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Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 11:03:38 AM

TermsConditions

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Most of the female dominant posters here appear to indicate a significant level of sexual awareness, desire, and activity.

Perhaps this is a skewed perspetive; I am only male after all and recognize (many of) my limitations.

Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant? Is it possible to posess and pursue a non-sexualized need for dominance Female over male?

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 11:42:08 AM

DominantJenny

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There have been relationally dominant women since the dawn of time. They are frequently referred to as "shrews" "nags" "bitches", etc. To be a dominant woman in a patriarchal society is a very, very hard row to hoe. If you ARE a naturally dominant woman, you are probably somewhat more likely to to explore and discover sex for yourself, take charge of your own sexuality, so it's probably not uncommon that female dominants seem, at least, to be more highly sexed than other women. But the exceptions on all sides are ridiculously numerous.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 3:13:02 PM

LadyHibiscus

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My dominance is non-sexual. I can and have had slaves that I had no sexual connection with whatsoever. I have had long periods of celibacy where I continued in D/s and BDSM activities.

Do I have a high sex drive? Well yeah! I don't see one as being requisite for the other.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 3:20:23 PM

MladyHathor

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Yes, like LadyH, I am a nonsexual dominant---I am also sexually aware(I mean if you took classes in middle school who isn't sexually "aware") exude sensuality and realize life isn't spent in the sack--its nice and has its place--however, I am a dominant in life 24/7--sex is an element not the driver.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 3:23:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

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LadyH and LadyH---separated at birth????

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 3:28:14 PM

MissMagnolia

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I'm with LadyH and LadyH. There are much more important things than sex in my D/s relationships. Sex isn't the prime mover.

I think some guys watch a lot of BDSM porn, and think that lots of sex is an integral part of a D/s dynamic. For some yes, for me no.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 5:24:51 PM

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Quick reply after a few Smithwicks.

OK. Dominance does not have to be sexual, but I did not see anyone post indicating they were "lukewarm" on sex but still into D/s as a D.

And I am limited, un-enlightened, and male. I cannot walk to the mailbox or fill a glass with water without sexualizing it somehow :-)

Though I may be asking you to describe the undescribable, what is the nature of the pleasure or satisfaction of being dominant over another? Is it possible to describe what that "feels" like? If you are scratching something, can you tell where or what was itching?

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 6:35:03 PM

LadyPact

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There is no one size fits all answer to either question, especially the second.

As to answering the second question, for Me, it is about power, control, and owning the submission of another. I don't find this to be too different than our male counterparts when it comes to dominance. The answers will vary according to the individual, rather than based on gender.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 7:10:06 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant? Is it possible to posess and pursue a non-sexualized need for dominance Female over male?

I'm of the "highly sexed", considered in the hypersexual range (considered unhealthy except for cases, like myself, who do not allow it to get me into trouble of a serious nature).

However, my dominance is non-sexual for the most part. I *greatly* enjoy dominating another in the kink sense and am dominant socially in the vanilla sense, but I'm not sexually aroused by dominance at all. I enjoy mixing kink and power exchange into my sex-life, but I don't enjoy kink and power exchange sexually in themselves.

My great enjoyment of those things is quite separate from my raging libido, haha... and those times when I've had little to zero libido due to medications my enjoyment of PE/BDSM didn't diminish at all.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 7:34:50 PM

MsStarlett

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Ahhh... then you also have to remember that Sex is Power. Tease & Denial can make men do very crazy things. I enjoy watching them squirm.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 10:15:43 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions
Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant?

Obviously not. Power and sex, although they go together delightfully, are not automatic companions.

But of course, they are in my case.

Guilty as charged. Yes, I am the "highly sexed" female dominant. My libido kicked in full force when I was about...oh...an age unmentionable on this forum. It has always been like trying to control a wild horse since that time. And I have been a menace to all humankind, but especially anyone who was issued a penis at birth, ever since.

How does dominating someone feel? Sexy! I can play Platonically with someone if it comes up, but I really don't consider it "The Real Thing". The real thing for me is being deliriously in love with the person I am tormenting, and making buckets o' sex just an aspect of my dominance.

There is no right answer on this one. Believe it or not, there are men who do not play sexually as well, or who are luke-warm about sex at best. *shrug*

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 10:32:43 PM

MistressFaye1

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I have to say for me, I tend to be sexual and sensual if I'm attracted and connected to a submissive but it has nothing to so with my dominance. If this makes any sense, I can feel sexually charged during a scene but will not be sexually attracted to the person. In times like that if that special some"one" isn't avaliable, I'm in misery when only the real thing will suffice.

Ms. Faye

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 10:38:05 PM

YourhandMyAss

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I dn't believe There are no prerequisites for being a Dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant? Is it possible to posess and pursue a non-sexualized need for dominance Female over male?

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 5/2/2008 10:39:27 PM >

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 10:54:23 PM

harleymank

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/2/2008 11:30:49 PM

MasterFireMaam

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I have a high sex drive. It's an ssumption on the slave's part that I would express that high drive with them. I have yet to find a slave who can be the kind of partner I want. Doesn't mean they doesn't exist, just that I haven't found one yet. But, I don't feel that sex is necessary at all for my Ms relationships. My girl and I aren't partners. If I had a gay man in my household, we wouldn't be partners.

So, I guess the answer to your question is: depends on the Dominant.

Master Fire

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/3/2008 4:13:41 AM

chezzy71

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As a submissive,i can tell you i am more playful about sex and or leading up to sex than i have ever been in my life.The old"lay down i want to tell you a story"line doesn't work anymore nor does to be more blunt"do you want to suck,fuck or mambo and i can't dance"line.Sex was a discovery and we all chartered our own boats to navigate its' waters.And as one has aged,it is not like the sea has become to choppy,it is more like to hell with the boat,i want a luxury liner now.In other words,when you do indulge,you appreciate it a heckuva lot more and you take your time in the pleasure of it.I apologize to the ladies for the use of the f-word.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/3/2008 4:28:18 AM

SweetDommes

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I can't remember her screen name, but there used to be a Domme who posted who was asexual - meaning that she had absolutely no desire for sex at all, with anyone. There have been others that I know of from other places ... Holly has very little sex drive and while I normally have an overactive sex drive, right now it's zero (and has been for a few months ... I'm hoping it's temporary).

Just like anything else, the answers run the entire spectrum - no two Dommes are the same because no two people are the same.

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/3/2008 5:00:02 AM

DominantJenny

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Quick reply after a few Smithwicks.

OK. Dominance does not have to be sexual, but I did not see anyone post indicating they were "lukewarm" on sex but still into D/s as a D.

And I am limited, un-enlightened, and male. I cannot walk to the mailbox or fill a glass with water without sexualizing it somehow :-)

Though I may be asking you to describe the undescribable, what is the nature of the pleasure or satisfaction of being dominant over another? Is it possible to describe what that "feels" like? If you are scratching something, can you tell where or what was itching?

As everyone else has said, it's a totally individual thing.
For me, there's nothing like the rush of power (adrenalin, endorphins, whatever goes along with it) I get when I assert my will, especially with an equally strong individual, and that person backs down...and not because I've beaten them down with my arguments/I was simply correct and they had no choice, but because they choose to, just for me, because they willingly give me that power. (And it's even more of a rush if that willingness is intermingled with unwillingness, nothing like seeing opposites slam into each other and tangle till one wins...all inside the same person.)
The other main aspect for me is feeling the vulnerability in that other person, the softness to my hardness that immediately makes me all tender and stuff. There's a high that I get from being trusted. I feed off of my submissive's vulnerability; it gives me a rush, a strength, a sense of all being right with the world...

*laugh* The romance of BDSM.

While all of that can trigger my sex drive, it doesn't have to necessarily. When mingled with the physical pleasure, endorphins, etc, of sex, it all just gets that much more intense. Again, for me. Though I suppose there will be a few who can relate pretty closely to what I've said. :)

< Message edited by DominantJenny -- 5/3/2008 5:02:33 AM >

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RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/3/2008 6:31:52 AM

TermsConditions

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Thank you Shaki, you give such good thread.

And I am less fearful of your new pic as it puts me out of direct line of fire of your, uh, abundance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

My libido kicked in full force ... [and i]t has always been like trying to control a wild horse since that time. And I have been a menace to all humankind, but especially anyone who was issued a penis at birth, ever since.

And we penis-bearers giggle in trepidation!

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TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 19

RE: Highly Sexed: Prerequisite for a female dominant? - 5/3/2008 6:55:24 AM

TermsConditions

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All wonderful responses. The mistake of underestimating the diversity of people is ever mine -- even as I try to remain mindful of it.

Equally amazing that those with different perspectives, experiences, and ways of thinking can still find such commonality.

Perhaps a higher level of sexuality is not a prerequisite but can be an indicator for other attributes as indicated by some of the responses: Self-assurance, confidence, motivated – aggressive?

So if sexuality is not (always? ever?) a prime mover to drive this “pursuit of self-fulfillment” is there another? Or others?

Are there deeper motivators for the pursuit of the thrill of dominating? Or is it simply a personality trait? Or a combination of all of the above and more?

Of course no one right answer; or perhaps no right answer(s) at all.

< Message edited by TermsConditions -- 5/3/2008 6:56:31 AM >

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TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

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Post #: 20

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