Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Are there times in Your


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are there times in Your Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 5:53:48 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?
Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 6:01:31 AM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		There are times at which I have felt far from acting as Dom due to pressures, stress, worries, or illness. It doesn't mean I want to be submissive, it just means I feel less "Domly". It doesn't usually cause Me much concern if the girl I am with is understanding and knows I will bounce back shortly.

I am not One who is constantly "Super Dom" however, lol. I have to be Dom at home, and I also am a foreman at work, so I am often Dom there. But I do have many other hats to wear... Dad, co-worker, citizen, and others. When these times come, I don't feel I have stopped being Dom... just set it aside for more important roles for a while. It comes back... ;)

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 6:10:20 AM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		^ What he said.....

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 6:17:26 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I endured a time of grief and depression when all I wanted to do was lie down and die. I realized the state I was in and understood that it would prevent me from being an effective master. I sat toy down and explained the situation to her and offered her the option of release, which she declined. Her emotional support helped me recover more quickly than I otherwise would have.

Because I work at remaining grounded and honest with myself, I don't find myself in the position of needing to "act" like an owner. I will say, however, that my effectiveness can vary, due to illness or emotional turmoil. I consider it just another aspect of being human. I try to maintain a stable environment and generally succeed but even I am less than perfect. ;)

Timothy


(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 7:57:23 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?
Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.

No matter what orientation, no matter what lifestyle, no matter age or sex or race...everyone goes through identity crises.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 9:34:52 AM   
subkitten32


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		Of course there are times in everyones lives that they do not feel Dom or submissive. I am a submissive, but being the independant woman I am I have to make decisions for myself in my everyday life. There are times where I do not feel like submitting sexually, but I can make that decision for myself as I do not have a Master. I would think though that if I were sick or just not able to be there submissively at times I am sure and certainly would hope we as a couple would talk about it.
Just my thoughts....

kitten

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 9:40:34 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Indeed people do go through identity crises. But i was just wondering about those of us who live BDSM llifestyle. Not everyone in general. I was just curious how others felt during those paticular times.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 9:46:40 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		I think, in general, I am what I am. Some days I am very commanding and even harsh, and other days, I am much more gentle. Some days, I will let a servant slide on something that, the day before, I would have nailed them for. Sometimes, I am in the mood to micromanage, and other times, I expect that previously-covered material can be handled without my holding my servants' hands through each and every step. Sometimes, I am sick, and I want someone to wait on me and bring me soft, warm, blankets...bowls of soup...and cuddles. Sometimes I am -tired-, and the weight of my responsibilities weighs on me like the "Caryatid Fallen Under Her Stone" -- and yet those responsibilities are not going to go away until I feel like dealing with them.

Through it all, I am the matriarch of our household. It is a responsibility, and one that I cannot lay down. When push comes to shove, the responsibilities to the House will come before my personal mood or state of mind, and if I must hoist myself up by my own petard to get there, then that is what I agreed to when I took on the responsibility for servants and for the House.

This is what works for me -- to know that I am responsible to something larger than myself is a good way to keep from slipping into an abyss where I wallow, even when horrible things happen (like the deaths of two of our beloveds, within half a year of each other). It gives me something to remind me that I am not living just for my own benefit anymore, but for something greater than myself and more demanding than my emotional roller-coaster could ever be.

Just how I handle things...

Lady Zephyr
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?
Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.


(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 9:55:36 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?
Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.


This topic comes up often, Here is another discussion that in many ways covered the same topic.



That being said, for myself I simply have to find a focus and not loose sight of it. Granted at times that means I have others remind me of my focus. I also have to remind myself that it is normal.


Nika{Phoenix}

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 10/15/2005 10:01:27 AM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 10:34:01 AM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		domtimothy shared this:

quote:

I endured a time of grief and depression when all I wanted to do was lie down and die. I realized the state I was in and understood that it would prevent me from being an effective master. I sat toy down and explained the situation to her and offered her the option of release, which she declined. Her emotional support helped me recover more quickly than I otherwise would have.


I also have a similar 'Achilles Tendon' in My life, Tim. I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder and I take medication for it that helps Me focus and remain on-task in My daily life... basicly, it helps Me be on top of My life and comfortable with My performance at work, home, and otherwise.

Without good reason often, I stop taking the 'focus pills' and after a while, My performance suffers tremendously. I hope I am not considered to be too conceited in saying I see Myself as a fairly intelligent and highly capable individual. Sadly, though, when I am our of focus I cannot utilize those blessings as I should. This causes deep depression with Me, and I have often found Myself considered "less Domly" because of it.

As you did, I told My girl about this, fully expecting her to run as many before her had. To My surprise, she understood and is most helpful to Me. she sees the potential in Me, and loves Me enough to endure the bad times as well as the good. Truly, Tim, these are precious women, aren't they?

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 10:35:19 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Stress and fatigue can cause it for me. But it's always temporary. The little demon always comes back.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 10:44:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I spend all day telling people what to do. Many of whom are men. Sometimes, it's difficult to get out of that mode and I bring it home. In that it's best to just leave me sometime alone to unwind my mind.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 10:55:24 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		i have said it over and over....i am more alpha than i am docile sub........
and it does cause much trouble..for me personally and those around me.

so i guess if i answered your question..it is hell yeah!

wolf

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 11:01:37 AM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		There are times when i don't feel submissive, but that doesn't mean i become a Domme, or even go back to a strictly 'nilla lifestyle. In fact, i'd go so far as to say it's at those times when i'm out of touch with those feelings that i need my partner more than ever, and makes being alone that much harder. i'm a strong, independent woman and take pride in my accomplishments, but that woman still longs for a partner who's even stronger, who understands that there are times in my life when i can't show the submissive woman i am, who will help me re-focus on those things that are important in life.

At the same time, i don't think i'd want a partner who is always on his best Domly behavior. It's the give and take in a relationship that makes it work for me, and i need to know that there are times he needs me as much as i need him. Staying on the "straight and narrow", never allowing someone to see both sides makes life rather one-deminsional, and someone that i doubt seriously i'd trust to see deep inside to who i am.

To answer your specific question, however... during those times when i was in a relationship and not feeling very submissive, i allowed myself a little time in that head space , but then worked hard to remember my place and what made me the happiest -- which was his pleasure and my service to that end.

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 5:33:52 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		For me, it has a lot to do with how safe I feel, how protected and appreciated I feel. If there are issues in my relationship with the person I am submitting to, then I am not going to be able to allow myself to let go and slip into that headspace.

The less secure I feel, the less submissively I respond.

This doesn't mean I'm not a submissive in that moment, it means I am a healthy, functioning adult who will always need to take care of myself.

I don't suscribe to the give up all responsibility for myself philosophy I sometimes come across in this lifestyle. As tempting as it sounds some days, I don't feel it's feasible in our society.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 8:59:15 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I have good days and I have a few bad days. Sometimes I don't feel much like a Dom but I don't ever remember wanting to be a Sub.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/15/2005 9:41:35 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?
Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out.


I can't bottom. I was tortured back in the 70s and any time I've tried bondage or pain play, it's bounced back really really bad. At a more complex level, I'm not even too sure about the "wall" that people see separating submission and domination. When I do one of my "scene sculptures" where I craft a scene to match someone's fantasy, like with the Dolcett scene I described a while back, or even experiment with a partner to create a scene that someone has interested me, like the blood whipping, to me, the wall seems to crumble a bit.

Just another one of those problems with labels

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 7:02:35 AM   
PerhapsitsFate


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline 		For me, when i go through long periods of time when i don't have the opportunity to serve(yes, single girl here, who has to rely on friends to get the opportunity), and my professional life is hectic, i can totally lose myself. i've found that i get crankier than normal and basically make everyone's life around me hell! Since i'm not living the lifestyle actively, i don't have the release that i've always found in my submission. The majority of my daily life is spent in a professional, management role, and without the release of my submission, I can become pretty ineffective, because I never seem to allow myself down time.

Recently decided that I either need to beg to serve more often, or take up yoga..LOL. Anyone in my area have use for a partly deconditioned submissive, for a weekend?? i can clean like you wouldn't believe(whilst naked/chained and in 4 inch heels no less, have references), and make a mean homemade lasagna... LOL. (j/k).

Thankfully I am lucky enough to be blessed with friends able to lend a helping hand, flogger, cane, etc etc (you get the picture), to keep me from losing myself, and that they often will offer when they see me needing it, long before i ever notice it myself!



_____________________________

"Be still, sad heart and cease repining; Behind the clouds is the sun still shining; Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 7:50:00 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Just like everything else we do in life, it's all about if you're in the mood for it. Sooner or later, you'll be in the mood again.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 8:23:54 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

Just like everything else we do in life, it's all about if you're in the mood for it. Sooner or later, you'll be in the mood again.


I am curious about whether there are others in my situation. How many here move through their "not feeling like" being the dominant or submissive because of dedication to the position and the commitments made?

For me, the description above feels like the way I feel about my writing. I have a published novel, a number of non-fiction publications, and am considered a "professional" by the organizations that determine whether one is a hobbyist or a pro in the industry, but -I- don't consider myself a professional writer. The reason that I don't consider myself a professional writer is that I don't write unless I feel like it. If I miss a day or two, I don't feel any need to explain my failure to write, and feel no real compulsion to force myself to write when I don't feel like it.

My position as matriarch and dominant, however, does compel me. If I am not feeling well (not uncommon since I have some health issues), I -still- feel that, even in asking for comfort, I am still "on" as a dominant. For me, there just -aren't- days when I feel that I have the luxury of succumbing to some abyss where I can pity myself and fail to meet the obligations that I have taken on as a dominant. When I was still learning this lifestyle, and was living as a servant, my owners taught me that the obligation that we take on when we choose to live in service means setting aside one's own needs and one's own self-pity in order to follow through on the commitments that one has made -- in the case of a servant, the commitment to serve...

I may blow off my painting, my writing, my gym workouts -- but I will not let personal problems get in the way of meeting my obligations. I guess, in relation to another discussion on these boards, this, for me, is a limit. *smiles*

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are there times in Your Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125