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am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 10:55:32 AM   
servM


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		my final act of submission is to have my Master play with another woman without me being there,it is not behind my back i will arrange it all,the problem is everytime i think of it i lose my appetite and shake all over...i may have reached my limit and i fear losing my Master over it...i am otherwise very obedient but i feel i am over the edge now...please comment i need to know if i am a bad sub?
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 10:58:36 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		what do you mean your final act of submission?    i'm confused a little about where you are in your relationship...why will this be your "final" act? 

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(in reply to servM)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 11:04:34 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		If that is his so called final test for you then move on.

(in reply to christine1)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 11:20:27 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Your a sub not a slave thats what Im guessing from your post. If this is something you are not comfortable with, this was/is a limit, or something you feel you can not handle talk to him about it. Tell him your anxiety over it, tell him how its effecting you, if you think you can overcome it with more time ask for more time for you to be able to hand. If he demands that you go along with it at its set time, and you know it will cause harm you have to choose which is more important. Your health and sanity or your owner.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 11:24:05 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		nope,  but you might have better defined some limits of your relationship in retrospect-

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 11:47:40 AM   
lanie38


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		So you're having an adverse effect to what obviously is a very tough task for you...I don't see how this makes you a bad sub...it's not always suppose to be easy...but sometimes it can be too much to handle, make sure you communicate this to him, he's not a mind-reader...

But I am very confused about the *final act of submission* thingie??!!!

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 12:14:54 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		-Hijack-
by what I gather the "final act of submission" is an a task set by the D type for the sub to do to prove shes worthy of a full collar.

Like the final act before marriage is resisting the temptation to molest the stripper on your lap while totally drunk at your batchelorette party. (at least thats what it is with every batchelorette party Ive been too) -shifty eyes- Or the final act before moving in is a week away on vacation to see if you can life together...

-/hijack-


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to lanie38)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 12:40:09 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I would have told him find his own piece of pussy and hit the road, but thats just me.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

-Hijack-
by what I gather the "final act of submission" is an a task set by the D type for the sub to do to prove shes worthy of a full collar.

Like the final act before marriage is resisting the temptation to molest the stripper on your lap while totally drunk at your batchelorette party. (at least thats what it is with every batchelorette party Ive been too) -shifty eyes- Or the final act before moving in is a week away on vacation to see if you can life together...

-/hijack-



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to hopelessfool)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 12:51:18 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		"Bad slave, BAD!"  *Bops with a newspaper*

...that's all that ever pops in my mind when someone asks a question like this.

I wouldn't agree to it- but that's simply my opinion, I am terrified of casual sex- and I'd get angry if my partner chose to ignore that. You are the best person to answer this question.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 12:53:01 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		If the dom truly cares about you, why would he put you through this so-called "final act of submission"?  I think what you are going through is a great deal of anxiety and the fear of being replaced.  I don't think you are bad sub for having these feelings.

I would address this to my dom in a respectful maner and if you don't feel satisfied with this relationship, then run, don't walk, take time to grieve and move on.  Besides, a dom should be the one to arrange to have another sub for himself and be honest with you that he is a polydom rather than have you do this for him.  To me, that would be like being pushed aside for someone else, which is something I don't think I could stand to be in that type of situation.   

(in reply to hopelessfool)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 2:28:16 PM   
DoesntDance


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		I disagree with those who would characterize this Dom as a 'bad' Dom in one form or another. He has stated his intentions and given his directions. Likewise, I would say to the OP, no, you're not a 'bad' sub. You have reacted to his intentions and directions. It is never about whether the Dom is good or bad, or the sub is good or bad. It is always about whether they dynamic is working... does it produce the relationship each seeks? In this case, it sure sounds as if it is not. If he wants a sub who can handle this expectation cheerfully, then it's his job to find one. If the OP doesn't find herself drawn in to the relationship by these expectations, then she should find a Dom whose expectations do so. Only servM and her Dom can know these answers.

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 2:50:05 PM   
respectyourowner


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		Sounds like you do not want this. Talk to your Master and explain. Maybe suggest joining him in the activity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: servM

my final act of submission is to have my Master play with another woman without me being there,it is not behind my back i will arrange it all,the problem is everytime i think of it i lose my appetite and shake all over...i may have reached my limit and i fear losing my Master over it...i am otherwise very obedient but i feel i am over the edge now...please comment i need to know if i am a bad sub?

(in reply to servM)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 3:15:41 PM   
BlueAngelSub


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Why would it be your final act of submission? Did you and your Dom discuss what he wanted in a submissive? Did you agree that you would fit well in his life because of your lengthy discussing about yours and his likes and dislikes? Did you speak to him about playing with other and also saftey regarding playing with others and if he intended to sex with them? Did he say before hand he didn't want you present and why he didn't want your present.? If you didn't speak to each other at all about any of this it's both your fault and you will have a mess on your hands.

< Message edited by BlueAngelSub -- 4/21/2008 3:22:16 PM >

(in reply to servM)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 3:23:33 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		The very thought of it truly makes me feel very submissive to Master...  He and I have spoken about this very subject at great length (considering the fact that we are 3,000 miles away from each other..)  and he has always made it quite clear that this was something he intended to do..He played with someone else on the phone recently. He discussed his plans with me beforehand and recounted things for me in great detail afterwards.. It was incredibly erotic for me..  He also had the other sub email me thankng me for allowing her to serve my Master which for me, closed the loop and made me feel all the more secure with Him...
Michael has a wonderful way of making me feel truly 100% secure with our relationship while incorporating many hot scenarios like the OP described..  Then again, I find almost everything hot..

So- to answer your question.. No, you are not a bad sub for having this involuntary response... Perhaps you can explain to him that you need His help to overcome your anxiety over this issue and to help you feel more emotionally secure within all this...  Everyone deserves to have their heart taken care of after all..

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 4/21/2008 3:27:18 PM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to respectyourowner)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 3:27:56 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Bad sub?  Final act?
I see insecurity, fear, jealousy....  but bad?  Did you disobey?

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I give good thread.

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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 3:40:39 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Why is this a "final" test. does that mean if you can find someone for him to fuck that you are finely a good slave..  NOT..
The issue I have is that you would not be present..  you should be and be there to assist your Master.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to servM)
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RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 4:08:28 PM   
epiphany


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline 		Okay, first of all ...help me understand. Play doesn't mean sex in my world, it means SM.  Play in the swingers lifestyle  would  mean sex, and I know there is cross over between the two lifestyles. So which is it?

  If it is sex, then what was discussed prior to now? Did he make it clear to you that he wasn't monogamous and you felt that if you were really a slave you would adjust, and are now having issues? Did he say that the relationship would be monogamous and now has changed his mind?

  I agree with another here who said there is no "Bad" slave or Dom, just maybe some poor communication.

Talk to each other and be honest about what you can and can't do, hopefully he will be too, and then you two can make a better decision about the relationship.

epiphany

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 4:26:15 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

Why is this a "final" test. does that mean if you can find someone for him to fuck that you are finely a good slave..  NOT..
The issue I have is that you would not be present..  you should be and be there to assist your Master.
  I agree as I would definitely want to be there for my dom!

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 5:24:43 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

You aren't a bad sub for not liking the idea of it. You aren't a bad sub if you never like the idea of it. He's not a bad Dom for wanting it. He's not a bad Dom if he doesn't listen to your misgivings about it. It could be, however, that in this you are not compatible with him. If it is how he is going to run his house, you either make peace with additional women in your bed, he makes peace with monogamy, or one of you remains miserable for as long as the relationship continues, or you go your separate ways. You don't HAVE to accept this assignment, you know. The submission is yours to give or not (as is his Dominance). Do what's best for yourself, deal with the rest later.

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: am i a bad sub? - 4/21/2008 6:42:57 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servM
i may have reached my limit and i fear losing my Master over it.[\quote] If it is past your limit you're losing someone that you're not compatible with. Why would you want to stay with someone that has a different core value than what you have?..
quote:

need to know if i am a bad sub?
Nope, just not compatible with the Dominant.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to servM)
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