RE: When is it over...........

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RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 9:41:50 AM

KyttynTheMynx

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

Slight derailment, but is anyone else humming the lyrics to When Its Over by Sugar Ray while reading this?

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 21

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 9:42:02 AM

subdevra

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/28/2008
Status: offline

Dear Duped,

Except for a few minor details, your story could have been the one between me and my last Dom. We are both married, his wife found out in Sept and ended things for a bit although we did get back together for a little while. And when i finally asked for release as things got harder for us to see each other he granted it to me. The real issue is that if you have abandoned the relationship, as you stated that you could no longer see her, then it is only fair that you release her unconditionally.

Just as the sub serves the Dom, the Dom also has many obligations to the sub. if they cannot be met it is only fair to not be "resistant" in releasing her so that she may find her happiness. If you cannot fulfil your responsibilities and you refuse to "release" her, she really does not owe you anything. It does not sound to me that she has left you on a "whim".

And this is where you have to decide what you want....do you want your marriage or do you want to be Dom. Sometimes the two can work together but if the wife is not willing a choice must be made. For although we wish to have it all...it sometimes is not possible.

devra

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 22

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 9:45:31 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

I am married and so is my sub. My wife found out about us and i told my sub that I could not see her again. We tried finding some alternative ways that we could keep our dom/sub relationship alive but could not find anything that suited her. That was in Sept. 07. We talked a bit and she told me that she wanted another master but I resisted. I found out last week that she has been collared by another.

Do I have any rights to ask her or her new Dom, that they at least ask me, before they comtinue their relationship. It is sort of after the fact but I want my due.

Well I'm going to totally ignore the cheating angle because that wasn't part of your question (although it is the root of your problem). No, you have absolutely no rights to your previous submissive. Just because 'you resisted' does not mean that you retained ownership. She needed something you were unable to give her, a dominant that can concentrate on her.There is no due owed to you because there was no way to continue the relationship, to think that you are owned something means you really need to take a hard look at the way you make decisions and regard people in your life.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 23

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 9:52:31 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Ignoring the marriage configuration.

Do you have any rights as a Master in this situation with your ex submissive. No. The reason for this is because of your statement that you you could not see her again. That nullified any existing 'contract' (and I am using that term loosely) that was between you, as you obviously broke it by changing it without her consent.

There is no 'Masters code' or right for you once you released her or broke the contract(written, verbal or otherwise). Does this make any sense to you?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 24

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 9:53:03 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

Do I have any rights to ask her or her new Dom, that they at least ask me, before they comtinue their relationship. It is sort of after the fact but I want my due.

Absurd.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 25

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 9:58:42 AM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

In any other relationship, I would agree. I thought there was some respect due a person that you once called Master!! Or does it end when at the subs whim??

First, a BDSM relationship is a relationship. In theory, it is supposed to be based on mutual trust and consent.

Second, yes, it does end at the subs whim. That's called a withdrawal of consent. But if you would read your own OP, YOU called it off because you got your hand caught in the cookie jar by your wife. What part of that was trustworthy for her, your wife; for her, your sub; or even within yourself?

I am not being hypocritical. I have been in this lifestyle for 12+ years and I have not had to cheat or lie because if you are an ethical, responsible, mature, rational adult when you start ANY relationship and you tell the truth about your desires, it is then up to your wife, sub, slave, etc., etc. to accept the truth or make other arrangements regarding your relationship.

I took the liberty of reading your journal on your profile and I am more convinced now that you are nothing but a lying, philandering, dick-wetting excuse for a Dominant male as I have ever had the displeasure to address. Also, since you say there is some "law" regarding what you are owed from a slave/sub, please feel free to post the code number and paragraph for such law here. I am dying to read it.

Also, it's really sweet <sarcasm> how you paint yourself as the poor, duped dominant in an effort to predatorially find others willing to believe your deceptions and your self-deceptions.

I will try now to make a positive recommendation, even though I feel confident that it is wasted: As a "Dom/Master" sit down with your wife over a cup of your favorite beverage and let her know what you are doing, why you are doing it, what you feel is lacking in either yourself/her/your relationship. Effectively, start over with your wife now that she is aware of your proclivities and prove yourself a MASTER of your own home and the woman who is supposed to be the most important thing in your life. Once you have achieved this and you are open and honest with all parties involved about what you are doing, very few people here will see what you have done as wrong.

My slave and I work together searching for the next female to hopefully and honestly enter O/our life. W/we hide nothing from each other and while I consider her opinion, I still make the final choices. she is My most valuable property and I would not leave her out of My life in any capacity.

I will not apologize for anything I have said, nor will I regret it. If you don't like the way people react to your behaviors, then I see only two choices. 1. don't announce them looking for validation here and 2. don't do the behaviors - if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Constrictor

PS bought that mirror yet?

----------------

Offense can only be accepted, not given and by accepting the offense, you give it the validity of truth.

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 26

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:02:26 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

Wow, I did not realize that there were so many willing to cast the first stone. Not one of you has ever cheated??? Ever??? Thanks for your honest but I think slightly hypocritical comments.

Why do you make that assumption?

In our case, your action of breaking up your relationship indicated the place your 'power' derives. It comes from your Mistress/wife. It is upon her direction that you ended your encounter.

You lack of integrity notwithstanding; it seems only correct your next decision, and all subsequent ones should come from the same source. You'll be able to give an example of the positive, and desired trait for a 'dom' - consistency.

That should be useful and may help offset the fact that you won't be able to represent another valued and desired 'dom' trait - trust.

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 27

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:09:55 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom
Not one of you has ever cheated??? Ever???

I never cheated. I was cheated ON, which is why I am not divorced. So, I feel I am in a position to make a comment here.
The sub owes you nothing. You tried to find a way to continue a relationship that shouldnt have existed anyway. You were willing to risk your marraige a second time, to keep a sub. And then, nearly a year ago, you admitted you couldnt see her anymore. So, she moved on. Why should she stick around and wait to see if you are going to change anything? Your wife found out, and she was tossed to the curb. So, she moved to someone who wasnt going to have to hide her like a preteen's porn mag every time they think they might get caught.
Be glad your wife is willing to forgive you. You could be out on your own, no wife and no sub. You dismissed your sub, regardless of your hesitance for her to find whats best for herself. You probably damaged your marriage, and you have lots of years of mistrust and suspicion ahead of you. So, now that you made your bed, lie in it.
Forget the sub, she is no longer yours and the sooner you realize that the less stress youll have. You dont expect an exgf to give you her new boyfriends contact info so you can discus things, do you? Treat ths the same way.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 28

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:10:49 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Now, after having read the profile...

Playing on-line, behind your wife's back IS still breaking your vows.

And I can see the rest of the story now--- "sub, I know we've been physical up to this point but now that the wife has found out that I'm going behind her back, we will now take our play time to the computer so she cannot accuse me of infidelity every again. You will still belong to me, but no touchy" Yeah, that's a great way to keep someone.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 29

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:20:21 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

Wow, I did not realize that there were so many willing to cast the first stone. Not one of you has ever cheated??? Ever??? Thanks for your honest but I think slightly hypocritical comments.

Hell no. Ethical poly folks actually have the courage to talk it over with their partners first and make sure everyone is on the same page before proceeding. It's awfully hard work and takes a lot of maturity, honesty and good communication skills, which is why cheating weasels would rather just cheat.

And that is exactly what you are, a cheater who deserves no consideration from your supposed sub and much less consideration than you are getting from your wife, who should have dumped your lying, cheating ass. If you run your relationships with total dishonesty and lack of consideration for others, you cannot expect to receive anything better than that in return. And no, being a domly-dom does not write you a free pass to be an inconsiderate cheat and a liar and not expect to be treated the exact same way in turn.

Hmm. Wonder what your wife is doing in her spare time. Looking for a partner who isn't a cheating weasel, I hope.

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 30

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:27:33 AM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, I'm going to leave off commenting on your situation. Many of the other posters have more eloquently expressed that they feel more or less the same way I do about cheaters.

   Let me paint you a picture. In this picture, there is a vanilla couple. They break up, due to outside forces, and can't see each other any longer. The man in the now defunct couple contacts the woman ever so often, when he can, to get some dirty talk and maybe a wank out of her lingering feelings for him.

    Finally, the woman grows some cajones, and leaves the man who can offer her NOTHING, and finds a man who can offer her what she wants.

     The man who was using the woman whenever he got a chance now feels betrayed because she was kinda-sorta his, a little bit, except they were broken up.

    No matter what other bs games you were playing there (like cheating and your incredible version of DOMINANCE), you still come off as a crazy stalker in this situation. You broke up with her. No matter whether she called you MASTER or something more fitting (insert obscenity here), you have no rights over her. At all. You broke up, the relationship was finished, your power over her ended. Continue stalking her, and you may wind up with a restraining order as proof of your infidelity.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 31

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:48:11 AM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

Reminds me of that saying "its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"...

_____________________________

There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 32

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:59:00 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

Wow, I did not realize that there were so many willing to cast the first stone. Not one of you has ever cheated??? Ever??? Thanks for your honest but I think slightly hypocritical comments.

Nope. For two reasons:

1) I wouldn't be able to carry it off. I'd slip up somewhere along the line and find myself in deep shit.

2) It's just plain wrong, morally and legally (marriage is a legal contract).

pip, not mentally sophisticated enough to carry off a subterfuge

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 33

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:04:42 AM

giveeverything

Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I hear violin music. The song from Ice Castles.

Dude, are you for real? And who were you duped by? How can you be dom and be a victim? You're 51 years old? I've met teens more mature than this.

< Message edited by giveeverything -- 4/21/2008 11:06:59 AM >

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 34

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:20:18 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom
Not one of you has ever cheated??? Ever??? In any other relationship, I would agree. I thought there was some respect due a person that you once called Master!! Or does it end when at the subs whim??

No, I have never cheated.

The phrase "once called" implies past tense. Nothing, not even respect, is owed to someone who is no longer your master. You sound like a teenage girl who dumps a guy, but then gets mad if any of her friends gets interested in him without asking her permission first.

Makes one wonder what your definition of "duped" is.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 35

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:24:56 AM

angelicbitch

Posts: 224
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline

Okay.... this is insane... if I were you * person that posted the original post* I would get down on my knees and kiss my wife's ass for not leaving my cheating, sorry, poor excuse of a self!!! * and thank god I am female* Either that .. or if I was your wife... after I tormented you enough I would file for divorce and be done with it... Once a CHEATER always a CHEATER!!!!!!!!!! I have been cheated on and its no fun to be kept in the dark and fed shit .. kind of makes you feel like a mushroom!!!
If you are unhappy in your marriage ... then get the hell out of it!! Don't drag innocent people into a mess like that. Be single or married themselves!!!!! That is plain stupidity!!!!
And to top it off you think you have some right to tell the sub and/or her new Master that you want something from them...... ummmmmmmmm yeah right!!! And what do you hope to get out of that ... that she might see you in a different light???
I feel sorry for your wife... She has way more fortitude than I would have .... if it were me ... and I was her.... someone would be missing parts!!!!!!!!!

Grow up and be a man.... you claim to be dominant ... that is not dominant that is hurtful, childish, and uncalled for.......

(in reply to giveeverything)

Post #: 36

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:33:31 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

You have no rights over her whatsoever.

If you were both using the relationship for extra-curricular activities.. And you were doing it behind your wife's back, then personally i would frown on you as a person.. But thats just me.
My point is.. Why would the girl want to go ahead with a relationship that isn't working anyway? If your wife discovering your infidelity has left your relationship with problems, i personally don't blame her for going in search of greener pastures. Why should she suffer for your mistake? If she said she wanted another Master because things weren't working you didn't even have the right to stop her.. Its called "withdrawing consent."

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to DupedDom)

Post #: 37

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:41:05 AM

selena123

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline

Okay, my answer is a bit different. 1. It sounds as though you couldnt see your sub anymore but hoped to continue the relationship without seeing each other and that nothing you tried satisfied her. If you made it clear to her that you wanted to keep her, I think she had an obligation to be honest and say No I don't want to be owned by you anymore and not let you find out some other way months later. That said I suppose your wife had a similar feeling when she found out you had another. also I'm not giving any pity to your sub either apparently she knew she was hurting your wife and chose to proceed. Bottom line, I tell my sub all the time I am happy that he LETS me own him, but at the end of the day contract or no, it's up to the sub.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 38

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:41:07 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Can I slap this guy? Please, just once?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to metalmiss)

Post #: 39

RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 11:45:02 AM

DupedDom

Posts: 65
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

I am getting the message, loud and clear.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 40

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