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RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 3:28:04 PM   
umisprite


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
How do you know what you are looking for?


After years of trial and error, success and failure, the good the bad and the ugly, one thing I can say for sure is that I am looking for he who is not a cliche.

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My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 3:43:22 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

How do you know what you are looking for?



I always figured I would know when He jumped up and slapped me.   

I think we're all looking for a lot of the same things - happiness, trust, respect, love, stability, security.    I listen to my instincts and my gut feelings and when He can fill my inner soul and not be anywhere near me at the moment, then I know I found what I was looking for. 

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 4:03:17 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp


Concerning those emails...The ones that ask "what is it you seek?"...well i try not to tell everything i seek off the bat.  i don't need anyone fashioning themselves into the Dom of my dreams because he's grown tired of searching, and figures he'll change me into his dream pet soon enough after he hooks me... or he's nothing like what i seek, and in fact isn't really a Dom, but rather, looking for little more than a few kinky fun fucks. 


Yes I totally agree with this. it's been my experience that I have 'become' their perfect sub, almost overnight....and then months later when the thrill of the chase and the rush of newness has worn off I'm suddenly not so hot anymore. I would  have thought it to be the other way around.....but on the other hand I also get pretty bored and love the thrill of the new ........


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 4:15:21 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		If someone asked me what I was looking for, I'd be tempted to respond with something stupid like, "The cure for cancer." But that's not true because I'm not in medical research.

What am I looking for? By this time in my life I'm not looking for fireworks (does anybody remember those old movies?), I'm not looking for Charles Atlas, and I'm not looking for someone who can support me in the style to which I would like to become accustomed. I'm looking for a partner - a companion - someone to watch the sunset with and to chase rainbows with - someone to indulge my need for sensual pain and take the delight I have in that as a gift.

pip, looking for a happy-ever-after


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There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 4:49:57 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Last summer, just after turning the ripe old age of 43, I was chatting with some strangers in an internet game room, and we started asking those goofy questions you ask people when the answer doesn't really matter.  Things like, "have you found your purpose in life yet - and do you think you have a purpose?".  "Are you happy or have you identified what brings happiness to you?"

I don't remember the exact wording of the question, but it was something along the lines of that last one that really smacked me upside the head.  No, I wasn't happy.  In relationship after relationship, I was not happy.  Good lord, had I not learned anything from the mistakes of the past?  Apparently not.  So I started on one of those much-cliched journeys of self discovery, and I figured out why I was so unhappy.

My relationships started with a fairly equal division of power and control, with the caretaker role thrown onto my end.  But as time went on, each of these partners started disappointing me in fundamental areas, dealbreaker areas.  My exhusband pretty much encompassed them all:  underemployed (due to self-defeating habits), lying, cheating, passive-aggressive, emotionally weak, you name it.  I'm pretty sure he has Borderline Personality Disorder - he can be charming when he wants to, and hell when he doesn't.  Anyway, all that self-examination helped me figure things out.

I don't want someone who is perfect, or who tries to give the impression of perfection. I want someone who is honest with me and has a good work ethic.  I want someone who is dominant - I do NOT want to have to make all the decisions all the freakin' time (hello exhusband).

I want someone who can acknowledge that something hurts my feelings even if he doesn't understand why it hurts my feelings.  I want someone who understands why certain things are important to me, even if they aren't important to him.

I want someone who appreciates my good qualities, and graciously deals with my bad ones.

I want someone who does not want to remake me, but would tweak the areas that need tweaking (such as my awful procrastination habit).

I want someone that I can trust, someone that is who he says he is, and is not hiding behind qualities he thinks he should have (but really doesn't).  I want someone that does what he says he is going to do.

And if his motto is "better to ask forgiveness than permission", he's DEFINITELY not the one for me.

And last, but certainly not least, I want someone that is willing to have really awesome sex. That seems obvious, but it's not.  Really awesome sex generally takes time to develop, as you get to know each other's mind and body. If they're not willing to try something new, then how will they ever know if that is going to be something to add into the regular "menu" or not?

Oh yes, and I want someone who wants me in his life as much as I want him in mine.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Poetryinpain)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 5:42:43 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Cali, what an awesome post!!!      Surely there is an award for the "most awesome post of the night".     

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 5:48:31 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box?


becauses Kyra is in the Cage and Alandra is in the Closet..  The box seemed like the next best choice for her.

I guess you didn't know that colouredin was my next addition... of course neither did she... fuckin' girl doesn't know what she wants.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 5:56:22 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Quote:eyesopened

Sometimes it really does take a lifetime of experiences, adventures, tests, trials, and willingness to try, try again to really know oneself well enough to know what one needs.


I very much agree with this statement. At least, it's been my experience. However, some people are lucky and know what they want and find it earlier in life.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 6:27:23 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

Cali, what an awesome post!!!      Surely there is an award for the "most awesome post of the night".     


Awww, shucks, thank ya ma'am! 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 11:50:56 PM   
flowered


Posts: 42
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		I am looking to have that happy complete feeling of being owned. Yet at the same time have someone I can show to my friends and family. Someone who can scare the shit out of me, or wrap me around their finger before i can notice- and keep me there once i do. Someone who is happy to share their life with only one person.
Someone who I find attractive, and has that sadistic sense of homur that pisses me off at the same time it turns me on.

Basicly lots :)

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I love life.
I love to laugh.
I love to be loved.

(in reply to umisprite)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/5/2008 11:57:50 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I have a pretty good idea.

But ideas are subject to change.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 12:19:59 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I was happily living in denial in the comfortable litterbox of semi-suburban dreaminess when My Lord came along and fucked it all up.  Seems he was exactly what I needed, even when I didn't know it.

I needed someone who would let me be me, not try to raise my child, and actively partner with me in building a better future for the both of us.  I needed someone whose intellect matched my own (or better) and who wasn't intimidated by mine.  I needed someone who understood that it was me and him versus the world, and what that meant to me.  I needed someone who would see my approaching freedom the same way I did: an opportunity to spread my wings and really fly.  My Lord came along, told me what day I would be his, then proved it.  I've been generally blissfully happy ever since.

Good luck and blessings to you, Colouredin!  I happen to think he's a very lucky man!

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--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 1:28:41 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Now..... why in the hell are you going to live in a box?



She's kinky that way...

Are you asking whether compromises are necessary for successful relationships. colouredin? If this was indeed your question, yes, compromises are pretty much essential for any relationship to work.

It's a platitude, but relationships tend to depend on how much work the individuals involved put in them. Sorry for being so boring  .

What is this? the Protestant Ethic meets bdsm? No matter how much work I have put in as a slave, it still doesn't work if it still doesn't work.....



That is because you are diving in trying to make him happy by playing slave first,  instead learning if the 2 of you can be happy and development a friendship  first as a vanilla couple...basically you are  the cart before the horse  and never bothered to take the time to find out if the horse(Dom/master)  is suitable for the job pulling(guiding/leading) the cart(you).   A horse not suited for the role will stand there  confused or will stubbornly refuse to pull, maybe too lame, will end up going lame  or will kick the shit out of the cart. Instead take the . time to learn the horses personality/temperment/soundness and befriend it first to see if it has the potential to serve you well, only then do you hitch yourself(the cart) up to the horse.  You may have to look at a lot of horses and pass them by before you find the one that is suit one best suited for the job.   Another analogy  would be like hiring a CEO to run a  your company(you)  you have to check him out and his references and experiences find out his methodologies, learn if  compatible and suitable  for your company  before ever handing him  control of the company.... even then you may not be totally sure ...so you agree to a test run (a shortterm contract)  so as to limit potential permanent damage  and to allow yourself some outs in areas your not 100% sure if he is able to handle.  

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 8:12:32 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Last summer ...

.... <cut for brevity, but not for content - some wonderful stuff - if you missed it, go read the original>

Cali




       Nice one Cali - most of it speaks for most of us. 


(You do these things so well - it's almost as if you've thought about the post, and used a fine mind to do the thinking, whether it's a cutting sarcastic thrust or a light witticism or a philosophical gem. Truly awesome).


(Edited to add the clappy hands thingy)

< Message edited by Sundowner -- 4/6/2008 8:14:32 AM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 8:52:11 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		I have always known what interested me.   My earliest memories are of getting excited by TV shows and movies where the heroin is kidnapped and tied.  I was always disappointed when the hero saved her.   My first real life experience was at the age of 16. Over the years, through reading, going to clubs and real life experiences I have developed a pretty good idea of what I seek.  I have a good idea of my preferences about personality, sense of humor and intelligence.  However , that does not mean I don't enjoy trying new things and learning and growing.  

PS
colouredin:  I don't have a box, but I've got a real sturdy dog kennel.  So if you really need to travel to find what you are looking for............................ 

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 1:38:26 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		My desire for what I am looking for is ever-changing as I learn more about myelf. Ten years ago I would have aid I wanted x,y, and z. Now I want x and z, and y can bugger off.

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I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 2:01:39 PM   
TheChastiser


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
Status: offline 		i know exactly what i want.  i always do.

Mike

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Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow.


(in reply to Kitte9)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 4:12:31 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

So I recently changed my profile and of course the fantasitc offers are flooding in so before I move to Spain to live in the box at the end of some randoms bed (dont worry I have his email address, I just have to add him to organise details :P) I thought I would ask a question of people here. How do you know what you are looking for?


Actually I just sussed it! It came to me this afternoon, in a dream, in a flash...I'm looking for a plastic surgeon. Seriously...I'll need a face lift, tummy tuck, and that's the first two things on my list....so as we speak I'll do anything, no limits, for a plastic surgeon with a kink. He can mould me, sculpt me into his favourite barbie doll.
What will I do for him? Forget my intellect, my IQ, wit, savoir faire, and sophisticated emotonal masochism.
You bet I'll be the best 's' type he'll ever have layed eyes on.
Smiles.....wow sorted!

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 4/6/2008 4:13:08 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 4:26:29 PM   
czarlipet


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		I am actually going through this myself. I know who I am and what I want and need as a submissive, I know that I may one day want to be a slave but that I will become that with the one who is my Master. What I don't know is what I want and need as a pet.

So... before you can know what you want in or need from another person you have to know yourself. If you are a bottom/subimssive/slave/switch ( the "/" meaning and/or in this instance, not meaning equal to), do you know what kind of bottom/submissive/slave/switch you are? And these same questions should be answered by tops/dominants/sadists etc. Do you know your limits, hard or soft, etc. Do you know what you need versus what you want versus what you desire? Are there aspects of this lifestyle that make you happy but that you can live without? Are there aspects of this lifestyle that you hate but could do to please another? Are there certain things that are deal breakers and with or without them, as the case may be, you can go no further with someone?

It is easy to say I know who I am and what makes me happy. Try to write it all down. That is much harder, but it does help you to really know yourself. Then you can look for someone who is able to give you what you require in life to make you happy and hopefully will be able to give you more than that. It will also help you know what you can compromise on and what you can't.

Czarli,

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What are you looking for? - 4/6/2008 5:01:13 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001



That is because you are diving in trying to make him happy by playing slave first,  instead learning if the 2 of you can be happy and development a friendship  first as a vanilla couple...basically you are  the cart before the horse  and never bothered to take the time to find out if the horse(Dom/master)  is suitable for the job pulling(guiding/leading) the cart(you). 

In theory I understand what you are saying but really I absolutely don't want or need anyone to put their oar into the water of my vanilla life. I'm far too independant, self-sufficient, mistress of my own home life for that. It's just the kink....the damn kink.....


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 40
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