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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 9:40:33 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps he's an intuitive person and has estimated where the discussion will lead; he may see it as wasted energy.

For an informed response, you'd need to lay out what exactly is your issue, the history between the two of you, the manner in which you've broached the subject, his reaction etc.

Speaking for myself, there is no one way on this earth I'm going to attend to every whim and desire, and go through the process of a full blown discussion on the ins and outs of everything from catfood to why I want some peace and quiet. Perhaps he has a similar outlook. Perhaps he'll come back to the subject when he's ready? When he's had time to reflect on the situation.

There seems to be an unswerving loyalty towards communication for some; perhaps your unswerving loyalty should be in his judgement. Unless, of course, he has a history of bad judgement calls.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 10:14:58 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I've been told we'll discuss it in the morning or in a couple of days after he's had time to think about it. I've told him, when pressed for answers, that I am too tired and worn out to think about it and can I have a day to think on it, plus I really need some sleep.

What I've never gotten after asking a question is ducking, avoidance, silence, abandonment. Because that doesn't make me think he's trustworthy and he wants me to trust him. So he does and says things that allow trust to grow, not things that diminish it.

Being a cynic; my first thought was that he doesn't answer because he knows that his answer is a violation of your ethical and moral boundaries and that you won't agree. And in the meantime he gets more blowjobs and other service if he doesn't tell you the truth.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 10:22:45 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

my first thought was that he doesn't answer because he knows that his answer is a violation of your ethical and moral boundaries and that you won't agree.



This could very well be the case, but I wouldn't draw this conclusion on the basis of the information in the OP.

Assuming the OP's other half is self-assured, he'll want time to reflect rather than change his mind at the drop of a hat. Having said this, I do agree that a "I'll get back to you" wouldn't have gone amiss.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 10:26:40 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		What you say speaks VOLUMES Upon VOLUMES.

I 100% Agree ........ However (There usually is one with me) This is the issue in the FIRST place.

IF people felt this way tehre would be no need for questions like this in the first place.

Some people talk about reasons and explanations and variables and the Value of X. Horse Shit. There are times I don't want something done and I say "I don't want you to do XXXXX" and they may ask me "Why?" and I can say "Because I don't want you to." and if at that point they say "Why" I'm not going to dignify that with a response because I have already spoke my peace. I should need no other reason other than "Because I don't want you to" in my perfered Power Dynamic.

So why am I saying this at all?

Well I started a Thread called ~Run, Don't Walk~ and the ease in which it is said. I have found that the Fantastic Whitwash of a Crbey Reality has left us with this ability to buck the system. Complete devotion is only subject to your options and in the cyber world we can have MANY options. A girl can be arrogant and cocky and Balk at requests and demands because her options are greater.......

I can hear the gasps and moans about how "I would never do such a thing" Blah Blah Blah, you can deny it all you want I see it every day. There is a different behavior between a girl at a munch who ONLY does real live involvement and a girl who is primarily online. THEY BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY. They are more quick to end something when things don't go the way they want them too, and they are more than vocal about how wrong the other person was for what they did to them.

there is a lack of devotion in the Online world. Now even that is a double edged sword to swing in here. I have met girls online who having never met or spoke to thier "Master" are more devoted than the girls who have been involved with the same man in the real world for 20 years. It is this weird Half lilfe concept. However online forums I see people wanting THE IDEA of a commited Authority Exchange but ONLY if it is done to thier expectations.

I know a Handful of people who the authority exchange between them is amazing and they met and came from online.......

hejira and My Co Zooble Cuffkinks (Amazing Devotion from both sides)
litta pita and her ProfJoe (An Amazing relationship, fully devoted)
MastrSlayer and his slave Gabrielle (Wonderful Dynamic)

And as far as I know ALL of these relationships started ONLINE.

However I hear SO MANY PEOPLE say Leave them, and when you look over thier profile most, not all, but MOST of them are single and have been for some time. If you read thier journals some of them have kept good records of the MANY MANY Dom's they ended things with because the Dom Began to Expect Obedience ..... What a Bastard!!!

The Idea here is that people (Many, not all, but many) who profess "Leaving" tend not to be able to maintain a relationship themselves for any extended period of time .... So why are you taking relationship advice from them???

Food for Thought

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 10:40:54 AM   
NorthernGent


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Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

However online forums I see people wanting THE IDEA of a commited Authority Exchange but ONLY if it is done to thier expectations.



Well, there has to be something in it for her; she needs incentives to perform - as per all of us.

In the event she knows all about these matters, however, why does she need a master?

She could have a case, of course, but if I were her I 'd be asking myself, "has he let me down in the past?" and "do I have good reason to doubt him?" 

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 10:42:59 AM   
CalifChick


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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I've been told we'll discuss it in the morning or in a couple of days after he's had time to think about it. I've told him, when pressed for answers, that I am too tired and worn out to think about it and can I have a day to think on it, plus I really need some sleep. What I've never gotten after asking a question is ducking, avoidance, silence, abandonment.


Yeah, what she said.  If you believe in self-help books, there is one that talks about the "Four Horsemen", which are four things that are very solid predictors of a relationship failing.  One of those is termed "stonewalling".  Stonewalling is ignoring the other person, tuning them out, that sort of thing, in regard to an issue that is raised.  In case you're interested, the others are contempt, criticsm, and defensiveness. The presence of one or more of those things are not a guarantee that a relationship will fail, but the odds are definitely much higher that it will fail.

Cali
(who, despite popular opinion, CAN be serious when the situation warrants)


_____________________________

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(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 10:45:00 AM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		Well sorry, i get a bad feeling from the whole thing. Gads, id rather beat my head against a brick wall than deal with the silent crap. Does everyone think it boils down to D/s issues? I think it boils down to lack of consideration. If he cared he could have said "We will discuss this later". Is that so hard?
Doesnt bode well for future interactions... My guess is you will get more of the same.
Best of luck~

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There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 11:23:18 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		 

I'll usually talk out problems, even difficult ones. But for me if things have gone over the edge I move to silence.

In a similar vein to Cali's comment, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And for me, my silence indicates indifference.

Many of the posts point out that there are many ways of interpreting silence but your earlier comment (below) suggests you know you're faced with someone like me. And your words "I'm not wrong, am I" are nearly tear-jerkers. Indifference, unrequited love, are so hard to handle. Sorry kid.

quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj
...
You are all saying what I already know but hoped i didn't. ...
I was really really really hoping i was wrong...
and that someone would have this clouds-opening-light-coming-through post I'd never think of in a million years....
...
but I'm not wrong, am I...

(in reply to awakenednj)
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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 11:36:36 AM   
lalbobbilynn


Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		i have found that when myself or another gets to the point of silence, is not a matter of disagreeing anymore, is a matter of how deeply pained one or both of us are.

Is my experience as well that love is very much entwined with hate. Very often what You admire the most about another, is also what drives You nuts!
b.~

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 11:38:49 AM   
LostLovedKnight


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline 		Silence in any form is inappropriate, it doesn't matter if it is from a Dom or a sub. However, there is also a time a place for talk. When I Am discussing some ground rules with a new sub one of them is to explain to them that I do not yet know there pain tolerance, etc. and if I ask a question I expect it to be answered then and there. Before and after playing I always set aside a time for "talking", it does not necessarily have to be anything serious, but it can be if needed.

Have you tried different times to discuss your concerns with your Dom? Granted if you are trying to discuss something with him at the wrong time then he SHOULD instruct you, but if he is just ignoring your concerns completely then my advice would be to move on. He is either completely incompatabile with your desires or he doesn't really care.

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 11:45:44 AM   
NorthernGent


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Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LostLovedKnight

Silence in any form is inappropriate



'Not for me. Frequently, I want peace and quiet. 

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to LostLovedKnight)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 1:15:46 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner



I'll usually talk out problems, even difficult ones. But for me if things have gone over the edge I move to silence.

In a similar vein to Cali's comment, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And for me, my silence indicates indifference.


So THAT'S why you haven't been talking to me!!!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 1:20:52 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree that it's a sign of trouble if he simply won't respond to what you're saying, but be sure that he hasn't already answered your question.  Sometimes people don't get the response they're looking for, and just pretend they didn't get any response at all.  People have a way of hearing what they want to hear, and blocking out everything else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

So if a Dom-type is silent or changes the subject anytime the sub-type tries to bring up what she finds to be a serious point (I mean trying to tell him that something he is doing may be affecting her a lot more than he realizes in a very negative way) what can that silence possibly mean? Posing this exact question gets... you guessed it... more silence. He does not show himself to be the kind that breaks his toys, if you'll pardon the expression. But I am baffled. In my mind I am thinking how can I trust him completely if he won't talk to me'.

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 1:57:51 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/12/2008 11:08:17 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..often times I have found with some men that silence means if they do not acknowledge it or ignore it , then it simply does not exist, and thus can continue on pretending ignorance to themselves and to you...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/13/2008 1:47:52 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner



I'll usually talk out problems, even difficult ones. But for me if things have gone over the edge I move to silence.

In a similar vein to Cali's comment, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And for me, my silence indicates indifference.


So THAT'S why you haven't been talking to me!!!


Woops. Hi Christina. How's the weather in the States? It's shitty here in UK. Did I tell you btw that I still love you deeply.
     ..... and, in an attempt to avoid  , ..... Silence can sometimes mean one is simply deep in contemplation, savouring the inner peace which comes from having good friends.

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/13/2008 7:09:45 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		Hey everybody.... Thanks to all who responded here.... You were all kind enough to try to help a little by responding here and there has been a good result of this thread. Well.. a result, the good remains to be seen. If ya care to know...

He read this thread and the silence is broken. He talked to me yesterday for something like 6 hours... NOT changing the subject and answering my questions/concerns. Still a problem that he let it go so far that I posted here... And that there was something i did that I probably shouldn't have and he didn't tell me.

Still problems... still shaky... but maybe not over? I'll just have to see what the follow-through looks like. He knows he has to build the trust, more so since he shook it like this. We shall see....

(PS- i suppose half of you are rolling your eyes at 'another girl falling for it'... but I guess that can't be helped.)

< Message edited by awakenednj -- 4/13/2008 7:22:51 AM >

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/13/2008 7:17:31 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		cool beans, girl!

Relationships are never easy (well...except in the beginning, and sometimes not even then), talking is a great help though!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What does silence really say? - 4/13/2008 8:00:30 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I don't assume you have 'fallen for' anything. I hope that simply put, a different perspective has been seen to a problem and steps have been taken (Hopefully continue to be taken) to remidy it.

Good luck to you both.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: What does silence really say? - 4/13/2008 8:18:15 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
----------------------------------------
Maybe he wants you to become more introspective...i find that nowadays people talk entirely too much.  Most of it is disposeable snippets spoken in order to ease the discomfort of quiet.  We live in a society where people sleep with the TV running...eat dinner in front of the box...hell, i know some who leave the damned thing on during sex!  People have become uncomfortable with the idea of solitude, we go to spas, we take yoga classes, we hire gurus...Maybe the valuable lesson of "hear yourself think" is what He's trying to convey.  For free...

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