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RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:59:42 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have seen this happen a lot.  Women are now in charge in the work place in some places,  and sometimes abuse their auhority.
It goes back to treating people the way you wish to be treated. 
Now, on the other hand, we could argue that we were discriminated against so much in the work place that we have the right to do this; however, my dad always taught me two wrongs do not make a right.
You can try and do something about it, but it will result in a lot of trama for you.
 
Best wishes.

MissSCD

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:03:03 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


Would YOU be annoyed by this?


No.  I would've either 1) laughed or 2) ignored it.  But you chose to participate in it by responding to them. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:10:26 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Using fast reply........

I just read something LadyHugs wrote in another thread "we teach others how to treat us"

Which for me, goes back to personal responsibility. That concept too many love to hate. I believe it is my responsibility to create my own personal boundaries. How each of us does that will vary based upon our personalities and the environment we are in. I use a combination of warmth,  humour and "don't push me or I will tear you to shreds". It works for me. Only once have I had to really get into a guy's face, with a broken beer bottle, and reminded him what the potential for damage to his parts could be. I was managing a nightclub at the time. I was 26, I was smoking hot, and I had an army of admirers. I also had earned the nickname of ice queen, because I NEVER dated anyone I met there. Not ever. They could look, ogle, hoot holler and dream but never touch. I also never gave any of them a reason to believe they could do otherwise. It is a fine gray line but I managed to walk it.

That was 20 years ago and I have less cause to worry now. Still, I believe we create the manner in which we wish to be treated by others. Largely, in how we treat them.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:42:40 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		My thoughts -

Growing up with two big brothers, my definition of "crass and vulgar" may be different than others.  I see what happened as inappropriate behavior at work, yes, but commonplace at work, too.  People are sexual beings, and flirting comes second nature.  I think we had a flirting thread somewhere on the boards not long ago, with lots of participants.

One can decide what is personally offensive and what is not.  No one can really determine that for others, but there are rules and laws set up in order to protect people from being offended.  And we all have opinions on the need and effectiveness of these laws. 

I left a job in the 80s from sexual harassment, before such laws existed.  I worked alone in the office with my very handsome boss, who would tell me things like, "Wear that black slinky thing tomorrow" (referring to what I merely bought as an attractive suit) and who became increasingly mean to me when I ignored advances.  It was easiest for  me to just leave.

I have also worked for the CEO of a major corporation, and one of the VP's assistants came to me to tell me of something her boss did that was blatantly inappropriate and crossed all sorts of boundaries (he exposed himself to her).  She reported it to HR and an  investigation was done.  In the process of the investigation, the HR Director was "reassigned" and the assistant was "reassigned" and the VP stayed in tact, untouched.  The investigation file was mysteriously lost.  The CEO was at the head of such decisions, to protect his VP buddy.  I resigned shortly after that.

Some organizations take such behavior seriously, and some take their politics more seriously.  Choose your battles, and decide to what degree you wish to be offended.  There will always be sexual innuendos in life. Turn on your television at night and you'll see sexual innuendos in just about anything you watch.  How many of us thought Friends was funny?  There were innuendos in every episode.  And Seinfeld.  And Cheers.  And any of the cop shows that are on.  And every commercial in between. Look at what our pop culture represents.  What's on the cover of every pop magazine?  Is it not a sexual innuendo of some sort?  And we think an inquiry to the size of a knife is crass?  Where is such behavior learned and accepted in the first place?  We are surrounded by it.  Why is it these comments and thoughts are, as a whole, accepted anywhere and yet we enter a building of employment and humans are suddenly expected to be sterile beings (and by sterile I don't mean impotent)?  Something to think about...

You get to decide where your boundaries are and what actions you wish to take based on thought out and predicted consequences.  Life ain't fair and no matter how hard we try to force organizations to conform to every squeaky wheel, there will be things we'll just have to accept and deal with.  No one can decide what that is for you except you.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:44:51 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The good news, is,  that I am 'worth" noticing.  At 44, I am male enough to...  :-)

Venting here is a healthy thing.  A poster encourged me to work that day- a good thing as now a change in plans means off time- "woulda coulda shoulda" had I called off that day.

So now the question is am I willing to work evenings in 7 days?   A decent time to re-charge. Ill tell you, my spending has been wreckless so the hours are time well spent.

I get along with everyone.  I [tho] dont [while on the clock] want to get into the big long story about nonsense, that is anything not directly related to my job function. 

The boss asked me if everything was ok a few days back.  I had migrated to a quieter area to phone.  I told him if I am not processing the calls- then it  does not make sense to be here.  [he agreed]   [but] maybe I was too good- as we hit 105% and now the project is complete.  [that phaze]

I asked my buddy if this was a peek in the door for other projects.  He said no. Yet- of the folks at work, somone may know someone who is hiring in a simmiliar capacity.  :-)

Even aside from that- I think I made a friend. I gave her my name and address, and she gave me hers.  We got along very well-  we both bought our house the same time, and both are fixing up our house and doing gardens. So we have things in commen.   Her demeanor is not one to "drag one in to the sorry saga ordeal of the hour"--- lol

I concuded, best to be available by phone as- being work changed the plans a few times, they could change it again.  The boss said he appreciates my flexability.  :-)
To date, [less 2 hours, due to dragging] I havent refused any work. [shifts/tasks] 

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:51:20 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:


Would YOU be annoyed by this?


No.  I would've either 1) laughed or 2) ignored it.  But you chose to participate in it by responding to them. 



Mom said this morning I should have ignored it.  [we talk on weekends]   I guess I did particpate.  I was exiting the room when I said it- the body language, would have said "no time for this".

Come to think of it. The previous day, the same ladies said "you might want to leave the lunchroom, we dont share [food] and we get loud".   I said the not sharing did not bother me. On loud- I agreed and  migrated to another location. same 3 ladies. 

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:53:09 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


So now the question is am I willing to work evenings in 7 days?


Only you can answer that one.  I work two jobs, one full-time; one part-time.  So my working day is from 8:30am - 8:30pm (sometimes later).  I work only Monday-Friday, so I have my weekends for me.  I don't know if I could handle not having any days off during the week.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:53:28 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterKalif

I think most people forget....unfortunately every organization or business is ruled by politics and favoritism as this is a human trait...I always like to think I am above that and see people for their skills, but not everyone strive to go for that standard. I would feel a little weirded out if some girls asked that, but I would be happy to have them feel it for themselves  lol....


I would have been the bad guy if I said [hinting] at the ladies touching it.

BTW- facorateism got me in there --hired

(in reply to MasterKalif)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:57:09 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My thoughts -

Growing up with two big brothers, my definition of "crass and vulgar" may be different than others.  I see what happened as inappropriate behavior at work, yes, but commonplace at work, too. 


There will always be sexual innuendos in life. Turn on your television at night and you'll see sexual innuendos in just about anything you watch.  How many of us thought Friends was funny?  There were innuendos in every episode.  And Seinfeld.  And Cheers.  And any of the cop shows that are on.  And every commercial in between. Look at what our pop culture represents.  What's on the cover of every pop magazine?  Is it not a sexual innuendo of some sort?  And we think an inquiry to the size of a knife is crass?  Where is such behavior learned and accepted in the first place?  We are surrounded by it.  Why is it these comments and thoughts are, as a whole, accepted anywhere and yet we enter a building of employment and humans are suddenly expected to be sterile beings (and by sterile I don't mean impotent)?  Something to think about...

You get to decide where your boundaries are and what actions you wish to take based on thought out and predicted consequences.  Life ain't fair and no matter how hard we try to force organizations to conform to every squeaky wheel, there will be things we'll just have to accept and deal with.  No one can decide what that is for you except you.


My sister had 3 older brothers to yell over.  It is good experience. :-)

pop culture- a profound point.  Michael Jackson all but masterbating on stage,  stare a split second too long at eye candy and the wrong target can fry you.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 8:58:11 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

That was 20 years ago and I have less cause to worry now. Still, I believe we create the manner in which we wish to be treated by others. Largely, in how we treat them.


Ice queen?   I love it!    big hugs!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 9:15:11 AM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		I defintiely agree with the tact of picking your battles.  That said, sexual harassment to me is no big deal anymore....20 years in the law enforcement and military fields have pretty much made me impervious to it...hell, I've made the men blush before! 

However, there have been occasions where unprofessional personal contact has been made......much like Christine had happen.....there's something to be said for chairs on wheels!  One guy got his toe broken after getting it rolled over, another got an elbow right to the balls.  Trust me, they gave me plenty of space after that!  I'll tell someone once, and ONLY ONCE, that I don't like what they are doing, after that, they are fair game.

Another thing that was covered is also true....men and women see things deemed inappropriate in a totally different light, and even then, it can differ between members of the same sex...some of the things I find hilarious would have my sisters ripping some poor schmuck's body parts off.  It's pretty difficult to offend me verbally, but someone encroaching on my personal space is a no-no.  The key is to make it known immediately that you are uncomfortable.  DON'T wait, this is one time when not being totally polite or PC is fine. 

But if you do decide to take on a sexual harassment complaint, get the ducks in a row, be prepared for YOUR actions, morals and character to be put into the spotlight as well as the other party, and follow the chain right up thru the company levels.  If that doesn't work, then contact the EEOC....they eat this up!  But it all starts with you expressing your displeasure witih what is being said/done to you, or in your presence.  If you report it to your supervisor, and s/he does nothing about it, then they are just as guilty of promoting the harassment as the offending party. 

As far as the schedule change...I'm not a day daisy......I'm a vampire from way back, my second shift choice is afternoons.  Heck, I'm even typing this in bed right now.....days and I just don't get along well at all!  My butt may be in the chair, but my brain ain't driving in until at least noon!  Being flexible here just may work in your favor, even tho it's sometimes a pian in the butt.   I've always been pretty good about switching days off and stuff, and have found that it's really appreciated in the long run by my supervisors.....they tend to be a bit more flexible with me too.

Good luck with everything......

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 9:30:01 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		you know, sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to Real_Trouble)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 10:52:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If this firm is large enough to have a H.R. department, then you want to tell HR that they need to get the office types under control. And that it was just luck this woman didn't do this while you were talking to a customer.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 4:18:22 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I was asked if I had a big one. 



You could always ask them to put it on an e-mail to you. That will make them think twice.

In the event they do e-mail you, there are options......

1) Take it to your boss.

2) Reply with "Yeah, fuckin' huge" (not the better of the two options).

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 4:24:02 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet
you know, sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich


Isn't a sandwich a sandwich most of the time? I challenge you to give an example of when a sandwich isn't a sandwich.

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to domahpet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 4:44:48 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

Isn't a sandwich a sandwich most of the time? I challenge you to give an example of when a sandwich isn't a sandwich.


Well there's always the time my Dad offered my brother a "knuckle sandwich" 

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:28:23 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't let a small double entendre bother me, especially if it was done without malicious intent.  Now, if they walked up and started groping, then I'd get upset.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:34:42 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet
you know, sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich


Isn't a sandwich a sandwich most of the time? I challenge you to give an example of when a sandwich isn't a sandwich.


When it's a sub...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:44:57 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I was 26, I was smoking hot, and I had an army of admirers.

That was 20 years ago and I have less cause to worry now. Still, I believe we create the manner in which we wish to be treated by others. Largely, in how we treat them.


(major snippage to get to the point i wanted to make)

MsLaT....you are STILL smokin hot.  just sayin'.

kitten

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sexual inuendo in the workplace. - 4/5/2008 7:50:20 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		FR:  Please, everyone, don't attempt to correct Kittin's take on things with American sexual harassment law.  The USA, for better or for worse, has a completely different take on this entire issue.  Only in the USA (so far as I know) is a "climate" of sexual harassment actionable.   Therefore we Yanks don't allow pinups at work anymore.  In some European workplaces they are virtually mandatory.   Generally, when it comes to this sort of verbal harassment, Brits and Aussies tend to look to the effect (did it hurt his advancement?  Did it affect job perfomance?).   The French and Italians would just laugh at you.  The Saudi's would cut off the women's hands, but then again they don't allow women in the workplace in traditional Saud businesses, do they?  So don't attempt to explain to her what she should have done.  

E

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 40
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