RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle

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ResidentSadist -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:55:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff …Im seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore… every day, someone is hurt …abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives ...lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. …Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle. I think that all of that happens to an equal degree in both the vanilla and BDSM world. Have you ever noticed that if you buy a new car, all of a sudden you notice how many other people drive the same model? Perhaps that is what is giving you that impression. Chin up bunky. It's all good.

TNstepsout -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:55:30 PM)
Awww Geoff. I think you're just having a bad week or something. You know there are rotton people everywhere. I don't think there are more in the lifestyle than elsewhere, it's just that for some reason, maybe you expect them to be better. Keep your chin up and don't quit unless it's what you really want. And honestly, I don't think anyone can "quit" the lifestyle. I think it's in your blood, it's a part of who you are and the way you think and perceive the world. You can stop doing the activities, but that's just actions, who you are doesn't change.

MissSCD -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:59:28 PM)
*I cannot believe how cold some of these answers are. We are no where near perfect in this lifestyle.* *Other delimas may be bothering the lad also such as family, work, and moral obligations.* I will come straight out with it like I always do and say, I am right there with him because my spiritual life and BDSM life are in constant battle. Fortunately, for me, my slave is my fiance and best friend. If I decided to leave the lifestyle tomorrow, he would be there for me. *This sounds very corny, but every time I walk into my little country church, I feel a strong tug to leave the internet and lifestyle. It is only a matter of time before this happens.* *Regards, MissSCD* *To the OP: you know what is right for you. That is the road you must take.*

SmokingGun82 -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 9:01:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissSCD *This sounds very corny, but every time I walk into my little country church, I feel a strong tug to leave the internet and lifestyle. It is only a matter of time before this happens.* With as little offense as possible, I hope that everytime you log on/enjoy yourself in the lifestyle you feel a tug to leave your little country church. But I'll never understand why people would continue to be a part of something that made them feel bad about what they enjoy.

MissSCD -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 9:06:35 PM)
No Offence taken: Smoking, there is a greater love out there for me, and that is what I miss more than I could ever miss enjoying something. Regards, MissSCD quote: ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82 quote: ORIGINAL: MissSCD *This sounds very corny, but every time I walk into my little country church, I feel a strong tug to leave the internet and lifestyle. It is only a matter of time before this happens.* With as little offense as possible, I hope that everytime you log on/enjoy yourself in the lifestyle you feel a tug to leave your little country church. But I'll never understand why people would continue to be a part of something that made them feel bad about what they enjoy.

LotusSong -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 9:10:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. I think it's just easier for them to hide in plain sight as "normal" here...

Ellsa -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 9:26:12 PM)
youngsubgeoff, You are fortunate that you have a choice. This submission thing has been in my head for so many years that I don't see that I have a choice anymore. Maybe I don't want one. I don't know. Unlike you, I have been alive long enough to know that I am not willing to give up on certain things. Sure my fuck tard decoder doesn't work very well. Sure there are people on here looking for a punching bag they can fuck. Smooth talkers, gamers, whatever. I am way too stubborn to give up. ellsa

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 9:39:18 PM)
Looks as if spring fever has hit..once winter thaws and new life begins, many question their lives and how it should be improved , changed or completely made over...self reflection can be a painful and wonderful thing..do what you feel is best for you..but do not try to make the changes you feel need to be made within by blaming it on a segment of a life you are not sure of....your condoning the bad that happens in life is not the issue..your condoning the bad that happens within you, as you perceive it ,is the issue.............enjoy the journey of self discovery and the road you wish to travel........Tempting

azropedntied -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 9:50:56 PM)
Wow i am so glad i am not a part of your "lifestyle " I have met some wonderful people through bdsm and D/s life long pals and mentors .I have seen what the OP is describing in everyday life .Yet when i look back through out the Many years i can not say that of Kinky Pervy Bdsm folk .you see the glass 1/2 empty some see the glass 1/2 full , I see the Glass is too dammed small lets get a bigger one ! Happy trail s if your leaving hope ya find what your seeking .

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:04:27 PM)
I'm wondering if you're also planning on leaving the human race? Try taking off the ultra-focused glasses and allow the disillusionment to feed your understanding, not break you.

solia -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:31:47 PM)
(Using Sirandlil1’s quote to make my point.) ‘A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.’ I saw this sentiment in many different ways when I first began to explore this, mostly online. The thought of a better class of people excited me because I was sick of the losers, abusers and users that I had dated for years and even married one. I saw these traits and quickly looked to see where I could order me up one of these ‘true masters.’ But, I soon became very disappointed when I found out that there were really only about .. oh .. a handful of people who could really exhibit (as in ‘be’) those traits. I found myself wanting to walk away from all the fakes and wannabes. Just another club of assholes I thought. As many have already said, you’re going to find all of those issues that you listed anywhere among anybody ~ even among the masters of chess. After some thought, I realized that those traits weren’t just for BDSM people but good traits that everyone could use. I started looking for those traits in everyone that I met, wanted to meet or wanted to be acquainted with. Somewhere along the line, I started practicing those traits myself and in doing so, I’ve attracted a better group of people ~ some in BDSM and some not. I’d suggest that you decide on what standards you want to live on a daily basis, without fetish wear or fetish implements. The kind that when you look in a mirror, you still like yourself. Figure out what you will accept in another and what you won’t and look for those who match. Life is too short to make compromises hoping that someone will change eventually…someday…maybe. As far as ‘looking the other way,’ don’t. Report abuse and get help for the abused. Don’t tolerate any of the negative traits that you listed and encourage your friends not to as well. ‘Real BDSMers’ won’t tolerate abuse. Being a submissive does not mean being treated substandard. Being a dominant does not mean being an ass just because you can. Being dominant means knowing the difference. 99.9% of this is basic, standard relationship stuff. 0.1% is fetish accessories. Demand better from your relationships; be better in your relationships, get better relationships. Up your standards and stick to them. Kind of like the saying 'birds of a feather flock together.' If people don't like your standards, they'll flock somewhere else. Your group of people might get pretty small but it will be the quality group that you imagined. Good luck to you.

chellekitty -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:36:12 PM)
FR.... ok, i hate the "you're only this old, grow up some and then talk to me" speeches...but having been there and done that, and most definately still doing it and will continue doing it..."the lifestyle" as you know it will change...give it some time...grow up...you're seriously considering leaving a lifestyle you haven't had a chance to really live yet...it takes years to develop the ability to have adult relationship (most often through trial and error) and you've only been an adult for 2 years...plus you're at an age where you're still discovering yourself - and maybe this lifestyle is not for you....but a day, a week, a month, a year, years, in fact, is and are probably not enough time to decide that for the rest of your life...but the things you've mentioned...well, as many have said, shit happens... if you need a break from something - take a break - you don't need to anounce it....especially a message board, turn the computer off, open the door, step outside...i make it a point to do it often...sometimes i don't post for weeks or months...it's because i need a break...not because i've stopped being me, which is what brought me here in the first place... i hope i have made some sense... good luck chelle

MadRabbit -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:41:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. Maybe. But 90% of the people I have corresponded with off forums like these, choosen to interact with in the public scene, or contacted via a profile have been awesome. I can't say I relate to your orginal OP, because my experiences have, for the most part, been positive and great. P.S. It's the fucking Internet, man. Don't respond or interact with every message that comes through your mailbox. It's kind of like reading the tabloids. The first question that goes through my head with each new correspondence via message or post is "What do I know that makes me not beleive this?"

Othie -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:43:14 PM)
hmm....my first responds is to say what most people have said "bad things happen in every lifestyle" but in a way I can understand what your saying. I do think that because of the nature of the lifestyle people take bigger risks, and is can cause them to get hurt more then otherwise. But this also opens them up to better rewards, or to be closer to those they are with. If it really scares you, there's no shame in walking away, heaven knows it not something for everyone. Also I would like to point out that, like most things, you tend to hear about the bad things atleast twice as much as the good things, this can make it seem like there are more bad things, even if it isn't true. I don't have the years that most people on this board do in the lifestyle, but I can tell you I have already come across people who do go out of their way to help those who get hurt. There are "safe houses" so to speak and people who can help them get back on their feet. Take some time and try to see all the different sides of the lifestyle and where you would fit in, then decide if its right for you...or thats what I would suggest anyways...

Corvidae -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:46:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Ive been sitting here thinking for a long time... Im seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore. Why? Because every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. Why? There are so many wonderful things to see, but theres just as many, if not more, pitfalls. Is there some part of this lifestlye that appeals to the insane? Does the BDSM community at large sort of look the other way when these things happen? Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle. Again, the questions flood my mind. Do I want to be involved with that? Do I want to condone that? Looks like no sleep again tonight... I wouldn't say that there is a higher percentage of "fucked up people" in the lifestyle, but then again I'm relatively new here, so what do I know. The one thing I do know is that there are fucked up people everywhere, and if you let them affect your life, then that just gives more power to them. If BDSM means a lot to you, or even if you just get a passing kick out of it, I'd stick around, if nothing else than to prove that there are some sane people out there who are in to kink. I don't think that by participating in BDSM you are "condoning" any of the negative behavior you describe. If you are a genuine person who doesn't do that sort of thing (abuse, exploitation and the like), then there is no harm (and probably some good) done by sticking with your kinks (if you still enjoy them that is). Also, remember that we don't always hear about the good things that happen to people... and good things DO happen.

MistressOfGa -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:51:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. Yes Geoff...there are...but the difference is, we know we are fucked up, whereas some vanilla's live their entire life wondering what it is that is wrong with them. I would much rather save my money than to go to a therapist who will try their best to tell me what I already know. I am fucked up. Now c'mere here.Wouldn't you really miss this? [sm=mistress.gif] Plus as an extra treat I have a sink full of dishes that need to be cleaned and a laundry basket full of clothes that need to be washed too. [sm=laundry.gif] As Jackson Browne said..."People stay..just a little bit longer.." Hugs, MoGa

MadRabbit -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 10:54:44 PM)
FR On some more thought, it really kind of amazes me when people act surprised that there is a lot of weird and creepy Internet entites floating around on a website that focuses on a wide wariety of dark and twisted fetishes. We're not exactly at the Betty Croeker Home Cooking Discussion forums...

MistressNoName -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 11:00:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. Maybe. But 90% of the people I have corresponded with off forums like these, choosen to interact with in the public scene, or contacted via a profile have been awesome. I can't say I relate to your orginal OP, because my experiences have, for the most part, been positive and great. P.S. It's the fucking Internet, man. Don't respond or interact with every message that comes through your mailbox. It's kind of like reading the tabloids. The first question that goes through my head with each new correspondence via message or post is "What do I know that makes me not beleive this?" No offense, MadRabbit, but do we know that he was talking exclusively about the online community? I don't know about the OP, but I've met some pretty f'd-up folks in real-time, as well...and no, I'm not just talking about creepy guys who show up at the dungeon...I'm talking about some seriously mean-hearted, yet somehow, well-respected members of the active leather/bdsm/fetish and yes, lifestyle communities. And to the original poster, it's a tough decision to make. It can become really tiresome and frustrating taking what can seem like the never-ending bad along with what's good...and there IS lots of good in this lifestyle. I've shed some tears over stuff that has happened to me and to others in this lifestyle and I've also experienced pure joy. For me, I'm staying in, simply because I don't see another option for me. But I do know people who have chucked it in...who want nothing to do with the BDSM community because they've been burned so badly. I can't blame anyone for making up their minds that they've had enough. But I do hope you will weigh the pros and cons carefully and perhaps wait a little while and get some distance from whatever the immediate difficulty is before making a final decision. I wish you the best, MNN

MissMorrigan -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 11:03:57 PM)
I dunno, Geoff. Why do you hold BDSM up on a pedestal? When you do that, it's only got one place left to go... Your post history smacks of attention seeking/dramarama. There may seem to be a high percentage of 'fucked up people', however, you will find that no matter where you go... So are you really telling us you just don't 'fit in'? If that's the case, the most common denominator is you. You have choices in life. You choose how you allow others to affect you, so why make the exception here? Life doesn't come with a pair of rose-tinted glasses, remove yours and look at the world for all it is... and you'll see that BDSMers are made up of just about every culture with people from all walks of life... So what are you really saying, you want to opt out of life in general? You can only control what YOU do in life. So why are you having such tremendous difficulty doing this?

MadRabbit -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 11:08:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressNoName No offense, MadRabbit, but do we know that he was talking exclusively about the online community? I don't know about the OP, but I've met some pretty f'd-up folks in real-time, as well...and no, I'm not just talking about creepy guys who show up at the dungeon...I'm talking about some seriously mean-hearted, yet somehow, well-respected members of the active leather/bdsm/fetish and yes, lifestyle communities. So have I, but I mostly ignore them and have nothing to do with them which is why I emphasised the world "choosen" lol. My circle of friends is not interconnected with any particular BDSM community and I like to keep it that way. There is a lot of people out there who are worth getting to know and I have managed to find quite a few of them to correspond with, socialize with, and learn from. Why shove aside all those positive experiences and go right for the Lowest Common Denominator of the insecure asshole who uses the BDSM community to buff his ego up to a "rockstar" level? (Plus...if you want to see "fucked up", go get a job in a professional kitchen [:D])

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