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RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/18/2008 11:21:32 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		So ask me what I mean instead of repeatedly asserting that you are confused, undergroundsea.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/18/2008 11:39:15 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil
Why would you refuse to show your face on a world-wide website, yet be willing to meet people face to face?  What, exactly, is the difference? Let me tell you: Those you meet face to face can have a direct impact on your life where as those you never meet may or may not.


Thanks for clarifying. Your question has merit.

At BDSM events, one can have a comparatively better feel for who will be there, and one receives similar information about others in return. On a photo posted on a website for anyone to see and share, one cannot say the same.

There are people who do not attend munches because even the point I state above does not give them adequate security; if two co-workers see each other at a BDSM event, it does not mean this encounter carries the same significance for each. That is, practicing BDSM can have different levels of risks for different people. So:

1) If A sees B's photo on a website, A has information about B that B does not about A.
2) Even if B has the same information about A, it does not mean this information is of the same significance. If a teacher from a school ran into an administrative assistant from the school, the encounter would likely carry different meaning for the two.
3) Still, in comparison scenario 2 is better than scenario 1.
4) That B might have information about A may or may not matter. If A wishes to play it safe and chooses to act in case it can matter, fair enough.

I used to be very concerned about this privacy. I am not as much now but still understand why those who are more cautious than I am might choose to be.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/18/2008 11:40:16 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		i have been on collar close to 2 years.i was DeadMarilyn before but deleted that profile when i became collared,i came back as BB a little while ago.If you are a female on here and a sub you will know how much mail we get.It just helps separate the wheat from the chafe.I also do not talk to anyone that has had the same pic up for a couple of years,to me thats too long,people change in 2 years.

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/18/2008 11:58:20 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil
Why would you refuse to show your face on a world-wide website, yet be willing to meet people face to face?  What, exactly, is the difference? Let me tell you: Those you meet face to face can have a direct impact on your life where as those you never meet may or may not.


Thanks for clarifying. Your question has merit.

At BDSM events, one can have a comparatively better feel for who will be there, and one receives similar information about others in return. On a photo posted on a website for anyone to see and share, one cannot say the same.

There are people who do not attend munches because even the point I state above does not give them adequate security; if two co-workers see each other at a BDSM event, it does not mean this encounter carries the same significance for each. That is, practicing BDSM can have different levels of risks for different people. So:

1) If A sees B's photo on a website, A has information about B that B does not about A.
2) Even if B has the same information about A, it does not mean this information is of the same significance. If a teacher from a school ran into an administrative assistant from the school, the encounter would likely carry different meaning for the two.
3) Still, in comparison scenario 2 is better than scenario 1.
4) That B might have information about A may or may not matter. If A wishes to play it safe and chooses to act in case it can matter, fair enough.

I used to be very concerned about this privacy. I am not as much now but still understand why those who are more cautious than I am might choose to be.

Cheers,

Sea


BOTTOM LINE: If you want real-time play, but are not willing to risk your identity, don't come to collarme. You are asking others to disregard their safety for your privacy. That is unacceptable on the private scale.

What if someone is in a mask? Then you don't know who they are, and they know who you are! Jesus man. You enter this scene with an idea as to the consequences. If you can't accept them then don't put yourself out there!

Lastly, you're from AUSTIN TEXAS. You are not british, so stop saying cheers.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/19/2008 12:05:08 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		cheers the series was not british either...lol


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/19/2008 12:21:51 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
Sending a photo via email poses no less risk than posting it on a website and neither is more risky than meeting others face to face.  You can always claim that a photo on a website was stolen and that you didn't post it, particularly if the pose and clothing are vanilla.  Meeting someone in person is harder to deny if that person wanted to expose you.  IMO, refusing to post a picture, while still attending munches/play parties/etc. is really only deluding one's self into a false sense of security.  YMMV. 


Thanks for your response. I would like to clarify that I do see the value of having a photo in a profile.

The difference I see in posting a photo on a profile versus attending munches or emailing one is the number of people who have access to the information. Does controlling this number make a difference? Perhaps, perhaps not.

I would prefer to post a photo when I would not need to try to disown the profile. And I am not sure how well the suggestion about disowning a profile and saying the photo was stolen would work.

You are correct that one could be outted via local events--I have known such to occur both unintentionally and maliciously. Still, I am willing to hedge my bets more in favor of local communities than the internet. I think another reason for the choice I have made stems from options available. If one wishes to attend events, one has no other choice; it would be odd if one showed up with a paper bag on their head ;-) With an online profile, one does have a choice. I think my current approach--to give a reasonable idea of my general appearance and provide more information as needed--achieves what I wish to achieve through my profile.

I am not the best example since my comfort zones and circumstances make me much more comfortable with the idea of having a photo on my profile now than what was the case a few years ago. I could probably make that move if I saw a compelling reason to change my current approach. But there are people whose circumstances or comfort zones do not favor a photo and their concerns are fair enough. The point I wish to convey is that I don't think lack of a photo means there must be underhanded activity in place.

Cheers,

Sea
.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/19/2008 12:38:38 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil
BOTTOM LINE: If you want real-time play, but are not willing to risk your identity, don't come to collarme. You are asking others to disregard their safety for your privacy. That is unacceptable on the private scale.

What if someone is in a mask? Then you don't know who they are, and they know who you are! Jesus man. You enter this scene with an idea as to the consequences. If you can't accept them then don't put yourself out there!

Lastly, you're from AUSTIN TEXAS. You are not british, so stop saying cheers.


I sense a pattern of condescending talk in your posts, which I find unimpressive and annoying. It is this sense that influences my first two responses to you. But that's a subjective matter. Let's focus on things more objective.

How am I asking others to disregard their safety for my privacy? I contend your point is invalid and without intelligent basis. If I am wrong, give that intelligent basis.

quote:

What if someone is in a mask? Then you don't know who they are, and they know who you are!


This statement above seems to favor my point more than it does yours. If I am wrong, do elaborate.

Cheers,

Sea





(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/19/2008 4:24:04 AM   
edgepassion


Posts: 67
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedPleasure

I feel like the fear of posting pictures on here is kind of silly. I mean if in the off chance some one you know finds your profile and confronts you about it wouldnt that make them a "sexual delinquent" (I use that term from the perspective of some one who may not understand the lifestyle.) as well? After all what were they doing on collarme in the first place?   


I agree.
 
Plus, should a real crunch occur, who is to say that you posted your picture / profile.  Anyone could have pulled your pic from a say, vanilla dating site and posted it with a bogus profile.
 
Why would they? Hell, who knows…..revenge maybe…wouldn’t put it past any of my Ex-wives…..

(in reply to DerangedPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/19/2008 1:07:47 PM   
APoinephilicLife


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		i think the reason people will let others see their face in person and only post pics online not showing their face is b/c then the can choose who sees their face.

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/20/2008 11:53:04 AM   
DarkLovelyDomme


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		- You're super young and don't come across as mature for your age.

- You have fifty billion hot chicks as your friends (a la Myspace.)

- Lot of blah blah blah about nothing in your profile, and you don't seem to actually have solid BDSM interests. (Comes back to the maturity thing: most people don't want to have to teach you every thing. Some people, on the other hand, might find that really hot... but they're the minority.)

- CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/20/2008 12:03:09 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: APoinephilicLife

i think the reason people will let others see their face in person and only post pics online not showing their face is b/c then the can choose who sees their face.


much better picture :)



_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to APoinephilicLife)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/20/2008 6:29:40 PM   
mistresszariah1


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		you come off like a top rather than as sub barking orders

_____________________________

Mistress Zariah

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/20/2008 6:35:02 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

well it definately fits what comes to mind for "young college guy"
some of the pix look they resulted out of a keg party.


The last one makes him look either retarded or completely smashed.  Neither I suspect is attractive to a dominant woman

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/22/2008 7:02:42 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		No. Not at all, because they could be hunting just to find you and start shit for you. Not every one on these sites or who look at these sites comes for kinky reasons. Some people come to be shit starters against others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedPleasure

I feel like the fear of posting pictures on here is kind of silly. I mean if in the off chance some one you know finds your profile and confronts you about it wouldnt that make them a "sexual delinquent" (I use that term from the perspective of some one who may not understand the lifestyle.) as well? After all what were they doing on collarme in the first place?   

(in reply to DerangedPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/22/2008 8:10:27 PM   
Enochian


Posts: 59
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

No. Not at all, because they could be hunting just to find you and start shit for you. Not every one on these sites or who look at these sites comes for kinky reasons. Some people come to be shit starters against others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedPleasure

I feel like the fear of posting pictures on here is kind of silly. I mean if in the off chance some one you know finds your profile and confronts you about it wouldnt that make them a "sexual delinquent" (I use that term from the perspective of some one who may not understand the lifestyle.) as well? After all what were they doing on collarme in the first place?   



Just to amplify on that point; simply 'google' one's self; and a few choice keywords that are mentioned from each posting that is found and 'follow the trail'.  From that perspective; a rather impressive dossie on someone's life can be obtained. If you want to; google a presentation (PowerPoint file) entitled "Killing With Keyboards" (with the quotes!) it's full of good information on what can happen. (It's a security presentation)

For some of us; that is a bit larger of a risk then just saying that everyone can put it out there.  A perfect example of that would be the FIA president being "out'ed"; and the media storm that resulted.  (One Refference: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/08/fia-president-refuses-to_n_95578.html)  There *are* people on here that both have the BDSM interest; and are also in positions that make that interest "dangerous" to their profession; and I'm not talking about the 'cheating spouse' thing.

Now; the boards here are publicly indexed by the search engines; and a simple click on a username will pull up a profile; and it's not too hard with life-details posted in a profile to say "Yup; that's the person!"

Is any public disclosure of personal information a risk?  yes.  Is it the same risk for all people at simmilar levels? nope.  So; each to their own on what level of disclosure risk they are willing to undertake.  Because a world-wide publicly indexed medium to the entire (uncontrolled) population is a big higher risk then a a person-to-person email after a few moments of conversation.

Just my $0.02 in support of undergroundsea (and others as well) that  are not  comfortable  with  posting to the entire planet all of their information upfront.


(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/22/2008 8:13:46 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I give you credit for stomaching some tough posts and hanging in there. I think you have done reasonably well about not becoming too defensive.

I think overall your profile is fine. It is not too BDSM-centric and tells a little bit about you. If it presents you as a young college guy, it is an accurate depiction. As 19 year old guy, your maturity may not be at the same level as that of other posters. But you are young and have time to develop it. You will likely appeal more to women who are closer to your age and maturity level, which is fine. I think you should focus on those people, which you seem to be doing, and let time take its course.

The beginning is confusing; you are not sure what you are seeking yet you have a very good idea? If you are new, it's fine to say so.

I think it is fine for you to define for yourself who you consider compatible for friendship and for intimate relationships. If you can word what you seek in a way that does not extend negativity towards those who fall outside your preferences, I think your profile would give a better vibe.

For instance, here is one way to say what your profile says without the negative energy:

For a romantic or play relationships, I seek women only and prefer those under 30. I am flexible for BDSM play with women outside this age preference but do not see enough basis for a committed or romantic relationship. For friendship, I am open to all sexes, orientations, and ages. I seek relationships based on mutual attraction and relationships based on money are not for me.

I prefer to meet persons who live within two hours so that I may interact with them in person. Where there is enough compatibility for a romantic or BDSM relationship, I am open to greater distances. I don't see anything beyond online friendship with anyone who lives more than six hours away.

The text above is meant to be more an example. I do not recommend that you use the exact words above in your profile. I think it would be best if you used your own words so that it is your expression, and because if you use words from a writing style that is different, it might be evident to others, which could be a turn-off.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 5/22/2008 8:17:28 PM >

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/24/2008 12:01:11 AM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Some things change and some things never seem to change. 

F*ck if I know what they are. 

Have fun.   

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 5/24/2008 12:02:09 AM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to APoinephilicLife)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Is my profile not appealing? - 5/24/2008 12:12:20 AM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Haven't been here in a while and as a card-carrying hothead of the boards, I must say I've forgotten how even-tempered and measured you are. 

You're a better man than I am and a good example. 

CHEERS!! 



I'm not British either so bugger off!!  (Is that even Brit?  Oh, who cares?! Austin's cooler than Portland anyway.) 

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 5/24/2008 12:33:05 AM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 98
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