RE: Lost Perfection

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Faramir -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 12:47:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop He's a Marine officer,what do you expect? I guess he thinks EVERYONE is just another newbie recruit.[:'(] Goodness - how could you get something so simple, so ass-wrong? As a Marine officer, I have nothing but respect for recruits - how could you not respect the courage and boldness of the young men and women who ship off to Parris Island and SD each year (unless you were one of those pussies who are intimidated by servicemembers)? Having started off as an enlisted man myself - having been a recruit - I have an additional level of respect born of intimate knowledge. I'll have to make this clear to even the meanest understanding: my objection is to a visisible, undignified lack of fortitude. It is a virtue to maintain your bearing in the face of failure, and a further virtue to endure and perservere in the face of failure. Crying and feeling sorry for yourself because a chick kicked you in the jimmies is not a sign of virtue.

SirSix72 -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 12:48:15 PM)
Well here we go again on my personal soapbox, Ive been where you been fella............although it encompassed much more than fancying the thought of being together in r/t. I had a slave for ten years...we married had children lived the lifestyle and the more time I spent with her the deeper my feeling had become for her untill I let my emotions get the best of me and made some pretty foolish mistakes. I began to let her over time have control of other aspects of her life in the last year we were together......the love I had for her blinded me to the things she was actually doing..........I thought after I had finally released her to be free and she was gone and I kept the children because she wanted no responsibilty for them at all.......I was told by her that the children came from my desire not hers...............so I took my children moved my a back home and spent the sum of the next three months lying on my a and feeling sorry for myself that I had let someone so close to me destroy everything I was about...........I felt alone in the world and My mentor called me and came to my home got me off my a** took me back out inot the world again with the knowledge that I had gained from a bad situation.............I have my children and I have since found and enslaved another....I dont let what happened to me make me try to find someone to meet the standards that one person I fell for keep me from looking and thinking of the red flags that come up in a relationship with anyone.....im a bit more catious now about whom I choose to enslave and there is nothing wrong with improving upon standards that you choose for someone.....but I believe that Farmir had it right .......grab yourself by the balls get up and go on......if you spend the time grieving thats ok but sometime or the other you have to get up and face the world again with a little more knowledge than you had before you ran across someoen that didnt have the personal integrity that you have and the convictions that if you truly want someone that distance dosent matter............I have to give it to you for that one......if you truly want someone there will be a way found to be together.................im off my soapbox again Master Six

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:04:06 PM)
Wow, you topmen are hard on each other! No wonder men don't say much about their feelings, if they risk being called a pussy by other men....... Francine

FTopinMichigan -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:05:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TearCollector Now I have a search going on to replace her and holding candidates to an impossible standard. This obviously leads to automatic failure and continued frustration. The simple solution of coarse is to forget her. Move on. Easier said than done, to forget her, sure! But now here's my best advice....stop trying to replace "her!" Unless she has a clone, you will not find "her." She is no longer where you want her to be, so you do need to move on. (You've answered your own question.) Seek out someone else, and stop looking for "her replacement" <your words>. Think of your future partner in terms of who THEY are, and not to "them" as compared to your former sub. This measurement is not fair to your former partner, your future partner, and mostly...it's not fair to you either. Get real too. I viewed your profile here. It clearly states that 'what you seek you won't find.' Ya know what...you really won't with THAT attitude. Being negative, isn't the way to a woman's heart. Glass half empty and all. It seems to me that you are the one that is creating the obstacles, and only you can tear them down. Don't talk about your former love, and measure all against her. (You might also consider being a bit more realistic about "age" too. Just this old lady's opinion. [;)]) K PS To Faramir: I'm not a sugar-coater by any means, but I like to try to be respond to serious questions, with serious viewpoints. Sometimes the "in-your-face" response hits a cord with me, and I say, "wish I wouldda said that!" [:D] Loved your response, dude!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:11:07 PM)
Wow, K, does this mean we actually competing for those jarheads out there? Dang! :)Francine

FTopinMichigan -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:16:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Wow, K, does this mean we actually competing for those jarheads out there? Dang! Oh, Francine, I think we get along well enough that we can share them....and even at the same time. [sm=lol.gif] K

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:19:08 PM)
Hot Diggity!

pinkpleasures -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:26:05 PM)
quote: I'll have to make this clear to even the meanest understanding: my objection is to a visisible, undignified lack of fortitude. It is a virtue to maintain your bearing in the face of failure, and a further virtue to endure and perservere in the face of failure. Crying and feeling sorry for yourself because a chick kicked you in the jimmies is not a sign of virtue. Faramir As a survivor of many crises, i can say with authority the Valley is deep and seems endless at times. i always emerged, different than when i began, but whilst suffering i was no model of grace, i can assure You. To me, it is a measure of a Man that He can care so deeply, and then next question is, can He do it twice. Berating someone who is suffering is childish and cruel. pinkpleasures

caitlyn -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 1:45:48 PM)
Don't even try to forget her. You obviously had some good times together, so why not remember them fondly. A great movie was still a great movie, even after it's over. On the emotional side, try having as many casual, meaningless relationships as you can manage. Pack them in one after another. Go out every night with someone new, if you can manage it. I have no idea why this works so well, but it seems to be viciously effective.

MasterHyde -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 2:56:36 PM)
Reading the original post, I think I've gathered a few facts and come to a few conclusions. Correct me if I'm wrong on any of this. 1) You needed INTERPOL to find here because she didn't repsond to your messages. Did you ever meet her in person? My gut instinct is telling me no. 2) You can't trust her, but at the same time you've placed her on a pedestal so high that other cannot compare to her wonderfulness. 3) You aren't in touch with her now, and you're hopgin you somehow bump into her on this site. Yet, you stay you are still friends. I think it's time for a reality check, my friend. You have obviously built this woman up to be something she is not. I don't know if she played you, or if she's just confused about what she wants. Either way, you got caught in line of fire. I feel for you, because I've been there myself a few times. You just don't know what you're dealing with on here. At the very least, not until you meet someone in person, and you have a chance to really discover who they are. Just yesterday, a girl who I've been talking with online asked me if we could meet in person. I said yes, and we were discussing how, when a few minutes later, she announced she wasn't ready to meet anyone from the Internet. In less than half an hour, she had done a complete 180 degree turn. Now, I didn't get hurt by this, because I didn't let myself expect too much. A planned meeting is just that, a plan that hasn't been executed yet. I learned a long time ago not to get too attached to words on my computer screen. There are a lot of people on here who aren't quite sure what they want. And a lot of others who just don't seem to care if they lie to get what they want, which is all too often a temporary, limited online fantasy. Soon as they've had their fill of the fantasy, they move on. As other have told you, the best thing you can do right now is to move on yourself. Don't forget her, because if you do that, then you forget you've learned here. But don't pine after her. Don't put her on a pedestal. Even if she deserved it (and I don't think she does), that serves no purpose except to discourage you from meeting others. And, it makes you miserable. So find something else to occupy your thoughts. Join a club, pursue a hobby. Find yourself again, and don't let this one incident be the reason you are anything less than happy with your life.

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 2:56:53 PM)
Speaking from personal experience, you'll never forget her. What you will do, most likely, is grieve until you finally reach a point where the pain has receded sufficiently for you to cope with your loss. My advice is to wait until you reach that point before you seek another. Healing always takes some time and emotional injuries do require time to heal, just as physical injuries. Give yourself time to heal without kicking yourself for needing that time. Every experience, good or bad, gives us the oportunity to learn and grow. Timothy

imtempting -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 2:59:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: caitlyn On the emotional side, try having as many casual, meaningless relationships as you can manage. Pack them in one after another. Go out every night with someone new, if you can manage it. I have no idea why this works so well, but it seems to be viciously effective.[ I like the way you think.

JustaTop -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 3:02:26 PM)
Yet ,you still treat certain others the way you would a recruit who was a screw-up. Is there something that makes you feel you have an inherent right to berate others you see as "weak"? You don't seem to do it to females (Tops-or bottoms)who do the same. Only male Tops. I think it's more an extension of your own insecurities,that you feel your "peers" and not behaving in accordance with the standards YOU set for them. And need to be 'corrected"...Looks like a case of projection to me dude.[;)]

kimmypuss -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 3:07:56 PM)
yes, I think caitlyn has something there as well - lol Re-bound a bit...but maybe let them know -not the whole story, just that you're in transition... And MasterHyde - yes, the Interpol aspect is quite off-centre...hmmmmm Faramir said "we've all been there" - so he wasn't just slapping the guy. The words were kind of barked out but I think there was underlying sympathy.

subversiveone -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 4:39:25 PM)
I've been resisting, Lord knows i have... This gentleman doesn't lead the 'average' life. He did ineed meet her and had an extremely powerful relationship with her. So for those of you more interested in the big shiny word Interpol that He mistakenly typed with an 'e', get a grip. For those of you doubting He ever even met this chick- duhhh. As He so aptly stated, stop wasting the digital space. Is showing some vulnerability a good thing on CM? Apparently not if you're a man. However, to those nay sayers that would claim we submissive women find it disgusting, i stick my cybertongue out and let the spittle virtually fly. Until you grow some eggs, don't tell another dominant male what a sub fem would think please. TC- sorry i haven't been in contact, insert various excuses here. If You do manage to fish her out, then what? There's obviously something illegal or subversive going on. Gotta love that word. ;) Until you start tasting some apples from different orchards, you'll never know what you are truly missing. The right partner is out there for you. Tis the season to be researching, honing your craft so that you'll attract a BETTER one this time. What if the only thing that stands between You and her is the right email, the right party, the right scene, the right ad, the right site, the right moment in your life, i could go on and on. I've literally driven 200+ miles to be <100 ft from my new mate and not know it, a year before we met. Will old cliches ease your precious ache? Prolly not. I doubt all this well intentioned advice above will either. Love the ache. Thank the ache. The ache is your friend. Why? it drives You. It was a moment a lot of us never experience and YOU did. As you grow and change, so will your ability to find another 'her'. Rant over.

kimmypuss -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 5:57:14 PM)
virtual spitting now?? charming

Faramir -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 6:16:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Yet ,you still treat certain others the way you would a recruit who was a screw-up. Is there something that makes you feel you have an inherent right to berate others you see as "weak"? You don't seem to do it to females (Tops-or bottoms)who do the same. Only male Tops. I think it's more an extension of your own insecurities,that you feel your "peers" and not behaving in accordance with the standards YOU set for them. And need to be 'corrected"...Looks like a case of projection to me dude.[;)] The fact that you keep bringing my Marine Corps service in a discussion where it is irrelevant - your hyperfocus on it - is telling. You're right - at least one person here is insecure and doing a bit of projecting. [:D]

Faramir -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 6:19:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Wow, you topmen are hard on each other! No wonder men don't say much about their feelings, if they risk being called a pussy by other men....... Francine It is not emotion, expressing emotion, or being vulnerbale that makes a man a pussy - that's part of the human condition. As I pointed out - we've all been there. It's folding up into a ball and grabbing where your jimmes used to be because you got hurt that makes you a pussy.

JustaTop -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 6:31:45 PM)
Actually I bring it up because you act like a drill sargeant, with your constant chewing outs. I seem to recall you talking about a certain recruit (yourself) who came back to the corp and got his ass chewed,and wanted to cry,but couldn't-because he showed poor self discipline, and was fat. Something about it being traumatic enough to effect a permanent behavior change? I think that you identify so strongly with this incident, and it's aftermath, that you think if you do it to other "weaklings" it can change them to be a manly man, like you seem to think you are. And that you are so intolerant of "pussy tops" who dare to show emotion, (like crying over something painful,something you were not allowed to do) that you feel you NEED to? Really, it only comes across as terribly rude,not at all helpful, puffing up,,,and the mods have slapped you and edited your posts more than once for doing it. So I'm not the one with the issue,obviously. Why do you persist in this behavior,knowing full well that it is not acceptable here? You may not care,but OTHERS with more power over this forum DO.[;)]

ModeratorEleven -> RE: Lost Perfection (10/10/2005 6:46:59 PM)
Everyone please take a deep breath and calm down before we have to lock down yet another thread. XI

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