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Maya2001 -> RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime (4/12/2008 7:15:57 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: submyt
Just for the record, Miss...i never said that with the first two anything happened. For the record, we had quite a number of vanilla dates in public places. Nothing physical. And the first guy...was an extremely fantastic liar. Walk two moons in someone else's moccasins before determining how much better you are than they.
I am sure there were tell tale signs the first guy was married if you had taken your time for example you probably did not have a home phone number for him, most online contact was probably only at certain hours, if you provide your address I am sure he did not reciprocate, did he provide you with a first and last name? Did you bother to see if it was in the online white pages directory? Do you ask when meeting in a public place for any proof they are who they claim to be or prior to the meet inorder to do checks on for them for example the sex offender registry, or local county or state court records, being you're in the US you have access to all sorts of information online ...I know because I have used it to screen one Dom that flew here to meet with me, and when I found something that could be suspicious I brought it up to him and asked him to provide proof inorder to prove any concern was unffounded before agreeing to meet, which he did.
The point being if you go around blindly trusting people and do not do your homework to check them out or take your time to get to know them first or agree to play on a first meet, then the odds are good your going to get hurt. No sense running around blaming all the Doms you get involved for your pain, hurt, disappointment if you are going to go into relationships acting irresponsibly yourself. Both you and the doms you were involved with are at fault for being irresponsible. If you choose not to actually your own fault......then you will continue getting hurt and you may not be as lucky next time....because the truth is you have gotten off very easily ...because the next time you decide to play with someone you barely know you may end up savagely beaten or worse. And yes I do know what it is like and have been sweettalked and lied to before and like you acted irresponsible and move too fast ended up getting married after only a few weeks to a very abusive control freak and I ended up paying a heavy price for my actions, that took me years after it ended to recover from. Had I used my common sense had not let myself swept up in emotions and took my time I would have nevered ended up in the mess I did... the jerks will always be out there,,, they are not restricted to just to the BDSM communitity they are in every walk of life, you have to be proactive in making sure who you get involved with is not one of them before allowing yourself to get emotionally or physically involved with them, just because a person calls themselves a Master or Dom does not mean they are entitle to trust or that they do not lie some here want only play relationship others want long term commited relationships but just because someone states they want long term does not mean once they meet with you or session with you that you will be the one they want to long term relationship with...which could have been the possible case with the last person ...but they lacked the ability to say so to your face, this is another why it is best not to rush into play because it can result in feeling used. If you were 15 or 16 years old and fairly new to relationships the mistakes made could be more understand able but you're of an age where you should have enough life experiences and knowledge to know better and understand you brought your pain upon yourself, so instead of wallowing in self pity, reflect on your relationship so as to learn how to avoid making the same mistakes again and start using some common sense from here on in
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