lowering barriers; even if their attempt missed the mark, lowering barriers and becoming friends with others is part of how a positive work environment is created.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:07:03 AM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Not sure what the American culture is, but over here it seems to work like an initiation when the ladies start that sort of thing with guys. Depending on your reaction is whether you're (a) cool enough to talk to (b) worth tapping for "extra curricular activities" (c) not cool and fodder for mob mentality harassment. They're weighing you up in other words, and regardless of the organisation's hierarchy, the result of the process will be where you stand socially within the company.

You need to be in category (a), and will be as long as you keep it humorous, not offensive and give as good as you get, I reckon? But never initiate it, unless youre very sure of your ground.

E

A great assessment. I could not complete the thought, you just did.

I wont initiate it. The place is a non-profit, [I think??] anyhow non-profits attract the more bizzarre personalities. More then for profits do.

The call center now shifting, off for a week. Then will start up at nights. 50/50 chance on me being called and accepting that.

Groups of men do the same type of thing I would guess. Not as cat-ty; more on who they bang, want to bang, and so forth.

I dont disclose that I am gay. It is not relevent to doing a job task.

--reporting it- would not be wise. lets say it continues. being visably upset, and etc., would simply triggar someone else to be called,not me.

LOL- i just got my good dress clothes all laundered up.

Now the pick up truck wont start to go get mulch.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:15:24 AM

Arpig

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My opinion is likely not the popular one, but here goes...Big fucking deal, so some woman made an "inappropriate" remark, it wouldn't bother me in the least, and I don't see why it bothered you. I don't get the whole sexual harrassment thing, I mean its not like you were being pressured into sleeping with someone to keep your job, it was a harmless, flirty question.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:16:57 AM

kittinSol

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

it was a harmless, flirty question.

Allow me to disagree, it was crass and vulgar.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:28:51 AM

beargonewild

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Some people will laugh that question off, some will feel a mite uncomfortable and ignore it and others will cause a ruckus. The trick is to determine if this comment is worth creating an issue at work or see it as a poor attempt at humor.
I don't advocate harassment in the workplace of any sort though a person has to be very discriminating on what is sexual harassment and what is simple poor taste in humor. Consistent talk along that nature or inappropriate touching, etc is harassment along with the many variations in between. It must be noted that what defines harassment is interpreted differently by men and women.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:29:41 AM

LaTigresse

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I have to kind of agree with the whole "big deal" mind set. Yes it was crass and vulgar.........such is life.

I've worked around men my whole life and will take their particular brand of crass and vulgar over nasty female office politics ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!

I know the laws and I also know people. I think that, while the laws are good and have their place, the letter of the law and PC gets far too extreme. I never cared that one pressman wanted to put up a calender of surgically enhanced, air brushed, women in bikinis, in his work area. In fact I teased him about it. Or that the other has a postcard of one, not his wife for sure, on his bulletin board. I laugh when the paper salesmen comes in and tells off colour jokes. None of them are trying to get me into the sack and it wouldn't matter if they were....they are not going to suceed after all. It doesn't affect my job, it won't affect my job, I will not allow it to affect my job. If anything, because they are allowed to be relaxed around me, we get more work done and are a closer knit team.

I've been pressured in the past by a male boss to, get intimate. I dealt with it in my own way. He appologized and we continued to get along fine. We still keep in touch even after 16 years.

Not everything is worth building from a molehill, into a mountain, people.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/5/2008 7:38:07 AM >

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:33:22 AM

FullCircle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy
So I suppose I will have to hunt my fake wedding ring.

Won’t help: there will always be those that covet that which they can't have.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:41:55 AM

MadameMarque

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That's not alright. Unfortunately, women may get the impression that men are, in general, impervious to inappropriate sexual behaviour. Of course, that's no excuse for their misconduct.

It's perfectly understandable that it bothers you. It's a bit like someone exposing themselves to you, but verbally. Makes you want to hold up your hand and say, "too much information! Keep that to yourself!"

I may not be the best person to advise on a diplomatic response.
I'll leave it at that.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:48:27 AM

christine1

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i work in a shop full of men, i'm the only woman there now. for the most part it is a fun environment of teasing and such. as long as it stays laid back i'm fine with it, i can take some teasing and i can dish it out right back to them, we all have a fairly healthy respect for one another.

the only time i've had a problem is when a person stood behind me close enough for me to feel his breath on my neck and that got nipped in the bud right then so i dont' suspect it will happen again.

i believe that no matter where you go, there will be some sort of sexual energy between women and men. it is how the parties involved deal with that energy that can make or break a work place environment or whatever situation you're in.

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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:54:28 AM

Real_Trouble

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My thoughts, initially, are that I usually regard the first instance of such behavior as a "no harm, no foul" incident as long as it was not totally untoward. With that said, as long as you make clear you are not interested in being dealt with in that way, and that their conduct is unwelcome, repeat offenses should be reported (you probably have a suitably pathetic HR department where you can at least document this behavior, but I'd also hit up whoever their supervisor is, because the last thing a boss wants is to have been informed of their employees poor conduct, ignored it, and then have a company get sued...), and then it should stop.

If not, document a few more incidents and get a lawyer. Most companies are going to settle with you and either help you find a new job or transfer you away from the offenders (and quite possibly fire them) to avoid having much in the public record about this kind of conduct. Not always, and it depends on your legal situation, of course, but overall, this kind of thing is frowned upon heavily.

On another note...

quote:

Not sure what the American culture is, but over here it seems to work like an initiation when the ladies start that sort of thing with guys. Depending on your reaction is whether you're (a) cool enough to talk to (b) worth tapping for "extra curricular activities" (c) not cool and fodder for mob mentality harassment. They're weighing you up in other words, and regardless of the organisation's hierarchy, the result of the process will be where you stand socially within the company.

You need to be in category (a), and will be as long as you keep it humorous, not offensive and give as good as you get, I reckon? But never initiate it, unless youre very sure of your ground.

I prefer to be in category (d) too scary to fuck with.

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