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RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 5:20:14 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?

From my perspective, I've only once had a sub request references and I declined.  And we went our separates....
 
I'll offer references as the price of entry to some lifestyle gathering but when it comes to a personal relationship, if the girl can't talk to me and make her own mind up, we're not gunna hit it off. 
 
I mean, what is it she thinks a referring total stranger (to her) is gunna say that will make her mind up for her.  Or perhaps she's expecting me to offer a reference that confirms what a wife-beating, children-eating, gold-digging, date-rapist I am?  No brainer....
 
Focus.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 5:36:49 PM   
RichardandV


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		See I am of a different view.  References? Why not, we are all living in a computer age.  Just because someone is capable of typing doesn't mean that they are whom they say they are.  If someone is as active in the lifestyle as he/she says they are.  I bet there will be a long list of people whom will have something to say as to their abilities.  aka: Yeah I know him he is a son of a B, we broke up badly, but sure can swing a whip.  That is a positive reference, in my book.  I can't understand why in the vanilla world you want to know all you can about a blind date an in the lifestyle requesting references is a no no and then you meet in a hotel for the frist time.  *shakes head* nope this is a very bad idea.

I think a true dom or slave would gladly give references to show they can back up they're shit.  :)

Respectfully,
Lady V

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 5:51:05 PM   
RichardandV


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		As I was reading this board, I got the impression that people are not active in their local community.  See I am active in my local community.  So a referece from me would be something like contact someone within this group. or that group or this org. ect.  People over there know me etc. 

I supose I am pretty much out there and known around and am sure there are those with PLENTY of things to say about me.  lol be it good or bad.  But sure can bet they can't say that I am an unsafe player. 
Just my two cents,

Respectfully,
Lady V

(in reply to RichardandV)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 6:06:57 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardandV

As I was reading this board, I got the impression that people are not active in their local community.  See I am active in my local community.  So a referece from me would be something like contact someone within this group. or that group or this org. ect.  People over there know me etc. 

I supose I am pretty much out there and known around and am sure there are those with PLENTY of things to say about me.  lol be it good or bad.  But sure can bet they can't say that I am an unsafe player. 
Just my two cents,

Respectfully,
Lady V

You'll probably be surprised to learn that there are many of us for which D/s is the dynamic of our personal relationships; that we have no interest in being communal.  Just as I didn't particularly enjoy double-dating by the time I'd matured to being age 20.... 
 
It gets worse, at age 53 I'm not even interested in domming/topping willing submissive "meat" that I have no emotional connection with, either.  Which leaves me with the question of whether references go with romantic ideals and motivation - another no-brainer....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RichardandV)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 6:34:38 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

- another no-brainer....
 
Focus.


This almost made me giggle.

Some people prefer to NOT interact with a community because they know they would pale in comparison to others. A single candle in the darkest room will appear to be bright, but that same candle will be barely noticeacle in the light of day.

Some people avoid community interaction because they know everything already and there is no way that they could learn anything from other's experiences.

Some people choose to remain outside of a community environment due to the need for discretion.

Some people just function better in a less than public setting.

I am sure there are many more reasons and all of them will be valid for that particular person. I don't think that there is pressure to be community oriented. I just think that people who do like to be involved in their local community like to invite others to join in the fellowship with other like-minded people. Will everybody like everybody? Hell no, but that is typical in almost any life setting.

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"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 7:31:45 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Ever wondered why insurance companies don't offer policies for relationship breakdowns?

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 7:36:33 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Or maybe some people cant enter their local community due to age. (Im 19) Many local places require 21 or 23 in some....closes I can get is a goth night at a club... So asking the community about me would be like asking a cat to actually listen to you...

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 9:08:45 PM   
justaDallasgirl


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: the Rock
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?


i don't ask for references but i do quiz potential Doms/Masters and did with my current Owner. 
i learned this from being with an abusive jerk who was sooooooo NOT a Dom just a asshole.
Also Master's former sub had an interesting idea...she pulled out some rope that is easy to hide so that if you were in the corner of a starbucks no one would really notice and tested "potentials" on their wrist tying skills. i thought that was pretty smart because there are guys out there who complain about not finding "true subs" yet they can't walk their own talk.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/10/2008 11:25:49 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

- another no-brainer....
 
Focus.


This almost made me giggle.

Some people prefer to NOT interact with a community because they know they would pale in comparison to others. A single candle in the darkest room will appear to be bright, but that same candle will be barely noticeacle in the light of day.

Some people avoid community interaction because they know everything already and there is no way that they could learn anything from other's experiences.

Some people avoid community for this elitist, one true way stigma.
 
Some people avoid community because they don't hafta belong in order to belong.
 
Some people avoid community because it's not relevant to their personal, intimate D/s relationship dynamic.

quote:

I am sure there are many more reasons and all of them will be valid for that particular person. I don't think that there is pressure to be community oriented. I just think that people who do like to be involved in their local community like to invite others to join in the fellowship with other like-minded people. Will everybody like everybody? Hell no, but that is typical in almost any life setting.

There is not pressure to be community orientated (In my experience) but they're often looked down on and their trustworthiness questioned for consciously exercising such democratic rights - see my first point....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 4:52:55 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardandV
I think a true dom or slave would gladly give references to show they can back up they're shit.  :)

"TWUE Dom or slave"? Take your head out of your ass and actualy READ what others have said. I am VERY active in the local (Rarther LARGE) community here in London. References prove nothing other than that the preson asking for them hasn't worked out that no-one is going to give them the name of someone who will speak ill of them... also if it is someone they don't know and will only contact by mail what is stopping you setting up another addy and giving yourself a refference? Duh!

Those of Us who are active in the Scene can simply let the person know  what part of that scene We are active in and let them do their OWN asking around. Or how about them turning upto one of the events or munches I attend, getting introduced to the people *I* mix with and making their own mind up?

Or are you 'trying' to lull them into a false sense of security from something ENTIRELY meaningless?


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to RichardandV)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:02:01 AM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, Focus, thank you.  That's it exactly for me.  It's not a game for me, it's who I am.  I have been attributing my ardent seriousness about this to the fact that I'm a bit of a novice, and perhaps that's a factor, but the way you put it brings my own opinions into...well...focus

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:20:01 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Never... in my opinion not worth  it

I know on a another message board , the majority where in favour of asking for references and recommended it as a screening tool I was likely the only naysayer since I felt unless I personally knew the references, the info would be useless since I don't know their playstyle or their experience level. 


< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 5/11/2008 7:25:44 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:25:08 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i did not read this entire thread so be nice if i am repeating here. A "master" could have tied, raped and murdered 9 of the 10 subs he was with. Take a wild-ass guess which one he will send you to for a reference?

Imho...meet in a public place and do nothing of a BDSM/sexual nature until you are comfortable with this person.


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:34:09 AM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Imho...meet in a public place and do nothing of a BDSM/sexual nature until you are comfortable with this person.



Exactly.  The exercise of good sense and a modicum of self control will serve you better than pages of references

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 9:59:16 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Sometimes I wonder whether common sense is actually a form of mental illness.

Whatever happened to trusting your own judgment, making your own decisions and taking responsibility for whatever relationship you're getting yourself into?

From my perspective if you need someone else's opinion as to whether you should enter into a relationship or not it's clear to me it's not the right relationship.

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also Facebook
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(in reply to Roselaure)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 10:01:05 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Sometimes I wonder whether common sense is actually a form of mental illness.



The problem with common sense is that it isn't that common... At least not on the internet!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 2:21:37 PM   
BikerDomRealTime


Posts: 86
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atendersoul

Have you ever requested references from a Master that you maybe interested in?


Would you request references from someone that you were interested in dating or vanilla sex?

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 2:45:17 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		References?  Like Bikerdom said.

Sir might ask for references from another dom/me he knows if he is considering someone to play with us.

When people that Sir knew found out I was his sub, they did write publicly on a group board and tell me I did have a wonderful Dom.
That made me feel a bit special cuz I dont know those people and they know him.
But I didnt need or want their opinion when I was getting to know my Sir.  He did put me in touch with a Domme that knows him for questions that he felt someone else should answer at particular times.  I appreciated that cuz it allowed me to see things from another perspective and it helped me grow as a person, not as his sub.

(in reply to BikerDomRealTime)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 2:50:34 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BikerDomRealTime
Would you request references from someone that you were interested in dating or vanilla sex?

No, of course not, but that's sooooo different.  Vanilla "daters" don't go into a drooling, brain-dead frenzy either like BDSM subs do.  Therefore kinky daters have to be much, much more careful.  After all, when they drop into that frenzy, they better be with someone who has impeccable references for their own safety
.

Seriously, you are so right.  Why things have to be seen as soooo different from "vanilla" to "kinky" relationships I will never understand.  It's like it's an entirely different world where commonsense rules and actions don't apply.  Apparently, one can't trust his/her own judgment, one can't be relied upon to make sound decisions or control one's frenzied desires, etc.  Therefore, get sound references from strangers about your (potential) partner and prepare to lose all solid thinking skills.  Aaarrrgghhh................luci

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: asking a Master.... - 5/11/2008 7:12:28 PM   
RichardandV


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardandV
I think a true dom or slave would gladly give references to show they can back up they're shit.  :)

"TWUE Dom or slave"? Take your head out of your ass and actualy READ what others have said. I am VERY active in the local (Rarther LARGE) community here in London. References prove nothing other than that the preson asking for them hasn't worked out that no-one is going to give them the name of someone who will speak ill of them... also if it is someone they don't know and will only contact by mail what is stopping you setting up another addy and giving yourself a refference? Duh!


Those of Us who are active in the Scene can simply let the person know  what part of that scene We are active in and let them do their OWN asking around. Or how about them turning upto one of the events or munches I attend, getting introduced to the people *I* mix with and making their own mind up?

Or are you 'trying' to lull them into a false sense of security from something ENTIRELY meaningless?



I don't believe I was making a personal attack, as I was giving my opinion.  As I said its very easy to tell someone what org. & clubs they belong to so they can do the checking themself. 

I am new to the boards and attempting to jump in and put my two cents in, I take someones opinion as just that, I don't have to agree with it but I do have to respect their views. Believe me there is NO right way or worng way. 

As for my STRONG believe is asking for references is NOT a bad thing, we do that with vanilla blind dates, job enterviews, babysitters etc. Why not do that for those who plan to tie up a person and use weapons that can do harm.  hmmm just makes me wonder why someone would feel very offended when their asked for references.

Respectfully,
Lady V

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 40
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