Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

JEALOUSY


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> JEALOUSY Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:17:51 AM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		i recently became involved with the lifestyle after my wife told me she was involved in it.i hav always read and enjoyed learning and hearing about it.
3 weeks ago we mat with with a dom who agreed to help us,he was supposed to dom both of us and it turned out bad.he domed her but i was forced to sit and watch while he took her to subspace while i did not participate.the original plan was to teach me both aspects so i could learn to pleas her and refresh her lifestyle.i felt humiliated and degraded as he made her so happy like i used to do and she was a willing sub to him,while i sat and watched. before it was over i had to leave the room because i felt emotionaly devestated and could not handle it,and i did not want to ruin it for her.i know i felt jealousy even though she said it is not really about sex but power and subspace.
when i tried to talk to the dom he said he enjoyed the sex and had a great time.it was almost as if he was trying to hurt me emotionaly and shove it down my throat and going out of his way to degrade and humiliate me.
is this a normal feeling and how can i work  it out for the both of us without quitting the lifestyle and realizing it is not anout love and sex but euphoric feelings
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:23:54 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Some males enjoy very much being cuckholded, forced to watch, and the Dom may have been used to dealing with that scenario.  If you choose to work with him again you may want to make your needs known more clearly up front.  If he doesn't understand you may need to find another.

I agree with your wife; the sex is a secondary act for many.  It is the submission that gives the greatest satisfaction.  Please don't make the mistake of blaming her for enjoying herself in your jealousy.  The two of you just need to find the right dynamic so that both of your needs are being met.


_____________________________



(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:25:03 AM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BCAPCAB
he was supposed to dom both of us

quote:


when i tried to talk to the dom he said he enjoyed the sex and had a great time.it was almost as if he was trying to hurt me emotionaly and shove it down my throat and going out of his way to degrade and humiliate me.


Job done. I rest my case

~ Judge Burke~

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:30:00 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I was thinking the same thing, FC.

BCap, you did get a lesson in Domination - a great one. Some Doms use humiliation and some subs love it. Another lesson: make clear what everyone's expectations are before agreeing to do a thing, which is not intended to be a flippant statement. 

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:30:49 AM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Ipso facto quod erat demonstrandum

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:51:01 AM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		in no way do i blame my wife,matter of fact she warned him of my predicted reaction and it was as if he did not care,and was on an ego trip without respects to limits or feelings.he did nothing for aftercare for either of us

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 11:54:53 AM   
sunkstar


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		what is done is already done... what you felt is how you felt... it doesnt matter if its normal or not.

you chose to experience this, now you see the consequence. Not every game will be carried out the way you planned it. and be prepared it will go further than you imagined.

I wish you good luck

(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:05:12 PM   
ViciousCycle


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		As the FBI states in violence control classes...once a dyanmic or sequence has begun; you are already 3 steps behind.  Your event however left you further behind with each movement. We all learn these events we enter into are not like ordering from a menu. Things evolve on unexpected turns even with the best of forward thinking and preplanning. You were very hopeful and entered into this in a naive manner. Was it you didn't ask the right questions? Was it the Dom didn't want to share his plan? Were you led to the plucking of your innocence in a calculated manner? Who knows...it happened...learn from it. Will the next Master Plucker be any more honest or able to stick to a rigid plan? Who knows?  Listen to conversations of those who felt they knew their guide well...even then expectations vary drastically. Human expectations and actual results really reside in quite different places. As prior posters have spoken; redefine your needs and expectations as a couple if you wish to share the event. Then evaluate them as individuals....how well do the mesh? How can you resolve the state you both occupy at this moment?
Keep perception in its place. Keep reality in its place as well. 

< Message edited by ViciousCycle -- 4/26/2008 12:07:32 PM >

(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:10:36 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		I also agree....you were topped. Were limits expressed before hand? Do you spell out in detail what you expected to happen or not happen? Did you want him to fuck you as well? Did he make you clean her up after as well? Did you fuck her after they finished? Maybe after he left? Are you upset because she was really digging getting fucked by "a real man"?
It seems that he didn't do anything to you that required after care, so why couldn't you provide aftercare for her, since you wanted to be involved in it? Were you hoping to top from the bottom?

I am confused as to what you cause for distress is.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to sunkstar)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:18:09 PM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		thank you very much for your frank advice,since i had never met the person he was going on what my wife said,i now realize to sit and set what is expected and some limits.
you are right about me being niave,since my wife had set this up.she was also suprised about the way things turned out about some of his actions

(in reply to ViciousCycle)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:26:13 PM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		i was not expecting him to have sex with me.as for being a real man i am in more ways than just sex,we have always had a good relationship sexual and otherwise.i would venture to say i was upset because i did not get to participate in giving her happiness. according to my wife he was supposed to plan aftercare for for the bothof us knowing that i would be upset and that she should have had help returning from what she called subspace
i have 2 questions ,first does this get easier to accept as time goes on and secondly did he overstep bounds when he bragged to me.when he new it was to help both of us yet i percieved i was being ignored

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:27:47 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Did they seem to react well to each other? Had they met each other before you met him? How many times have they been together? Did she seem distressed while he was knocking the bottom out of her pussy, plowing her like the back 40, breaking her down like a 12 guage shotgun? How did it make you feel when you watched his big dick sliding in & out of her? Did you get a woody? Would you feel as jealous if she had not liked his fucking, and told you how much better she enjoys fucking you?

BTW....are you in Georgia? If so, I might know who this guy was. Nevermind...that guy prefers the husbands to not know so he can "blackmail" the woman.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:44:46 PM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		they never engaged in vaginal sex oral only.when you called him what you percieve as a real man does not fit with my ideals of a real man.
when this had been set up originaly it was supposed to be him and topped by my wife and her friend.this whole scenario was turned around at the last minute without my knowledge. i am beginning to think that he manipulated her and her friend to get what he wanted and no thought to others.he new this was to be a so called training session and that i wanted to learn because i knew my wife liked it and it would please her. i was not sure how things were going to procede when we met but i kept my word to my wife like a real man. 1 dom i had spoke to said i had the reaction because of the love i have for my wife and suggested that i watch a couple of doms work with her to get over the shock .was my reaction normal? and if so do you have any ideas how to cope with this feeling so i do not ruin it for us? i still want to continue learning for my sake as well as hers.one of the things that struck me as strange is that she says i am a definite switch because of my vanilla lifestyle and yet more sub now because of this incident.
if he read my profile he would have seen humiliation was a hard limit. did he do these things  to show mw the real side of the lifestyle or was he on an ego trip for himself.
according to what i have learned and hear from my wife a dom is something to be treasured and nurtured above all else plus respected. i felt just the oppisite

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 12:54:34 PM   
StayOfExecution


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like you were cucked.

_____________________________

I'm not the gambling kind. And you look like a risk.

(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 1:01:42 PM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		very very very much so which is a hard limit on my profile,i believe if he had taken the time to read my profile and spent time talking to me some of this would not have happened.i admit my fault in this was not making clear expectations with regard to boundries and needs.i have learned a graqt deal since then
i will now make it clear what my needs and limits are and also make clear i have to have a more supporting role in taking my wife wher she wants to go.i just hope in the futurethat we meet are more understanding person who will respect us

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 1:05:40 PM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline 		More than a year ago, I was contacted by a couple who live about 1 1/2 hours from Me.  They were looking for an experienced Dom to train her to serve him; and possibly O/others at his discretion.  He wanted to watch Me play with her, and thus learn how to dominate her. 
 
Basically, I'd be training them both.  They claimed to be experienced swingers, and sex with her was a definite possibility, but the main thing they sought was for him to learn how to better 'take control' of his wife. 
 
They told Me they'd been looking for a Dom for almost a year, had emailed and/or chatted with numerous Doms, but none seemed 'right'.  I was the first Dom who seemed to genuinely respect him as part of the equation, rather than paying him (at best) tacit attention, then trying to get past him--and into her pants--ASAP. 
 
In fact, I had two decent phone conversations with him, before speaking with her.
 
Basically, finding a Dom who will respect your needs, as well as your wife's needs (while fulfilling their desire for your wife) may take you a while.  (This guy doesn't seem to be 'it', if you haven't figured that out, already.)
 
And patience rmains a virtue...

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 1:22:59 PM   
StayOfExecution


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		Are you sure you didn't like it?

Is it possible that you liked it but are having a hard time squaring that with the belief that you shouldn't have? 

Sometimes hard limits are actually strong desires that we haven't yet acknowledged as such.

_____________________________

I'm not the gambling kind. And you look like a risk.

(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 1:30:39 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		OP,
Pardon my tough, imposing questions. From what you have said, I think that the "dom" in question here is a dillweed. Unfortunately, there are very, very many like him. Do NOT let this incident cause harm to your marriage.
Good luck.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to Floggings4You)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 1:53:43 PM   
BCAPCAB


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		after we spent time talking about it we both realized he was not a march for us in any form,it has not harmed our relationship as we did a lot of talking. thank you for your help it is appriciated

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: JEALOUSY - 4/26/2008 2:03:03 PM   
MastrVran


Posts: 354
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BCAPCAB

very very very much so which is a hard limit on my profile,i believe if he had taken the time to read my profile and spent time talking to me some of this would not have happened.i admit my fault in this was not making clear expectations with regard to boundries and needs.i have learned a graqt deal since then
i will now make it clear what my needs and limits are and also make clear i have to have a more supporting role in taking my wife wher she wants to go.i just hope in the futurethat we meet are more understanding person who will respect us


Most people will agree this was done in such a way as to be wrong, simply because the agreed upon things were not really done. Though only on your side.

Part of the problem is that there are few Doms who really care about the hubby and his needs. They simply want the wife/sub and will in some way put up with you. I guess the best way to look at this, is to see what could have happened vs what did. You were left out of doing anything with your wife/sub. You werent taught anything or involved. So this obviously is not someone you may want to deal with. Your wife/sub though got some of the things she wanted though. So it was not a total loss. Maybe just from seeing how she was treated and what was done to her you could learn some of that. In the future, I would suggest something simple. Make sure your wife/sub understands that you will stop things if you are being excluded. if that happens, approach the Dom and ask him to sit down and talk. Go over where your problems are. If he refuses, take your wife/sub and leave. This is not a let her have a great time while you watch the situation. This is a we both are here to get something out of this. If the Dom in question doesnt care about that, then find someone who does.

That should take care of your problem in the future.

MV

(in reply to BCAPCAB)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> JEALOUSY Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094