how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime

how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (Full Version)

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submyt -> how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:05:19 PM)
After talking for a bit via forums, eamil and phone, He came to visit for the weekend. we really seemed to hit it off...or so i thought...through conversation, laughter, as well as physical interaction. Then, it seems he "got what he came for"...told me to take a shower b4 we would go to lunch. That's when he packed his bag and split. And to think he asked me where the gas station was this morning... The two Doms prior to this had lies and more lies. The first was married with children, with a girlfriend, and told me he wanted to marry me...even when I busted him he kept on lying. The second had a long time submissive of many years; had gone to great lengths to prove how "trustworthy" he was when I told him about mr. married/children/GF. Every time this happens, not only am I greatly hurt, but left not understanding how one can treat another this way. But the reason for the post is this. Do we somehow warn others?? Is there some way to keep other submissives from falling for the same web of lies from these bastards???

AquaticSub -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:07:30 PM)
No, there isn't a way to warn others. All that you can do is look at yourself and try to see what it is that lets people like this hurt you. Maybe you need to be more careful and take things more slowly. Maybe pay more attention to red flags. Best of luck, Aqua

submyt -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:08:46 PM)
it is quite clear that is true. thanks, aqua

raisedonsunshine -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:09:53 PM)
Poor Submyt! I'm sorry you experienced bad situations with hurtful doms. How long do you know them before you meet?

submyt -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:10:45 PM)
thanks...so sad today... not long enough. only 2-3 weeks

CalifChick -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:10:46 PM)
Nope, you can't really warn others. Well, okay, you can email me in private on the other side with his name so that I don't fall into the same trap, but that's about it. Hope he didn't pack up anything valuable of yours when he packed his own stuff... doensn't seem like personal integrity is real high on his humanity scale. Cali

MladyHathor -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:11:19 PM)
Nope, sadly, be more careful, less trusting, ask for references and next time meet in a coffee shope--first time meets at someone's place--well--remember the rules of relationships don't change because someone wears a D or an s on their chest. *I am sorry you have had a bad time, have a glass of wine, take a deep breath and be thankful he didn't take your wallet or credit cards.*

submyt -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:13:49 PM)
yeah. Cali...he spoke about hocking some of my prescripttions...thought he was kidding...after he left...i looked...seemed ok..hope nothing else

christine1 -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:13:52 PM)
how many of us fall into the same trap? and if we told one another who it was that burned us, would we even be believed? sometimes i wonder, some are popular and seem to be above condemnation...

adrian28 -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:16:50 PM)
These guys are not Doms. More to the point they're just predators. I'm sorry you had to go through this and hope you're not completely jaded by these incidents. I wouldn't want their karma but, I'm sure karma want them.

mzbehavin -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:17:38 PM)
I'd believe you...

lalbobbilynn -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:21:15 PM)
As far as i know there is no such place to report those who mislead You. When You pain settles a bit, try to look at the situations objectively and focus on what You could have done differently. In the mean time, know i am sorry for Your pain, and vent until Your hearts content. b.~

metalmiss -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:22:05 PM)
It can't be done.. As far as other girl's might be concerned it could just be sour grapes.. it could be that the person warning other girls away has some kind of motive.. It could be any number of things.. But if they don't know you, there are 2 sides to every story, and it would just cause them to question you. Having been in a similar position myself as far as wanting to warn the innocent and naive out there about a certain man who was once in my life.. i had similar thoughts. But i was forced to come to the conclusion that it isn't my job to warn others, because i would only be painted as somebody with an axe to grind, and not be believed anyway.. We each have our own lessons to learn. So my advice would be to learn and move on.

mystiquenz -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:23:12 PM)
gives submyt a hug, some people ask about others. Sometimes not. What one person may tolerate another person may not. Like attracts like they say, but I agree with adrian28 "karma". At the end of the day, bdsm communities are small places. You can only rely on your own gut feelings, and your intuition. I suggest you sharpen that 6th sense of yours. maybe take a longer time between meeting the dominant. Maybe ask if they have played and/or interacted with others known in your local community. Get involved in local bdsm groups (although that's not 100% fool proof either) ... but you will soon network and sift through the timewasters, the players and the people who are out there for the "land of kink" and not that "relationship" that so many people seek. I wish you well.

CalifChick -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:23:38 PM)
Submyt: All I can say is I'm stunned. It's been a long time since someone was able to shock me, but you did. Next time go slower, meet with no play the first time, in a public place. Cali

mstrj69 -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:25:47 PM)
You can warn others that you know but you can not warn them here. As for how to keep them out of your life, my suggestions would be 1)attend munches with them so numerous others could get a take on them before you decided to play with them 2)ask for and get the email addresses of some real life people who can give you recommendations about them. 3)there is no reason he has to come to your house, you can go to him. If he does not want to meet you at his house/apartment there is probably a reason, maybe a wife or girlfriend who would drop by. In your profile you say "relationships of any kind take time and communication to grow." This includes time and communications in vanilla settings before moving onto a BDSM setting. Seems you need to heed your own advice. Good luck to you. I know most of the munch groups out here know anybody that has been doing wrong by the submissives and will say so. In fact we have some "submissive only" munch groups.

angelwithhonor -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:31:28 PM)
all i can say is..hugsssssssssssss so tight....and what a looser...rolls my eyes...dont get ppl these days men or women..... how they lie cheat hurt and have no basic morals of kindness of any kind.......it will bite him in the ass and hopefully not in a pleasurable way..grins[:)]

GreedyTop -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:33:07 PM)
the only issue I take here is the "get recommendations" thing. that's only worthwhile if the recommendations come from someone who the person asking actually trusts/respects. Any ol' Joe Blow can give names and numbers.. but if I don;t know the person saying "oh yes he's WONDERFUL", why should I trust their judgement? just sayin'...........

adrian28 -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:36:59 PM)
Well said GT, without your acceptance they are nothing. Trust should earned, not freely given.

marieToo -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 3:38:38 PM)
Unfortunately most of us have been duped at one time or another. Yeah it sucks, but you really can't warn other people, because other people have to make their own assessments. I believe a person's character is a person's character no matter who they are dealing with. In other words, I don't believe someone is kind and considerate with some people but dishonorable with others. If this person is dishonorable, he will be dishonorable with the next girl as well, but she will have to find out for herself. Women always think that the guy is going to be different with her, that she's somehow special or he sees her differently than he saw the others, etc. But they have to learn the old fashioned way, just like you did. Experience is the only real teacher, and you just can't save the world.

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