quote:

~On the other hand, as I never did actualy meet the guy, nothing actualy happened~

Write out these lines two hundred times or at least as many times as you need to in order to understand the REALITY of your situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: megan2007

There was anouther whom I was sub to, whom I had to actualy turn into the police for something I found out.  And if the.dark thinks that's a sign of poor personal judgement on my part, she has every right to that opinion.  But these were two completly seperate individuals and circumstances.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I read the opening post twice to make sure I didn't misunderstand what she was saying...

I have an idea..  Granted, it's a bit risky but we here are all risk takers of one form or another, aren't we? 
Here's my idea...
Ready?
.....
.....

How about you TALK to the "guy who you almost met but didn't and may have been unsafe but you'll never know for sure yet you have dedicated a thread to him"
maybe even engage in grown-up, face to face conversation and tell him, "you know, it freaked me out when you said "x or y or z" and it made me feel nervous and scared and I think you are a big poophead for that."

Perhaps you might even get a "Well, yeah, perhaps that wasn't the best tactic to use....."
That may work much better than the schoolyard tactics "Pssst.. Don't be friends with that kid, he doesn't know how to do things the way I like them done, even though I didn't know that I was supposed to communicate that to him..  I thought Dominants could read minds... Well can't they?"

I would feel really badly if I were you when the Dominant male in question confronts you for badmouthing him. I think you should start with, "I'm sorry"

What a really wonderful post, I am very VERY proud of you!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

To the OP - I have a novel idea:

How's about you forgive the guy?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

DAMN!!!!

You look HOT...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Tell you a secret, the few times she has gotten her cam to work, it was her smile I wanted to see most.  She is filled with joy and life, something I just find intoxicating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: megan2007

*Deep breath*  Ok, this post will probably not make a lot of sense, but I'm going to try, anyways.

My first experience of sub frenzy, when I first realy stepped out of my personal "kink closet" and joined CM here, included what could have potentialy led to an if not dangerous, then at least highly destructive encounter with a dominant who....would not have been safe to play with.  However, due to the (thankfully) interference of my past dominant, and my own mentor (once I was made to TELL my mentor, about the things I had been keeping from him, about this dominant I never actualy ended up meeting), in the end, I obviously, did not meet up with the one who would have likely proven unsafe.

Now, I have MANY reasons to hate my first/thus far only, ex-dominant, personaly.  Mostly centered around why I had to turn him into the police.  However, he was never an unsafe player.  Sometimes callous, but not unsafe.

The first dominant that I started talking seriously to though (the one I never met),  would have definatly proven to be unsafe, at least in the fact that he kept pushing (in our conversations via email and phone) about more and more activities should we meet and play, and since I was so unsure of everything back then (had never even SEEN a real flogger in real life, and so on), I found myself agree'ing over time, to everything.  And eventualy it got to the point in our conversations, that I was even saying that if I agreed to something beforehand, but then changed my mind, I guessed I'd have to go through with it anyways, even if I did'nt want to...

*WHICH IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, and I KNOW that now, I think I knew it in my heart then, but by that point, I was so...enthralled, I guess would be an appropriate term*

And when he got me to say that, all he would say in response was "Remember you said that...I'll remind you that you said that."  Any good dominant would have told me that no, I had the RIGHT to change my mind if I wanted to, even last minute, hell even as the situation was going ON, if that's what happened.  Considering I was'nt his, in any shape or fashion.  I know now, that what he said, as well as my agree'ing to go along with just about anything, was wrong.  But at the time...Yeah, sub frenzy IS real, at least for many.

Ok, long story short.  This same dominant, has resurfaced after a long period of time of not being active, within a kink group that I belong to.  I have warned some of the people in the group, about him already.  But not all of them know, obviously.  Now it seems he'll be showing up at the group's meetings (as well as meetings for other local groups, but I cant do anything about that).  Considering our group is for younger kinksters, many of which are just starting to explore their feelings about things, and have little to no real life experiences in the lifestyle...

What do I do?  I mean, on the one hand, I want to go to ALL of them, the active members at least, and warn them.  On the other hand, as I never did actualy meet the guy, nothing actualy happened to warrant the warning.  And I freely admit I was STUIPED to have gotten to the point where I was agree'ing to lots of things I knew better then to, in our phone and email conversations.  Hopefully, I'll be the only one that was that stuiped.  Though I sadly doubt it.

I dont want to commit slander.  But I hate the idea of him pulling that act on one of these others whom are young (I think I might be the oldest member of the group*L*) and still fairly "innocent".

I would appreciate suggestions, comments, feedback...

And if any of the people I know from the group, who are also on this site, want to know more about it, just contact me on the otherside.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra


OOoh, I SO understand where you're coming from! While I'm trying to think of a good response to your question, perhaps you could help me with one of my own.

So, there's this submissive. I've never really met her but I've seen what she wrote online. She's not had THAT much experience, but she's no youngster either. The problem I have is that while she's only been involved with a couple of dominants, her method of operation seems to be that if things don't work out between her and the dominant, she somehow wants to get them in some sort of trouble. She doesn't say what he did (and I don't think it really matters since it's HER behavior I'm looking at), but she ended up reporting her first dominant to the POLICE for whatever he did, and now, is trying to blacklist ANOTHER dominant that she never even met, but talked to online for a while. Now, she's angry at this other dominant and saying that HE'S unsafe, even though she never met him. And it seems to me that his greatest crime is that he had the "audacity" to show up at venues that she attends.

She proclaims she's doing all of this for the "safety" of others, but I can't figure out what he's done that's wrong. So, my question to you, while I think of an appropriate response to your dilemma is, what should be done with the submissive who seems to threaten anyone she doesn't agree with? Her track record at this point is two for two in the category of jeopardizing someone else's reputation because she doesn't like what's going on, and it just seems to me that people ought to be made aware of these dangerous tendencies of hers. I mean, after all, a dominant would have a LOT to be concerned of with her. Isn't it enough that he or she would have everything else to deal with much less worrying about vendettas of unhappy submissives?

I think we should let everyone far and wide - and especially within her own community - know how dangerous she is, and I'm wondering if you have any suggestions as to how we could go about accomplishing this?

I'm sorry, I haven't thought of a good enough answer to your problem yet, but I'm thinking about it. It seems that your problem and mine mirror each other (albiet on different sides of the D/s fence) so it seems that if you come up with a good solution to yours, the same thing might work for me.

Let me know, ok?

juliet

p.s.: I'm just wondering if you recognize the submissive in my dilemma. I was thinking you might know her since she's in YOUR community. People ought to be WARNED about her!! She's extremely UNSAFE.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: megan2007

*Deep breath*  Ok, this post will probably not make a lot of sense, but I'm going to try, anyways.

My first experience of sub frenzy, when I first realy stepped out of my personal "kink closet" and joined CM here, included what could have potentialy led to an if not dangerous, then at least highly destructive encounter with a dominant who....would not have been safe to play with.  However, due to the (thankfully) interference of my past dominant, and my own mentor (once I was made to TELL my mentor, about the things I had been keeping from him, about this dominant I never actualy ended up meeting), in the end, I obviously, did not meet up with the one who would have likely proven unsafe.

Now, I have MANY reasons to hate my first/thus far only, ex-dominant, personaly.  Mostly centered around why I had to turn him into the police.  However, he was never an unsafe player.  Sometimes callous, but not unsafe.

The first dominant that I started talking seriously to though (the one I never met),  would have definatly proven to be unsafe, at least in the fact that he kept pushing (in our conversations via email and phone) about more and more activities should we meet and play, and since I was so unsure of everything back then (had never even SEEN a real flogger in real life, and so on), I found myself agree'ing over time, to everything.  And eventualy it got to the point in our conversations, that I was even saying that if I agreed to something beforehand, but then changed my mind, I guessed I'd have to go through with it anyways, even if I did'nt want to...

*WHICH IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, and I KNOW that now, I think I knew it in my heart then, but by that point, I was so...enthralled, I guess would be an appropriate term*

And when he got me to say that, all he would say in response was "Remember you said that...I'll remind you that you said that."  Any good dominant would have told me that no, I had the RIGHT to change my mind if I wanted to, even last minute, hell even as the situation was going ON, if that's what happened.  Considering I was'nt his, in any shape or fashion.  I know now, that what he said, as well as my agree'ing to go along with just about anything, was wrong.  But at the time...Yeah, sub frenzy IS real, at least for many.

Ok, long story short.  This same dominant, has resurfaced after a long period of time of not being active, within a kink group that I belong to.  I have warned some of the people in the group, about him already.  But not all of them know, obviously.  Now it seems he'll be showing up at the group's meetings (as well as meetings for other local groups, but I cant do anything about that).  Considering our group is for younger kinksters, many of which are just starting to explore their feelings about things, and have little to no real life experiences in the lifestyle...

What do I do?  I mean, on the one hand, I want to go to ALL of them, the active members at least, and warn them.  On the other hand, as I never did actualy meet the guy, nothing actualy happened to warrant the warning.  And I freely admit I was STUIPED to have gotten to the point where I was agree'ing to lots of things I knew better then to, in our phone and email conversations.  Hopefully, I'll be the only one that was that stuiped.  Though I sadly doubt it.

I dont want to commit slander.  But I hate the idea of him pulling that act on one of these others whom are young (I think I might be the oldest member of the group*L*) and still fairly "innocent".

I would appreciate suggestions, comments, feedback...

And if any of the people I know from the group, who are also on this site, want to know more about it, just contact me on the otherside.

OOoh, I SO understand where you're coming from! While I'm trying to think of a good response to your question, perhaps you could help me with one of my own.

So, there's this submissive. I've never really met her but I've seen what she wrote online. She's not had THAT much experience, but she's no youngster either. The problem I have is that while she's only been involved with a couple of dominants, her method of operation seems to be that if things don't work out between her and the dominant, she somehow wants to get them in some sort of trouble. She doesn't say what he did (and I don't think it really matters since it's HER behavior I'm looking at), but she ended up reporting her first dominant to the POLICE for whatever he did, and now, is trying to blacklist ANOTHER dominant that she never even met, but talked to online for a while. Now, she's angry at this other dominant and saying that HE'S unsafe, even though she never met him. And it seems to me that his greatest crime is that he had the "audacity" to show up at venues that she attends.

She proclaims she's doing all of this for the "safety" of others, but I can't figure out what he's done that's wrong. So, my question to you, while I think of an appropriate response to your dilemma is, what should be done with the submissive who seems to threaten anyone she doesn't agree with? Her track record at this point is two for two in the category of jeopardizing someone else's reputation because she doesn't like what's going on, and it just seems to me that people ought to be made aware of these dangerous tendencies of hers. I mean, after all, a dominant would have a LOT to be concerned of with her. Isn't it enough that he or she would have everything else to deal with much less worrying about vendettas of unhappy submissives?

I think we should let everyone far and wide - and especially within her own community - know how dangerous she is, and I'm wondering if you have any suggestions as to how we could go about accomplishing this?

I'm sorry, I haven't thought of a good enough answer to your problem yet, but I'm thinking about it. It seems that your problem and mine mirror each other (albiet on different sides of the D/s fence) so it seems that if you come up with a good solution to yours, the same thing might work for me.

Let me know, ok?

juliet

p.s.: I'm just wondering if you recognize the submissive in my dilemma. I was thinking you might know her since she's in YOUR community. People ought to be WARNED about her!! She's extremely UNSAFE.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: megan2007

*Deep breath*  Ok, this post will probably not make a lot of sense, but I'm going to try, anyways.

My first experience of sub frenzy, when I first realy stepped out of my personal "kink closet" and joined CM here, included what could have potentialy led to an if not dangerous, then at least highly destructive encounter with a dominant who....would not have been safe to play with.  However, due to the (thankfully) interference of my past dominant, and my own mentor (once I was made to TELL my mentor, about the things I had been keeping from him, about this dominant I never actualy ended up meeting), in the end, I obviously, did not meet up with the one who would have likely proven unsafe.

Now, I have MANY reasons to hate my first/thus far only, ex-dominant, personaly.  Mostly centered around why I had to turn him into the police.  However, he was never an unsafe player.  Sometimes callous, but not unsafe.

The first dominant that I started talking seriously to though (the one I never met),  would have definatly proven to be unsafe, at least in the fact that he kept pushing (in our conversations via email and phone) about more and more activities should we meet and play, and since I was so unsure of everything back then (had never even SEEN a real flogger in real life, and so on), I found myself agree'ing over time, to everything.  And eventualy it got to the point in our conversations, that I was even saying that if I agreed to something beforehand, but then changed my mind, I guessed I'd have to go through with it anyways, even if I did'nt want to...

*WHICH IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, and I KNOW that now, I think I knew it in my heart then, but by that point, I was so...enthralled, I guess would be an appropriate term*

And when he got me to say that, all he would say in response was "Remember you said that...I'll remind you that you said that."  Any good dominant would have told me that no, I had the RIGHT to change my mind if I wanted to, even last minute, hell even as the situation was going ON, if that's what happened.  Considering I was'nt his, in any shape or fashion.  I know now, that what he said, as well as my agree'ing to go along with just about anything, was wrong.  But at the time...Yeah, sub frenzy IS real, at least for many.

Ok, long story short.  This same dominant, has resurfaced after a long period of time of not being active, within a kink group that I belong to.  I have warned some of the people in the group, about him already.  But not all of them know, obviously.  Now it seems he'll be showing up at the group's meetings (as well as meetings for other local groups, but I cant do anything about that).  Considering our group is for younger kinksters, many of which are just starting to explore their feelings about things, and have little to no real life experiences in the lifestyle...

What do I do?  I mean, on the one hand, I want to go to ALL of them, the active members at least, and warn them.  On the other hand, as I never did actualy meet the guy, nothing actualy happened to warrant the warning.  And I freely admit I was STUIPED to have gotten to the point where I was agree'ing to lots of things I knew better then to, in our phone and email conversations.  Hopefully, I'll be the only one that was that stuiped.  Though I sadly doubt it.

I dont want to commit slander.  But I hate the idea of him pulling that act on one of these others whom are young (I think I might be the oldest member of the group*L*) and still fairly "innocent".

I would appreciate suggestions, comments, feedback...

And if any of the people I know from the group, who are also on this site, want to know more about it, just contact me on the otherside.

OOoh, I SO understand where you're coming from! While I'm trying to think of a good response to your question, perhaps you could help me with one of my own.

So, there's this submissive. I've never really met her but I've seen what she wrote online. She's not had THAT much experience, but she's no youngster either. The problem I have is that while she's only been involved with a couple of dominants, her method of operation seems to be that if things don't work out between her and the dominant, she somehow wants to get them in some sort of trouble. She doesn't say what he did (and I don't think it really matters since it's HER behavior I'm looking at), but she ended up reporting her first dominant to the POLICE for whatever he did, and now, is trying to blacklist ANOTHER dominant that she never even met, but talked to online for a while. Now, she's angry at this other dominant and saying that HE'S unsafe, even though she never met him. And it seems to me that his greatest crime is that he had the "audacity" to show up at venues that she attends.

She proclaims she's doing all of this for the "safety" of others, but I can't figure out what he's done that's wrong. So, my question to you, while I think of an appropriate response to your dilemma is, what should be done with the submissive who seems to threaten anyone she doesn't agree with? Her track record at this point is two for two in the category of jeopardizing someone else's reputation because she doesn't like what's going on, and it just seems to me that people ought to be made aware of these dangerous tendencies of hers. I mean, after all, a dominant would have a LOT to be concerned of with her. Isn't it enough that he or she would have everything else to deal with much less worrying about vendettas of unhappy submissives?

I think we should let everyone far and wide - and especially within her own community - know how dangerous she is, and I'm wondering if you have any suggestions as to how we could go about accomplishing this?

I'm sorry, I haven't thought of a good enough answer to your problem yet, but I'm thinking about it. It seems that your problem and mine mirror each other (albiet on different sides of the D/s fence) so it seems that if you come up with a good solution to yours, the same thing might work for me.

Let me know, ok?

juliet

p.s.: I'm just wondering if you recognize the submissive in my dilemma. I was thinking you might know her since she's in YOUR community. People ought to be WARNED about her!! She's extremely UNSAFE.