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RE: Scarey experience. - 5/17/2008 6:05:38 PM

homedespot

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittenpuss

I met a potential dom in a hotel bar this morning. All the way along I requested a picture after having sent mine but he refused. I warned him that I would not be bullied and that if I did not feel there was chemistry then I would not take it any further and there wasn't. I told him politely and he started to shout at me in the bar stating I was vain and rude...Surely it's better to be honest. I am not quite sure what he thought he could achieve by speaking to me in that manner and I actually thought at one stage he was going to hit me. Was I just being stupid to have agreed to meet him? I had emailed him about 20 times and he seemed sane. Is there another way?

I'm a Domme and I won't meet someone without a picture...and a plate number that matches a car I see in the parking lot, and a phone number that I can look up in google. I also arrange a safe call for a particular time. No call and the phone number, car plate and picture goes to the police. The one time I ran out of cell phone batteries was pretty funny. Yes, I'm entirely serious. I'm not all that big and for the most part (okay always) the men I have meet are bigger then I am. And I'm CAUTIOUS.

I've met a number of subs/slaves from here. One I treated like crap. he didn't deserve it but it was one of the first meetings and I was awfully nervous. One I had some fun with (that one gave Me his social security number the first time I met him, I thought that was funny). The 5 or 6 others have given Me bad vibes or no vibes and I've been polite and then walked. One is My slave for many years now.

It is a crap-shoot, but you have the right to walk away...right or wrong, vain, snotty, stuck up, sweet, likeable, funny, rude... you have the right to pick up and march out safely.

J.

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 21

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/17/2008 7:19:02 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

go with your head, this guy obviously has a temper problem and i wouldn't be blaming your self for this. i think you were just trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt......another wannabe, and well honestly the whole pic thing doesn't necessarily mean that much but, i would proceed with caution next time that happens.....not everyone is up to date on technology it just depends where they are at and if they really feel they have a need for it (i dont need an i phone or blackberry therefor i dont have one and it's my choice, not that i cant afford it, i just dont have a need for it)

just use your head your smarter than you think you are....

~meticulous~

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 22

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/18/2008 5:41:33 AM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

No picture,yelling once you did met,and in a hotel bar in the morning..HHmm..Warned him "That you would not be bullied" and "possible lack of chemistry" ie: you had all the signs you really need to Know this was a bad ideal, yet you went anyway..hmm...ok What kind of a Dom were you looking for? 20 emails..all sane..again..what kind of Dom were you looking for to think this was a good ideal?

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 23

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/18/2008 8:38:33 AM

LatexHer

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/16/2006
Status: offline

A picture is a must! We always meet in a public place, and sometimes ask for references, cell phone numbers and more before meeting a potential slave. We provide a potential girl, our phone number upon request, and because we are a couple, allow her to speak to the other half as well!

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 24

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/18/2008 10:08:41 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i would never meet someone who would not send a picture nor would i meet anyone who was not comfortable talking to me on the phone. But that's just me.

Pictures? meh. i had one guy send me several photos, all of the same guy, but when i met him i could see that the pictures were not of HIM, unless he had to go through a total facial reconstruction as part of a witness protection program but i doubt it LOL.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 25

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/19/2008 5:11:26 PM

Cdub2U

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline

I keep hearing stories about meeting folks you meet on line......
STEP AWAY FROM THE PUTER.

Get involved in your local BDSM community and meet real folks. "We don't bite (that often) "

Personal feeling "On line Doms, what a fuckin joke" (sorry, just tired of the bull shit and it was a long day at work)

Cw

_____________________________

"Free your mind and your ass will follow
the kingdom of heaven is within"
G. Clinton

"Can't you see, it all makes perfect sense
Expressed in Dollars and cents, Pounds shillings and pence"
R. Waters

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 26

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/19/2008 5:35:17 PM

NewShoes

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline

There are fakes of both sexes!!
I'm past needing a picture to meet...

She better have a cam because I'm not making a move without seeing her live!!!

The funny thing is, I've tried to help a couple of rookie women with the safety aspect and told them THEY needed a cam to make sure of the guy.
They just didn't get it....

Plus it's a quick way to learn if the guy/Dom is polite or just wants the girl to go topless....

Oh well.......

(in reply to Cdub2U)

Post #: 27

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/19/2008 6:04:46 PM

jesiul

Posts: 111
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline

A photo?

I have requested the license plate of the car they would be arriving in as well as make, model, asked for references in the community or lifestyle friends. Have a male Dom that has the phone numbers he gave me to reach him so if I should not answer or call he can call those numbers.

I make it a habit of meeting for coffee at a place not to close to my home, and then make the meeting for a single hour. I am never shy about asking for information on the person, also I give any information I ask for. So if I am unwilling to give some very personal info I don’t ask for his.

If the person I met is not a good match I am polite but state it simply that I do not have chemistry, whether it is emotional or physical. If during the met the person is rude, crass, domineering, and impolite or acts in a predatory way, I end the meeting immediately and leave. I do not feel I owe this person anything even a reason for my departure.

At the end of the day a person to person met is about finding out if things are what they seem when chatting online. I have met some wonderful and extraordinary people and even when the chemistry between the two of may not have worked I had the pleasure of making a friend. Yet I have met with those seeking a quick lay, an immediate submission and play time, arrogant, haughty, conceited and self-important who think that slapping the label on an internet profile makes them a Dom. Its always a gamble, but most often it is worth the effort.

~jesi~

_____________________________

*When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.*

(in reply to Cdub2U)

Post #: 28

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/19/2008 9:15:49 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP...not much more to say, than what has already been said..but what did pop into my mind is that whenever you meet anyone out in public, always make sure your drink is well protected, take it with you if you go to the restroom etc.......just sayin.....................Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to jesiul)

Post #: 29

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/19/2008 10:23:53 PM

AtlantisKing111

Posts: 181
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline

As my pics are on my profile I've never run into a situation where anyone asked for my pics. However, if I didn't have them there I'd certainly understand if a potential slave asked for pics before meeting.

He acted in a very poor way, and not at all Masterful. you did nothing wrong as far as I'm concerned, except perhaps agreeing to meet without a pic. But I've met potential slaves in public places without getting a pic of them first so I don't think that that is all too serious a slip.

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 30

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/20/2008 1:50:14 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cdub2U

I keep hearing stories about meeting folks you meet on line......
STEP AWAY FROM THE PUTER.

Get involved in your local BDSM community and meet real folks. "We don't bite (that often) "

Personal feeling "On line Doms, what a fuckin joke" (sorry, just tired of the bull shit and it was a long day at work)

Cw

i have been in my local BDSM community and the people i've met online first turned out to be actual human beings in real life. However, from munch groups and demos, the people were so busy posturing that in many cases they didn't seem all that real.... Besides, if i'd left it to my 'local community' to meet my partners i would still be a virgin. Nope, never met a potential partner at the munches, demos, or events. *shrug*

my ideal Master? The one i am collared to? Met Him right here. We have a "REAL" relationship the face to face, in the flesh, whatever you want to call 'real'

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Cdub2U)

Post #: 31

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/20/2008 2:06:36 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Pictures? meh. i had one guy send me several photos, all of the same guy, but when i met him i could see that the pictures were not of HIM, unless he had to go through a total facial reconstruction as part of a witness protection program but i doubt it LOL.

OH you always make me laugh!!!! Thank you!!

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 32

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/20/2008 4:43:33 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

There is no way to tell if the picture sent is of him unless it is through a live web cam feed and even then it could be a friend of his. The only thing pictures are really good for is so that you know who you are looking for when you go to meet them in a public place and so the cops have someone to look for if you don't come back. Anyone meaning you harm is unlikely to send you an accurate or recent picture of themselves. One person who did send me his picture before we planned on meeting looked like King Kong Bundy's Older, Meaner Brother and I realized when I found myself counting kill points and STILL unsure if I could get out of his hands, I wasn't going to meet him in person. That little Lizard hind brain was screaming Loud and Clear..Sabertooth!!! Get in the cave and light the fire!!!

You did good in walking away. If he had so little control of himself in a public place, I doubt he would have behaved any better if you had gone off together. Always listen to your instincts, if something seems off..don't go, don't agree to go and don't second guess yourself. YOU are your own best line of defense...Listen to you.

poenkitten

(in reply to homedespot)

Post #: 33

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/21/2008 1:21:33 PM

SensibleSam

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

You need to get a little tougher. Meeting people from online match sites is a little hairy. In general you should expect:

They are 30 pounds heavier than they claim
They are two inches shorter
They are five years older than they say in their profile
Their posted picture was taken 7 years ago
They are unemployed
They have few friends
They are stupid and obnoxious

With these expectations firmly in mind you won't be disappointed. Ocassionally you will find someone who is OK and you can celebrate your good luck. If it is true as they say that you get what you pay for consider who you are likely to meet on this free site.

There are all sorts of things you can do to improve your odds but ultimately that first meeting is always going to include the element of surprise. You should accept that there will be some adventure. Girls have told me that they like knife play because it makes them a little scared. You should cultivate a taste for "first date" play. If nothing else you will accumulate a collection of humorous anecdotes.

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 34

RE: Scarey experience. - 5/21/2008 3:13:57 PM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Yes, there is another way.

I would never meet anyone who doesn't provide something as basic as a photo, and I wouldn't even continue with the messages if that wasn't provided on request. There has to be a sense of mutual respect, and a photo is one way to make sure that there's no waste of time for either party. Before it comes to a point where an actual meeting is discussed, I'll also make sure I have at least a phone number and address, and a few more than just one photo - as I see it, all this should appear naturally in the course of an initial exchange. I'd also want to have had at least one conversation on the phone prior to a meeting.
Basically, all you know about a person before an actual meeting is what they say about themselves, and in some instances that is far from the truth. Ultimately, it comes down to your own gut feeling; when something doesn't feel right, it's usually because it isn't. - Also, keep it as open as possible: if you meet for a coffee, THAT'S what you're doing; having a coffee and a chat together. That way, you don't even, there and then, have to say anything definitive about your probable compatibility unless you want to and/or it feels right to do so. Personally, I always aim to be as direct and upfront as possible, and it goes well with most people. The exceptions are of course the type of maniac you bumped into, and I can understand that you feel a bit scared. You've gotten plenty of good advice in this thread though. Best of luck to you!

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 35

RE: Scarey experience. - 1/22/2009 9:54:24 AM

tonkers

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/23/2008
Status: offline

i sent you a pic and you deleted it unread...so whats the point in sending you a pic lol xxx

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 36

RE: Scarey experience. - 1/22/2009 10:30:14 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

You dredged up a thread from almost a year ago to gripe at someone? Okay, in keeping with the thread, I have to ask... was the picture at least of YOU?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to tonkers)

Post #: 37

RE: Scarey experience. - 1/22/2009 12:21:30 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Was I just being stupid to have agreed to meet him?

Yes. You put yourself at significant risk, too. You really need to set yourself parameters as to what you need to have that first face-to-face - if you find that hard, let us help you.

Spank spank

Please be safe. Think about it - he could have had you followed home by someone you don't know. Etc.

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 38

RE: Scarey experience. - 1/22/2009 12:52:09 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittenpuss

I met a potential dom in a hotel bar this morning. All the way along I requested a picture after having sent mine but he refused. I warned him that I would not be bullied and that if I did not feel there was chemistry then I would not take it any further and there wasn't. I told him politely and he started to shout at me in the bar stating I was vain and rude...Surely it's better to be honest. I am not quite sure what he thought he could achieve by speaking to me in that manner and I actually thought at one stage he was going to hit me. Was I just being stupid to have agreed to meet him? I had emailed him about 20 times and he seemed sane. Is there another way?

Two or more IM sessions for the getting-to-know phase.

Exchanging more than one pic really is a must so you both know who you are dealing with.

Two or more phone calls for the get-to-talk-one-on-one phase.

Then a nice quiet dinner where you can really talk seems to work pretty well. Like others have said, it really is a crap shoot regardless. Those that are not eager to meet you half way at each and every step are ones to watch out for. To me, a lack of enthusiasm anywhere along the way suggests an ulterior motive.

As an aside, I do tend to stay out of bars, clubs and pubs for initial meetings. Nothing good ever happens in those sorts of places in my experience.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 39

RE: Scarey experience. - 1/22/2009 1:42:56 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

sure there's another way: don't meet strangers in bars in the morning and expect them to be something wonderful...

people who frequent bars in the morning generally have enough problems already.

(in reply to kittenpuss)

Post #: 40

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