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A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 12:56:35 PM   
WhiteFox77


Posts: 66
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		I seem to have made a mistake in training my 24/7 slave girl.  I'm not sure when or how it happened, but she's gotten the idea that there different instructions from me have different levels of importance.  As a result of this, she's gotten it into her head that when she doesn't follow the instructions for something she has determined is "not important" she expects little to no punishment, probably because I've been to lax in that area.  On the flip side, to me it all boils down to is that I told her to do something and it didn't happen.  What it was, or how important it appears to her, isn't my concern, the fact that my instuctions aren't being fallowed is.

Before I just crack down on her, I'm hoping that people that have actually gone through this problem can tell me what they tried in order to resolve it, and what worked and didn't work.

--------------------------
Sincerely
WhiteFox77
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 1:00:16 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Talk to her.   Seriously. Girls aren't puppies, no matter how cute the little tail plug is.

(in reply to WhiteFox77)
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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 1:02:20 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		This is something that I do both in my professional life and in my personal relationships:

I don't ever assume that I understand the level of importance of any task given to me and if I am incapeable of completing all tasks in the timeframe required, I ask who ever gave me the assignment to prioritize for me.  That way they understand all that's on my plate (works especially well when you have 2 bosses or a Master and a child).

I would expect that if I assumed what was important and got it wrong that there would be consequenses.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to WhiteFox77)
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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 1:02:52 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah I agree, also (are you sitting down this may shock you) shes a human being, not a robot, human beings prioritise and give things worth and value.

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 1:59:49 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteFox77

I seem to have made a mistake in training my 24/7 slave girl.  I'm not sure when or how it happened, but she's gotten the idea that there different instructions from me have different levels of importance.  As a result of this, she's gotten it into her head that when she doesn't follow the instructions for something she has determined is "not important" she expects little to no punishment, probably because I've been to lax in that area.  On the flip side, to me it all boils down to is that I told her to do something and it didn't happen.  What it was, or how important it appears to her, isn't my concern, the fact that my instuctions aren't being fallowed is.



What I am getting from this post is that she determines which instructions to follow.  Not that she is placing differing importance on his wishes.  Her motive could be to test your authority...  Though it truly doenst matter.  Whether it's a kid sub or someone that works for you the advice is the same. They  Know your expections,  Know the consenquences if they are not met. The authoirty figure needs to be consistant.  In other words choose your battles wisely.

BadOne 

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 2:01:33 PM   
DavidsGem


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		Brightest Blessings
 
 I would say you have bigger problems than messing up on your training, if she is claiming to be a slave and is not following orders than perhaps you both need to evaluate what it means to be a slave. I have lived for 9 years as property I have stumbled and fallen too many times to count when following an order, but I have never disobeyed an order, I may have to stumble thru but the order is carried out.
 
 Talk to her find out if your labels match up.
 
Blessed Be
Gem


_____________________________

Fear Fuil Iobair-
(Man's Blood Sacrifice)

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 2:19:23 PM   
aphrodite5


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

she expects little to no punishment, probably because I've been to lax in that area. 


You've shown her that certain tasks, when not done, recieve little to no punishment. She's come to expect this reaction. It's only a small mistake, really. If you expect all tasks to be done, and when not done they recieve punishment, then be consistent. If she doesn't do it, she needs a punishment.

I would talk to her about it before you go changing things, though. Let her know that you are aware you've been lax but you really do want these things done and you are not going to let it slip by any more. Then stick to it.

I also think you should find out why these things are not being done. You say she's gotten it into her head that these things are not important, but have you talked to her? Is the problem that she's doing other things that she considers more important? Or is she just testing? Or is it something else entirely? The behavior is unlikely to change until you deal with the underlying issue, so a discussion is definitely called for.

Good luck with the retraining!

(in reply to WhiteFox77)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 2:46:49 PM   
respectyourowner


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		I would first make it clear to her that she can not break any of your rules and then start to punish based in the bahaviour. You will find very quickly she will conform to your desires. Make sure you punish her in a way that she does not like. I started to realize that my slave loved being spanked so she actually made "mistakes" on purpose. I then switch the punishment and she behaves much better.






quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteFox77

I seem to have made a mistake in training my 24/7 slave girl.  I'm not sure when or how it happened, but she's gotten the idea that there different instructions from me have different levels of importance.  As a result of this, she's gotten it into her head that when she doesn't follow the instructions for something she has determined is "not important" she expects little to no punishment, probably because I've been to lax in that area.  On the flip side, to me it all boils down to is that I told her to do something and it didn't happen.  What it was, or how important it appears to her, isn't my concern, the fact that my instuctions aren't being fallowed is.

Before I just crack down on her, I'm hoping that people that have actually gone through this problem can tell me what they tried in order to resolve it, and what worked and didn't work.

--------------------------
Sincerely
WhiteFox77


(in reply to WhiteFox77)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 2:48:45 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Maybe instead of punishment, you should think about discipline to change the unwanted behavior.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to respectyourowner)
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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 2:56:36 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think you are on the right track in accepting responsibility for your not following through.

Perhaps the thing to do would be to start over.
Tell her you won't hold any prior lapses against her and present your expectations to her in a clear manner.
Make sure she understands.
If you don't want a punishment dynamic let her know.
Let her know what both the positive and negative consequences will be for her behavior.

Find out if your perceptions in relation to how she values your instructions are correct.
Discuss it and once there is understanding
...find a solution.
Follow through.

(in reply to WhiteFox77)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 3:08:14 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Quick Answer.

This isn't about punishment. You have the EXACT SUB YOU CREATED. You showed her that you are not consistent and so she assumed that what you did do was your own consistency.

I did go through this with andi. I learned that if I am going to do something I need to be consistent otherwise, what is the point. Why is something important one week and not important the next? Exactly what are you teaching her by being Lax on something one time then hard the next?

To answer my won question as not to allow for confusion... all you teach a sub when you do this is......... I will punish you when I want to and I will manufacture reasons to punish you.

Now this may not be what you are really doing but it is the lesson you are teaching.

If you are going to give an Order then you better ACTUALLY want it done and the punishment should be the same every time. If she doesn't do it then she gets this. If she fails to do it then she gets this.

Next week we will discuss expectations and setting a sub up to fail. If you give her too much to do you will always be punishing her and eventually she will wonder why she bothers in the first place.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 3:10:10 PM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Never mind SteelofUtah already said what I was going to say

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 3:31:53 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		you lax... she does too.  Who's fault is that?  Perhaps you need to reaffirm the rules and forego punishment until she has a clear understanding and instructions. 

... not all slaves are mind readers.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 3:36:37 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Sit down and talk to her like an adult, explain your concerns and let her answer.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 4:55:31 PM   
WhiteFox77


Posts: 66
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		Talking is always the first step to solving any problem in any relationship.  D/s relationships are no different.

In this case I think it's a combination of priority, and disobedience.  The things we're talking about aren't horribly important to life, it's not like she's forgetting to cook or do laundry and I have nothing to wear to work (she is also a stay-at-home mom).  It's all little stuff like putting lube on herself before bed, or not taking a toy out of herself without asking first.  Hardly critical no matter how you slice it, but I still want it done.

After talking to her, her explanation is basically "I don't remember because it's not important..."

Solution:  Master (me) needs to be more consistent.  So as not to make life too difficult on her, and to keep the "change" gradual, for the present I am categorizing things into "important" and "expected".  Each week she will have one "Get out of jail free" pass for things that are expected.  Other than that she WILL get a penalty for not doing something that's been asked of her.  As time goes on, the "Get out of jail free" pass will go away, and penalties for "forgetting" will get more unpleasant.

For the record, penalties for her and I are not focused around physical pain.  A spanking is a reward, not a penalty.  Also I try to relate penalties to the activities that caused them, so most penalties aren't sexually related unless what she was asked to do was sexually related.  Example:  Not keeping up on dishes will result in my supervising her doing all the dirty dishes by hand rather than using the dish washer.  Not keeping herself clean shaven might result in my bringing her to the salon to get waxed.

As a whole I really dislike giving penalties.  I find that coming up with an appropriate and related penalty isn't always easy, and over all I don't like doing things that make my slave-girl unhappy.  I MUCH prefer that my instructions are simply followed, and that life goes on without me having to enforce discipline.

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RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 8:52:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think the issue is your lack of cracking down- I think it's establishing and communicating clear expectations and following through.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 9:00:15 PM   
WhiteFox77


Posts: 66
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		The following through is the hard part.  I'll admit I'm inharently lazy.  Something that I learned long ago isn't compatable with being a Master/Dom.  Just as she has thing to learn and over come to become a proper slave, I have things to over come to become a proper Master.  Funny enough having someone at your beck-and-call is a lot of work.  All to often I've heard myself say "It's not that important so I'll let it go this time..."

It's not so much that I'm "cracking down", more of just doing what I said I'd do in the first place.


_____________________________

Sincerely
WhiteFox77
Learn more about us at http://SexySubmissive.RedFoxDen.net

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 9:32:07 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Well there are two general trails you can follow here.

Path 1. Get consistant, and follow through

Path 2. Stop making standing rules that you are not going to enforce anyway

Both paths are open to you and both paths can lead you to a place where disobedience is not a factor.
Of course you can do both.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 9:54:09 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Well there are two general trails you can follow here.

Path 1. Get consistant, and follow through

Path 2. Stop making standing rules that you are not going to enforce anyway

Both paths are open to you and both paths can lead you to a place where disobedience is not a factor.
Of course you can do both.


What he said. 

Honestly... why are you making rules about things you don't think are that important to begin with?  Isn't day-to-day life challenging enough without adding more to your own plate and hers?  Why are you giving both you and her more work to do and things to remember?  How about only telling her what she needs to do when it really matters to you?

Treasure
(who knows without doubt if Firm tells her to do something that it is important)


< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 4/21/2008 9:55:24 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A Training Mistake - 4/21/2008 10:54:05 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteFox77

The following through is the hard part.  I'll admit I'm inharently lazy.  Something that I learned long ago isn't compatable with being a Master/Dom.  Just as she has thing to learn and over come to become a proper slave, I have things to over come to become a proper Master.  Funny enough having someone at your beck-and-call is a lot of work.  All to often I've heard myself say "It's not that important so I'll let it go this time..."

It's not so much that I'm "cracking down", more of just doing what I said I'd do in the first place.




Now... finally we get to the meat of the issue... you just too fucking lazy to be in control.  Anyone that looks at power and control as work is in the wrong business.  Either you enjoi it or ya don't.  So dont blame her cuz yer lazy to get offen yer ass and do something about it.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 4/21/2008 10:56:48 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to WhiteFox77)
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