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Room for humanity? - 4/8/2008 8:09:00 PM   
LadybugBlue


Posts: 56
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		A question for all subs/slaves out there...  Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs?  Are you generally open to a variety of discipline styles, including merely a look or being ignored as punishment in public?

My apologies if this question seems dumb or if it's inappropriate, I'm still rather green in many ways.

Thank you!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/8/2008 8:29:52 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Whatever you are, (dom, slave, sub) you are (presumably) not a machine; it would be absurd not to require that imo.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/8/2008 8:31:16 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I'm not very open to punishments which don't serve the purpose of teaching a lesson for a specific behavior which needs modifying.

As far as allowing for humanity, yes, of course but I must say that I do have this one fantasy about aliens.. but, that's another thread.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/8/2008 9:45:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's reasonable for everyone to be true to who they are, to be in exactly the relationship they want with exactly the person they want and not settle for less.

Which means everyone gets to say no if you don't fit the bill for them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/8/2008 11:47:47 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It is reasonable to want to be treated as an equal human being even if you not of equal status. This was written by a Master I highly respect...and I try to follow them, so yeah, people do believe this:

Qualities of a Realized Master

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 2:23:47 AM   
zuki


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		We are all human (although i have doubts about some) so there has to be humanity, neither Dom nor sub can be expected to be perfect and not make mistakes, as blushes said we are not machines.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 3:25:35 AM   
topIrishsubm


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		We are all people, continuously evolving and changing though our life experience.  I know we all have brief periods in life where we have it "figured out" but life teaches us otherwise. Personal growth is practically inevitable, and most welcome. For me D/s is a journey and where we all will hopefully grow, become more self aware and be very happy

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 4:40:51 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It isn't reasonable for me to be with someone who assumes that I am not an adult, that I will do something so inappropriate in public that his only response would be to walk away and pretend he doesn't know me. It also isn't reasonable for me to get into a relationship with someone who has a list of rules so long and detailed that it is impossible for me to not break one while obeying another and at the same time act in a manner appropriate to my surroundings so that they then can ignore me while ogling others as 'punishment'. I don't accept being set up for failure even or perhaps especially if it makes him hard.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to topIrishsubm)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 6:19:32 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Define status. At the base we are all equal. Circumstances put some of us in a different life style but that does not make us any more superiour.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 6:31:11 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		You should only choose or having chosen too soon, keep,  a sub who is not only willing to accept and allow for your humanity and growth, but who wants to help and aid you in achieving and living it. Both your desires as a Domme and as a person.

Why else have a sub?

That doesn't mean it will be easy for you to find such a match, or easy to wean a sub away from the discipline styles he is used to or has come to know and expect. But the process is what makes him your sub.

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 7:00:49 AM   
littlelostbunny


Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, it's reasonable for a Dominant to request/require room or time for themselves. It's when they don't say a word and then disappear for weeks and months at a time that's unreasonable.

Being ignored for long term or without a set ending time is a very hard limit for me. I can't deal with it. I'm open to discussing any other forms of discipline.


_____________________________

-- Bunny

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 1:40:39 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		In my opinion it would be completely unrealistic for anyone not to allow for personal space with a partner. Growing and changing are constant facts of life with any person. Dom, sub, whatever.. We all do it.

My Master has been living the TPE lifestyle for 26 years but things with Him are always moving towards one thing or another. A gradual change in tastes, styles, wants, needs.. Some interests left to lie for a while.. Others taken up more enthusiastically for a time.. Constantly adapting Himself according to what takes His fancy at that moment.. Both inside and out of what would be considered play. Growing and changing is a wonderful thing.


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 1:58:46 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadybugBlue

A question for all subs/slaves out there...  Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs?  My apologies if this question seems dumb or if it's inappropriate, I'm still rather green in many ways.

Thank you!



You know LadybugBlue asks a good question---the majority of the responses have been--well yeah you can request whatever you want---however, she makes a good point---IS there room allowed for Dominas or Dominants to be human---and I have to say that in a lot of cases--NO---sure when the relationship has developed, two people become two people and the give and take and the adjustment for human issues is there---but in the newness or the getting to know stage---I think this is a valid question and My response would be, ---One could only hope--but I have found more than not--that I am held to a higher standard and at times in the past when I have been human, they have bolted like steers from the branding iron--I bet too that Doms are allowed more room than Dominas are in many cases---
 
One should not have to request or require it, it should be expected, IMHO

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 2:08:38 PM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		my Master wants me to be myself, so human is up for debate...

_____________________________

OWNED BY CHAOSFORGE.
purrfectly happy slave of Chaosforge.


http://www.myspace.com/phoenixofchaosforge
devotee of CM gods and mods

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 5:46:18 PM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline 		My Master wants me to be myself aswell, and continue doing the things I enjoy doing like reading novels and writing poetry and doing things that make me who I am. The world doesn't stop because I am his slave, it goes on.

_____________________________

Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/9/2008 5:57:20 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadybugBlue

A question for all subs/slaves out there...  Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs?

 
Yes, keeping in mind that human errors do come with consequences.  I am open to someone being human, but I believe all parties must own the consequences of their decisions.
 


_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/10/2008 9:19:20 AM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadybugBlue

A question for all subs/slaves out there...  Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs?  Are you generally open to a variety of discipline styles, including merely a look or being ignored as punishment in public?

My apologies if this question seems dumb or if it's inappropriate, I'm still rather green in many ways.

Thank you!



Personally i like this quote by M. Tagneri "A dominant basically has one single responsibility toward his slave: to provide her with the wherewithal to serve and obey to the best of her ability. Any other responsibilities that exist within such a relationship are invariably hers." But of course, that is a basic foundation for our relationship and in no way meant as a rule for everyone. But based on this, Master has the perrogative to be and do and have exactly as He wishes. If not, then where is His control, where is His authority? But again we may find ourselves returning to that same stale debate - what is the difference, if any, between a sub and a slave.
 
In my world the difference is i don't entertain the option of deciding again and again and again and again if i am going to obey Master, accept His will etc. i don't practice the idea that He is here to be as i wish Him to be or act as i wish Him to act or think, say or feel how i would have it be. i think it's very interesting that the word submission is used frequently but not the word surrender. i tend to believe there's a reason for that - to submit does leave the door open to renegotiation. i will submit to this, but not that etc. But to surrender - well that requires the relinquishment of negotiation, conditions, stipulations etc. by the one surrendering. But of course, on here, from what i can see - everything is okay, nothing is neurotic or sick or whacked out, no matter how out there it is. So of course if a Dominant has the absolute audacity to be (gulp) human - OMG. lol 

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/12/2008 3:39:05 PM   
LadybugBlue


Posts: 56
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

but I have found more than not--that I am held to a higher standard and at times in the past when I have been human, they have bolted like steers from the branding iron--I bet too that Doms are allowed more room than Dominas are in many cases---
 
One should not have to request or require it, it should be expected, IMHO


I was at a very interesting workshop the other night and it was led by a submissive on local Dungeon etiquette, etc.  She said something very interesting that still resonates.  She joked that many 24/7's subs out there are always trying to "safeword out of doing the dishes" (in other words, find a way to not be subs for a bit when they are not in that mindset).  She also noted that for some reason, subs also always expect the Dom/me in his/her life, or even Dom/mes in general to ALWAYS be on and ALWAYS be a dream Dom/me. 

In her own way, I think she was summing up what I've been thinking about here, which is that on both sides of the exchange, we are real human beings in a real world.  We will all make mistakes and apologize, and we will ALL have days/moments where we just do not or cannot be in role, and that the other(s) in the relationship need to acknowledge and accept this.

Not sure where I was going with that, but....

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/12/2008 3:44:44 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		As I've stated many times before, I want the woman I'm with to be happy and comfortable. Not to be a punishment dispensing robot. For that, I'll use my punishment dispensing robot. 

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadybugBlue)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Room for humanity? - 4/13/2008 1:15:18 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		A good point OP has raised.  If there is a real relationship (i.e. not a Domme for hire situation) then both parties (or more in poly relationships) are human and do need to grow, learn, experience, teach and everything else that humans do.

I learned a long time ago to keep humor in D/s or bdsm relationships, when appropriate, not to take yourself or others too seriously, and so on.  If I top a sub/slave, I still put my pants on one leg at a time, and I still have to answer that IRS letter. 

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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