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asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 4:45:22 PM   
atendersoul


Posts: 167
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 4:48:02 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Ive never requested references, at all. The way I figure it, if they had been good together theyd still be together, and someone elses opinion on what sort of person I am contacting doesnt realy tell me much about how they will relate to me.

DV 

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to atendersoul)
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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 4:51:15 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Nope

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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 4:53:53 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		No, I haven't ever requested references. I approach each relationship as a relationship, taking time to get to know someone to see if we have common and compatible interests and goals, to see if our personalities and senses of humor match - you know, all those vanilla-type things. I wouldn't ask a vanilla ex-wife for a reference of her former husband if he and I were dating.

If I were more interested in a relationship of heavy protocol and not much else, I might. Or if I were interested in being a serious masochist and involving myself with a sadist, I might, just for safety's sake. But that's not the sort of thing I'm looking for. I'm more of a service sub and love slut.

(in reply to atendersoul)
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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 4:55:19 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		I have not requested references per se, however, I have asked trusted members of my local community about (Sexy-Dom) before approaching him after I first became a part of the area group(s). Really, you have to consider this about references:

You will probably not hear from the partner(s) he had that found him to be shady.

If you don't know the person he's using as a reference, what good is it? You don't know them well enough to trust *them* with your safety either.

What if the person he's using as a reference has only known him for 2 months and has never played with him, or has never even seen him play? Find out how well these references know him before you take their word on his Uber-Dom-Awesomeness.


Just my 2p,
Corinne

_____________________________

“Love begets love. This torment is my joy.”
"Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries."
"[Your work] is carved out of agony as a statue is carved out of marble." -All by Theodore Roethke

(in reply to atendersoul)
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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 4:55:30 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I've never requested them, somehow I figure a willing reference wouldnt meet my standards. 
(geeez i really sound stuck up!)  LOL 
I did have one guy offer references once and thought it might be fun to see what these women had to say. 
Funny thing was none of them choose to answer.  Even funnier was this same guy asked ME to be a reference
when the only meeting we ever had was coffee in a local shop. 
Maybe your mileage will be better then mine was..................................


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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 5:22:33 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?


soul,

What would be the point, it would be like asking a car mechanic if he ever has a complaint.

CP

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 7:21:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		 
I don't nessisarily believe in referances, why? Because he's not going to give you the name of someoen who hates him or knows him to be the liar and preditor he may be. he's going to give you the names of people who're going to give him glowing reviews. Plus just cause they liked him don 't mean I will.
quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/9/2008 9:41:49 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Unless you know the people giving references, either personally or through the community, AND can verify it's really them giving the reference, they don't do a lot of good.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 3:16:30 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Asked for references are worthless... who is going to give 'references' that will speak ill of Them?

I make it known I am well known on the London scene, if someone wants to know what others think of Me they have hundreds of people to ask, those who like Me AND those who don't. Thats the nearest to 'referances' I will indulge.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 3:25:49 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		One persons trash is another persons treasure.

References are only one person view of another.

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Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 5:49:48 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you never requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

unless he's applying for employment at the radio station.

no i never asked Daddy for references ...i didn't need to. He was very open answering my questions/concerns about himself. 


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(in reply to atendersoul)
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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 6:41:50 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I have read that it is a good practice to ask for references.  The closest that I came was chatting with an ex-sub of my Master's.  It was at His suggestion.  She turned out to be a total nut case - accused me of being bi and trying to come onto her, and then she really started going crazy.  I couldn't believe anything that came out of her mouth because she was so out of control.  I talked with a potential sub of His, and she went back to Him with lies about me.  I find that there are a lot of ulterior motives out there (she wanted Him all to herself and didn't want to share even though He has made it clear that He will always have more than one sub).  Even trying to get an opinion or a reference can give a lot of misleading information - especially if any type of jealousy is involved.

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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 6:42:53 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		IF a Dom claimed to be active in his local community and claimed to be well known and respected as a Dom, then references should be obtained from reputable people. But if you know nobody in the community and he says that he prefers to not be in the public eye, references would do little good, but IMO, that in itself would cause me concern.


I don't think references from exs are worth much. And I don't think that is who would be immediately thought of when references are desired. LMAO

< Message edited by OldBastardly1 -- 5/10/2008 6:47:55 AM >

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 6:43:35 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Nope.  If it is someone known to the local scene I may ask around informally but that would be it.

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Godmother of the subbie mafia
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http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 6:50:33 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I offer them in my profile.. and I'm happy to pass them on, though I've met so few from here that actually are active locally -- they wouldn't know my references.

I do think they are a good thing, but not the only thing to rely on when meeting people.  They are but a small part of a set of tools...

and my approach would be.. "do you know so and so?" ... if so, please feel free to ask them about me... nothing formal..

I ask around the local community if I need to and I know I've been asked about in the past...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 5/10/2008 6:51:45 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 7:08:41 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		nope.

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 7:08:58 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I have never asked for references.  Mainly because he's only going to select people for references who will describe him in his most glowing terms, like when someone lists references on a job application.  I like to make my own decisions regarding people.  

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 4:17:25 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Ive never asked for references, but I have been asked in the past to chat with so and so this or that. Most of them were ex partners or someone I wasnt compatable with. I dont usually bad mouth people, and tell the truth. Did I think such and such was a good owner? Yes, but I felt he lacked in giving disiplince when it was needed. Is there anything I should look out for with him? He tends to use little lube when doing anal. I answer honestly with my experiences of that person. Most of my past relationships, I am on good terms with, and enjoyed my time with them. Just because we wernt comptable doesnt mean they arent still great people.

Just remember not all people are kind ^_^;; and to take references with a grain of salt. Sure they might be right, but It also might be a sour ex that isnt to happy her partners moved on. As for If I was ever asked for references, Id give friends Ive had for life that have seen the bitch in me as well as the softy. Personally I would choose the ones that would tell the truth even if it would put me in a bad light then someone that would lie and say I can walk on water. because when the time comes for me to prove I can walk on water.. Im going to fail at it miserably.


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 4:34:02 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		Nope... they are pretty much worthless....

A simple example was a dom I used to date.... a high profile club attendee, well thought of within the scene, many many friends who would all swear to his honesty and integrity.  Only he and I know the level of his lies and dishonesty within our relationship.  His other girlfriend later showed me the dated pictures.  It was even more fascinating and enlightening when we became friends and discussed our journals ....... Turns out she was his first girlfriend and I was his afterthought and I had no idea.....silly me!

I am pretty sure he won't be asking me (or her) for a reference.

You know who you are, loser.......ROFL



(in reply to hopelessfool)
Profile   Post #: 20
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