quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Yes, converting vanilla guys can be the way to go in some cases.  Let's face it - most vanilla guys hear the woman they are dating is "kinky" and they are overjoyed -- they think that means lots of kinky sex and a woman who is a lion in bed.  You will have to do some adjusting of their expectations, but it can be done.

So much of a good relationship comes down to chemistry and genuine affection -- really, if you have that, and both people are outgoing and have a healthy attitude about sex, you can build on a vanilla relationship and make it wonderful.  Where you will run into trouble is if you want to make a man 100% submissive all the time -- or, you have tastes that are extreme.  I've introduced "vanilla" men to everything from hardcore pain to strap on sex, and the bottom line is always this -- they are into it if it turns the woman on, and they feel safe and can trust you. 

The other hurdle comes from mix-matched appetites.  I have found some vanilla men are ok with kink on certain levels, but not all the time -- so they enjoy it as flavor, but can't get into it every single night.  I tend to go in hunger "waves" too, anyway, so it was never a big deal, so long as they were ready to submit when I had a need to dominate.

Look for men who are outgoing and open minded.  You won't be able to change them into a submissive "personality" but if you are looking for chemistry, combined with a man who can be trained to submit, you may find some luck.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

I guess the part I don't see happening is more along the lines of a D/s relationship.  Sure, most guys will take whatever sex they can get - kinky or otherwise.  I just am a bit afraid of getting into an intimate relationship where emotions run high only to find out that I am a serious mismatch.  Normally, I'd say communication would be key, but I honestly do not see how I could communicate what I want to a nilla guy (especially not early in a relationship).  It's fairly normal with people into BDSM to do some serious negotiation fairly early on, but that doesn't seem to happen as often in vanilla relationships.  I haven't dated outside the BDSM arena since I was a teenager, so I just have no clue about men and relationships outside the lifestyle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

I guess I should restate that to read "I honestly do not see how I could communicate what I want to a nilla guy ... without having him run as fast as possible"    

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

I guess I should restate that to read "I honestly do not see how I could communicate what I want to a nilla guy ... without having him run as fast as possible"    

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

I think I am *gasp* afraid of rejection!  I know, I know, it's a normal thing.  In the lifestyle, however, not many people would call me a "sick freak" in a bad way.     

quote:

ORIGINAL: midgetmafiosa

I just recently converted one into a pet, and it's been a great decision for both of us. He said he never knew how to talk about how he felt and what he wanted with women before. So you never know until you try...and yes, I think women have an easier time broaching this subject than men do. Call it a double standard, but we do.