RE: asking a Master....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: asking a Master....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: asking a Master....

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:26:35 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Lady V:

You'll find the phrases "true slave" and "true Dom" aren't the most popular. This is because a lot of people come to the boards to pontificate about how they have 75 years in the lifestyle, so they know better than everybody else, and they use those terms. Ugh.

The last fetish party I was at was held in the home of a Citizen of the OWK. She's high protocol. All the collars there were black, except for the pink velcro collar one guy was wearing because he forgot to bring his own.

Different strokes. (ha ha)

I've learned a lot here -- and, more important to me, I think I've been able to help some people by posting here.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to RichardandV)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:33:45 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

soul,

What would be the point, it would be like asking a car mechanic if he ever has a complaint.

CP

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

My thoughts exactly!!!!!!

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 9:39:19 PM

RichardandV

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Lady V:

You'll find the phrases "true slave" and "true Dom" aren't the most popular. This is because a lot of people come to the boards to pontificate about how they have 75 years in the lifestyle, so they know better than everybody else, and they use those terms. Ugh.

The last fetish party I was at was held in the home of a Citizen of the OWK. She's high protocol. All the collars there were black, except for the pink velcro collar one guy was wearing because he forgot to bring his own.

Different strokes. (ha ha)

I've learned a lot here -- and, more important to me, I think I've been able to help some people by posting here.

Yep, your right, and another thing I have found out that everyone you meet is now 20 years experences. I do want to clairify that the word "true" wasn't in references to fake. lol that is a whole different subject I don't even dare approch. But it was just a choice of word, I can see how it would be taken as a bad choice, yet no offence was taken. I am just soooo hung up on my believe that you check the person out before you play. I do know that isn't always possible, but there is that all so safe public play party. I do know that collars are as indivual as the "community" and even more so from one house to the next.

Respectfully,
Lady V

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 9:41:38 PM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i haven't asked a Dom for references, but i have asked a trusted friend who is involved in the local BDSM groups if He has heard of or met "so and so" and His opinion. The works for me and has made me a couple of really good friends.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to subsfaith)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 10:05:06 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

See here's the thing, lets say I am a rapist , and A terrorist and a political commy and I torture cute innocent puppies for a past time. And l;ets say I am interested in you, and you're interested in me, and you wantcharachter referances. I'm not going to pick people who'll tell you I amI am a rapist , and A terrorist and a political commy and I torture cute innocent puppies for a past time not even close. I'm going to pick people who have no clue of my sadistic sick and perverted hobbies to speak to you and to charachter refereance me. I certaintly would never give you my x doms name and ims for a referance cause he'll tell you I was a horrible sub and I lied to him repeatedly, and I was sneaky n rude. which is very very true. I did lie to him and I was selfish and I did indeed on ocasions sneak around an pry into his business behind his back.

If I was the type of person who had something to hide, Why in the green earth would I want to let you speak to someone who's going to lay out all the faults I have. I wouldn't. I'd give you a referance from a bf way back in 2001 who we ended on good terms an he still likes me.

Plus there's people in the local groups who just flat out do not like me cause I talk to much, and I am kind of socially enept. How do you know they're not setting you up simply cause they don't like me I know for a fact there's one domme around here an in local groups who would tell you I am spoiled and I can't behave to save my life, now is that true or does she have a gripe against me.
And just cause someone liked me and praised me till they day is long how do you know you'll like me.

For instance I met a guy who has tons of glowing reviews and testimonials and is very well thought of by peers, but he keeps trying to get me to disrespect my partner an play with him and worst yet rationalizes it with every one does it so you can too.

So, where the glowing reviews and testimonials of any use? No they were not. Because I dispise it when others try to sway you in favor of being dishonest on the basis that other people do it you can to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardandV

I think a true dom or slave would gladly give references to show they can back up they're shit. :)

Respectfully,
Lady V

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 5/11/2008 10:09:38 PM >

(in reply to RichardandV)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 11:33:44 PM

RichardandV

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline

See I actually am very sure that if someone would ask around the groups, orgs. clubs I belong to. They will defently get anything from Oh my god what a B..... and I love her and EVERYTHING between those extreems. What they wont get is "shes unsave".

I am also beliver in safe calls whats his name... the guy posing as a Dom, and killing all his victums. All except the one who had a safe call in place.
BTW he couldnt give any refences if someone asked.

The issue I have is what we do and 99.9 percent of us are not (dang I can't recall his name to save my life right now) him, but the worse part is many abusive people do hid within our lifestyle. I can't see someone within our lifestyle would be offended to be asked for references, dang I am might proud of the well known names I could drop or the orgizations I am part of. I know that when we go out to play we ALL love to show off.

Yes NOT everyone is part of a comunity, not everyone is experenced, so be it. There is that might powerful safe call.

To explain a safe call, as I have taught those who know me. Its NOT just a phone call, its very powerful phone call.
I am going to met so and so at *adress* I'll call at *time* there name is .... their phone number is .... Now when you do call at such and such time you have a *special* word you use to trigger *HELP ME*
Example: Oh yes, I am having a wonderful time.
vs Oh yes, I am having a fantastic time. The trigger word is *fantastic* and the police are being called.

Most people are not the mask murders.... assholes, witches possibly, not what they said they were most likely but its that one who is that sees this a perfect place to find their next victum.

I know not everyone is going to agree with me and dang reading the post I see the 1001 excuses as to why you shouldnt try to protect yourself and just trust your instict (you know that dang I really want it so badly, not thinking streight instict). But I am just hoping that maybe ONE of those newbies will think twice and check references and have a safe call.

Respectfully,
Lady V

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 11:47:42 PM

justaDallasgirl

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: the Rock
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BikerDomRealTime

quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

Would you request references from someone that you were interested in dating or vanilla sex?

No, but i should've with that one jackass that forced himself on me.
Now...i don't mind when it's kinky fun Master is going to take what He wants but the vanilla dude was such an ass about it and to top off that fact that i said no and i didn't want it...i couldn't tell he was inside me at first b/c he had a small dick :-( and it was my first time.

_____________________________

i'm just a girl enjoying her place at Master's waist ;-)

(in reply to BikerDomRealTime)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/12/2008 9:43:30 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

Nope, What other people, whom I don't know, think of the person I'm talking to has absolutely no bearing at all in regards to what my opinion of them is going to be.

If i know we have freinds or associates in common then I'll ask my friends opinion but I still hold my judgement solely and entirely for myself to decide

One "dominant" that was harrassing me and being pushy and kind of giving me the willies was a memeber of the same group as me but considering my "community" is a 5 hour drive away, I asked close friends of mine in the same group what they knew about him. (Maybe my reaction was over sensitive) They told me pretty much the same thing I was feeling. The "Dom" was pushy, preyed on the new girls and was not overly safety minded.

My dear One that i'm living with now hasn't even been met by a large number of my freinds yet. Time and Distance restraints, but they will soon.

Trust your own opinions, don't rely on other peoples.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to atendersoul)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/12/2008 10:01:52 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Nobody said don't protect yourself, they're just saying do not hang your entire saftey on the premise that positive referances mean you're safe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardandV

I know not everyone is going to agree with me and dang reading the post I see the 1001 excuses as to why you shouldnt try to protect yourself and just trust your instict (you know that dang I really want it so badly, not thinking streight instict). But I am just hoping that maybe ONE of those newbies will think twice and check references and have a safe call.

Respectfully,
Lady V

(in reply to RichardandV)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/12/2008 3:35:14 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I dont usually ask for references.. but if I am going to play with someone I make it a point to ask around in the scene about them and talk to people who know them well .. now that could be old play partners, lovers, slaves, or friends. It gives you another perspective on that person.

thats for play only though .. anything emotional .. commited or relationship based .. that should be going slowly so you can form your own opinions about them.

there is a difference between playing with someone you dont really know in a public arena and getting into a relationship with somone. I fairly often go to clubs and play with friends of friends or friends of friends of friends ,, the way I like to play usually falls well outside of whatever is allowed by the house rules and so what we get up to i view as fairly tame .. in this context i want to know they are good at what they do because if all i am going to get is a flogging i want to know it will at leqast be a decent flogging .. thus i ask for references.

With my current relationship, I have never asked for a reference becuase I have spent the last 3 years getting to know him myself, i dont need someone elses opinion .. i have had long enough to form my own.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to subsfaith)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/12/2008 3:41:19 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I don't recall that anyone has ever asked me for references, and, now that I think about it, I kind of regret that. It would be a great way to piss off some EX-subs!

quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

(in reply to atendersoul)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/12/2008 7:13:25 PM

Slave2Bob

Posts: 65
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

My Master offered high quality references ( Bar #, and others) I didn't use them. I googled him to see what would come up. I was really looking for a pic of him, he'd found me thru an alt site Things about him did show up, and they involved things he claimed to be involved in. Then when we met, he told me that he was also a canoe instructor. I replied "I know", ha said something like " oh, I already told you". I told him no, that I'd googled him, he looked amused.. I explained that it was more out of curiosity, than concern. By the time we met, we'd sent countless e-mails, texts, and phone calls. I had no idea of what he looked like, and didn't really care at that point. The mental connection was already there.

_____________________________

>^._.^< jen

princessj on cm

(in reply to atendersoul)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/13/2008 3:53:43 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Slave2Bob

My Master offered high quality references ( Bar #, and others) I didn't use them. I googled him to see what would come up. I was really looking for a pic of him, he'd found me thru an alt site Things about him did show up, and they involved things he claimed to be involved in. Then when we met, he told me that he was also a canoe instructor. I replied "I know", ha said something like " oh, I already told you". I told him no, that I'd googled him, he looked amused.. I explained that it was more out of curiosity, than concern. By the time we met, we'd sent countless e-mails, texts, and phone calls. I had no idea of what he looked like, and didn't really care at that point. The mental connection was already there.

Does googling your dom qualify as topping from the bottom?

I suppose I also look "amused" on those occasions when I'm not quite sure what to make of the girl's actions....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: asking a Master.... - 5/13/2008 9:35:47 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

googling does not always work. I googled myself and got nada. Not a damn thing under my real name or my nick name.

hmm cool now i can be a super stalker muhahahaha *grins*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 54