CreativeDominant
Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I can't even begin to count the number of posts I have seen on these boards alone from an "s" type complaining that all of the "D" types who contact them expect instant submission or instant service or instant sex. They want to know if this is normal....they want to know why. What generally happens is that everyone here jumps on board to tell them to ignore men like that or tell them what an asshole the guy in question is. While I certainly don't disagree that they are indeed assholes, I also believe that there is more that leads up to those kind of contacts in at least some of the situations.
First, there are sooooooo many of them who try that approach (like the guy who sent me an e mail today...from Texas...."crawl to me"). I have to believe that they are getting this from somewhere. Somewhere out there it must be written that this is a tactic that works, it is just too coincidental that such a large number of men would use the exact same approach.
mist, I keep telling you I am from Colorado...NOT Texas...and the reason I want you to crawl is to get to all these hot Rocky Mtn. Oysters.
quote:
Secondly, the approach must actually work at least some of the time. Heck, I know it does....just read the posts from some of these submissives here who jump right in blind, head first, fully bound who post here crying after the fact. "I did it because he told me to and he is a DOM". Yup, I think that there are tons of women out there who just want to kneel at the feet of someone...anyone...and they flop themselves down in front of anyone who requests or demands them to.
So before we jump all over the guys and lay the full weight of responsibility at their feet, I think we also need to say thanks to some of our own kind for liberally fueling the fire of these guys.
Actually, as noted, it must work for some. Like Michael, when I first came into BDSM, I did it via chatrooms. I observed and learned and what seemed to work best for many was that approach of arrogance and superiority: "Kneel before Me, bitch." It worked great to get phone sex and from there, to getting laid. What I learned though was this...if they would kneel for me with just that phrase and just a little time of knowing me from the chatroom, they would kneel for anyone from just a little time of knowing them in the chatroom...and I don't want someone who kneels for anyone. What I learned was that it was not so great for long-term because in all honesty, though I am not a saint, I am not and cannot be an arrogant bastard for the majority of the time. Self assured? Yeah...and in some ways, that does come across as arrogance to many vanilla-types and even some S-types. But I don't expect to be everyone's cup of tea, nor do I want to be.
Resident Sadist noted this: "First of all, I am dead sexy and if you don't get wet on our first date and aren’t having multiple orgasms by our second date, I failed my job. Sex is a tool. But that rare exception aside, being as humble as I am, I would say:
I think it comes down to “educated preference.” All D types are assholes to a degree. It comes with the job. The question is if they can sell it and make their chauvinism palatable. I am a chauvinist to a degree. I am a chauvinist by educated choice, not out of ignorance. I truly am a macho type, alpha dude. It is the role that best suites me. I never approach with the “bow down” attitude and I am not self deluded in thinking I am “better” than female slaves. I think I am different and that is where my chauvinistic view of inequality comes in. I have my male roles and females have theirs. .. it is my educated preference. "
I agree. I too am handsome, charming and debonair...and sexy as hell. But when you get tired of looking at me...and I know that's hard...we have to interact with each other with one leading (ME) and one following (YOU). With that self-assurance comes a certain amount of "asshole". Part of that is perception...how many submissives don't think "asshole" sometimes...even if only rarely...when their dominant tells them to do something that the submissive does not like and yet knows they are going to do? And part of that is necessary...if you expect the dominant to be firm and to lead and agree to it, then sometimes his ways of leading are not always going to be seen in the best light but they are what works for him/her to move that dynamic ahead. Some submissives see that in a bad light at the beginning of a relationship..."You're not my dominant yet, you cannot tell me what to do" and yet, they expect the dominant to show dominant characteristics. I do it in much the same manner that Raven does...my own view of that is "fine, if you want ME to show you this to demonstrate dominant behavior, then I expect THIS behavior from you. I don't command it nor do I demand it but I expect a fair exchange" and to many, this is unbelievable. Fine then, in a manner of speaking, head down the road.
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RE: A recurring theme...instant submission expected - 
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