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stella41b -> RE: its fuckin sad i tell ya (5/4/2008 11:00:16 AM)
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I disagree.. it isn't so much of a clique but far more of a herd mentality which can sometimes descend into The Mob. I don't subscribe to the tosh that online is somehow different from offline, or that there's some sort of boundary between BDSM and vanilla., These are not excuses, just illusions.
We are all part of something called society, all of us, and the BDSM community for all it's diversity is just a small part of society as a whole. The thing about society is it's always willing to be your enemy but it will never be your friend.
From my perspective it seems that we're living in a society which values fitting in far more than freedom of personal expression. Many people here I guess have issues with this.. it's why many talk of 'vanilla' and 'BDSM'. We talk about the 'alternative lifestyle' as if it really is an alternative lifestyle we all really share when in reality those words 'alternative lifestyle' really mean 'my lifestyle which may not conform to your expectations'.
I'm not going to join the 'I'm just me crowd' and pretend I'm seeing it on the sidelines, I admit I get sucked into it too, I'm human, I'm vulnerable, I make mistakes, I post what I think and feel at any given moment, and it doesn't always come out right.
I write from my own perspective as someone on the fringes of BDSM, I come into the community, I come out of the community, but the friendships remain and it's part of my life. What I've noticed in recent years is a tendency for some people to come into the BDSM community not out of interest or curiosity but because it's cool, trendy, or they think being kinky is trendy, fashionable or to fit in with people. They really believe in all this 'alternative lifestyle' stuff, they really believe a bit of fetish gear and a couple of floggers is going to get them that successful relationship and new social life.
I see it time after time after time after time. They've bought into the illusions of BDSM and somehow matched it to their preconceived notions of what BDSM should be like, only they come up against the people who are really into BDSM for whatever reason, but rather than discuss people get drawn into arguments and people start taking sides and attacking each other.
All this technology has made our lives easier, simpler, but you know sometimes I read things and wonder whether some people see Google as a replacement for their brain.
I don't fit in, and what's more I don't want to fit in. You may kid yourself into thinking you're expressing yourself with like-minded people and what you say is right, and having fifty other people saying the same thing is pretty convincing, but having fifty people all stating the same opinion doesn't make it a fact, just a shared opinion.
And it doesn't matter whether it's online or offline, BDSM or vanilla, you are who you are and what you say and write says more about you than it does about anyone and anything else.
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