RE: Was i out of line?

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/6/2008 4:25:27 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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Nah, you're good. Why do you even doubt you did the right thing? I'd choose being uptight over being dead any day.

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/6/2008 6:44:41 PM

deliteme

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Melbourne AUstralia
Status: offline

Sounds to me like you did the right thing. I'd rather be uptight,safe and breathing than submissive and dead.

When in doubt..go with your gut. IT NEVER LIES (trust me on this one....)

Keep safe..

delite

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/6/2008 6:55:11 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
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~FR~

quote:

sounds like you're being safe, sane, and smart to me

I couldn't agree more.

I once was ditched by a guy because I wouldn't get in his car with him on the first (blind) date. Not only was it downright RUDE, but he obviously didn't care about how concerned I was for my safety. Just because someone is a self-professed Dom/Domme, doesn't mean that they aren't psychos, just like anyone else.

My mantra is, "My safety is worth more than your feelings."

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"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/6/2008 7:10:01 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonelyblueboi

I recently began communicating with a Dom who initiated contact through collarme. After chatting for awhile he stated that he wanted to come to my place to train me. I said I was uncomfortable inviting people to my home and he proceeded to tell me to call him when i wasn't so uptight? Was i out of line to not invite him to my place when we'd just started talking? I think i did what was right to protect my own safety, but he made it seem like my reluctance to entertain a total stranger meant i wasn't ready to explore BDSM in real time. The opinions of any Doms/Dommes would be appreciated!

The only one out of line was this so called "dom". Good on you for listening to that inner voice.

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/6/2008 7:56:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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More than likely he was hoping to shame and guilt you into compliance. A lot of people will try that.

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 12:44:06 AM

StrawMansBrain

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/2/2008
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You need to do whatever you need to feel safe, and anyone who pressures you to do otherwise dosen't deserve the title of dom. Always meet in a public place first, and it would be best if you have any friends who are in the life-style or are sympathetic to come with you.

stay safe

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 7:26:19 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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There are two issues here.

The first was that he wanted to meet you at your place for the first meeting. This is a general violation of safety principles.

The second was his reaction when you declined. As the Dom, it was his responsibility to slow down, find out what you would be willing to do, and work something out with you.

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Post #: 27

RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 7:35:43 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lonelyblueboi

he said he had a "vanilla" life to maintain where he lived.

now there's a new age spin on saying yes, i have a wife and attachments (UMs)

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 7:47:56 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
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Sounds like you are ready to explore BDSM in real time now. That does not mean letting someone you don't know in your house to tie you up, whip or do anything to you that you don't know. If someone is unwilling to meet in a public place,k at a munch or a club, and NOT wherer you would be vuulnerable it sounds more like THEY are not ready for Prime Time or that they are looking fror a victim (assault, robbery and rape come to mind, not to mention possible death).

Stay safe, Stay Sane, and meet Public after more than a couple hours chat.

poenkitten (who will have people to the house if Master is there or they have met elsewhere and know each other better and always has gun, sword and dog near to hand just in case)

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 8:17:04 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lonelyblueboi

I recently began communicating with a Dom who initiated contact through collarme. After chatting for awhile he stated that he wanted to come to my place to train me. I said I was uncomfortable inviting people to my home and he proceeded to tell me to call him when i wasn't so uptight? Was i out of line to not invite him to my place when we'd just started talking? I think i did what was right to protect my own safety, but he made it seem like my reluctance to entertain a total stranger meant i wasn't ready to explore BDSM in real time. The opinions of any Doms/Dommes would be appreciated!

Appears to me that you used good common sense and was thinking with the head on your shoulders and not with the head between your legs.

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 8:25:21 AM

DupedDom

Posts: 65
Joined: 1/3/2008
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I would suspect that he is married. It is only the business of you two, what happens behind closed doors. Even though there are outward signs someone is a Dom/sub couple. I agree with others, most of the time a "wannabe" will try and push the first meeting or the first sex. He is not secure in the fact that he will be what you are looking for and hopes to cement things before you are ready.

Proceed at the speed of trust!!!

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 4:01:29 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lonelyblueboi

I said I was uncomfortable inviting people to my home and he proceeded to tell me to call him when i wasn't so uptight? Was i out of line to not invite him to my place when we'd just started talking?

You where not out of line... in fact... It was Perfect!!!! for you!...... It doesn't matter what others want or would do... it matters only what you want as you grow and learn.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 32

RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 4:10:32 PM

MadameXTC

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Joined: 9/30/2004
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I agree with everyone else. We have all done stupid stuff before.. well most of us.. but if your mind is throwing red flags at you there is usually a reason for it. If someone is not willing to meet you on your terms of safety then they are not worth meeting. Public places are the best for a first meet and I would reccomend a safe call at that. Even if it is someone you know and dont trust I would still recommend a safe call. You can never be too safe when it comes with your life and the lives of your loved ones. Everything good is worth the wait in my eyes and if they are in a rush and pushy then they arent really Dominant in my eyes, they are just looking to have a good time and they use BDSM as a form to meet people who may be an easier target. There are so many people out there who prey on people who are submissive.

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/7/2008 5:02:15 PM

nwcutie102

Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
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you SO did the right thing!

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/8/2008 4:39:59 AM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

BTW his vanilla life he had to maintain? Translation means a wife.

I was thinking about that, too. I don't care whether you are a dom/domme/top or sub/switch/bottom, I also value my safety and would like to get to know someone who I was going play with as a person first. You did the right thing!

Just my

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/8/2008 5:35:48 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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If he'd been a man you might date when he asked that in a very similar situation, would you have invited him right over? Don't let your common sense fall to the wayside simply because you think you're "supposed to". You're not supposed to do anything but be you.

Master Fire

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Post #: 36

RE: Was i out of line? - 5/8/2008 9:14:53 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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What happend to common sense, yeah I know it's not so common but really. Why are newbies letting obvious utter twits second guess their common sense. It's your right to refuse to let any one into your home you don't know or trust or want there. why are you letting some guy who says other wise change what you feel is right. Stick to your guns an stop letting twits sway your descions.

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RE: Was i out of line? - 5/8/2008 9:28:20 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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There was a topic on here worst bdsm experince, and one submissive got in the car with someone she'd been out on a date with an when she didn't return his affections the guy started speeding an threatening to kill them both an kill him self and generally just turned pycho on her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bamabbwsub

~FR~

quote:

sounds like you're being safe, sane, and smart to me

I couldn't agree more.

I once was ditched by a guy because I wouldn't get in his car with him on the first (blind) date. Not only was it downright RUDE, but he obviously didn't care about how concerned I was for my safety. Just because someone is a self-professed Dom/Domme, doesn't mean that they aren't psychos, just like anyone else.

My mantra is, "My safety is worth more than your feelings."

(in reply to bamabbwsub)

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Post #: 38

RE: Was i out of line? - 5/8/2008 9:45:45 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonelyblueboi

Thanks for the responses! I offered to meet in public and maybe play at his place after we got to know each other, and he said he had a "vanilla" life to maintain where he lived. I found it quite a bit creepy and didn't appreciate the pressure. I'm glad to know other people would have had the same reaction.

The above quote tells you where your place in his life would be...plus..he too showed that his cautiousness was acceptable whilst yours was not...Tempting

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Post #: 39

RE: Was i out of line? - 5/9/2008 4:46:32 PM

lonelyblueboi

Posts: 51
Joined: 12/2/2005
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Sometimes i am unsure of where being submissive ends and being a door mat begins. BTW, i knew he had a wife, he called her "my slut" and asked if i was bisexual. Nonetheless, after reading all of your comments i am quite glad i didn't cave in to his pressuring. Thanks to Everyone!

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Post #: 40