RE: instant submission?

RE: instant submission? (Full Version)

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ownedgirlie -> RE: instant submission? (5/12/2008 8:13:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl here's what he actually said to me - when i get back, i want to discuss your submission I see that as a pretty benign statement. He didn't say he wants to discuss how you will submit to him, just that he wants to talk about your submission. At that point it's up to you whether you want to talk about it or not, but I don't see the statement as expecting instant submission.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: instant submission? (5/13/2008 12:43:36 AM)
I'd trust a bowl of instant Oat Meal before instant submission any day of the week, and I don't eat very much instant oat meal. I tend to question people's sincerity and motives behind the whole instant D/s relationship thing. BDSM relationships are relationships. How much time does it take to form and build a relationship, to expect full submission overnight is not very realistic, nor is it tried and tested, and established as true and blue. Yadda Yadda Yadda... Welcome to reality. Now, if you are a bit of an extreme thrill seeker that enjoys jumping head long into a full blown relationships with somebody you don't know, and they don't know you. Well, good luck with it.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: instant submission? (5/13/2008 6:13:52 AM)
you missed the part when he thought i submitted to him already after replying to his initial cm message. at this point, he was talking about uniform requirements, my submission, etc before actually meeting.

Dnomyar -> RE: instant submission? (5/13/2008 7:41:27 AM)
For the record I am totaly against instant submission. When offered it I have them back off. The way I see it that there is as many for instant submission as there are against it. So! What to do people. Which side is right. Some of these submissives are newbies but a lot have been around for a while. In my opinion you can only do what is best for you.

ownedgirlie -> RE: instant submission? (5/13/2008 8:02:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl you missed the part when he thought i submitted to him already after replying to his initial cm message. at this point, he was talking about uniform requirements, my submission, etc before actually meeting. No I didn't. I was speaking about the sentence you quoted, which was the only quote of his that you shared. And that quote was benign and did not assume anything. I didn't read anything (until now) about him requiring you to dress a certain way, or behave a certain way for him. It just seemed to me as though you assumed he thought you were submitting to him, based on him wanting to discuss your submission, which, to me, would be an incorrect assumption. But then I realize we're only seeing part of the story here. And obviously the choice is yours, whether or not you opt to submit to him, and you have chosen not to. As for instant submission, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. I felt a very strong pull toward my Master shortly after we began talking, and while I was hesitant and wary, I could not help but begin to submit to him. I wouldn't say it was instant, but it was pretty close. I had never felt that way toward anyone else before. He could see my trepidation and knew this wasn't something I took lightly. So he didn't, either.

Degradethehog -> RE: instant submission? (5/13/2008 9:58:59 AM)
After reading the last few posts, it seems as many of the doms whom desire instant submission are most likely the ones whom desire something short term or casual. For the last few days, I've gotten 4 to 5 pages of messages about wanting me to submit, many from reading my bio think that they would just feed me and I'd oink then they would own me, that is wrong the depth of the submission takes much more than that. Much communication and trust, even for one whom would submit as a pet or some type of anima, even to the point of submitting as an object there needs to be some type of trust. What do you have without trust? In my eyes, you have nothing except two indivisuals desiring for easy submission, easy pleasure ::Smirks:: I suspose it would be easier to disconnect with one another being there would be no connection at all;)

ownedgirlie -> RE: instant submission? (5/13/2008 10:38:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Degradethehog After reading the last few posts, it seems as many of the doms whom desire instant submission are most likely the ones whom desire something short term or casual. Grinning This short term, casual relationship hits 4 years next month. [;)]

Babybass -> RE: instant submission? (5/14/2008 7:46:25 AM)
I have submitted instantly in the past - once...he was very special and we connected instantly - sometimes it happens. Generally Doms who expect instant submission annoy me and I end up snapping at them - which isn't like me at all. Then again I don't submit to someone I don't love and trust...mostly that takes a long time to build. Doms who want instant submission are, in my most humble opinion either only looking for easy sex...or have not grown into and become comfortable with their dominance...they are still at the stage of 'I can get her to do whatever I want'...and they tend to use that power selfishly....are those two really any different - who knows. As for him wanting to 'discuss your submission' - it could mean anything - he may want to know what submission means to you, what you think is expected of you as a submissive...it is also possible that he expects that you have submitted to him...but it is up to you whether you go and talk to him about it - if you are interested in him then go and meet him - if he has the wrong idea then tell him...you two are only talking at this stage. When all else fails snap at him (verbally) - lol!!! I avoid thinking that all Doms that expect instant submission are only in it for the sex - some don't know any better - they are coming to terms with their dominance in the same way a submissive has to come to terms with their submissivness...they think that arrogant and demanding is how dominants act....some are even grateful when you point this out!!

beargonewild -> RE: instant submission? (5/15/2008 8:37:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl backstory: i'm chatting with a local dominant and yesterday he wanted to discuss my submission to him. mind you, this comes after a couple of cm messages and IMs exchanged and 1 phone call ...plus i haven't talked to him for a couple of weeks which i took as a sign he wasn't interested. however to discuss my submission out of the blue - i think not since we haven't met in person yet. i've already told him that my submission is something special and i'm not willing to submit instantly to anyone esp not without having trust and compatibility established. you've heard my opinion, what's yours? if you're submissive/slave, would you instantly submit to dominant? if you're a dominant, do you expect or require instant submission? thanks for all replies Hmmm...I can safely say that if a Dom, who I've only corresponded with a few times, suddenly begins discussing my submission to will raise my warning bells and I'd quickly back away. Knowing myself as well as I do, I know that it takes time and patience from a Dom before I'd feel secure enough to submit to his authority. IMO, my submission is bundled with my trust/respect and all else that indicates a compatibility between us. Just like I have to earn a Dom's trust, they need to earn mine, it is a two way street. Maybe I am naturally suspicious yet there are only three Doms I know personally who I feel completely safe enough to be submissive to and this is in a non sexual context. Though for the majority, my submission will not be given until I know that person well enough as a person before reaching a level of greater trust and intimacy.

Darknecromancer -> RE: instant submission? (5/16/2008 5:15:01 AM)
I'm a guy and first I don't realy know what submission is and secondly is there a double standard for guys and gals as far as what it is to be a sub. I 'm new to this whole thing and I picked what I thought fit my personality. As far as instant submission that can be right if it feels right. My relationships are always hot and heavy but the length can vary. I guess the real problem is that choice is relative so use your best judgement. As a rule of thumb though don't talk to strangers. If you are going to be intimate with someone it might be nice to know them a little.

kittenpuss -> RE: instant submission? (5/20/2008 11:16:09 AM)
Look genuine and full emotional submission comes from when someone knows you....that can take days or weeks. It's up to you, you should do what feels right.

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: instant submission? (5/20/2008 2:11:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl if you're a dominant, do you expect or require instant submission? It depends (I say that a lot) on what is meant by submission. Absolute submission would be absolutely inappropriate at the beginning of an interaction with someone new, but a level of politeness and interest in pleasing us that verges on submission seems completely appropriate. We would never expect a stranger to fall to their knees and kiss the ground we walk on immediately upon meeting us (in fact, we find it rather annoying when that happens). However, we do expect a certain basic level of ... something like soft submission from someone who approaches us as a submissive seeking dominants. Just a little bit of double-standard to recognize the fact that we are all seeking a situation in which the ultimate power balance would be extremely unequal. For example, if we are planning a meeting with someone, we will find a time that is convenient for all parties, but we expect the submissive will accept our choice of (public) places to meet. If a submissive was unwilling to yield a minor point like that at the beginning (without a particularly good reason), that would signal a probable incompatibility. We are quite used to getting what we want and are not interested in a power struggle.

tsatske -> RE: instant submission? (5/20/2008 2:26:51 PM)
quote: one of which I ended up making feel like a total asshole afterward when I informed him I had just got home after having a second surgery within a month and did not feel upto any BS like that ...lol..he was very apologetic once he knew the types of surgery I had just been through.. I have a feeling he has learned since to tone things down at first ...some use because it works with some of the newbie subs who are too foolish to know better and some are completely immune to learning. before Master owned me, a few years ago, i had one Dom i was talking to online for a while. it had not yet progressed to phone, even, but he started giving me 'writing assignments' - wank material for him. but, really, what's it hurt me? but, because of the approaching calender dates, it got harder and harder for me, while at the same time, he got more and more demanding, critiqueing my offered wank material, saying, 'more detail here' ' what did it look/sound/taste/feel/smell like?' ect. finally, after he returned one and with demands for rewrites, i wrote him and said NO. no more writting for a week, or a month, or whatever. This was in the middle of the week, and i wrote him, 'the anniversery of my daughter's death is this weekend, i just can not write any more porn right now.' he wrote me back. after a very punctuary 'sorry about your kid', he went on for paragraphs, scolding me - this was NOT porn, it was an important part of MY training and education, done only for MY benifit, not his at all. and i was NOT to speak to him so forthrightly. If i needed to postpone, i could ask respectfully, and he MIGHT let me not write for a day or two. i wrote him back one more time - i was not especailly kind. i doubt if he wanked to that last note. (i told him, among other things - 'don't be sorry for ME. I feel sorry for you. My daughter was a sophmore in teaching college. because of a stupid, random car accident, 20 years from now, hunderds of children will graduate from the Catholic H.S. system in our county without having had her to teach them to love Shakespear. Some day, one of them will be your President. that is your loss, Sir.' but, i really doubt he got that concept. oh, well. )

Slave2Bob -> RE: instant submission? (5/20/2008 8:34:12 PM)
No way ! my Master didn't expect it , or ask for it. It just happened. Within several hours of meeting. I knew that any info I had about him was true (and impressive), and after a few, of many, long phone calls we knew that the chemistry was most definately there.

SephandElena -> RE: instant submission? (5/21/2008 12:44:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SleepyDom All of you (yes you dommes too) submit to me right now, this instant! Or else! Sorry, couldn't resist. I can't help it... my inner nature always makes me want to ask this... Or else what? grinz Seph aka Reb.

DesFIP -> RE: instant submission? (5/21/2008 5:57:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: Degradethehog After reading the last few posts, it seems as many of the doms whom desire instant submission are most likely the ones whom desire something short term or casual. Grinning This short term, casual relationship hits 4 years next month. [;)] Hey, I beat you. Ours hits five this summer. Congrats on the anniversary.

MadameDuvalle -> RE: instant submission? (5/21/2008 8:30:48 PM)
This a great post, I hope everyone reads. Just as you said submission is a precios gift that is not given to everyone. I think when you are first meeting a Dom/me it is good to show your submissive side so your Dom knows you are serious but dont completely give yourself to a stranger, that can be trouble and cause you to dig a deep grave for yourself. exchanging emails, talking on the phone, meeting to have coffee, lunch, dinner to create chemistry and establish you will to submit should be the beggining. From there discussing possible play is good. you need to know your Dom as a person first, establishing trust and a true connection. anyone who does not want to do that is wasting your time and not looking for anything serious

candisa -> RE: instant submission? (5/21/2008 9:38:55 PM)
greetings, sambamanslilgirl. Very few men have inspired me to submit, to be submissive to their needs. It has been my experience that most so called dominants or masters, are merely children who have not learned to master themselves, much less have learned how to approach the huge job of mastering another human.While on my journey there has been a couple of men, that within moments of chatter, as I stood in their presence, you could just feel the wisdom and confidence that comes from experience they posses. In those cases I have been compelled to just fall to their feet and beg for their dominance. I certainly believe in instant submission and I also believe that those instances are extremely rare.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: instant submission? (5/22/2008 5:11:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadameDuvalle you need to know your Dom as a person first, establishing trust and a true connection. anyone who does not want to do that is wasting your time and not looking for anything serious thank you for these two quotes. i really didn't know him and he really didn't want to know me -the keyword here is "didn't want" because he felt knowing that i'm in the music scene, an intelligent black woman with a great pair of tits was all he needed to initiate a sexual play session. he did think with his second brain and assumed greatly about me since he didn't bother to take the time (and effort) of really knowing me. establishing trust - ha! not on the agenda. yes, he was wasting my time though he did contact me offline this week setting up our first meet in June. i politely told him to cancel because i won't be there ...i've met someone better and we're having on our 4th meet tonight.

clevername2 -> RE: instant submission? (5/23/2008 10:52:00 AM)
I like dominance to be immediate and active, but, only if it's right. I find intution is reliable to know when it is OK to submit instantly. Dominance turns me on. Submission to me is a response to dominance. If you're not dominant, I won't feel submissive. If you ask, I won't answer. If you tell, I must. That's not accurate but it illustrates the principle. I am not into a long process of submitting gradually, because I am into the impulses involved and their active expression, mostly in sexual terms. I would rather be patient finding someone right to submit to immediatedly, if that makes sense, than spend a lot of time easing into something that wasn't obviously right from the start.

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