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Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 6:11:00 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		The ‘worst experience’ thread made me think about how some lessons are learned the hard way.  But I also have been taught valuable insights from scenes that went wrong in a less horrifying manner.
The one that made the biggest impression on me was supposed to be an S&M play session with a man who said he was a sadist. (Oh, goodie!  said the masochist)  We met in a motel, had a bit of improv role play and then the real fun began. I found myself bent over a piece of furniture and he started to spank my ass.  I enjoyed every swat and was thinking this was a great warm-up and was so ready for more!
Suddenly he stopped and I heard “Oh my god!” I turned my head to look at him and he was pale and shaking.  I asked ‘what’s wrong?’ and thought he was ill or something.  He started stammering out an apology for hitting me so hard! 
Turned out he had never hit anyone that hard before. He had expected me to cry or beg him to stop and was appalled that my skin was bright red with a few small bruises.
It ended up with me reassuring him over and over that I was fine and was having a great time.  I had to provide him with after-care he was so distraught. 
What I learned from that was to get very specific definitions from prospective play partners.  It had never occurred to me before that a bottom was capable of traumatizing the top!
Anyone care to share a scene that ranged from the disappointing to simply ridiculous?  In retrospect, what was the lesson you learned?

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 7:39:01 PM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We were driving around and I was in a skirt. He told me to take off my panties and I thought I would embarrass him by hanging them on the rear view mirror. He wasn't and wouldn't let me take them off till we got back. I was bright red the whole drive back. I have learned never to try to one up him, I can't win.

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 8:13:18 PM   
catize


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Status: offline 		Funny!
Reminds me of a friend who took off her panties in the restroom and dropped them in her dominant’s lap when she sat back down at the table.  He waved them at the waiter!  One up-man (or woman)-ship is a dominant’s forte!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 8:15:57 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Catize...I cant read your font at all.  It just hurts my eyes.

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 9:06:00 PM   
Drummerpunk7


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Status: offline 		my eyes are bleeding...

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 9:19:16 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
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Status: offline 		A ancient chinese proverb speaks of the fool, the smart guy, and the wise man.

A fool never learns. He keeps on going though life repeating mistakes time and time again.

A smart man will learn from his mistakes and continues to do things better when the next time comes around.

A wise man never makes mistakes. Instead, he watches and learns from the mistakes that others make.



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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 10:01:57 PM   
madshysoul


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

A wise man never makes mistakes. Instead, he watches and learns from the mistakes that others make.



Which reminds me of a favorite saying of mine, that "Sometimes your only purpose in life is to be someone else's bad example."


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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 10:05:54 PM   
catize


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quote:

  A wise man never makes mistakes. Instead, he watches and learns from the mistakes that others make.  


Well there goes all hope that I will ever be wise.

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 10:12:07 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: madshysoul

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

A wise man never makes mistakes. Instead, he watches and learns from the mistakes that others make.



Which reminds me of a favorite saying of mine, that "Sometimes your only purpose in life is to be someone else's bad example."




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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 10:13:26 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		-=A story I heard=-
It was a first date at some BDSM event/social affair.  At the breakfast table the next morning, among others, the top was talking to the bottom about the GREAT humiliation session the night before.  The bottom said said "What humiliation?"... apparnetly being dragged around by a leash on all fours made her feel loved, owned and secure, not humiliated. 
 
Maybe not a truly traumatic situation but certainly an example in line with the OP of how two people can go to the same place from different perspectives. 

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 10:28:34 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


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From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Your quote actually made me laugh out loud.  Fantastic!  I've always thought the hubris involved in declaring yourself all someone needs is astounding.  I may like you, but I still need to eat and sleep.  *grin*  (Off-topic.  Sorry.)

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 4/8/2008 10:30:26 PM >

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/8/2008 10:41:33 PM   
SailingBum


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From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Work on your color sheesh
BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 1:51:22 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
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From: Indiana
Status: offline 		What are you talking about?

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 2:20:33 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Re:   ^
I think he is talking about the Ariel Black font and bright blue color of the OP.  It is pretty rough to try and read. 

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I give good thread.

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 3:11:46 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh talk about bad experiances and even worst first dates.

First mistake was going out on the date in the first place after the guy had stood me up three times.

Second mistake letting the man order for me, he ordered me chicken fingers from the childrens menu, at that point I was vegan (I ate no meat at all and hadnt for about three years) and he knew that I was a vegan we had talked about it many times. I was almost sick when the waiter brought the fried bits of chicken out to me.

Third mistake, getting into the car with him again after he told me I had been "Such a naughty girl for not eating my dinner."

Fourth mistake was not pulling my cell phone out of my purse and calling my older brother who lived only a few blocks from where we were, when he pulled into a nearly empty parking lot and parked getting into the back seat and beconing me to fallow.

Fifth mistake was letting him think I was joking around, playing hard to get or as he said "being a nuaghty brat who needed a spanking" When I said that no I was not getting into the back seat with him. That night I was literaly saved by the bell when his phone rang and he needed to go home, he took me back home then.

I take full responsability for what happened the man really was totaly clueless and brainless and I should have had enough common sence to stop it after any of those mistakes, I think I was just lucky the guy turned out to just be stupid not dangerous or things could have gotten really bad!

MS

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 4/9/2008 3:12:46 PM >

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
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before the devil even knows your there.


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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 3:23:09 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		Ladies and gentlemen, if you choose to use music during a scene, I cannot stress to you enough to check your playlist beforehand.

Many, many moons ago I was in the middle of a particularly hot and intense scene.  I'm the kind of girl who likes to fuck to metal -- the harder, the better -- so I had an awesome playlist set up to really get me pumped and in the mood.

Except apparently I somehow managed to add the entire Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.

So we're in the midst of things when all of a sudden we go from

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHWicNDkbpw

to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SVK0NwEDck

As you can imagine, moment successfully ruined.  No matter how hard we tried we could not get that "lovin' feeling" back for the rest of the evening.

We did get to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas in our skivvies though, that was pretty cool. 


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Ти синтетична до болю

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 4:07:39 PM   
catize


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Status: offline 		^^^^ Okay! Okay! 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 4:10:17 PM   
catize


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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

 Maybe not a truly traumatic situation but certainly an example in line with the OP of how two people can go to the same place from different perspectives.   


  It may not be possible to find universal definitions in what we do, but it is helpful to make sure your partner is using the same dictionary.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 4:11:34 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
“No” is such a little word, why are we afraid to use it sometimes?

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Lessons from the Absurd - 4/9/2008 4:12:40 PM   
catize


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Ha, thanks for sharing!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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