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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 5:43:04 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

you know Littlesui I think getting an honest answer to a question such as this one would be a catch 22 to who ever answered it directly. it's a great question, but one I think will remain unanswered to protect the guilty.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 21

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 5:57:55 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

Why would I want to submit to a Dom who is ashamed of me? Why would a Dom want me as His sub if He's ashamed of me?

There's a big difference in being ashamed and being private.

(in reply to TethersEnd)

Post #: 22

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/7/2008 3:08:50 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I wouldn't have a girl I was ashamed of, won't treat one as some dirty little secret.

I don't hide what I am, there is nothing shameful in what We do. Conversly I don't 'shout it from the rooftops' either.

quote:

The very fact 'we' enjoy WIITWD doesn't render 'us' the type of girl / bloke many would want to take home to meet mum.

I get on rather well with My girls parents... and yes they know. Not only am I 19 years her senior but I also Own their little girl...... they can see their daughter is happy and cared for.

Heck last time they where down her mum asked if she had My permission to have an icecream..... Very cool folks indeed :) Again, it isn't thrown in their face and they respect that and accept it.... If I (or her) had been ashamed of WIITWD or of each other.... there is no way such a situation would have came about. If You want others to accept who and what You are, first step is to accept Yourself.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 23

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/7/2008 3:42:03 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

See I have been with people who are ashamed of me in some respects, as in THEY like me but are afraid of what others may think of me, I dont know if this is what you mean? I dont mean what they would think of the fact that I am a sub or whatever but stuff like what they would think about my age or the way i look or whatever, I also know that these relationships cant last and really rather hurt.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 24

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/7/2008 5:40:29 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

~~fast reply~~

TheEngineer and i discussed this when i was visiting him. his reply was "it is no one else's business how you and i interact in the privacy of our home. you are and always will be my lady, even when you are at my feet, or tied to my bed. i will treat you with love and respect in public and require everyone else to do so also. that doesnt make me less for treating you with respect, nor you more than me."

kitten, content

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 25

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/7/2008 9:02:11 AM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline

I wouldn't be with a Master who is ashamed of me what's the point in that? My Master is proud of me but he doesn't shout it from the rooftops but doesn't keep it a secret either because after all I am his wife aswell as his slave

_____________________________

Princess Andie

"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 26

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/7/2008 9:10:50 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I am actually really proud of my sub and the things she does to keep both the homefront the way I like it her ability to please me and just as an all around person. I cant say that we run around with shirts on that say what it is that we do but if someone asks I certainly dont hide it. I think I can honestly say that I am in the most consistantly satisfying relationship I have ever been in and quite frankly I have never known a vanilla girl that could hold a candle to her. When I go to play with her I never do things to her or have her do anything that would make me think less of her... I am definatly proud of her abillities all the way around wether its moping the floor or sucking my cock. I pretty much look up to her when it comes to all of it .... I just show it in ways that might offend a vanilla woman.. like saying things such as you've been such a good girl this week I'm going to have to make sure that pussy gets all the extra attention it deserves and so on.

(in reply to cruel2bkind69)

Post #: 27

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/7/2008 9:10:57 AM

MasterGreg43

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline

only time My sub's activity was keep under wraps was to protect her or kids, but other then that I have been pretty open, to point not lying but not allowing the wrong person to be able to use anything again Me or to hurt any of My pets

_____________________________

Master Greg
PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 28

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 4:49:38 AM

littlesui

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline

I am curious. Those who replied that they have no issues with being open about the exact nature of their relationship - whereabouts do you live? I am from the UK and it would be seriously damaging professionally and to my relationships with friends and family if I revealed my involvement in BDSM. It is still very much taboo in the UK (well in my bit!). In my ex's eyes - it is only marginally above being a paedophile!

Many of my lifestyle friends feel the same - in fact one of them left the lifestyle for quite a while because of the guilt she felt about being involved in BDSM and the lack of self worth she felt because she was a sub / slave / slut. It was partly because of this that I asked the question which, on hindsight, could probably have been phrased more clearly.

As an aside, although many have said here that they are not ashamed of their sub / slave / slut, is it something you have talked about? I'm particularly intrigued for those who are involved in heavy humiliation play - which could reinforce these negative feelings.

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 29

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 5:58:43 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I am curious. Those who replied that they have no issues with being open about the exact nature of their relationship - whereabouts do you live? I am from the UK and it would be seriously damaging professionally and to my relationships with friends and family if I revealed my involvement in BDSM. It is still very much taboo in the UK (well in my bit!).

Well I for one am also in the UK. I am in south London and whilst the media and mainstream chav/vanilla society isn't well disposed to WIITWD I have had no problems at all.

When I worked in nursing when I was younger, sure people talked.... One or two student nurses end up being temporary play partners and suddenly EVERYONE has a good idea of what you are into. Actualy back then there was more 'hastle' at the fact I am Pagan than that I was not vanilla.

Most of My friends are kink or kink-aware, heck even My landlord just grins when he sees Me and My girl... and given he lives in the flat above Mine I am sure He has heard plenty enough that if he had a problem with it I'd know by now *g*

As for general public, nobody much bats an eye-lid.... I could take My girl out shopping around Camden on a collar and leash and not one person would look twice. The'estabilishment' in the UK has a problem with WIITWD but there are many parts of the UK, especialy here in London, where the general populus ready doesn't care and will happily live and let live.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 30

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 6:02:09 AM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

To the OP:

I'm intensely private about many things, not just BDSM. Perhaps this is because I'm a huge cynic and distrust people, or perhaps it's because I concur with some of the other posters that there is a time and a place for BDSM, and it's not while I'm at work, dealing with family, etc.

I think there is a big difference between being ashamed (which I am not) and being aware of how painfully stupid most people are about all kinds of things and thus preferring to keep the details out of their hands (which I do). You will notice I steadfastly refuse to speak about large parts of my personal life on here, yet I assure you I am not ashamed of my job, where my condo is, etc. They are just not things I want people to know about me here.

On a more cynical level, if you mean your Dom doesn't want anyone to know, I echo the previous posters that suggest it is possible he is hiding something. That would be a red flag to me.

_____________________________

Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 31

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 6:59:52 AM

Taboo4Two

Posts: 170
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: NH, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The reality is- lots of them. Especially the ones who are cheating.

More likely they are ashamed of themselves and hide behind the "need" for discrection.

Domino

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 7:00:25 AM

sabirah

Posts: 97
Status: offline

if you are ashamed of your sub, to me that means there is no respect for that sub. and if there is no respect, why have the sub?

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

How many of you Doms are ashamed of your subs...or if not ashamed, keep your sub / BDSM activities under wraps?

_____________________________

sincerely,
sabirah

The room is silent, absolutely silent, except for the decisive click of the collar lock.
It is a sound the girl will never forget.

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 33

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 8:07:35 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I am curious. Those who replied that they have no issues with being open about the exact nature of their relationship - whereabouts do you live? I am from the UK and it would be seriously damaging professionally and to my relationships with friends and family if I revealed my involvement in BDSM. It is still very much taboo in the UK (well in my bit!). In my ex's eyes - it is only marginally above being a paedophile!

Many of my lifestyle friends feel the same - in fact one of them left the lifestyle for quite a while because of the guilt she felt about being involved in BDSM and the lack of self worth she felt because she was a sub / slave / slut. It was partly because of this that I asked the question which, on hindsight, could probably have been phrased more clearly.

As an aside, although many have said here that they are not ashamed of their sub / slave / slut, is it something you have talked about? I'm particularly intrigued for those who are involved in heavy humiliation play - which could reinforce these negative feelings.

Why on earth would anyone be with someone they were ashamed of ?
Darcy and I are open and pretty much do not distinguish between BDSM and so called 'vanilla' - there is no vanilla - just levels of kink. We do not hide, we do not announce it either - we simply be ourselves around everyone and anyone - friends, family, associates etc. But then we don't live a 'lifestyle' we dont have a need to belong to any little group mentality and are just us. You create a them and us - because you want it and like to feel different - we don't have to be or to feel to know and understand our uniqueness - and I only belong to Darcy
And we are in the UK - apart from the red tops, even the media is pretty accepting. I have never had a negative experience practising BDSM - I personally believe you get back what you project and if you are comfortable being yourself, and don't lie or pretend to be something your not - people have a hard time knocking what you are and do. I'm not sure where in the country you must be to experience negative vibes - but I have lived in both the city, the suburbs and the countryside - and no problems here.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 34

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 8:49:54 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I would -never- be ashamed of My sub or slave-it's My job to make sure they do their best to serve so if I was ever ashamed of someone it'd be Me for not putting the work in and setting her up to fail (Me). As for do I keep My lifestyle private? you bet I do-it's no-one's business but Mine.

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 35

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 9:30:01 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't get how you think that by not proclaiming this to the world equates to being ashamed.
I look at it this way, when I was a child I liked showing off. I enjoyed ballet, I liked showing how I could drag 5 boys who were latched onto my legs as I crossed the goal line in football. I liked jumping fences to show I could. <g> It was fun to show off and try to impress people.
But, I grew out of that stuff when I was 16 or so.
Now I enjoy privacy. Knowing that behind closed doors, or when we are not being observed that he can stick his fingers on my clit and yank my arms behind me. I enjoy the embarrassment when he gives me that look in the regular world that tells me he COULD.
For me letting everyone know I am kinky, or sub, or what ever, would be like doing handstands to impress people. Frankly, I am sure I bored the shit out of people who watched me jump fences.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I'm referring to the 'BDSM for fun / vanilla for my mum' scenario. Though i'm guessing anyone with the latter mindset probably wouldn't own up to this - well not where their sub / slut / slave is likely to read it so the answers are probably going to reflect that...

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 36

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 9:47:06 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

I am not ashamed about the lifestyle and I keep it partly secret. But not much anymore..not even at work.
Hiding all makes me tired. It is more "not telling" then hiding.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 37

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 1:55:42 PM

littlesui

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real_Trouble

On a more cynical level, if you mean your Dom doesn't want anyone to know, I echo the previous posters that suggest it is possible he is hiding something. That would be a red flag to me.

Sheesh how many times do I have to say it is not about my Dom - He is not ashamed of me and has never, ever suggested anything that would make me believe that!! With regard to my friend - it was nothing to do with the feelings, words or actions of her Dom (who is her husband of twenty plus years and loves her dearly!) It was the way she felt other close members of her family would feel / react if they knew (and how I feel they would look on me if they knew about me). When I first 'discovered' BDSM - and tried to introduce the idea to my (now) ex, he was horrified and ultimately tried to use it against me during our subsequent seperation / divorce to try to indicate that I was an unsuitable parent. His view was considered to be a reasonable one by the relate / mediation service we were using. The mediator told me that, in her opinion, it was an extreme, degrading and socially unacceptable thing to do. (Needless to say, that was the last mediation session I attended with her!)

As I have already inferred, it is a question that was probably better raised in the sub section as it is more about how subs perceive themselves - because of the hang ups society have about WIITWD. But, nevertheless, if some subs have these feelings (however unfounded) maybe Doms should be aware too....

I will give up now, as clearly most people on here have missed the point of my question.

< Message edited by littlesui -- 4/8/2008 2:00:38 PM >

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 38

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 2:05:07 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I will give up now, as clearly most people on here have missed the point of my question.

perhaps you should rewrite the question a bit...so most people understand it better

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 39

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 2:14:50 PM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

I would not have a sub that I was ashamed of. That would be a terrible waste.

Most that know me understand my kinky side. However I do not go around advertising it to the world.

(in reply to littlesui)

Post #: 40

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