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RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:20:02 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Hun, it's called a mid-life crises. I know it feels 'different' and 'special' to you, but she didn't give you anything your wife couldn't have if given the chance.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:20:24 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Closure, I want closure


Why do you think it's her job to give you closure?


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:23:54 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

Thank you all, obviously, you are all perfect. All of your relationships are cookie cutters and there is one set of rules for everyone. There is no perfect Dom and no prerfect sub. Just people that are perfect for each other. I though, even in the midst of my infidelity that I had found the perfect women, someone that satisfied a carnal urge in me like no other had before. I am in my fifties, kids are graduating and hopefully moving out, I have the rest of my life to either find someone special and live every day ot the fullest, or to stay put. To give my grandkids and my extended family some stability. I made a noble choice and had trouble dealing with the consequences, that makes me weak, I know.

All I expected from the woman that I had grown to love so much as a woman and as my servant, to show me the last bit of respect. That is too much to ask???


Those two statements seem to directly contradict each other.  You're going to go out and cheat, or leave your wife, to find someone special.  How does that give your grandkids and extended family any stability whatsoever?

And none of us said we were perfect.  You asked if we cheated, and the people answering you are telling you no. 

I have a feeling that this woman you loved DID tell you it was over, you just weren't willing to hear it.  Just as it seems to be here, you aren't willing to hear it, but are instead justifying your actions.  If it's over, it's over.  There is no respect OR disrespect in her not asking your permission to move on to someone else; you simply are no longer on her radar.  So, yes, it IS too much to ask for your FORMER lover to ask YOUR permission to move on.  I hate to resort to cliches, but damn man, build a bridge and get over yourself!

Cali


_____________________________

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(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:26:32 PM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I had a Dominant who later started switching.  His Mistress told him that we couldn't see each other anymore.  We met behind her back anyways, after all, I still thought of him as "Master".  She found out.  He released me, so that She would take him back.  Aw hell, who f**king cares.  Too much drama, I moved on and have a MUCH less stressfull life as far as keeping an illicit relationship intact.

OP, move on.  Let her have her happiness, because life is just too damned short.  To "force" her to have your blessing to be happy with someone who can fulfill her needs will probably make her lose what respect she does have left for you.

Edited to add:

And yes, I will play with married Dominants or submissives. BUT, the non-active participant in the dynamic and I must meet, and THEY make the rules or limits on what can occur between me and the active partner.  And believe me, there are definitely limits.

< Message edited by purepleasure -- 4/21/2008 1:34:11 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:27:32 PM   
DupedDom


Posts: 65
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		I am sorry, I though my wife had grown away from me but she still loves me very much. I will never cheat again, she will never let herself get to the point where she was, killing herself slowly, one day at a time.

For 27 years, I remained faithfull, a good father boy scouts, PTA, I did it all, while my wife sat on her ass and contributed little, my kids were read bed time stories because I did it. Yes, it is what I was supposed to do but not alone. Does anyone think that I just did this on a whim?? I was weak and in my weakness, found a woman like no other. I worked so hard to be a good Dom, being kind, being strict, punishing and rewarding, taking and giving. To anyone who says I am lesser of a Dom than they, I say thee NAY!!!  I hurt the woman who loves me probably more than any other and I make up for it every day. She is very gracious for not kicking me out on my ass.

Guys, I am not that stupid.


(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:29:33 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		OP, it has to hurt to lose the one you love but at what cost?  I would want to do what is right as opposed to what feels good to me and yes, I had to give up those who I truly wanted to be in my life but did not work out so well.  It is not easy but when it is all over, I take comfort in knowing that this was the best decision for me to move on.


< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 4/21/2008 1:38:28 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:35:23 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

my kids were read bed time stories because I did it. Yes, it is what I was supposed to do but not alone.


Oh god, stop whining.  Many people raise their children alone and don't expect a prize for it.  So you got mad at your lazy wife and had an affair.  Your story is boring.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:35:41 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		perhaps the thought of glorious, wonderful you never entered the subs mind?

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(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 1:50:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm starting to think that I'm going to put certain responses on clip/paste for when these topics come up.

If a major change is proposed in a relationship/contract/marriage, the person who is faced with this change has two options.  Accept the change and incorporate it into the dynamic or get out of the dynamic.  From what it sounds like, your wife busted you cheating, and you had to withdraw the physical aspect of your relationship with your sub.  The sub, not being fulfilled with this change, chose to move on.  That means you are not her *master anymore.  She owes you nothing.

Sorry to blow your preconceived idea of 'nobility' out of the water, but staying with your wife while you were cheating, for the sake of the extended family, is a load of horse hockey.  You were having an unethical fling on the side.  The wife found out and pulled the plug.  I wonder how the wife would react to your CM account?  Have you told her about your feelings about your past sub moving on?  I'll bet you haven't, because if you did, she might see that you still don't deserve her.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 2:55:27 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

I am sorry, I though my wife had grown away from me but she still loves me very much. I will never cheat again, she will never let herself get to the point where she was, killing herself slowly, one day at a time.

For 27 years, I remained faithfull, a good father boy scouts, PTA, I did it all, while my wife sat on her ass and contributed little, my kids were read bed time stories because I did it. Yes, it is what I was supposed to do but not alone. Does anyone think that I just did this on a whim?? I was weak and in my weakness, found a woman like no other. I worked so hard to be a good Dom, being kind, being strict, punishing and rewarding, taking and giving. To anyone who says I am lesser of a Dom than they, I say thee NAY!!!  I hurt the woman who loves me probably more than any other and I make up for it every day.
She is very gracious for not kicking me out on my ass.

Guys, I am not that stupid.

You basically just said that your wife was a lazy woman who did nothing but sit on her butt while you raised the kid... It seems to me that 27 years of built up resentment is alot to overcome.. 
You also said that she loves you more than any other...  But say nothing about how you feel about her...

If you don't love her, do yourself a favor and leave... If you are trying to make up your infidelity to her, this ain't the way to do it..

You can't have it both ways..  You need to choose and choose quickly because, in case you haven't noticed, the sneaky thing just doesn't work.. It's unfair to everyone involved.

Try complete honest. open, communication.. It's hard to get the words out at first, but once you do, you will be shocked at the positive results..


_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 3:34:50 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		OP, let me remind you that you posed the question and asked for input from the folks here. It seems you got input and, apparently, a unanimous concensus regarding same, but you don't care for the input you are getting. Well, you asked for it and you got it. Too bad it's not what you wanted. Another disappointment in your put upon, selfless life, eh ?

Since you don't like the response you've gotten, you've chosen to characterize the respondents as hypocrites, people who consider themselves "perfect" and are in cookie cutter relationships. That's ok, we've seen it before and guess what ? I ,for one, don't give a damn what you think, sir.

Perhaps you would be better off sticking to the one or , at best, two dimensional  online relationships that you mention .  It's far less demanding. Hell, you can pretend to be whatever you like. A "Dom" of your type seems to get a better response there than you will probably find in "real".


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 4:32:21 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

I am married and so is my sub. My wife found out about us and i told my sub that I could not see her again. We tried finding some alternative ways that we could keep our dom/sub relationship alive but could not find anything that suited her. That was in Sept. 07. We talked a bit and she told me that she wanted another master but I resisted. I found out last week that she has been collared by another.

Do I have any rights to ask her or her new Dom, that they at least ask me, before they comtinue their relationship. It is sort of after the fact but I want my due.


Double D,

I have not read any farther than your question, so if I repeat others, sorry.

Point 1 - your wife "found out"...  therefore, you were not honest and obviously decided that your marriage was worth more than continuing a D/s with your sub, which leads to

Point 2 - you told your sub you could not see her anymore, you made a decision to end things.

Point 3 - you waffled on your decision and  tried to find some other way to continue what your wife found to be unacceptable

Point 4 - she wanted another Master because you couldn't give her what she needed or wanted...  you resisted because you didn't want another man to have what you felt was yours (even though she is married as well, and has a husband, who may or may not know about her having a Master - you didn't say this in your original post)

Point 5 - you have no rights...  you also have no sub in this woman...  you are not in this girl's life inasmuch as a D/s goes, you are her ex-Master...  exes have no rights and no say

Point 6 - you have no "due"...  you are her past, her new Master is her present, and possibly her future

You play with fire, you may get burned.  You did, and you did.  Get some aloe and use liberally.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 4:49:46 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

you feel duped?  wonder how your wife feels....

edited to add:  do i remind you of your grandmother?

*snort*


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 5:08:08 PM   
satinsubmissive


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/21/2008
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Considering I was in an abusive marriage for 16 years...I never cheated. In fact I didn't "cheat" until the night after I went to court and my divorce became legal.....

And now.... I can be who I want to be.. find the one who can take me where I need to go and be with me...not against me... just like your sub.

And like most here...trust - the cornerstone which all this is built on..needs a firm bedrock to be placed upon...not shifting sands.

Oh yes..and I am a single mother now..and was for most of the time I was with the ex so I know what you went through and really....it wasn't that hard. I enjoy my kids...they are no burden to me.

Grow up.

satin

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 6:25:25 PM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		Why is this in the random stupidity section? is this Domiguy?

(in reply to satinsubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 6:32:52 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I'm another single mom, just like millions of single parents roaming the world these days.  My days of single motherhood started long before my ex-husband moved out.  I was alone even while he was "there."  I worked 3 jobs and paid the mortgage and all the bills for our family and my elderly parents who moved in with us due to failing health.  I didn't resort to cheating because he already played that card on me... twice.  I wasn't going to wait for a third time, so I got out.  Games aren't fun, and can come back and bite you like a snake, even your own game.

BTW, online "cheating" is still cheating.  If it isn't something you would have her read as you type it into the computer, then you are being secretive and you haven't learned a mother-phukking thing.  So don't put yourself on a pedestal and think that you deserve a warm-fuzzy, an "atta-boy," a "poor you," or any other such thing. 

Shame on you.  It sounds like you have a good woman who is willing to try to make things work and you are still playing with fire with your online play.  The only thing that will be "due" to you if she catches you again, is a Final Decree of Divorce, and standard visitation.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to satinsubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 6:54:43 PM   
DDraigeuraid


Posts: 321
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		What a maroon.  Any bets on whether he looks at his actions, and changes his behavior?  he said it himself, it was carnal.  He was using the brain with the most blood (not the one atop his shoulders).  Master???  I don't think so.
Dragon

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Meddle Not in the Affairs of Dragons
For you are Crunchy, and taste good Flame Broiled

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 8:04:37 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Daddy read this thread and was stunned.  His comment was what woman in her right mind would want someone like this for a Master.  And how do his actions warrant the title of  "Master" except in his own mind?  If a man cannot master the actions or desires of his penis and behaves in a spiteful manner towards his wife, what example is he setting for the sub who should be looking to him as a model for self-control and respect?




_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to DDraigeuraid)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:04:39 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DupedDom

Closure, I want closure


You don't always get what you want.  Especially if your wants are not realistic, and you've made a habit of lying and cheating on your partners  In situations like that, you just have to lie in the bed you made for yourself by your own choices about how you treat other people.

(in reply to DupedDom)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: When is it over........... - 4/21/2008 10:45:10 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		IMNSHO, it shoulda been over before it started.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 80
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