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One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 11:34:00 AM   
innerimpishdream


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys.  They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future.  So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first?  Am I expecting to much?
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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 11:36:25 AM   
KCherry


Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline 		I share your experience in this but I couldn;t give you a real explanation. The way I see it is that if they don't accept my um and the responsability that she comes with that they arent right for me.

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 11:44:41 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Because a lot of people when it comes to finding partners tell people what they want to hear to try and get what they want rather just manning up, saying "I really don't want a submissive who has kids", and looking for someone else.



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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 11:53:12 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		sometimes it is very hard to switch gears when one is anticipating something and plans change.  IMO it is OK to be upset and it's a natural reaction to even be pissy about it, if the person continues after a reasonable time though that could be a warning flag.

Also, parenting styles are different, what seems to you as an important issue that needs attention may seem to him as an excuse to change plans.  Talking helps.  I've encountered this many times during my dating and raising kids expereince.  My youngest does need "special handling" because of things that have happened in his life and because he doesn't have a normal relationship with his father.  Usually after a temper tantrum, I can talk with the person who had the issue, explain to him why the thing that came up needed more attention then he thought it would and normally we can get to a point where he understands the reason why I did what I did.  Gosh, I hope that made sense.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 11:55:41 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		OP, stand by your guns. Family, especially UMs should ALWAYS comes first.

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"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 11:56:46 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I have never encountered any such problem.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 12:08:23 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Um's can come between any kind of relationship. Probably why a lot of subs are still looking.  

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 12:23:33 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Dom, sub, racing driver.... there are now so many insincere people with $300 PCs, the vast majority have an attitude like "I'll just say yes, and then we'll see". Keep looking until you find somebody sincere - they're out there, but it is a bit needle in the haystack. 

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 12:34:40 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Um's can come between any kind of relationship. Probably why a lot of subs are still looking.  


I don't believe they do - unless you let them.
Children can enhance relationships - if you let that occur.
Children are only an issue if one makes - or allows -  them an issue.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 12:38:09 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It is possible to successfully juggle being different things to different people.  If someone can't accept an important part of who you are then you need to consider if they are someone you really need in your life.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 1:02:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My children always came first.  Which is why I spent so many years in celibacy.  I deliberately did not seek out a mate until my youngest was 11.
It was a PITA but well worth it considering how they turned out.  Men come and go.  Your children are forever.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 1:08:33 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		No, you are not expecting too much. your children are your first responsibilty. While danielle is my slave and I control her life , her son Logan is hers and her responsibilty. I will try to be a guide where Logan is concerned and a positive (hopefully ) role model, but I am not his parent and have no rights, real or assumed, over him.

Constrictor1

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 1:11:18 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		Also, to add to my previous post I also believe in the innocence of the child until he is 18 and DO NOT overtly exhibit any lifestyle activities or protocols when he is around.

Constrictor1

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 1:33:19 PM   
innerimpishdream


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for all your replies. 
I can understand that someone gets upset if plans change and all that, but the one situation I had was a Dom called me, and he knew I was home alone with my sons and then threw a fit when I had to tell him to hold on a moment since my sons were fighting.  He even went so far as to tell me I couldn't possibly be a submissive because I wouldn't put him before my children.  I thought that was a bit unfair.  When the time comes, and I am spending it with a Dom, I will give my 100 % to the Dom, if and when I find the right one that is.

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 1:39:06 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		he just wants to get into your pants and if you say you have to babysit he'll get pissed off cause he knows he wont get laid that night...

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I did not reply to your cmail.
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Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 1:43:15 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

OP, stand by your guns. Family, especially UMs should ALWAYS comes first.







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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 2:05:25 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream

I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys.  They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future.  So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first?  Am I expecting to much?


No, I have met and been involved with two wonderful Dominants on this site. My ex and my current Dominant. They both agreed that my lilbit comes first. They supported me fully and would actually give me trouble if I tried to do something for them before making sure lilbit was taken care of.

But I always make sure that as soon as bit is either in bed or away from the weekend etc, that my attention is completely on my Dom.

Basically, I'm trying to say there are Dominants out there and even on this site that agree that your kids need to come first most of the time.

< Message edited by akisha -- 4/29/2008 2:11:03 PM >

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 3:00:25 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream

I am a submissive and a mother of two young boys.  They will ALWAYS come first in my life, because they are my future.  So why does it seem that 90% of the Doms whom I have told this to, say that they agree with me, yet in a selfish sense, they pitch a fit the first time I have to put my boys first?  Am I expecting to much?


Nope, you're not expecting too much. If I were a Dom, and if you didn't put your children first, I'd worry about the way you prioritized your life and the way you handled lifetime commitment. I was told one time that I'd never find a mate because I wasn't willing to give up my kids for my man if necessary. My reply was for him to make a choice of his own - kiss my non-surrendering (to him, anyway) booty now or save it for later (when he got a clue).

So let them holler up a storm - there are plenty more fish in the sea, and the ones you toss back likely taste bitter anyway. I friggin' hate whiny "men."

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 3:10:40 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream

Thank you for all your replies. 
I can understand that someone gets upset if plans change and all that, but the one situation I had was a Dom called me, and he knew I was home alone with my sons and then threw a fit when I had to tell him to hold on a moment since my sons were fighting.  He even went so far as to tell me I couldn't possibly be a submissive because I wouldn't put him before my children.  I thought that was a bit unfair.  When the time comes, and I am spending it with a Dom, I will give my 100 % to the Dom, if and when I find the right one that is.


If he can't wait for 2 minutes while you play referee, that is something that I would find intollerable.  Generally when I've had to play referee I've gotten the full support, concern and sympathy from the one I've been conversing with.  Now,  I've had situations where I interacted with my son and what I did was questioned until I explained why I acted the way I did and then the person understood.

m'Lord hasn't had experience with teen-aged boys and so he's on a bit of a learning curve right now.  There have been moments when his initial thoughts and my actions haven't coincided, but we talk about it afterwards and he is seeing things through a new perspective.  Add to that that while my son isn't special needs perse, there are times when the situation calls for special handling, he has quirks that have to be handled in a specific manner or all hell will break loose and m'Lord is very patient in this learning process.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: One of life's confusions... - 4/29/2008 3:21:06 PM   
Sirandlil1


Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: innerimpishdream

a Dom called me, and he knew I was home alone with my sons and then threw a fit when I had to tell him to hold on a moment since my sons were fighting.  He even went so far as to tell me I couldn't possibly be a submissive because I wouldn't put him before my children. 


  wonder who in the world, besides himself, ever called that clown a Dom...you need to run , not walk, away from those types of idiots 

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A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

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