Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Safe words for "tone it down"


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Safe words for "tone it down" Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 11:53:14 AM   
switchtosub


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		OK, so here's my question: There are safe words for panic and hard limits. Playtime is immediately terminated. But are there safe words for "Don't you dare stop, just tone it down a bit 'cuz it hurts a little *too* much"?

The reason I ask is that safe words haven't exactly worked for me in the past. I have a permanent disability from a Dom who was seriously trying to kill me. So I'm about as skittish as it is possible to be. But I've finally found the relationship I want to pursue, and it frustrates the HELL out of both of us when I can't verbalize that I'm enjoying things but maybe we need to slow down because I can feel panic starting to rise. I don't want to stop, I just need a moment.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 11:53:59 AM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		Green is good
Yellow is slow down
Red is stop

_____________________________

Pirate King,

The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

Vitam Piratae Eligo

The Rainmaker

(in reply to switchtosub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 11:54:47 AM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I've always prefered the stop light method mentioned above.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:04:47 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Why do you need a special word?  Why can't you just say, "can you slow down a little please?"

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to LilMissHaven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:06:09 PM   
switchtosub


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		Oh DUH!

Thank you. Sometimes I'm so dim I wonder how I got to be a successful professional.

So for the times I reach a nonverbal state, I've been trying to figure out a nonverbal "tone it down" cue that's non-ambiguous. Screaming is verbal, and tends to be a mood-breaker...

_____________________________

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses that last for three days." ~"Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner) Bull Durham

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:09:45 PM   
switchtosub


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Why can't you just say, "can you slow down a little please?"


Well, because by the time I've got that all out, I've passed the panic point and we both get frustrated. I can usually only get a single word out now and then during sex/playtime when I'm a sub anyway. Must be a state-of-mind thing.

_____________________________

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses that last for three days." ~"Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner) Bull Durham

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:12:52 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Keep it simple. green for go, red for stop and yellow for tone it down.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to switchtosub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:13:39 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		For non-verbal, try a hand signal.  Rapidly opening and closing your hands to get his attention, dropping a ball you've been holding, then once you have his attention, another cue for slow down... maybe index finger up, the way you motion "one sec" to someone?

The reason I said to just say "slow down" is that once my focus is pulled onto needing something changed, I come out of the non-verbal state. Sorry, I wasn't thinking it might be different for you.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to switchtosub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:14:35 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		this may or may not work, ive never tested it... but professional wrestlers actually use pinches and light slapping
light slap is back off a bit
pinch is OH SHIT!

_____________________________

Pirate King,

The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

Vitam Piratae Eligo

The Rainmaker

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:26:34 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Okay, I thought of something else, because it's something I actually did once.  I know some signs in American Sign Language.  One of the signs is "no", and I used that on someone once when he asked, "do you want me to continue?".  When I signed "no" (which uses one hand), he laughed and said, "what does THAT mean?".  You would have to practice to make it second nature to you.  I use it with my kids all the time, so I guess it IS second nature to me.

Here is the sign for "slow".  It's a two-handed sign, which wouldn't work if your arms were secured down.
Here is the sign for "no". As I said, it's a one-handed sign.
Here is the sign for "yes".  Another one-handed sign.
And here is the one for "stop".  It's a two-hander.

Cali






_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 12:58:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Yup. If you don't like the traffic light system, make your own. Safewords are just shorthand for longer phrases. Figure out what works for you, be it "yellow", "Cookie Monster" or just "Hey, tone it down jackass!".

Well, I don't suggest the jackass part, but I think you get the idea.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to switchtosub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 1:53:43 PM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		If I need a breather or it's getting too intense (but I want it to keep going), I shake my head "no" but do not say anything. It's something that kind of evolved in our play so Alpha reads it the way I intend, though it might have to be discussed with your dom in advance.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 3:17:53 PM   
switchtosub


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		I do like the ASL signals, but using them would involve buying more mirrors, because my hands are usually secured out of sight behind me... not that we would *mind* using more mirrors. And hand signals have some interesting implications for using in public, too. Thank you!

_____________________________

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses that last for three days." ~"Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner) Bull Durham

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 3:21:20 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

"Hey, tone it down jackass!".


Or, "Yo! Dude! Lay off the tits!"

Yeah, I yelled that once. Talk about a mood killer.  Heh.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 3:51:08 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'ma smart ass and have been known to go "SDS! SDS!" which means "same damned spot!" MsK gets excited and happy in Her space with Her pattern and forgets that I'ma small boi who needs variation. Other than that I haven't ever called a safeword. Please remember if you're waiting until you're at panic you're the one who didn't signal first. Not to be harsh, but it's your fault at that point for not communicating appropriately.

Also when it comes to stuff like this, "he tried to kill me" doesn't fly for people who've actually been around. So please don't rely on that. Especially when that person isn't here to defend themselves. If you went through something traumatic for you and you're not yet in a place to be able to communicate in a scene then you're not ready to scene again. Period. It's simple as that. To say or act otherwise is mostly a diservice to the person who thinks you're ready to play and ends up getting let down repeatedly.

Yeah I'm the hard ass with the cold hard truth about what you're saying.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 5:57:56 PM   
DreamyLadySnow


Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		Screaming is a mood-breaker?
Haa haaa haa not for everyone!

I use the red/green/yellow with one addition:
If I'm going hard and they're grooving on it, yelling PURPLE lets me know that everything's cool.
Also good for making heads turn at play parties. Purple? WTF? hee hee


LS

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 6:02:18 PM   
switchtosub


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

"he tried to kill me" doesn't fly for people who've actually been around


You don't know the whole story, so I'll cut you slack. Short version: He went to prison for killing his next girl, who was only a teenager. He was in turn killed while in prison, which enabled me to start using my real name again and re-contact my family, because he'd threatened to kill me and my family if I ever tried to leave him.

Jeezus, what a downer. He was an asshole and I'm glad he's dead, and I don't say that lightly.

All that was almost thirty years ago. It is high time I learned to play again, ready or not, and I am truly blessed with a patient and understanding Master. We're still figuring out how to play without opening up all the old scars. I don't even know what all my triggers are until something happens, which is why we need clear signals. Just reading various threads has taught me all sorts of stuff it would take me too long to figure out on my own.

Peace, friends.

_____________________________

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses that last for three days." ~"Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner) Bull Durham

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 7:32:33 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		So you've got no problem sharing his name so that I can look up his information? Thanks.

Sorry for being sceptic. Oooga booga scary stories don't cut it for me.

(in reply to switchtosub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 8:14:13 PM   
khem


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Yellow is pretty standard.  But really, interesting things do sometimes happen if you bite your tongue (within the limits of your own safety) and don't use it.  I mean, yes, he brings out his rotweiller.. Red!  But if it's just safe but intense pain, maybe try going past it and seeing what happens?  When I have played with people who have safeworded and I ask them about it, it's usually "I was concerned that you would eventually get too hard and I would not be able to take it"  Not "it got too hard and I couldn't take it."  Notice the difference? 

Not what you were asking, but I couldn't help but tag the rest on.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Safe words for "tone it down" - 5/12/2008 8:16:52 PM   
switchtosub


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

So you've got no problem sharing his name so that I can look up his information? Thanks.

Sorry for being sceptic. Oooga booga scary stories don't cut it for me.


Certainly, once I get to know you a bit better. It's not something I share lightly.

_____________________________

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses that last for three days." ~"Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner) Bull Durham

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Safe words for "tone it down" Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094