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Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 8:33:10 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
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This is a theoretical question, not a situation that has come up.

How would you react if, given a relationship where you regularly accept and follow orders from your top, a command to change your mood?

I have often found myself thinking "moods" are off limits and just how things are. When I look at my own moods, however, I feel like it is very possible to take practical steps to improve or alter my mood. (there's no shortage of lists of things to do to improve your mood).

Would you resent such an order? Would you feel like it was your top's "job" to alter your mood? Would you feel conflicted and like you were unable to obey? Do you think it is a unreasonable request?

(I'll also add that: yes, it is normal to have negative emotions and the point of this post is not imply that someone should always seek to run from them)

Post #: 1

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 8:39:23 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
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From: Kentucky
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I think it's impractical to expect anyone to alter their mood on demand.

That being said, what I would imagine, should Firm ever dislike a mood I'm in, is that he might require that I alter, not my mood, but how I'm behaving.

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 2

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 8:39:55 PM

CalifChick

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From: California
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It may just be semantics, but I think you can change the expression of your mood, which would then have the effect of changing your mood. But I also think it depends on the mood. If I'm very sad and weepy about something, being ordered to change that would be more difficult than if the mood in question were sullen, angry, or any other of what I consider the negative "power" moods.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to khem)

Post #: 3

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 8:40:15 PM

ownedgirlie

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Yep, he has told me to change my mood before. I focused on what I needed to and changed it. Sometimes there's no reason to be crabby, other than we just want to be. He has no problem with me being crabby unless I make him the recipient of it. But yes, he has told me to change my mood before. I don't think it's his responsibility to do it. And I don't think it means being in denial of what's happening in my world that made me in whatever mood I was in. It just means he wants me in a particular mood at a given time and we'll deal with the other stuff later. So I change my focus. That usually makes the other stuff not seem so big after all anyway.

All this is relative, however. Changing my mood does not mean to change my overall emotions about a particular thing. And sometimes I can try to change my mood, but don't succeed. For example, if he told me to be cheerful right after my Dad died, I would have failed at that. But then he wouldn't have requested that.

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Good is the enemy of great.

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RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 8:40:49 PM

Leatherist

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Yup,there is a difference between feeling and acting out.

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Post #: 5

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 9:31:29 PM

Vigilantejustice

Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

How would you react if, given a relationship where you regularly accept and follow orders from your top, a command to change your mood?
Would you resent such an order? Would you feel like it was your top's "job" to alter your mood? Would you feel conflicted and like you were unable to obey? Do you think it is a unreasonable request?

I can't say that that would *ever* happen in my relationship with either my Dom or Our submissive, but if I were to be ordered to change my mood I would very likely resent the hell out of it. I'm a very emotional person, diagnosed with bipolar II, and it is difficult for me to move from a low *or* a high of my own volition. (Chemical imbalances make life interesting sometimes.)

I don't think I would feel as if I were actually unable to obey, but I'd have to change my behaviour, not my actual emotion. If I were ordered to cheer up or mellow out to better match my Dom's mood, I would just do my best to not mope around, or to stop grinning and giggling like an idiot on speed (I'm prone to doing that when I'm on an upswing). I know he understands that it is the best I could do, and that's all he asks of me.

An unreasonable request? No. An unreasonable command? Yes. There is a pretty significant difference. For us at least, one means "if you are able" the other is "no matter what." I would not likely ever be ordered to change my mood, but it could be, and has been, a firm request.

-Corinne
House Vigilante

_____________________________

“Love begets love. This torment is my joy.”
"Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries."
"[Your work] is carved out of agony as a statue is carved out of marble." -All by Theodore Roethke

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 6

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 9:33:43 PM

UncleNasty

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Joined: 3/20/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Yup,there is a difference between feeling and acting out.

I use different words to get to about the same place.

Our feelings just are. And they are beyond our control. But we do get to make choices in how we respond to them, or worse how we react to them.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 7

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 9:39:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Sometimes exactly what I need is someone stopping me midstream and ordering me to get my act together. Not being ALLOWED to express a mood and be told to change things up can be very effective and productive.

But to suggest it can occur all the time under any circumstances seems a bit unrealistic.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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Post #: 8

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 10:00:35 PM

lubegirl

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/24/2008
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I was angry and sad because I was not getting much attention today from Master..the old me would have pouted.
Instead I remembered my place and am waiting patiently for DADDY.
I love kissing his ass even when im mad...it is better than upseting HIM.
Now I am fucking aroused...again.

lubegirl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 10:02:24 PM

lytehaze

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Joined: 10/3/2006
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I think it's a reasonable request. Being made to alter unproductive moods makes you more aware of how to control them and what physical/psychological triggers might need correction or cultivation.

Whether it's unjustified anger at a mispercieved attack, arousal when nothing can be done, or hyper excitement in a situation that requires my being calm: if I'm liking the unconstructive mood I'm in I'll resent Him telling me to fix it but that's just me holding onto a negative.

And in that way I see I might not be able to comply because I don't want to. But if I'm open to the instruction altering moods can be learned with a little time. Actors (good actors) move in and out of moods. And if all else fails the "fake it till you make it" trick works. You need to be happy -smile till you feel it, need to be mad -frown till to feel it, need to calm down -measure your breathing till your heart rate decreases, etc.

_____________________________

Obligatory disclaimer: Of course the above views are my own, as I can only speak for myself. Should others identify or disagree with my thoughts, that is their right. I in no way meant to offend, by malice or negligence any person or group.

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 10

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 10:41:28 PM

monywildcat

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Not being allowed to express one's mood and being told that one needs to process and deal with one's mood are altogether different things. Taken from personal experience, I have an anger issue, I will admit that. I would probably be biting scratching mad (and not in a good way lol) if I were told not to express my feelings of anger or general pissed-off'edness. However, to be redirected to process those feelings in a healthy productive way, that I would embrace wholeheartedly. So, no I wouldn't resent such an order, as long as it came from a place of love and the desire for me to handle those emotions/moods before it gets to the point that I internalize them and and explode two weeks from now, and not because he/she was just tired of hearing my shit and wanted me to stfu.

Edited to add: Aha! moment-we have so much power over our moods and general outlook, we don't even realize it. I hold dear the philosophy "you have what you speak" if you dwell on the negativity that is bomarding you, and your bad mood it will persist, however, when I feel myself enter that dark place I focus on positive thoughts, positive feelings, positive words (you WILL have enough for the bills and those boots the 14 yo had his eye on, this month) then things start to turn around. Sometimes we need that little nudge from dom/master/friend/spouse/whatever to start thinking about the good things and focus, focus. I know, it sounds hokey and hippy, but soo soo true. Embrace the nudge, poke, slap, hair pull, tweak....oh but i digress.

You know what I mean.

< Message edited by monywildcat -- 5/12/2008 10:47:20 PM >

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 11

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/12/2008 10:53:55 PM

Archer

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Add another vote to the idea that while the mood itself may be next to impossible to change adjusting the behavior of expressing the mood is something I believe is entirely within reason.

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 12

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 12:03:12 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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I've only read half the responses on this thread, and I'm prepared to take the heat for what I'm about to post.   Even more so for all those advocates of wanting somebody to own their mind, body and soul.

Some people need and can be bitch slapped out of their moods at times. Ok, you can do it without actually bitch slapping them.  Bitch Slapping is just an expression that I used, so don't take it to literally.

Perhaps the BDSM and D/s I've done is from a different planet or something, but I have been able to tell somebody I don't like their mood, for them to drop their attitude, get a grip, think about something more positive, change the focus of their thoughts, be thankful that things were not worse, and etc... using a variety of different techniques depending upon the situtaion, setting, mood and moment at hand.   I've done this from using the warm loving approach, and I've been like a cold hearted boot camp instructor as well.   It all depends upon how I read things and what feels right in my gut.

Some times people need you to tell them to knock it the fuck off and to make them refocus thier mind upon something else.   Refocusing is the key here. Now, it's actually easier for me to get somebody else to refocus and change their mood, then it is for myself at times. Ok, this sounds ironic I know. Perhaps somebody can relate to what I'm expressing here.

Now if somebody is suffering from a disorder such a being bi-polar or whatever, this does not work so well.   At least, I've found it extremely difficult from my own past experiences.

Again, this all depends upon the mood somebody is in, and for what reason. There are times when it's not realistic to expect somebody to change their mood.  However, you can always work hard at trying to take their minds off from things or getting them to open up and talk about things. Nothing like a little humor or communication.   There are times though when somebody might need a little corner time for an attitude adjustment and to get a grip on reality.   There are times when it a good thing to make somebody sit still in a chair, make them take deep breaths count to ten and Exhaul, and repeat process over again.   It all depends upon what the mood is, how the other person responds to things. Even if it means spanking their ass, like they are a spoiled little kid.

I'm not going to endorse any one thing or technique for what it takes to do this, it's best to have many tools in the bag, and use what seems fitting to the task or job at hand.

I've actually been thanked later on for making them change their mood, or the bad frame of mind they were in at the time.   The key is have them refocus mentally.   The thing is dealing with it.   Simply ignoring the mood somebody is in will not change it nor deal with the issue or cause behind it.

There is no one set in stone sure fire method or way of doing this, it all depends upon a number of things.

Ok, I've posted my little rant. I'll be waiting for everybody to show up with the pitch forks and torches at my doorstep.

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 13

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 5:30:30 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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What an interesting question!

When my daughter was four she was under the impression that she was just about the smartest person on earth. She would get a tone of voice to match. Now, she was smart for her age but I didn't like her condescending tone. I came up with a phrase I would use. I would look at her and say, softly but sternly, "attitutude adjustment". She would immediately look abashed, often apologize, and would start to talk like a normal person again.

It wouldn't change her mood per se, but her outlook on how she was affecting others. That type of phrase might work very well in a D/s setting.

In my own experience as a slave, I was complaining to my Master about some unwanted attention from men and said that He had seen me himself and knows that I am not beautiful. He simply said, "stop". Then he told me that I am beautiful. Whenever I get in a mood when I want to be self critical I think of Him telling me, "stop". That simple lesson helps me to change my own mood.

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Post #: 14

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 5:34:24 AM

batshalom

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Joined: 9/17/2007
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~fast reply~

Gentle reminders, as in chamberqueen's example, are helpful. With King, when I was acting a little too boldly, regardless of where we were, he would stop entirely what he was doing and say sternly, "slave." It was like a lightning bolt.

I think the best we can do is to change our attitude. When you attention is focused elsewhere, most often the mood follows (sometimes not but that's a good time for some conversation).

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 15

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 5:39:17 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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Yes, its entirely possible for me to change my mood so I imagine its possible to do it on command.

Right now, I'm listening to Bon Jovi because I know the effect it has on me. It makes me happy and gives me alot of energy. I decided when I woke up this morning not to let myself go into a funk so I've taken preventative measures. Bon Jovi's working for me.

For me, at least, its important to differentiate between a general mood and feelings. A depressed apathetic mood is very different from feeling sad. Feelings are different from moods and I don't mess with them.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 16

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 5:51:33 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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ordered to change my mood? it hasn't happened yet ...don't think it ever will.

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RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 5:54:48 AM

Sabella

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Mood adjustment can be assisted by another I think IF the person with the bad mood is willing to make some changes. Things happen that can cause me to be "in a bad mood" but if I take a step back and a deep breath and realize that it's just a temporary thing, usually out of my control - there is no logical reason for it to effect me adversely and my general mood either. In the past I would have stewed over it.

I've never been told to adjust my mood but I have had some gentle talks where he would point out that I was getting overly upset given the situation that I couldn't do anything about anyhow. Having a good roll model helps (he's infuriatingly happy most all of the time) but I had to do the work on my own and change the old methods of thinking in order to succeed.

"Fake it til you make it" is surprisingly an excellent way to change a bad mood or at least lesson the severity of it.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 18

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 6:01:25 AM

RavenMuse

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I never consider My girl wrong for any feeling... what she does about it is another issue, including wallowing it a bad mood rather than trying to shake it off.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 19

RE: Ordered to change your mood? - 5/13/2008 6:11:06 AM

lizcgirl

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Joined: 4/13/2008
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I have severe ADHD and also have maniac depression. My moods jump faster than most people can BLINK. Daddy has told me to change my behavior, mood, or expression more than once, but it depends on what mood He's trying to change how He goes about it. If I'm sad for no reason and I'm starting to slip into depression, He continually asks me to smile. He'll pay me huge amounts of attention and just love me until I snap out of it, but it always starts with Him telling me to alter my expression. If I feel REALLY fiesty and get out of hand, He simply tells me to stop. When He does, it snaps me back and makes me realize I was getting out of control and instantly changes my mood, which I NEED. I personally need some one strong enough to take control and make my moods change, because I can't control them a lot of the time and it can get pretty ugly really fast. I don't take it as an insult or anything like that, I'm actually very flattered He cares enough to get me back to right instead of just tossing His hands up in the air and walking away.

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Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 20

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