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You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:19:49 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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because i am your mother and you will listen to your mother or i will throw you out on the street.

does this way of parenting have any affect on creating a future dominant?

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:21:25 PM

Leatherist

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Not really. Just got her ignored when I left home.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:21:33 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I dont know if that sort of parenting had anything to do wiht my being dominant. My younger brother is submissive, and we both got the same treatment. However, you were channeling my mother when you typed that. She tried the "My house, my rules" with me when I mved back in with her after my divorce.. at 29.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:22:38 PM

TwistedLeather

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No, or else i'd be a Domme. *chuckle*

It's in the person's nature whether they're sub or Dom/me. Their nature can be influenced by events and upbringing, but it doesn't create a Dominant future. It may, however, create a rebellious child or a very deep chasm in the parent/child relationship.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:26:11 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedLeather

No, or else i'd be a Domme. *chuckle*

It's in the person's nature whether they're sub or Dom/me. Their nature can be influenced by events and upbringing, but it doesn't create a Dominant future. It may, however, create a rebellious child or a very deep chasm in the parent/child relationship.

yes but what im going for...is...the old saying.....that we end up being just like our parents. so if you have a dominant parent...you become dominant. but it can also backfire and create a scared submissive person.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:27:48 PM

Arrrchibald

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Being ruled over by people who think might-is-right, (whether in school, at work, or at home), cultivated a nice healthy disgust for abuse of power.

For me, dominating someone is a lot like watching a horror movie. It's an enjoyable excitement, originating from a despicable role.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:32:07 PM

hopelesslyInvo

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i only got confronted with this line of parenting when i got my tongue pierced, i suppose at best the only thing it could have turned me into was sneaky. i'd been submissive since i can remember, i'd imagine aggressive behavior would have only made me more passive rather than inspired me to follow suit.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:32:18 PM

SteelofUtah

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No but it does tend to make a child grow up and question authority because the only answer they ever got was

Because I said so.

This caused the child to not understand the purpose of rules.

Parents need to give thier children the dignity to fail. Doing this allows the child to understand why the rule is important.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:32:26 PM

CalifChick

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I don't agree with your premise faery, because I believe that dominance and submission are not learned traits. That whole "nurture vs. nature" thing.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:32:58 PM

TwistedLeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedLeather

No, or else i'd be a Domme. *chuckle*

It's in the person's nature whether they're sub or Dom/me. Their nature can be influenced by events and upbringing, but it doesn't create a Dominant future. It may, however, create a rebellious child or a very deep chasm in the parent/child relationship.

yes but what im going for...is...the old saying.....that we end up being just like our parents. so if you have a dominant parent...you become dominant. but it can also backfire and create a scared submissive person.

So.... you believe me to be a scared submissive person? my submission comes from the joy i get in making someone else happy and pleasing the one i love. i don't do it because i'm afraid not to. And i certainly don't do it because my mother constantly gave me the whole "My house, My rules... because i said so" garble. All that did was make me dislike the person she is. And hey, i'm not alone! And those people weren't raised by her.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:34:14 PM

spinninsweetness

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My mum was very like that... now she's mellowed, but if it were true I'd be a Domme.... Scary thought!

Spent a lot of time running away from home, finally settled in London and hopefully not too influenced by her in my dealings with the nippers at work.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:37:09 PM

greenearth21

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

because i am your mother and you will listen to your mother or i will throw you out on the street.

does this way of parenting have any affect on creating a future dominant?

I dont think so. It either c'reates fear or lack of attachment rather than creating anything valuable in my opinion. My mother had that rule and it sucked but...ive been living on my own for several years now (6) and she's still the same but...its her house and my house. I've always preferred or felt more in tune with submission in my relationships, but to matters that relate to life (bills/work/child etc) i'm dominant.
Dont know if i want to turn out exactly like my mother...alitle bit here and alittle bit there would be nice though

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:43:44 PM

HerLord

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I say Whole heartedly. Didn't happen for me this way... but it did put me out on the street at 14. Well, ok, well it didn't work for me, and it probably didn't happen for you, and it probably wont happen fro them... but sure.. let's make sweeping generalizations that bundle everyone up into a nice set of easy to understand boxes.

Won't that make life so much better?

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:45:25 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedLeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedLeather

No, or else i'd be a Domme. *chuckle*

It's in the person's nature whether they're sub or Dom/me. Their nature can be influenced by events and upbringing, but it doesn't create a Dominant future. It may, however, create a rebellious child or a very deep chasm in the parent/child relationship.

yes but what im going for...is...the old saying.....that we end up being just like our parents. so if you have a dominant parent...you become dominant. but it can also backfire and create a scared submissive person.

So.... you believe me to be a scared submissive person? my submission comes from the joy i get in making someone else happy and pleasing the one i love. i don't do it because i'm afraid not to. And i certainly don't do it because my mother constantly gave me the whole "My house, My rules... because i said so" garble. All that did was make me dislike the person she is. And hey, i'm not alone! And those people weren't raised by her.

i did say "can also" which doesnt mean...actually will create a scared sub. lets say...your parents takes phsyical discipline ..with belts for instance...a common thing in the 50's/60's... and i was actually hit with one in elementary school (in the early 80s) by the principal.

it certainly scared the shit out of me....and i didnt do what i did at that time ever again..and no i wont tell you what i did. but that incident is probably why i am a masochist because it did give me a rush.

my reasons for joining bdsm was because i thought it would be a place where i would find acceptance because i am not normal (physically)...and it is supposed to be an open minded community (which in reality it isnt and is mostly sexual).

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 4/17/2008 3:47:25 PM >

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 3:53:46 PM

windchymes

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I always thought my mother acted like that because she WAS a scared, submissive person deep inside. But because she hated that about herself, she put on the "dominant" persona.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 4:04:31 PM

MamaDomme1

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My mother didn't parent that way at all-- she was very fair and allowed me freedom of expression in everything-- within limits. Never did use that "my way or the highway" tactic at all tho. My brother and I both wound up being Dominant people, but never in an arrogant or abusive way.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 4:24:56 PM

DesFIP

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Neither my parents nor his were that kind. We both were fortunate enough to have parents who supported us and preferred us to be rational people who figured out right and wrong for ourselves and not from it being pounded into us either at home or in a religious school. So I can't see any connection because the same types of parents created him a dominant and me a submissive.

I'm more inclined to think birth order has something to do with it. His older sister is much older, already in high school when he started school, so in effect his parents had two only children. I'm the middle of three, only a couple of years on either side of me.

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 4:30:21 PM

NicholasLeather

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My parents aren't authoritarian in any way, shape or form. I, on the other hand...

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 4:47:41 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Parents need to give thier children the dignity to fail. Doing this allows the child to understand why the rule is important.

Steel

huzzah to that.

my parenting style has been to support the child in becoming as independent as they can handle at the time. give them support and direction and let them make mistakes and show them how to do it better next time.

my imps arent perfect, but they make me proud. another thing that the brats loved was that if they had a question, they got an answer....even when they thought they were being cool and were gonna embarass mama and not get an answer!

kitten

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RE: You'll do as i say... - 4/17/2008 4:53:59 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
i did say "can also" which doesnt mean...actually will create a scared sub. lets say...your parents takes phsyical discipline ..with belts for instance...a common thing in the 50's/60's... and i was actually hit with one in elementary school (in the early 80s) by the principal.

it certainly scared the shit out of me....and i didnt do what i did at that time ever again..and no i wont tell you what i did. but that incident is probably why i am a masochist because it did give me a rush.

my reasons for joining bdsm was because i thought it would be a place where i would find acceptance because i am not normal (physically)...and it is supposed to be an open minded community (which in reality it isnt and is mostly sexual).

faery, if i ever met you in person, what i would hope of myself is that i would give you a large warm hug, and be able to sit and have a good conversation with you. knowing me....i wouldnt doubt for a second that i would be able to do both things.

you present yourself as a lovely person on the forums, and i have no doubt that you are the same face to face.