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RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 8:30:16 AM

RavenofPK

Posts: 320
Joined: 6/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

[No matter what orientation, no matter what lifestyle, no matter age or sex or race...everyone goes through identity crises.

Interesting "all-knowing" statement. Just curious, how do *you*, specifically, know that *everyone* goes through identity crisis, and can you provide proof to support such a "godlike" statement?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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Post #: 21

RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 9:05:42 AM

synrgy33

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
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I so totally agree with krikket here. There are so many times that I struggle with being submissive. When life just gets in the way, we all know what that is. Work, children, family, where there just doesn't seem to be enough time for the "us". I agree that during those times, I too need my Sir more then ever, or when He's not feeling quite up to Himself, He needs my submissive nature more then ever.

I think it's very normal for us all to go through phases where we question who we are, what we are, and why we do the things that we do. When some of it makes more sense and other times it doesn't make any sense at all.

Wonderful question and responses. :)

stephanie~SD~

quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

There are times when i don't feel submissive, but that doesn't mean i become a Domme, or even go back to a strictly 'nilla lifestyle. In fact, i'd go so far as to say it's at those times when i'm out of touch with those feelings that i need my partner more than ever, and makes being alone that much harder. i'm a strong, independent woman and take pride in my accomplishments, but that woman still longs for a partner who's even stronger, who understands that there are times in my life when i can't show the submissive woman i am, who will help me re-focus on those things that are important in life.

At the same time, i don't think i'd want a partner who is always on his best Domly behavior. It's the give and take in a relationship that makes it work for me, and i need to know that there are times he needs me as much as i need him. Staying on the "straight and narrow", never allowing someone to see both sides makes life rather one-deminsional, and someone that i doubt seriously i'd trust to see deep inside to who i am.

To answer your specific question, however... during those times when i was in a relationship and not feeling very submissive, i allowed myself a little time in that head space , but then worked hard to remember my place and what made me the happiest -- which was his pleasure and my service to that end.

jimini

(in reply to krikket)

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Post #: 22

RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 10:23:34 AM

CaptCraig

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: synrgy33

I so totally agree with krikket here. There are so many times that I struggle with being submissive. When life just gets in the way, we all know what that is. Work, children, family, where there just doesn't seem to be enough time for the "us". I agree that during those times, I too need my Sir more then ever, or when He's not feeling quite up to Himself, He needs my submissive nature more then ever.

I think it's very normal for us all to go through phases where we question who we are, what we are, and why we do the things that we do. When some of it makes more sense and other times it doesn't make any sense at all.

Wonderful question and responses. :)

stephanie~SD~

quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

There are times when i don't feel submissive, but that doesn't mean i become a Domme, or even go back to a strictly 'nilla lifestyle. In fact, i'd go so far as to say it's at those times when i'm out of touch with those feelings that i need my partner more than ever, and makes being alone that much harder. i'm a strong, independent woman and take pride in my accomplishments, but that woman still longs for a partner who's even stronger, who understands that there are times in my life when i can't show the submissive woman i am, who will help me re-focus on those things that are important in life.

At the same time, i don't think i'd want a partner who is always on his best Domly behavior. It's the give and take in a relationship that makes it work for me, and i need to know that there are times he needs me as much as i need him. Staying on the "straight and narrow", never allowing someone to see both sides makes life rather one-deminsional, and someone that i doubt seriously i'd trust to see deep inside to who i am.

To answer your specific question, however... during those times when i was in a relationship and not feeling very submissive, i allowed myself a little time in that head space , but then worked hard to remember my place and what made me the happiest -- which was his pleasure and my service to that end.

jimini

By the tone of this thread I must be one of the few exceptions. I have never had even once in my 60+ years a moment when I questioned who, what or why I was or had an identity crisis. I am very secure and slave often mentions how well I handle situations that would stop her in her tracks. I have noticed that part of the submissive experience is one of needed guidance because of insecurities real or imagined.

(in reply to synrgy33)

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RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 10:32:41 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptCraig

By the tone of this thread I must be one of the few exceptions. I have never had even once in my 60+ years a moment when I questioned who, what or why I was or had an identity crisis. I am very secure and slave often mentions how well I handle situations that would stop her in her tracks. I have noticed that part of the submissive experience is one of needed guidance because of insecurities real or imagined.

I haven't had as many years, with only 43 on my belt, but I, also, have never had what might be called an "identity crisis". I've always known who and what I was. I may have questioned the next step in -expressing- who and what I was, and may have entertained options in doing so, but I have never wondered about who and what I was. I've been -extremely- fortunate, as well, in that what I am can be expressed in many different ways, and I have had the wonderful opportunity to develop a broad scope in the facets of who and what I am, through a wide range of experiences and choices.

Congratulations, CaptCraig, on your ability to remain you in a world that often does not value that capacity in us.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to CaptCraig)

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Post #: 24

RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 4:40:37 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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Oh Yeah, You Betcha!
I've certainly experienced times when I'm "All Dommed Out".

I handle the day job, run the ranch, pay the bills, manage the employees, uplift and validate My sub while allowing him the space to just be himself which can often be a complete pain...and as I go through My daily chores handling daily obligations I find that friends, coworkers and even strangers gravitate towards Me for help and advice.

I frequently receive phone calls that begin with 'could you tell me how to...' or 'would you help me find...'. Then there are the calls from family members, the ones that go something like this: "I don't know how you handle everything as you do all the time, Frank just got mad at me and now I'm having a problem with...." and so on and so forth.

Sometimes I just get sick and tired of feeling like everybody's "Joan of Arc".

On those RARE days when I'm feeling 'responsibilitied to death', I usually take a day off.

Seriously.

I have to say "I'm sorry, I'm busy just now" to the callers on the phone, or I may refuse to answer phones altogether. I have to tell My sub "today is not going to be about you or any of your needs so put any personal requests on hold for a bit; today is going to be about a few things I need to do for Myself".

Usually, taking a little down time, whether it be reading a favorite author, letting the chores get tabled for one day, turning away well meaning friends and family, taking a hot bubble bath, a trip to the seashore, a quiet nap, spending the day riding or grooming My mare, spending a few hours on the patio birdwatching and enjoying a really great cup of coffee is all it takes to get My generator running again.

Those who know Me well recognize the signs, and usually respond with a fervent 'Yes, Ma'am" and learn not to ask Me for anything; they usually rally to My side wanting to serve and pamper Me.

Those who do not recognize the signs and who get their feelings hurt or who act offended I simply disregard, knowing I will respond to their issues at a later date.

An entire day or weekend devoted to nothing other than whatever I want to do, as opposed to what needs to be done, is the surest way to recharge My batteries.

It may take a day or two, but if I pay attention to My burnout symptoms and act on them, I find that My Domme persona will return rejuvenated and refreshed in short order.

TexasMaam

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

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Post #: 25

RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 5:00:36 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?
Do You worry about these times or just know they're a normal part of life and wait it out

Yep. It's called being a human being. We all started out there.

windchymes

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

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Post #: 26

RE: Are there times in Your - 10/16/2005 9:48:19 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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quote:

I may blow off my painting, my writing, my gym workouts -- but I will not let personal problems get in the way of meeting my obligations. I guess, in relation to another discussion on these boards, this, for me, is a limit. *smiles*

Lady Zephyr

Well, as far as my relationship goes, I will always be the Dom. When I announce "I don't feel like doing _____" By decree I have told my pet something that we will not be doing today. I make the rules.

I myself do not understand how one cannot feel to be incontroll when it's natural to them. Maybe I'm not in the mood for gi spanking, bondage, fucking, and such. But if pet breaks a rule, I find myself obligated to punish weither i'm in the mood or not. For her sake, she better hope I'm in the mood for it. After all, having to do something when you aren't in the mood for it can lead to something far worse.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

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RE: Are there times in Your - 10/17/2005 9:07:11 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

Are there times in Your BDSM lives where you just cant get in touch with Your Dom/me or submissive side?

NO!!

On a similar note, even though there are those that will tell you that we ALL have these issues, this slave has not, during the course of our relationship that is going on 3 years now, and does not:
a. get "angry" with Master
b. feel that there are times when she "just doesn't feel like" being His slave
or
c. have even the slightest urge to control His behavior, anything to do with our scenes or His interactions with others, regardless of who they are.
beth

After trying to figure out how to respond to this thread for a while, I'll just concur to what beth said from the Master's perspective of course.

The wording of the question is troubling when it refers to a "submissive side" as to indicate there must be a non-submissive or non-dominate side. Why? There is an answer through - outside influences. It's why beth does not have permission to work and why we try to avoid outside situations that corrupt or provide distraction to our relationship focus. However these situations NEVER happen when we are in each other's company.

It's not all "whips & chains". Well, perhaps it is, but it's all mental and emotional "whips & chains". They are more important anyway, and often as much fun. I need but look at beth and she at me to confirm that the "whips & chains" are there whether someone else can see them or not.

Merc

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 10/17/2005 2:01:56 PM >

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

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RE: Are there times in Your - 10/17/2005 9:52:44 AM

hawk58

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
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I think we all have days regardless of our chosen roles or station, when we feel less than, what e normally are. Be it over worked, tired, stressed, illness etc...

Also, manytimes we have o change hats depenant upon the situation. Master HAwk told me when i cam eto him, He would be: Master, Dom, Daddy, brother, friend, confidant, mentor, teacher, listener, nurturer, etc...Someitmes he wears only one hat at a time, and sometimes he has a bunch on.

The same goes for me. i am slave, wife, mother, care giver, sister, friend, secretary, cleaning lady, personal assitant, taxi driver, etc....Often times i am called upon to make decissions, and i am responsible for the decissions i make. Being a slave/property does not make me exempt from being accountable to my decissions that i have to make. I am accountable for mya ctions at all times.

Sometimes, wheni am in the domme/Mom role, its hard to take that hat off, an put the sweet slave hat on when He walks in the door. But it is always just a lil mental button i push in my head that says" He is home, i am not boss now" Even though the decissions i make, the the chores id o, are ultimately for Him to make His life easier, as His lsave... it still leaves me in a very dominant place alot of times, and it is a struggle to change gears soemtimes. Thankfully He is a patient man, and sometimes by Him just saying "Mine" in a firm tone of voice- its enough to bring me back to where i need my head to be.

It is definitley a juggling act on both sides to wear theright hat at the right time, while still maintaining our own roles and identities. But it is done. I think every one goes through that at times.

-dove

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

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