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Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:27:34 PM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		Disclaimer: The only reason that I am focusing on men is that I am a woman and have only had experience with men. Please don't waste your time accusing me of sexism, and feel free to share your opinion about females.
Is it my imagination, or are men in the scene too reluctant to show appropriate trust in their partners? And I am not talking about men who have a particular need for complete discretion, such as married men- I am talking about single men with whom I have played. I have noticed that, even when I have exhibited trust in a play partner (been to their home alone, had them in MY home, told them my real name, disclosed some information about my emotional life, etc.) they still seem to be much more wary than their vanilla counterparts. Any ideas why this is, folks?
 
Lilith
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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:36:25 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Because so many of the women into this are crazy.

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:38:35 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Or paranoid  .

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:39:36 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I know, the wonderfullness of it all exceeds simple imaginations.

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:40:47 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

Disclaimer: The only reason that I am focusing on men is that I am a woman and have only had experience with men. Please don't waste your time accusing me of sexism, and feel free to share your opinion about females.
Is it my imagination, or are men in the scene too reluctant to show appropriate trust in their partners? And I am not talking about men who have a particular need for complete discretion, such as married men- I am talking about single men with whom I have played. I have noticed that, even when I have exhibited trust in a play partner (been to their home alone, had them in MY home, told them my real name, disclosed some information about my emotional life, etc.) they still seem to be much more wary than their vanilla counterparts. Any ideas why this is, folks?

Lilith



I am going with shame and fear. Plus, if you are the domme, a sub is going to feel somewhat more vulnerable.
I don't think this is inappropriate as everyone moves to trust at different rates. You are probably just a very trusting individual!
Smythe


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Euripides

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:43:34 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I was going to say that males tend to be a lot more concerned about things "getting out" about them than we females tend to be. In my opinion, at least, and I have had partners of both genders. They also tend to be a lot less willing to embrace their submissive sides and enjoy the, rather than seemingly grudingly allowing themselves to be that way.

My 2 cents
DV


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VampiresLair

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:44:12 PM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Not necessarily, Lilith. My Master was more open and trusting first while I was willing to wait and see how things went. However, his trust in me showed me that I could trust him totally and there are no secrets between us. But then again, I've been burned bad and learned a very painful lesson.... *shrugs*

And Leatherist, if some of the women are crazy, so are some of the men! *winks*

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 7:53:15 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Paranoid , No way  not me  why what have you heard  did somebody say something ?no really are you watching me , was that you tat just drove by my house ? 

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:06:39 PM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Shhhhh, AZ, it's ok, it was just the hourly check to make sure you're taking your medicine.... I only told a few hundred people, not many, just a few..... Oh - and about that {bleeped......}

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"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:07:55 PM   
AveAboy


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline 		Dear Sexist.....

the truth is,
if a man is closed about his emotional issues, or personal issues
yet he "plays" with you.

if he opens up sexually, yet not about the other parts of his life,
then....

that means he likes you in a BDSM way
but not in a romantic way,
end of story.

.... I am sure there is an exception to this, but it is true 99.999999 percent of the time

< Message edited by AveAboy -- 5/3/2008 8:08:55 PM >

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:23:28 PM   
wulfgarw


Posts: 752
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		Speaking as a male Dom, I teld to be aloof regardless if it's a 'nilla relationship or BDSM.  To say I've been burned would be the understatement of the century.  And I've had my  preclivity for BDSM used against me more than once, so I tend to be guarded.

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:24:14 PM   
TiedDreams


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/30/2007
Status: offline 		Or could  it relate to the theme of what does a relationship mean after it progresses past the 3rd date?  Dating scening playing is one thing...but committment and expectation might not be his particular next chapter.  There is often no good term nor category for the non committed yet wanting more phase of shared time...well aside from sex toy or slut.

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:35:01 PM   
ToysAndTies


Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I'd say it's because we're more likely to be targeted by a scam than women are.  Sorry ladies, yes you get inundated with creepy men, but the scam artists head our way.            

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:54:41 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Ok meds taken the shakes are over  tanks for the reminder . what a few hundered people you say oooh my !!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

Shhhhh, AZ, it's ok, it was just the hourly check to make sure you're taking your medicine.... I only told a few hundred people, not many, just a few..... Oh - and about that {bleeped......}

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 8:59:06 PM   
Arrrchibald


Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToysAndTies
I'd say it's because we're more likely to be targeted by a scam than women are.  Sorry ladies, yes you get inundated with creepy men, but the scam artists head our way.            


That and the possibility of sexual harrassment / r*pe accusations if the woman gets mad. 

< Message edited by Arrrchibald -- 5/3/2008 9:00:25 PM >

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 9:20:23 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think they are paranoid so much as guarded and well they should, I know as a female dominant I am certainly guarded. Lets face it these are some serious games we play and someone could get hurt, phyiscally and emotionally. So I think its much better to be on the side of caution then to run head first into a train wreck.

~Lashra


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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 9:25:48 PM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		Why are submissive men more wary of you than vanilla men?
Maybe because you can whip a strip off their backsides at a moment's notice!

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 9:35:45 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I think it is more about which end of the whip one is at,  anyone at the tail end has more reason to be wary, it take's a while to be prepared to trust enough  when you are the one that is going to be bound and vunerable.  I am suire if the table would be turned  it would take you more time to trust as well

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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 11:08:24 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Lashra . very well said ..

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/3/2008 11:34:54 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I feel from a personal perspective so many men feel lost. There are male stereotypes which they feel through society they have to comply, but what a male is in person is a very vulnerable thing. Stripped of society, it's issues of ideals, a man knows not where he may lie and there exists a scared and closetted being, not knowing where to trust as the feeling of  difference pervades his outer shell.

I feel what men are is a fault of the society that brought us up and still exists to dominate  our thoughts. Anything from the norm, how a man is through society set roles to be , anything different from the accepted society roles,a man is a guarded thing.

With  contact,experience and love, the guarded self may come to pass as a male needs to feel comfort and reassurance from societal forms that he may fit in somewhere in the idealness that is male.


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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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