RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (Full Version)

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RedMagic1 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 8:01:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
And how do you measure intellect or wolrdliness? A college degree? A doctorate? I don't have any of these things, I have never graduated anywhere in my life apart from school and night school, and I don't think I need them either.

Stella's an internationally famous artist, for those who don't know.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 8:02:21 PM)

Well there is a distinct chunk of subs who want their dom to be superior to them in just about every way- physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.

But on the whole, most people get together with people who are about the same general intelligence levels as they are.  It's not usually a good time to have nothing to discuss about- always working to go to THEIR level is just tiresome, whether up or down.

It's also helpful to remember that most people are really great and intelligent at some things and totally rubbish at others.  Do you really think a dom is incapable of being in a solid relationship just because he sucks at taking photographs?



xxblushesxx -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 8:11:06 PM)

Interesting question.
If a man/woman can't engage me intellectually, than we will not have very much to discuss, even if I find them fascinating in other ways.
None of my friends have to be smarter than me...just...understand that I don't always just want to talk about make-up or the weather...
And if you expect me to look up to you...you should probably give me a reason to; whether the reason is because of your intellect, your kindness, the size of your...erm...brain...or just because you take life seriously when you should, but enjoy it as much as you can.
Still, given the choice between a man with a high intellect and education, and a dom with a lessor intellect and a lessor education, well....I am more attracted to the one who has pushed himself further.
But that's just me...and it depends on the situation.



michaels4evr -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 8:57:06 PM)

This might come out wrong. I am multidegreed and Master has some college but no degree, still sometimes he makes me "feel" stupid. and i like it.



smilingjaguar -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 9:33:45 PM)

Um, my mechanical genius is by far not an idiot.  He's intelligent, well read, and holds his own very well in conversation with me.  The reason I pointed out the mechanical genius part is to highlight the different types of intelligence.  I do read a great deal faster than him, which is why I handle the paperwork and all that.  That said, he can remember every word of a book he read 5 years ago.  In a relationship it's smart to use the strengths of the pairing regardless of who has the strength.  It would be really stupid of him to have me struggle to tune up the car while he tries to sift through an 150 page benefits contract to figure out if his upcoming vasectomy would be covered. 



Slave2Bob -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 9:54:19 PM)

It wouldn't work for me. I just can't picture it. He must be at least an intellectual equal , not so much educated. But then, I'm owned by a brilliant lawyer, who is both !



pinkwind -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 3:15:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
And how do you measure intellect or wolrdliness? A college degree? A doctorate? I don't have any of these things, I have never graduated anywhere in my life apart from school and night school, and I don't think I need them either.

Stella's an internationally famous artist, for those who don't know.



Sorry RM, maybe it's just too early, but i fail to see the relevance of that information.





StormsSlave -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 3:24:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

"I am generally smarter then most of the men I meet."

I never attended a day of college. If you spoke to me, you would never know it, unless I told you.

I work with people who have 4-12 years college, earn $20k to $40k more THAN I do, yet they do not KNOW the difference between your, you're and yore, no and know, there, their or they're and of course then and than .. as illustrated above.

I think the relationship can work fine, as long as the s-type doesn't decide that because they have a higher education, it somehow makes them better THAN the d-type. After all, as a d-type myself, it certainly never occurred to me that I am better than s-types simply because I hold the whip.


Nice job on the assumptions there.  I wish I were so wise and all knowing that I could make those kind of assumptions.

I've never finished college.  Not even close.  As I said, smarts have nothing to do with intelligence.  If you're going to judge me based on a typo, let's play scrabble some time.[:D]  If your fingers (not you're, yore, or heaven forbid, UR) are not prone to slipping to the wrong letter, YOU'RE far more perfect then me, and therefore way above the lowly boogerheads, including myself, who populate this board.

As for then and than, then applies when you are speaking of a time frame, as in, "I went to the grocery store, then I went to the leather store."  Than applies in comparison, as in, "I am less judgemental of the typing errors of folks than others I have met."

Now, do we really want to get into a pissing contest over typos?  If you'd read my entire post, you'd realize I was saying that it's best for people to be equal.  Just cause I'm smart doesn't make me better than anyone, which is how I'm taking it that you took my meaning to be.

Now, can't we all just get along?



RedMagic1 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 3:27:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
And how do you measure intellect or wolrdliness? A college degree? A doctorate? I don't have any of these things, I have never graduated anywhere in my life apart from school and night school, and I don't think I need them either.

Stella's an internationally famous artist, for those who don't know.



Sorry RM, maybe it's just too early, but i fail to see the relevance of that information.




Sorry.  I'll be clearer.  Most of the smartest people I have ever met did not go to college.  Also, most of the self-made millionaires I know did not go to college.  I have never met Stella, but I know plenty of booksmart wannabes who will never be where she is because they are not willing/able to connect an actual understanding of life to artistic expression.  "Education/worldliness" is often snobbery and bullshit, by people who cannot recognize -- or have no experience with -- real success.



RavenMuse -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 3:51:23 AM)

There are different 'types' of inteligence.... I left school early and entered the workplace, I don't have a string of academnic credentials.... I've Owned and given support to girls studying for doctorates... but then even without the academic background I'm not short of a few braincells (Dyslexic != stupid) and quite easily held My Own in conversations on quantum physics with students being taught by Stephen Hawkins (Some of the equasions where beyond Me but the core concepts where not)

Academic achievement is pretty meaningless when it comes to D/s, but a good level of common sense is vital, on both sides but more so on the D side of things. The girl is relying on the judgement and life experience of the D in making life changing decisions on her behalf. Stupidity, incompetance, lack of care or even simple dis-interest on the part of the D type cripples that confidence and looses the trust on which the relationship is founded (Speaking from a lifestyler perspective. I guess it is maybe less important at lower levels of control where the s type is making far more of the decisions herself indipendent of the D)



adoracat -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 5:40:49 AM)

TheEngineer holds a few degrees.  he works in a very competive field.  he holds all sorts of technical knowlege in his brain... and his grammar and spelling are terrible.  *giggling*  i graduated high school then went on to marriage and motherhood.   he travels for the company he works for, i am happier to stay home.

but he asked *me* to do some transcribing for him because he knows my grammar and spelling are generally pretty good.  and he knows i'm as intelligent as he is, just not in the same things.  we balance each other.

Daddy is also very intelligent and we wont even go into his spelling.  [sm=doh.gif] 

what matters to me is that someone can hold up their end of a conversation, that i can enjoy talking wtih them as well as i enjoy the non-conversation things we do, also.

kitten



themischievous1 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 6:13:37 AM)

I think there can be a great communication barrier if one is vastly more educated than the other. If one is interested in growing, learning, and improving themselves, if they are ambitious, hardworking etc... and the other, (the dom), is lazy, not ambitious, and uninterested in growth, the relationship is bound for rocky roads. It took me a little while to learn this.

In my opinion, it takes intelligence and a serious willingness to grow and learn in order to communicate well and function in a relationship. There has to be a huge desire to improve oneself and strive upward inherent in the person. If that isn't there, I don't think a submissive who is functioning on that level can have enough respect to really give her will over to the other, except in some bedroom game, perhaps. And in order to glean the respect of another and actually dominate them and their life? One needs to have their ducks in a row.



tandm -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 7:32:53 AM)

I agree that their are different kinds of "smart".  I am educated and very book smart.  I have 2 deg. from higher education and would like to return for more.  My Master didn't find his college years all that interesting (other that the party part).  My Master can do things that no one else I know can.  All people have gifts in different areas and you just have to find a good match for yourself. 



pinkwind -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 7:45:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
And how do you measure intellect or wolrdliness? A college degree? A doctorate? I don't have any of these things, I have never graduated anywhere in my life apart from school and night school, and I don't think I need them either.

Stella's an internationally famous artist, for those who don't know.



Sorry RM, maybe it's just too early, but i fail to see the relevance of that information.




Sorry. I'll be clearer. Most of the smartest people I have ever met did not go to college. Also, most of the self-made millionaires I know did not go to college. I have never met Stella, but I know plenty of booksmart wannabes who will never be where she is because they are not willing/able to connect an actual understanding of life to artistic expression. "Education/worldliness" is often snobbery and bullshit, by people who cannot recognize -- or have no experience with -- real success.



Thank you, and yes, for the most part i agree with you. i was an academic of sorts, but the life i lead before, during and after that period of my life are what made me who i am, not just that in microcosm.

What i won't do is dismiss academics, intellectuals, as you say, people with booksmarts out of hand, and similarly with those who are artistic or practical, unless that is all they present to the world and expect it to be enough to carry them through, ego rather than substance as it were.

i have most time for those who have a more rounded personality and who have no problem encountering or forming relationships with those having different backgrounds, skills or even tastes, people who recognize that compatibility does not necessarily mean a mirror image of themselves, but a complimentary matching which broadens the relationship and enhances life for all concerned.




atljerbear35 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 9:19:32 AM)

So many great responses!  You've all given me a great deal to think about and apply to my own life.  Thank you sooo much!



OmegaG -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 9:31:08 AM)

FR--

To me what is more importnant then their intellectual ability is their security with what they have.  I dated a man who had a genius level IQ but he was insufferable because he felt the constant need to prove he was smarter then everyone around him, his insecuity overrode his intellect.

I've also dated men who felt intimidated because they felt that I was smarter then then-- also not a good match.

But I've dated men who may not have had my vocabulary, ability to retain knowlege and educational chances, but they were self assured and loved what they could pull from my brain, in essence they felt that my intellect could enhace their lives and they were rewarding relationships.



Roselaure -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 9:51:22 AM)

There are lots of great responses here and I'm not sure how much I can.  However, intelligence is not the most important quality in a potential Master for me.  He would have to be intellectually curious, but education level is irrelevant  to that.  He does however, need to be smart about me,  have my number, if you will, stay one step ahead of me and not allow me to manipulate Him, that I would lose respect for quickly.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 9:56:17 AM)

For some people it might work, and for others no.  Also, there are many different kinds of "smarter."  I reject the whole IQ premise that intelligence can be ranked absolutely along a single linear scale.  There's musical intelligence, social intelligence, artistic intelligence, spatial intelligence, logical intelligence...they're all different, and they don't affect a d/s dynamic in the same way.  I'd have no problems whatsoever dominating someone who was, say, more musically intelligent than I am.

quote:

ORIGINAL: atljerbear35

What if you are smarter, more worldly, or just far better educated than your Dom/me or One that you are considering applying to?  Can such a relationship work, or even be worth exploring? Can TPE even be a legitimate option if such is the case?



BlackPhx -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 10:58:09 AM)

Everyone has their strong suit. Einstein was a genius and valued his first wife as his intellectual equal and who was a strong and independant as he was. Yet they lived apart the last 5 years of their marriage and divorced after only 16 years in total. Intellectually he had found his equal , but the marriage failed. He married his second wife who was a first cousin on his mothers side and a second cousin on his fathers. So maybe he wasn't so smart in the marriage and genetics fields but he was lucky. The kids were fine since they were not his but hers by her first union.

I have more experience in certain areas than my Master, it does not matter, he has things to teach me and I have things to teach him. Mentally we are equal and the debates can be hot, heavy and exciting..they can also be fraught with emotional traps if we are not careful. I have life skills in certain areas he does not, he has them areas I do not. We complement instead of duplicate and are pretty much ready for anything. Wouldn't trade him in on the Next Einstein.

I have been with men I am smarter than..and dumber than..in some ways. It can work, but if I can out manuever them or out stubborn them,  I can own them, and if I can own them, well, I can't be their slave.

This does not say it will work for you, only what works for me. Just remember that just because the person doesn't have a degree or isn't driving a Prius Stretch Limo Hybrid doesn't mean they don't have the intellect or smarts to match you and own you.

poenkitten ( who is waiting to see that Prius having seen way too many Hummer Stretch Limos)



pettingdragons -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/7/2008 11:22:59 AM)

i do not to well with Dominants that are stupid, dumb or not anywhere near my intelligence level, im not saying that i am the smartest most clever tool in the shed but im not the dullest either....though i dont have to worry about things such as this...Master and i are equals on intelligence....though He is more logical and i more emotional....and that is a whole other topic... **grin** pettingdragons**Master Dragons considered slave** 



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