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RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 1:02:59 PM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: umisprite

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

The real world local scene is just as chock full of stereotypes as collarme.

A lot of people don't scene, seeing bdsm as an intimate and private expression of their love for another, not to be shared in casual group settings.

I was going to edit my post to add that online sites are no substitute for real life interactions. For me, CM is one avenue heading toward a RL relationship. I related ResidentSadist's comment to exactly that. Not so much about 'scening' in public play and whatnot but rather being out in the world with people who live the life they choose.

Everyone I know is living "the life they choose".

I assume they're vanilla but I could be wrong.

Sexuality is not something people tend to talk about in my world.

The assumption RS made that because there is a local scene everyone must be somehow connected to it and aware of the problems with it ignores those who do not participate in a local scene, regardless of their reasons.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to umisprite)

Post #: 81

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 1:40:46 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

The assumption RS made that because there is a local scene everyone must be somehow connected to it and aware of the problems with it ignores those who do not participate in a local scene, regardless of their reasons.

No that is not what RS is saying .... he is saying "if" we go to munches and other public BDSM venues we would see the same wide range of characters/players and stereotypes as we see here on CM

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Loveisallyouneed)

Post #: 82

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 1:48:36 PM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: umisprite

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

The real world local scene is just as chock full of stereotypes as collarme.

A lot of people don't scene, seeing bdsm as an intimate and private expression of their love for another, not to be shared in casual group settings.

I was going to edit my post to add that online sites are no substitute for real life interactions. For me, CM is one avenue heading toward a RL relationship. I related ResidentSadist's comment to exactly that. Not so much about 'scening' in public play and whatnot but rather being out in the world with people who live the life they choose.

Everyone I know is living "the life they choose".

I assume they're vanilla but I could be wrong.

Sexuality is not something people tend to talk about in my world.

The assumption RS made that because there is a local scene everyone must be somehow connected to it and aware of the problems with it ignores those who do not participate in a local scene, regardless of their reasons.

WOW! Did I miss something in ResidentSadist's post? I just read the words that he wrote.

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to Loveisallyouneed)

Post #: 83

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 1:59:00 PM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

quote:

The assumption RS made that because there is a local scene everyone must be somehow connected to it and aware of the problems with it ignores those who do not participate in a local scene, regardless of their reasons.

No that is not what RS is saying .... he is saying "if" we go to munches and other public BDSM venues we would see the same wide range of characters/players and stereotypes as we see here on CM

I stand corrected.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 84

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 2:33:23 PM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub
I now find myself 7 months later feeling a bit jaded... and now trying to resist putting down in my profile some criteria of what I will not tolerate in a Dom.

You know, there is an approach to writing a profile I am yet to see, but would love to see.

Imagine yourself writing a letter to your true love, telling him of all the reasons you have to admire, respect and love him.

You can tell him about the bumps on your road, to show him how you persevered through adversity to find him.

And you can tell him what you hope to share with him, when you are together.

Write from the heart. Write as if no one else would read it.

Write as if you don't care who else reads it, as long as your Beloved reads it.

Be real. Be you.

Because when you think about it, none of this is going to matter after you find him.

This is just another bump in the road.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 85

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 6:18:29 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
I don't care about kink conversation one way or the other. I want a bit of class along with my kinky please.

I visit here to read and participate in the forums. I am so glad that I am not here trying to meet people. The dominants are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Take your time and you're labeled as not dominant enough. Cut to the chase and you end up the topic of one of a myriad of threads just like this one. One false move and you're done.

LOL... First of all, I'm not looking for anyone, so when someone contacts me with the introductory comment of something ridiculous, I tend to laugh - and not respond other than to... laugh.

On the other hand, if they contact me with something resembling a brain, I will politely say that I'm not looking for anyone and wish them well in their search.

And if they come in the forums and start to personalize someone's comment about an approach to an anonymous person to the extent that they think that I'm talking specifically about them when I say that I prefer class to crass... well, seriously, they need to step back and take a reality check, cause like I said, I'm not looking so have no interest whatsoever in whether someone thinks I'm talking specifically about them or not.

When I receive e-mails from people, I prefer class to crass..it's that simple, and has no bearing on WHO the person is who contacts me.

Reminds me of what I tell my family members. "Sure you can swear. I don't care. But honestly, if all you can come up with is a curse word, just how intelligent is that?" It's the same with the eternal quest for kink - at least for me. I don't have problems with a direct approach. I do have issues with how that direct approach is orchestrated. Do it with class and we've probably got a conversation. Do it crassly and well... I probably won't respond at all. But either way, I'm not looking and all you're going to get is conversation - the rest is up to you as to how that conversation goes.

But again, I have to say, there are many people that may think that if you take your time, you're not dominant enough, but there will also be people who, like goldilocks, thinks you're JUUUUST right. Be crass and I'm sure there's someone who will like that too - it just won't be me.

juliet

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 86

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 6:23:56 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

Hello you.
have missed you.
Prin

Surprising how often I hear that.

Every once in a while there is a tiny moment or action that perfectly captures a truth, this was one of those moments. And thus the cycle continues...

Well the response stopped me in my tracks. Arrogance always does. Maybe I am jaded.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 87

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 7:55:05 PM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Well the response stopped me in my tracks. Arrogance always does. Maybe I am jaded.

Arrogance?

How easily you misread me, Prin.

Do you think you are the only one to tell me you miss me?

Were you expecting me to gush with how much I've missed you, when I haven't?

Don't confuse an honest answer with an arrogant one, just because it did not place you on a pedestal.

On edit:

isn't this what you used to call "subbie drama"?

After further thought:

How is it "arrogant" to express surprise over being missed?

Wouldn't an arrogant individual expect to be missed?

< Message edited by Loveisallyouneed -- 4/19/2008 8:03:30 PM >

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 88

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 7:55:56 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Guys, it's possible to respond to each other without quoting seven layers of text.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 4/19/2008 7:56:07 PM >

(in reply to Loveisallyouneed)

Post #: 89

RE: another jaded sub - 4/19/2008 7:59:08 PM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Guys, it's possible to respond to each other without quoting seven layers of text.

Duly noted and corrected.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 90

RE: another jaded sub - 4/20/2008 2:51:04 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Hello you.
have missed you.
Prin

Surprising how often I hear that.

Every once in a while there is a tiny moment or action that perfectly captures a truth, this was one of those moments. And thus the cycle continues...

Well the response stopped me in my tracks. Arrogance always does. Maybe I am jaded.

Guys, it's possible to respond to each other without quoting seven layers of text.

no.

(what can I say? I was tempted.)

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/20/2008 2:56:04 AM >

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 91

RE: another jaded sub - 4/20/2008 9:43:15 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm joining his camp.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

I now find myself 7 months later feeling a bit jaded... and now trying to resist putting down in my profile some criteria of what I will not tolerate in a Dom. How I don't want to be approached with the "kneel down before me and see me as the Dom I feel I am", or the "Hi, how are you... would you like me to _insert fetish/sexual act__ to you?" And expect me to write back all hot and bothered and begging to be their submissive

Why should you (or anyone) settle for less than what you really want? If you're only seven months into the lifestyle, there are a couple gazillion Dominants you've yet to encounter. (OK...at least 12...I imagine you've received 999, 999,999,999,999,999,988 e-mails already! ) Many of us don't use the "On your knees, bitch!" approach, instead doing exactly what you're looking for...getting to know a submissive before playing or demanding she take a collar.

Avoid the Doms who come on as you've described, and don't hesitate to contact the Doms who do otherwise.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 92

RE: another jaded sub - 4/21/2008 1:28:44 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

This is just my opinon and I was hoping to hear what other people thought...

I have seen a few messages on why are female sub/slaves are so demanding, or have so many standards/criteria they put in their profiles.....

When I first joined CM I was wide eyed and wanting to try everything... open to everyone and what they had to offer. I had read over and over again about subs saying something about being a doormat (as in don't be one)... and I thought to myself how do you know when you have hit that point from being submissive to being a doormat... I found out the hard way...

I now find myself 7 months later feeling a bit jaded... and now trying to resist putting down in my profile some criteria of what I will not tolerate in a Dom.

only 7 months and your jaded...You will find the suck my whatever types in both genders. It's not exclusive to bdsm.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 93

RE: another jaded sub - 4/25/2008 8:43:11 AM

ponyboyachilles

Posts: 27
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

This is just my opinon and I was hoping to hear what other people thought...

I have seen a few messages on why are female sub/slaves are so demanding, or have so many standards/criteria they put in their profiles.....

When I first joined CM I was wide eyed and wanting to try everything... open to everyone and what they had to offer. I had read over and over again about subs saying something about being a doormat (as in don't be one)... and I thought to myself how do you know when you have hit that point from being submissive to being a doormat... I found out the hard way...

I now find myself 7 months later feeling a bit jaded... and now trying to resist putting down in my profile some criteria of what I will not tolerate in a Dom. How I don't want to be approached with the "kneel down before me and see me as the Dom I feel I am", or the "Hi, how are you... would you like me to _insert fetish/sexual act__ to you?" And expect me to write back all hot and bothered and begging to be their submissive

I guess I'm wrong to want to get to know you a bit first before trading kinks and/or trading on-line sexual fantasies...

I know I will have to kiss alot of frogs before I find my prince... or as a friend told me recently pull alot of weeds to find the flower hiding in there... ;)

Ok vent done... so do you feel as a sub or a Dom that you have become a bit jaded since joining CM?

I went through many stages in the growth of my understanding of my own sexuality in the BDSM world. When I first put myself out there, I thought, "hey, I'm a good-looking, athletic guy with no baggage and nice things, I have no agenda other than everyone's happiness, why aren't all the hot kinky babes flocking to my profile?" Then I got a little pissed that it didnt all happen for me the first week, then the first month, then the first year. Eventually I got it that it's not what I want or intend that matters, it's who I am deep inside. When I finally got it that I was happy enough just to find a community where I could openly discuss my kinks and fetishes without being negatively judged, and stopped trying to "get someone" to "do it to me," I found myself suddenly attracting others to me when I least expected it. And that's how it seems sometimes. You simply have to be who you are, demand what is important to you, request what you wish to request, and to hell with what anyone thinks, as long as you are being totally honest with yourself and with the BDSM community. When the right one for you finally comes along and spots that sincerity, he/she will know it and be attracted to you as a moth to a flame. And then it will happen for you, but not before. So get over being jaded - that's not what it's about. It's about the passion, and when the passion isn't there, neither is there a future. Also remember that 90% of even a 24/7 D/s relationship is vanilla, so you should strive to be friends with your D/s partner, since conversation will still take up a lot of your time together (unless you're kept bound and gagged in a closet the rest of your life).

_____________________________

--
lifestyle ponyboy in training to the wondrous Mistress Nicolette

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 94

RE: another jaded sub - 4/25/2008 2:40:11 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

I agree I feel this is just one of the stages of discovery of myself and of my interest in BDSM. I am learning to be more upfront with what i am looking for and I am putting in an effort to get out to some of the Munches in my area and maybe even go to some of the local clubs and seminars/workshops.

I'm just one of those types that loves to have her hand held when getting out in the public, or at least have a friend to go with, someone to discuss stuff after... I just have to bite the bullet and get out there... LOL,

Thanks again to everyone who posted, I was suprised to see the debate that it inspired :)

(in reply to ponyboyachilles)

Post #: 95

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