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RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:08:33 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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The session i was thinking about involved my Sir hogtying me on the floor, then sitting in an easy chair, and poking me with a cane. He wasn't hurting me, but i was uncomfortable, couldn't get away from him and getting angry - which i seldom do with my Sir. All of a sudden, I became overwhelmed with emotion, started sobbing, and when my Sir took me out of tie, i cried in his arms.

I don't cry often, and usually from something emotional, not pain.

I have always hated being held down and tickled - i really think i was processing this in my subconscious, and it worked because it hasn't happened again .

it wasn't a spiritual experience for me, more of a psych. experience. But i felt that something was resolved.

(in reply to midnightwench)

Post #: 21

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:10:40 PM

midnightwench

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

At least I like your outlook... If it was fun do it again and again and again...

Oh I try, but ya know.. the body just doesn't bounce back the way it used to when I was 18..

(starts humming "Those were the days....")

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 22

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:11:54 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
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lol
I understand the feeling

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to midnightwench)

Post #: 23

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:15:30 PM

midnightwench

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

it wasn't a spiritual experience for me, more of a psych. experience. But i felt that something was resolved.

Hmm perhaps in my lack of being able to type what I mean (I really am much better to talk with), spiritual is getting too much focus.

The spiritual for me is an additional bonus.. but the psych. is more along the first part of my original message. I added in the spiritual part for those that were out there that use BDSM in their spiritual practices.. as it is a topic that interests me as well.

What you are discribing is what I am talking about in the first part of the message.. a method that works through issues that we know about, or are hiding somewhere deep in the brain. :)

Thank you for sharing!

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 24

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:20:36 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
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~fr~

Fascinating thread. I had never thought of using BDSM in that way, and I don't currently have anyone in my life to experience it with.

pip, my first trial of using those smiley things

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 25

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:23:26 PM

midnightwench

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/18/2007
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Awww *hands Poetry a tissue* hate to see someone cry :)

I am currently uncollared, but thankfully I have friends in the lifestyle that are part of a local BDSM group that I belong to. If nothing else I can go be a test dummy at a demo..far from what I really want mind ya

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 26

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:27:24 PM

midnightwench

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/18/2007
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I have always thought about it, just never really was able to put it into words until I found a book that talked about the very thing I had been trying to explain to my Doms for years.

Just was a facinating concept for me, so I thought.. hell why don't I put it up on collar me and see what others have to say :)

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 27

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:34:39 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I'm not sure if you're replying to me specifically or doing a fast reply.

When I did the scene that I described in my previous post, it wasn't planned and I had no intention of doing anything but straight SM without any spiritual bent. It never dawned on me at the time that there could be a spiritual component to SM except maybe for the fact that I knew that many cultures incorporate ritual pain and suffering into their spiritual practices. I wasn't on a vision quest but the experience itself was unforgettable. I've always wondered about it.

On the other hand, I've had similar experiences doing stuff totally unrelated to SM and without really expecting it. Once, as a kid, I was rock climbing...another time, a couple years ago, I was reading Kierkegard...another time I was staring out my back window. So, maybe I'm just the sort of person who has the kind of mind that likes to do wacky shit every now and again. I dunno. Ya ever see the movie The Tin Man? The part where he finds god in the salad bar? Maybe its like that. Shit happens, and sometimes spiritual shit happens. Of course, and I think you'll agree, if I go up to the proverbial salad bar expecting a spiritual awakening, I'll most likely be dissapointed but there's no harm in treasuring the awakenings that do occur.

And I don't know that that the subject itself is totally inappropriate for this message board. Its not exactly a generalized message board, and alot of folks here are trying to use SM to achieve an altered state of consciousness (re: subspace). I've seen others discuss topics relating to spirituality and I'm pretty sure a search will turn up a lot of threads. So, its not like its totally irrelevant or has never been mentioned before.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 28

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:36:06 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

If someone tries to set this kind of session as a goal for me, it doesn't work at all.

Hrm. Let me see if I can explain the rest of this with out sounding weird. When I was younger, I'd get depressed (Sort of, never diagnosed) I'd get bitchy, frustrated, cry at the drop of a hat, and be a general pain in the ass to everyone around me. Issues or something, no idea. The only sort of relief I'd get from it was from someone else hitting me, but I wasn't much into BDSM at that time, so I wasn't too sure what I was looking for. Usually, I'd end up driving two hours to a friend of mines house, and we'd get a little rough, but that's about it.

Later, when that guy got a girlfriend, and I couldn't go to his place anymore, I'd play around with the melting irons at work, dabbing the side of my hands and wrists on them. Nothing serious- I'm pretty sure boredom had an impact on that as well.

Finally, I started playing around with BDSM a bit. Did a lot of research, talked to several people, and dated a guy who liked to top every once in a while, which was nice while it lasted, but he lived a state away.

In 07 (TMI yet?) I started out as a Pro-submissive... and it's actually helped with my issues a bit, haha. There's definitely no lack of people who are willing to wave a flogger around and spank me a bit.

R, however, is awesome. It's not a M/s relationship at all, we are just good friends. This man has the ability to mind-fuck me until I cry for no reason at all. It might be after an intense caning, or simply him going after me with the Hitachi (hate Hitachi!) until I can't take it anymore. The ridiculous, bitchy attitude drops in seconds, and it's a very kind of cleansing type of feeling I suppose. It's exhausting, I'm a mess afterwards, but it's something I don't think I can do without.

(in reply to midnightwench)

Post #: 29

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 4:47:17 PM

midnightwench

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone who is posting :) (can't hurt saying thanks too many times I guess!)

Lynnxz.. I understand what you are trying to say (and no you don't sound weird at all). I have found that being uncollared has left me without the luck of having someone to snap me out of my bitchy moods unfortunatly. But again... thank god for good friends who don't mind stringing a wench up and giving her a good once over every now and then..lol

Gypsygrl (love the nicname btw, I am a gypsy persona when I do ren fairs and such...) - Love your comments :)
I think if I went to a salad bar and had a spiritual experiance I would be worried ;)

Bacon bits giving me wisdom.. wow the possibilities :P

on a serious note...(which I can do from time to time I suppose).. I have had spiritual experiances when I have least expected them also...so I can relate.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 30

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 5:24:28 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I could never *plan* as seesion like this...

However...I have experienced *them* ....and can remember each and everyone like it was yesterday...

Some was from and thru heavy S/M...play. Thats when some of those spiritual doors would open and in and thru... we would enter...

Not always, at times it was just merely from sleep deprevation, when I would become vulerable and open....up.

For me it was about processing *it*...afterwwards, sometimes I was open to talking about it/aftercare...sometimes I needed my space to process *it*...myself.

Processing is and was important to...me.

These were not the times when I got a quick....*fix*...these were time I was able to go into deeper waters.

Gotta love those kind of power exchanges...

A great question...

May you find what you seek...

(in reply to midnightwench)

Post #: 31

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 5:34:34 PM

midnightwench

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

Thank you

I was concerned about the aftercare.. I am usually flying for days after the "quick fix" sessions, and even longer for sessions that are more intense and moving for me. Unfortunatly this leads to me doing a lot of my own aftercare as being uncollared at the moment, there isn't someone there.

I appreaciate your feedback as it gives me something to churn over in my mind before I embark on some of the "ordeals" that I am looking at. :)

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 32

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 5:38:19 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I have often used S&M as a way of releasing pent up frustrations, stress and energy. If I can get the tears flowing it can be a great cathartic release. However, I can't say this adamantly enough.....I don't think that it's a good idea to try to resolve long term, past trauma or mental or emotional illness with S&M. All too often I see people seeking out WIITWD in hopes that someone here will "fix" them. Too often I see Doms play, albeit well meaning, armchair or dungeon psychiatrists without having a clue what they could be getting themselves (or their already damaged "victims") into. Those things should be left to mental health professionals.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/29/2008 5:39:11 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 33

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 5:50:11 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I don't think that it's a good idea to try to resolve long term, past trauma or mental or emotional illness with S&M. All too often I see people seeking out WIITWD in hopes that someone here will "fix" them. Too often I see Doms play, albeit well meaning, armchair or dungeon psychiatrists without having a clue what they could be getting themselves (or their already damaged "victims") into. Those things should be left to mental health professionals.

True story. I had one dom suggest that perhaps a "gang rape" scene would help.

O.O

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 34

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 5:53:55 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I don't think that it's a good idea to try to resolve long term, past trauma or mental or emotional illness with S&M. All too often I see people seeking out WIITWD in hopes that someone here will "fix" them. Too often I see Doms play, albeit well meaning, armchair or dungeon psychiatrists without having a clue what they could be getting themselves (or their already damaged "victims") into. Those things should be left to mental health professionals.

True story. I had one dom suggest that perhaps a "gang rape" scene would help.

O.O

True story....I had one Dom actually do it thinking it would be helpful. Bad part was he didn't tell me or include me in that decision.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 35

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 6:08:25 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I don't think that it's a good idea to try to resolve long term, past trauma or mental or emotional illness with S&M. All too often I see people seeking out WIITWD in hopes that someone here will "fix" them. Too often I see Doms play, albeit well meaning, armchair or dungeon psychiatrists without having a clue what they could be getting themselves (or their already damaged "victims") into. Those things should be left to mental health professionals.

True story. I had one dom suggest that perhaps a "gang rape" scene would help.

O.O

True story....I had one Dom actually do it thinking it would be helpful. Bad part was he didn't tell me or include me in that decision.

Ugh... wtf.. People are so idiotic, it makes me sick.
*hug mist*

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 36

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 8:40:32 PM

JavamanTN

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to try to be as brief as possible :-)

If you’re interested in the spiritual acts of SM (or SM acts of spiritual expression), read up on the modern primitive movement. There are sects that do just this, formalized pain or SM or body modification for a spiritual purpose. I've done this to some degree, never as an SM bottom but in other ways. When I went on my "ordeal" I fasted and preformed hard labor for 36hrs with speaking to anyone. When I shaved my head it was ritualized to symbolize sacrificing part of myself. There are many ways to go about it, talk to people who do it and if you’re doing anything new to you, seek help. History can also be a great inspiration as most cultures have had this sort of expression of spirituality as part of the religious landscape.

As for using BDSM to breakthrough past traumas, that is one of the most emotionally hazardous ways you can play. Not that I am the safety police, I do this too. But I do advise going into it with a clear and focused mind. As others have mentioned before me do not expect this to be a magic cure-all for past traumas, but it can be a useful tool for self discovery about your past traumas. It's important to realize that if there is ugly stuff that your memory hides from your conscious mind it may come out in all it's fury during play and you need to be able to trust the top to deal with it in a safe and compassionate manner. It would be helpful if you meditated on what your working through and what your goals are before jumping into the scene. That is what one bottom with which I've done this sort of SM does.

If you’re interested in the specifics of my past scenes dealing with traumas, I'd be happy to tell you in a private email. I don't feel it's appropriate for me to post about my partners' darkest traumas in a public forum.

~Daniel

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 37

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 8:47:32 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

-=BDSM Psychiatry=- Not that laymen should practice therapy but, many in the lifestyle do successfully work out their phobias and ‘___isms’ through desensitization in BDSM scenes.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to JavamanTN)

Post #: 38

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 8:57:42 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Scenes can take you many places inside your head, trying to navigate the area between another person's ears with any success is generally not going to work very well unilaterally. You can work the mind and the body in ways to improve the odds but be prepared for disappointment. Catharsis can be gained as can other mental benifits.
I'm still researching for my class at Southeast Leatherfest in June called "S&M, More Than Meets the Skin" which will address many of the aspects mentioned here about using S&M to further goals and promote self exploration. Gathering citations and reworking the order of things I want to address.

1. Things like S&M can be a tool for building trust.
2. S&M can be used to achieve altered states but that's just the start of the process, what you do with the information gathered during the altered state afterwards is the bigger part of it.
3. Catharsis

Id go further but my mind is not functioning and I don't have my notes on this computer. LOL

(in reply to JavamanTN)

Post #: 39

RE: Cathartic BDSM - 4/29/2008 9:27:48 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I have experienced many unorchestrated cathartic events with my Master, in which I traveled to new avenues inside myself I didn't even know existed. Sometimes it was really frightening, sometimes it was absolutely blissful, and sometimes I experienced deep anger I didn't know was there. They have all been healing and I learned a lot about myself in the process.

Only one event was orchestrated, and he explained to me in advance. I was an active participant in preparing for it, and it was an extremely intense experience in which I purged a lot of pain and anger I hadn't been able to let go of. I felt so free of burden after that, and left with so much room to let good stuff in. It was a major turning point for me, and one my therapist supported.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to midnightwench)

Post #: 40

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