RE: Ashamed of your sub??

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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 3:09:21 PM

littlesui

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
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I didn't mean feeling ashamed, awkward, guilty or 'abnormal' with other BDSMers (Dom or sub). I don't feel like that at munches etc and I can't recall any subs etc I know feeling that (in fact I feel quite relaxed and at home!) I'm referring to the guilt, inadequacy and self worth issues that originate from the attitude of vanillas who think that BDSM is abuse, and that subs / slaves are on a par with prostitutes and that by participating in BDSM you are, somehow, less worthwhile that a 'normal' person.

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Post #: 41

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 3:47:00 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I am sure you are aware that people are a judgemental lot. It goes well beyond people who engage in bdsm, nilla, gay, ect. People tend to judge those who are not them.
If other people, gay, straight, kinky, ect find issue and insecurity with that, is it THEIR issue not the public at large. We do not dictate what the world should think of us. We only have control over what WE think of ourselves.
There will always be those like myself who prefer privacy. Whether the reason is because it makes us hot, or that we have sensitive jobs, or that we really do not believe that everyone needs to know what we do in our homes, some of us prefer privacy.
And some people will always want to proclaim what they are to the world.
Everyone has their own method of validation. I prefer mine to be internal. There is no shame in that.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I didn't mean feeling ashamed, awkward, guilty or 'abnormal' with other BDSMers (Dom or sub). I don't feel like that at munches etc and I can't recall any subs etc I know feeling that (in fact I feel quite relaxed and at home!) I'm referring to the guilt, inadequacy and self worth issues that originate from the attitude of vanillas who think that BDSM is abuse, and that subs / slaves are on a par with prostitutes and that by participating in BDSM you are, somehow, less worthwhile that a 'normal' person.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 42

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 4:38:44 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I didn't misunderstand your question - but I do believe you are projecting your feelings of guilt and blaming others outside your circle for the feelings you have. Why would you particpate with someone you are ashamed of - or more exactly - why participate in a occupation that you assume is others think is abnormal? In other words - you are one thing to one person, and another underneath - this in turn makes people believe that you are lying because you aren;t being open and honest about who you are thus perpetuating any myth that may exist by supporting it.

You are the one seperating your life into little pigeon holes. Me and many others? We just fly right out of them.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/8/2008 4:39:58 PM >

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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 7:39:07 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
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To my way of thinking if someone is ashamed of their sub and wants to hide them then they are either cheating or are ashamed of their own desires and needs not the sub.

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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 8:00:37 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
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I agree with most of the posts here: vanilla relationship outside, D/s behind closed doors. But it is funny to see other Mistresses and their subs: We nod and smile as we pass in the street, seemingly invisible to others if they don't know how to see the Look in the eyes...
The only time I was ashamed of being seen with a sub was when I was with a cute but dumb guy; embarrassed to go out to vanilla outings with him because he couldn't follow a conversation, and if someone told a joke, two minutes later he'd say, 'Ah!' [cringe]. He was the cute half of a mmF threesome, but he was the only one I kicked out of bed literally, and of course, after the orgasms.

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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/8/2008 10:12:31 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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That is a completely different question than the one you began with.... How many of you are ashamed of being a truck driver? How many are ashamed of their truck?

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Post #: 46

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/9/2008 12:05:25 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I didn't mean feeling ashamed, awkward, guilty or 'abnormal' with other BDSMers (Dom or sub). I don't feel like that at munches etc and I can't recall any subs etc I know feeling that (in fact I feel quite relaxed and at home!) I'm referring to the guilt, inadequacy and self worth issues that originate from the attitude of vanillas who think that BDSM is abuse, and that subs / slaves are on a par with prostitutes and that by participating in BDSM you are, somehow, less worthwhile that a 'normal' person.

In the beginning I was ashamed about my feelings and thoughts (when I was 16). NOw I don't care what others, strangers, think. But an opinion of a friend or a loved one always makes me think.

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Post #: 47

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/9/2008 3:15:47 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
In the beginning I was ashamed about my feelings and thoughts (when I was 16). NOw I don't care what others, strangers, think. But an opinion of a friend or a loved one always makes me think.

I learned long ago that the opionons of strangers don't effect you unless you let them (Exception: those in a position of power, such as a boss there are some folks who need to keep a little under the radar for career concerns)... and if a friend can't accept You for who You are.... then they aren't a friend.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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Post #: 48

RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/9/2008 7:04:05 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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I was lucky, I was too young and too dumb to know shame when I got in the lifestyle.

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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/10/2008 10:32:08 AM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

Sheesh how many times do I have to say it is not about my Dom - He is not ashamed of me and has never, ever suggested anything that would make me believe that!!

I use "you" as a generic term of expression for the masses, because I feel using the third person tends to be a bit too formal and stuffy for that sort of thing. I was not referring to you specifically, or I would have used your name.

Don't be so narcissistic.

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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/14/2008 11:23:24 AM

selena123

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/26/2008
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I'm super proud of my sub/slave he is smart , sexy, built and good looking. I would take him every where with me if I could..That said the kinky stuff is private except for my VERY close friends, it stays at home. I do take my sub to vanilla functions . I'd like to take him to more but he is a homebody and 2 we live Very far apart. But I have no shame about him in vanilla or other settings.
selena

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Post #: 51