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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 10:48:00 AM   
Leatherist


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Disagree.

It's often used as an excuse to perpetuate the worst things imaginable.

Hitler justified killing the jews and other "enemies  of the state" through his "Love of the Aryan race."

It can be the most fucked up thing you can think of-if used as a rationalization.

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 10:51:42 AM   
kittinSol


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If it's fucked-up, it's not love though.

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 10:55:40 AM   
Loveisallyouneed


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Disagree.

It's often used as an excuse to perpetuate the worst things imaginable.

Hitler justified killing the jews and other "enemies  of the state" through his "Love of the Aryan race."

It can be the most fucked up thing you can think of-if used as a rationalization.


I agree the word is used to describe a great number of things other than what I've claimed.

"I love a peanut butter and jelly sandwich"

But using my definition that Love does not perpetuate dysfunctional behaviour, Hitler's genocidal policies can certainly be classified as "dysfunctional", thus "not Love".

Hitler used Fear, not Love.

Fear is the source of all dysfunction.

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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 10:55:54 AM   
LaTigresse


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Perhaps, but I am not entirely sure about that.

There are some really fucked up people in this world. I would imagine their issues flavour all of their emotions and how they express them.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 11:02:31 AM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

There is no problem with feeling "self important" as long as the 'self is being represented accurately and the definition of self 'importance' represents fact when the representation is tested in the light of day, or, in this case, within a relationship. Coming in without integrity and attracting someone with lies would doom anyone eventually. The open trusting person, may not do anything up front, but eventually, when the work of 'acting' as the represented persona becomes too much they eventually see the truth and run away. That's why I always recommend that people verify and check everything possible before investing emotions and energy. Frauds are actually easy to determine. And nobody, Dom or sub, should accept "trust me" as an answer to a personal question at the inception of a contemplated relationship.

When I hire someone and find out they've lied, or as a well know Presidential candidate puts it "misrepresented", on their resume I make it a point to contact them and tell them; "Gee - you had the job based upon the interview, but verifying the facts I found you lied. Sorry - good luck."

I wonder what goes through people's minds when they lie so blatantly. Whether it's marital status, hight, weight, age, history, or plagiarized information. Anyone with so little confidence really has nothing to offer. Only a fool or someone just as shallow and insecure would find that kind of individual an ideal partner.

"Love" becomes a crutch for the insecure. It's a forgiving and accepting term. However, coming from a person 'outed' as shallow and lacking integrity, what does it represent? How weak must you be to believe you have to lie to attract a partner? At best, it becomes a ploy to achieve an agenda.

Love without confidence and self assurance is meaningless. Love coming from a fraud is valueless, no matter how nice the word sounds.


That appears to be a good argument to shun anyone who speaks of Love, for if anyone speaking of Love can so thoroughly defraud others, why trust anyone who speaks of it?


No. It speaks to, and should only affect, frauds; who can't by definition give or received love. A frauds can't be trusted for love, and because they must be insecure of the truth coming out, are never confident that they actually receive it. If someone says they love you, and you've represented yourself as a fraud, they love the lie, the fraud that doesn't exist. They don't know you - so, if you are a fraud, you've never known love. 

Shun love? That is a silly conclusion to draw. Shun frauds - now that's something everyone should strive to achieve!

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 11:11:55 AM   
Loveisallyouneed


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Perhaps, but I am not entirely sure about that.

There are some really fucked up people in this world. I would imagine their issues flavour all of their emotions and how they express them.



Those with untreated Bipolar Disorder will certainly experience a full range of heightened emotions.

The young can also experience stronger emotions: temper tantrums, for example.

And then there are ways of thinking and living that liberate a person to express their emotions more clearly and openly, thus giving the appearance of stronger emotions simply by relinquishing the usual reserve others feel about expressing their emotions in public.

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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 11:40:17 AM   
Leatherist


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I think some people just sieze upon emotions they think will bag them what they want.

It's a popularity strategy.

"Love" being the most popular amoung females.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 11:50:02 AM   
Loveisallyouneed


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From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I think some people just sieze upon emotions they think will bag them what they want.

It's a popularity strategy.

"Love" being the most popular amoung females.


Then he would be very very disappointed in the results.

Those who seek Love have no choice about what they seek.

Those who are using strategies for one-night stands would find the casual 'scene' much more accomodating.


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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 12:27:50 PM   
TreasureKY


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From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

*stands up to the podium and speaks nervously* Hi, my name is aidan and I'm a self-important sub...


Hi, aidan.  Couldn't have said it better myself...

'cept my "Mistress" is a mister. 

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 12:32:39 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
Some Dommes and Doms are truly "self important." In other words, when a sub is serving them, the sub is doing something "important," "valuable," and maybe even "crucial."

Is dominance, then, the project of self importance; making oneself important to another and valuing oneself highly? (Such as the King/Queen and his/her subjects?)

I must say I find this kind of dominance a turn off in the long run (with someone I might seek a LT relationship with) but a turn on in the short run (its a fuse that might burn pretty hotly.)




I don't know that I'm self-important (when taking a dominant role). I don't feel that those I serve are necessarily self-important.

When I am serving, I feel that I *am* doing something important or valuable. This is because I am a service oriented submissive, and I like to feel useful. If I wasn't useful, as I see it, I'd be little more than a sex toy. (Although that can, in the appropriate context, be very hot.)

When I am being served, I want my pet to feel that he is doing something important or valuable. He is enriching our household with his service. I like for him to know that he has been pleasing. However, if he wasn't actually serving me, he'd still be enriching our lives with his presence. Fortunately, much like me, he loves to please and be useful.

In the grand scheme of things, I suppose that our situation is more a devotion of everyone to the goals and betterment of the household. There isn't really obligation to a King or Queen, but more a "patriotism" that encompasses the household as a whole. Yes, there is an Owner, an Alpha, and a boy-pet, but when all is said and done, we're doing this for US, not for any particular individual.

-Corinne
Alpha Female, House Vigilante

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 5:03:01 PM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Its hard to tell what one really sees via a message board and web site like this; but after seeing a few posts & profiles today something struck me.

Some Dommes and Doms are truly "self important." In other words, when a sub is serving them, the sub is doing something "important," "valuable," and maybe even "crucial."

Is dominance, then, the project of self importance; making oneself important to another and valuing oneself highly? (Such as the King/Queen and his/her subjects?)

I must say I find this kind of dominance a turn off in the long run (with someone I might seek a LT relationship with) but a turn on in the short run (its a fuse that might burn pretty hotly.)

I would express "important," "valuable," and maybe even "crucial." as you say as 'power over' terms rather than power exchange. What happens in the long term for me is that I free myself, I walk, just to give that power over person an opportunity to see, and me also to see, if their 'importance' exists without my acceptance of it so to speak.
I respect guidance, strength of charactor, stability, compassion, self-conmtrol, skill, mastery, as components of a dominat's personality. These are all quite different than hierarchical components.








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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 5:19:18 PM   
impossiblesub


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It is probably a psychological tactic to dominate the subs in some cases. Some people have a deep need to feel like they are doing something important and this satisfies that need. Merely labeling themselves as important immediately subdues some people who consider themselves to be unimportant. I am sure as you originally stated that sometimes this is egoism on the part of the Dominant.

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/24/2008 5:28:54 PM >

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 5:33:55 PM   
BrigandDoom


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Joined: 12/29/2007
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Unfortunately there are those, especially of the male sex who misuse D/s and BDSM in an attempt to force a lady into a relationship. I t is something I've come across on many occasions sadly and as D/s and BDSM is becoming more and more fashionable in some circles more and more of these cretins are latching on. There are some who seek this and if thats what they desire then good luck to them. I feel sorry for those who do have a desire, but are inexperienced and regrettably end up with one of these numpties! They have a truly awful experience and as a result are either frightenned off or have difficulty forming another meaningful relationship.

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 6:21:51 PM   
MstrFury


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will you stop making me think...it' makes my head hurt


pulling my cloak around me and steping back into the shadows

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Fury

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RE: Dominants & Self Importance - 4/24/2008 9:57:30 PM   
KnightofMists


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welcome back Fury

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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