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Forced bisexuality - 4/21/2008 10:51:04 PM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		My Dominant enjoys watching men play together. She fantasises about a foursome with two friends of Hers and myself involved. She wants me to recieive oral sex from one of the men in hopes of me enjoying it and being intigrated into more group sex and bisexual activities.

I'm hetero, and I do not find men attractive. I do enjoy stimulation, but I am afraid of regretting my decision to please her by being with a man. I don't like having secrets, and recieiving any sexual stimulation from a man would be something I would keep secret.

Anyone have any thoughts or stories on the topic?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/21/2008 10:57:09 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Was this a set limit when you entered into this?  If it was then there is no issue, if not ......

Mike


(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/21/2008 11:12:14 PM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		awaiting LA's list.

communication, communication, communication. you'll read that a lot.
if male on male appeals to Her, yet is an issue for you , perhaps comprimise. offer to submit to anal with a toy, or sucking on a phallic toy.

_____________________________

OWNED BY CHAOSFORGE.
purrfectly happy slave of Chaosforge.


http://www.myspace.com/phoenixofchaosforge
devotee of CM gods and mods

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/21/2008 11:16:10 PM   
GimpinDenial


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		I can understand your need for keeping same sex gratification a secret.....(coming from someone who has built a whole world inside of a closet)

My question is...are you interested in this? because if you are not (set limit or no) you should be open with your Dominant

Let her know that it was a limit you had not conceived of (even though all limts should have been discussed before hand, and considering this was an interest with her it was HER responsibility to ask before the limits were agreed)

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/21/2008 11:27:29 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		do not assume your Dominate knows your wishes , make them "your limits and wishes "clear , if they are not respected  why would you stay ?Non consensual  and non agreed upon exchange 's can be criminal , i have seen others go through it .Sounds like your not wishing to waiver nor comprise on this issue so that needs to be made very clear . 

(in reply to GimpinDenial)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 2:28:52 AM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		To clarify, we had discussed this prior to becoming involved and I had filled out a BDSM questionaire for her. On the subject of bisexuality, I was ambiguous and said I was unsure if I would be willing to try it. She's had me suck on strap ons and I am recieiving anal training, which I enjoy.

The issues is that I want to keep an open mind and fulfill my Domme's fantasy, however I am worried of the stigma attatched or if I could stand having a man do anything to me. I would not want to admit to any homosexual relations unless I have decided to be bisexual. I do not want to ever keep any secrets though.

I want to know other heterosexual's feelings on being involved with homosexual activities.

My Domme has never even requested I fullfill this fantasy for her, she does refer to her having fantasies of me being tied down and blindfolded, than having her male friend come in and blow me. Her and I would discuss this if I seriously considered doing it. But before I put the offer on the table with her or even mention interest in it to her, I want to discuss it with others first.

The title is misleading, by "forced bisexuality" I am refering to her fantasy, we're S/S/C and she wouldn't make me do anything that I haven't clarified during negotiations.

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 2:44:26 AM   
aphrodite5


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline 		I'm confused. You do not want to ever keep any secrets from whom? Do you tell everyone about your anal training?

We all keep secrets. I don't keep secrets from my D-type, but  it doesn't sound like this is what you mean.

My mother doesn't know that I'm interested and active in BDSM. It's a secret from her. My employer certainly doesn't know! My son doesn't know... Oh, a lot of things are a secret from my son.

If you indulge her fantasy, please don't take out an ad in the local newspaper to announce it. Trust me, they don't want to know. It's ok to keep it to yourself.

(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 2:55:28 AM   
MissSepphora1


Posts: 669
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		You're young.  Just be very careful in your decisions.  And take your time.  You have your whole life ahead of you.
And it's NOT true what they say about regret, that we regret more those things we do not do.  I regret much more some of the things I've done.

(in reply to aphrodite5)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 3:04:07 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		When in doubt, try it out.

If you didn't like it, you'll know.  If you did, you'll know.  Either way, you're advancing in knowledge.

If the idea of it squicks you to the point of skin crawling--which it does for me--don't do it, don't try it.  If, however, it doesn't raise a red flag, which was the impression I got from your posts, then give it a whirl; you won't be traumatized, although you may be disappointed.  Or pleased.  Who knows?  You don't, that's established.

D

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 3:56:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You need to tell her that you're afraid of the repercussions of this.

For myself, we discussed this first. If we hadn't discussed something, then we would if it suddenly became an interest.

But if this is a hard limit for you, something that might well destroy the relationship then tell her. Because honestly if she cares more about you doing this activity then you staying in the relationship then you will know how important you are, or aren't, to her.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 4:05:31 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Exploring with a male who is also your friend is a far safer and saner way to 'experiment' than being thrown into a sex-fantasy with two other guys you do not know. Exploring also does not mean jumping in with both feet. If you want to experiment, test the waters, see if it creeps you out or maybe gets you hot, then proceed with caution. Talk talk talk with your dominant about slooooow methods of approach and make it clear, you still aren't comfortable with the issue and it may be a hard limit for you.

I'm hetero, and I have done enough groping, flirting and teasing with other females to know I don't find them attractive, nor do I want to be involved with them. When someone tells me to try and be bisexual, I tell them it's not a matter of try, I simply am not wired that way. Either my partner wants me to be happy, and is cool with us being 1v1 in sexual relations, or they don't care and they will try to push me to do things I term as a hard limit, in which case, they can find themselves someone else to bully.

**Edited for early morning errors.**

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 4/22/2008 4:08:04 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 4:15:17 AM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline 		I really disagree with the term forced bisexuality.

If I were to go into a bdsm relationship I state limits.  I'm not bi and I'm not doing anything with men.  If a woman likes that then I wouldn't bother to introduce myself, we aren't compatible in the same way she wouldn't bother introducing herself to me.

No one could force me into that situation.  You either do it (under some kind of crutch, like it's forced, but everyone knows you want to do it anyway) or you don't.

It's not as easy as just doing it, there are all kinds of mental connotations and sexuality can't be changed. 

Sorry if that offends anyone but I'm not scared to shack my 'this is bullshit' stick at this subject.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 4:31:06 AM   
TheInstrument


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious

[...] Sorry if that offends anyone but I'm not scared to shack my 'this is bullshit' stick at this subject.




Sorry, but nobody cares about which-a-ways your bullshit stick is pointing. What's the point in
giving fair and logically objective advice if you're going to follow up with a nice helping of "keep
those people away from me?"

Because really, it's that kind of thinking - or more specifically that talking -
that makes people afraid to take such chances.

(in reply to Ostentatious)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 4:34:18 AM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheInstrument
"keep those people away from me?"


I have a big enough mouth and enough opinions of my own without you reading into what I say, finding and quoting something I didn't say!

I'm not discouraging anything or saying to keep people away from me.

I'm not the type to pour water on peoples fire but I know bullshit when I see it.

(in reply to TheInstrument)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 4:45:02 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Hello Andjew
I believe I will ask, would you feel the same if the person your mistress wanted you to play with was female?  I believe working out whether this is bisexual issue or a monogamy issue is the way to go first.  Then work on the difficulty of keeping 'secrets'.  I cannot write any worthwhile advice otherwise.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 5:14:52 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		You need to find the answer within yourself.

Would you do this if you knew that NOBODY would ever know? I think that you want to, but are afraid of being labeled.

This advice comes from a hetero man.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 5:52:14 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andjew

To clarify, we had discussed this prior to becoming involved and I had filled out a BDSM questionaire for her. On the subject of bisexuality, I was ambiguous and said I was unsure if I would be willing to try it. She's had me suck on strap ons and I am recieiving anal training, which I enjoy.
....


I may be speaking to the choir here, but I feel compelled to reiterate that anal sex and bisexuality are not, clearly NOT, related.
 
Everybody has nerve-endings in their anus and most people are able to admit stimulating said nerve-endings is pleasurable. 
 
There are so many people who confuse things like submission and anal-sex with bisexuality.  There IS NO CONNECTION; manly men can enjoy submission and/or anal sex and still be all male. 
 
Okay, that said…we return to your regular programming here.
 
I'd also just like to suggest that swinging and D/s do not have to go hand-in-hand.  Casual sex is not something I particularly enjoy anymore.  I know several submissive men who have the same fantasies your Domina seems to have; the idea is not a bad thing...it could just be a matter of matching up desires and limits; fantasy and reality. 
 
MsB


_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to Andjew)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 7:17:57 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		hmm. I don't care for the term forced bisexuality ethier. to me it implies that the sub partner is truly being forced into something he/she doesn't want to do. Now me, I am interested in the idea. I would like to have someone who is interested in the idea. If I met someone that wasn't, then it wouldn't happen with that person. period.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 7:45:50 AM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx

hmm. I don't care for the term forced bisexuality ethier. to me it implies that the sub partner is truly being forced into something he/she doesn't want to do. Now me, I am interested in the idea. I would like to have someone who is interested in the idea. If I met someone that wasn't, then it wouldn't happen with that person. period.


If someone is interested in 'forced' bisexuality it doesn't need to be forced, it's one of two things, a) someone who wants to do bisexual things but need the 'forced' to make it appear it's not their idea or b) they are freely bisexual but like the 'forced' ie 'rape' aspect, in the same way many women have 'rape fantasies'.

Either way 'forced bisexuality' just does not exist.  If someone tied you up and brought in a shed load of guys to induce 'forced bisexuality' then again it's not 'foreced bisexuality' it's rape and there is no trust in that relationship whatsoever if you'd said this is a line that can't be crossed.

No one could 'force' me into it and I couldn't give a toss if that person was my domme because I'd never cross that mental line.

Hope you find your bisexual guy to enjoy this with!

< Message edited by Ostentatious -- 4/22/2008 7:47:39 AM >

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Forced bisexuality - 4/22/2008 10:14:51 AM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Hello Andjew
I believe I will ask, would you feel the same if the person your mistress wanted you to play with was female?  I believe working out whether this is bisexual issue or a monogamy issue is the way to go first.  Then work on the difficulty of keeping 'secrets'.  I cannot write any worthwhile advice otherwise.
 
the.dark.


Very good question, it's one I've thought of a bit. I would be more than happy to recieve sexual gratifacation from another woman. My Domme is polyamorous and I'm excited to enjoy other partners with consent from my Domme.

I'm just worried about the reperecussions of recieivng a bisexual act.


< Message edited by Andjew -- 4/22/2008 10:15:25 AM >

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 20
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